


Picking up the Pieces

by exquisitelyugly



Category: Twilight
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-07 03:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 106,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exquisitelyugly/pseuds/exquisitelyugly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home

*~*~*

The desire I first tried to hide  
That tingling inside was gone  
And when he asked me Do you still love me?  
I had to look away  
I didn't want to tell him  
That my heart grows colder with each day  
When you've loved so long  
That your thrill is gone  
And your kisses at night are replaced with tears

Bat for Lashes - "What's a Girl to Do?"

*~*~*

My truck rattled its way past the Forks, Washington sign, and I released my first easy breath. The old, beat-up truck made the journey from Alaska back to Washington, with only a couple stops to have it checked and tuned up. The mechanics I met who worked on it for me told me I should trash it and get a new car, but this was one of the few things I still had left that kept me feeling close to home.

It had been so long since I had been here, so long since I had spoken with Charlie, with Jacob, and I was so overwrought and exhausted that I felt the burning slide of tears on my cheeks when I saw the familiar sights.

It was one of the most comforting things I had seen in a long time. I drove by the diner where Charlie liked to eat, past Newton's Outfitters where I had worked, and past the high school where I had first met Edward. My truck slowed, and I turned and looked at the school where my life had changed so drastically. I couldn't believe just how much.

"This is where it all started," I muttered to myself.

Alaska had been beautiful and wild, untamed, but ultimately it became a place where I had no contact outside of the Cullen's. I had loved them, but over time, I had begun to realize too many things.

I was glad to be away from them, I realized with a clarity I had not felt in a long time. Our relationship had been deteriorating, I had known that things were different, but to be hit with that so suddenly took me by surprise.

I had no more tears for them.

My life was here – with Charlie and Jacob – if they would still have me. It had been so long and my stomach still hurt at the idea of just showing up and trying to explain. I figured my dad would be more welcoming than Jacob. I tried to keep tabs on them, but in the forced isolation I was in, it had been difficult. To think of how much I lost, how much I had given up, was a slap in the face.

"It was my own damn fault," I murmured, leaning my head back against the headrest. All it had taken was growing up and realizing just what I was doing with my life.

My stomach gave a complaining growl, and I turned my attention away from the high school and the ghosts that still tried to haunt me even now. The desperation of seeing those I loved warred with the guilt, so I decided to procrastinate a little longer and get something to eat first before I went to Charlie's.

The diner wasn't the one Charlie always went to; the need for some continued anonymity was what I wanted while I ate. The diner was warm, the steam from the kitchen almost clogging the air as I made a move toward a back booth. The waitress acknowledged me, letting me know she would be over in a couple minutes. I opened the ripped, plastic menu and perused the choices.

When the waitress came over, she gave me a bright smile, lips coated in bubble-gum pink lipstick. Her hair was teased mega-high and her uniform was tight and show-cased a chest that could rival Dolly Parton. She instantly made me feel at ease, though, and I smiled back.

"Can I have a cup of tea, the Spanish Omelet, and side salad?"

"Sure, honey," she said, scribbling it down. She poured me a glass of water and hurried off.

I flipped open The Peninsula Daily News while I waited and looked at the classifieds. I felt very limited since my working status had been nil for the past year and a half. The first year I had taken some classes at the Kenai Peninsula College for general business and writing classes as well. I had gotten a job at a bookstore while I did that, which had been fulfilling enough, but then I had to drop everything I was doing and hide out.

It had been so long, and so unfulfilling, though Edward had initially tried to keep me entertained and distracted to keep my mind off of my no contact with other people in my life that I loved.

It was the proverbial stake in the heart to our relationship, though things had not been easy right from the beginning. I perused the newspaper, trying to bury and forget what had now become my past, and concentrate on the present. The jobs were a bit slim, but there were as a possibility or two between here and Port Angeles.

The waitress came back with my food. Once she set it down, I saw her eyeing me speculatively for a moment. "You okay, hon?" she asked, surprising me.

"I am now that I'm back at home," I told her. My brown hair had been cut shorter, to just brush over my shoulders, but it was a bit on the lank side. My clothes were wrinkled, and I knew I probably had bags under my eyes. I probably didn't look so hot; it had been a long, stressful trip.

There had been too many times of looking over my shoulder, feeling my nerves scraped raw, and not just because of the Cullen's.

_My clothes were packed in my big, green suitcase and in a couple cardboard boxes. The last items I grabbed were the ones that meant the most to me; the photograph of Charlie with his arm around me after my graduation and Jacob's bracelet with the little wolf charm he carved for me as a graduation present._

_I carefully hooked the bracelet around my wrist, and I carried my suitcase down the opulent staircase. It was a beautiful home, even more beautiful than the one they had in Forks. The glass and white home was similar in some ways to their other home in the style, but this one had more wood; smooth and polished to a shine. It was a beautiful place, but I had never felt quite comfortable in it. It just wasn't me._

_The Cullen's were nowhere in sight, though Edward lurked in the corners, a cold, marble statue. I could feel his eyes on me as I hefted my suitcase out to my old truck and turned around to find Rosalie holding my cardboard boxes._

_Surprised, I let her put them inside. She turned to me, eyes cold, but a flicker of something else there as well._

_"I love Edward," she said stiffly. "He's my brother, and I despise you for hurting him. Your relationship with him was deteriorating for awhile, I understand that, and I even understand it was both of you that a hand in this."_

_I stayed quiet, the fight having gone out of me awhile ago. I just wanted to leave, but I let Rose continue._

_"On the other hand, I am almost proud of you for standing up for yourself and making the decision you felt was right for you. I always thought you were crazy for accepting this lifestyle for yourself, but I can see how much you have changed."_

_Surprise swept through me at her words. I had known how Rose felt about my choices, but it still caught me off-guard that she was commending me for leaving behind my life in Alaska, leaving behind Edward._

_I nodded, not knowing what to say._

_"Go live," she said and melted into the shadows._

_I got into my truck and let the engine rumble to life. Edward was nowhere in sight and I was glad for that. Carlisle appeared at my window._

_"I won't keep you," he said quietly. "I just wanted you to know we will take care of the issue. The only reason you will hear from us will be because of that."_

_I nodded again and called out his name as he turned to leave. "Carlisle… thank you. And I'm sorry…"_

_"There are the living and the undead, Bella," he said and his voice contained the usual calm. "I'm sorry, too, but I always had doubts it could work in the long run. I'm sorry it hurt so many, but choices needed to be made. You made yours. The one that was right for you."_

_His voice didn't reflect any emotion, but I could see his eyes. He understood. I was glad for that. I gave a small wave, and I began to pull out of the huge, circular driveway. I glanced out the passenger-side window and caught sight of Alice's pixie face in the window of her bedroom._

_Her sad eyes haunted me on the drive home._

I stared up at the waitress. "I'm home," I repeated and felt the wash of warmth over me. It was the one right thing I had done in my life.

She smiled and poured more hot water for me and handed me a tea bag. "Home is where the heart is," she said easily. "That's all there is to it."

"That's all there is to it," I repeated to myself as I began to eat. It was my first hot meal in the last two days. It hardly mattered it was diner food. I ate ravenously.

I ended up ordering a slice of banana cream pie.

When I finished eating, paid off my tab with some of what little money I had saved, I headed back out to my truck. I sat behind the wheel, staring unseeingly out the window, exhausted beyond belief and missing Charlie and Jacob. What was I waiting for?

I was so tired and lonely, but I was so scared of how they would react to my long absence where we had no contact. The Cullen's had seen to that, though in some ways I understood why it had to be done. They needed to keep me safe. Enough time had passed, though, right? There had been no activity whatsoever, so I had packed up and left.

I knew Carlisle would do what he had to do if the need arose. The rest of his family would fall in with him, but ultimately, I knew it was up to him. I decided to swing by the store and pick up a few items I had neglected to pack.

I parked the truck outside the small convenience store. With a small bang, the truck quieted when I turned it off. This truck had taken a beating and would need yet more work. Inside the store, I pulled my baseball cap lower over my face, not wanting to talk to anyone.

I swiped up some toothpaste, a toothbrush, comb, a new razor, and I perused the women's products. I dumped a box of tampons into my basket and wandered over to the food aisle. My weakness for Pop-Tarts was still apparent, I realized, as I eagerly grabbed two boxes of strawberry-flavored ones. A couple bottles of water and I was ready to check out.

The cashier was a bored-looking, fifteen or sixteen year old boy. He gave me the once-over, shrugged, and started scanning my items. I ignored him, flipping through a magazine while he totaled me up.

"That'll be 23.45," he mumbled, barely concealing a yawn.

I bit my lip, hoping I still had enough cash. Thankfully, I did, and I paid him quickly and picked up my bags.

"Bella?"

The voice barely sounded recognizable as I turned. It was laced with complete and utter shock, tinged with amazement, yet I knew it was Angela a split-second before I saw her. Her face registered the same shock in her voice.

"Angela?" I didn't know what else to say. I didn't understand why she seemed so shocked to see me. It almost went beyond shock, though that seemed odd.

"You… you're here," she said faintly. "How is that possible?"

My eyebrows rose as I stared at her. "I… got into my truck…" I said, suddenly not at ease, wondering if there was something wrong with her. "And well, I drove here. I know it's been a few years since I've seen you..."

She didn't seem to understand what I said. Concerned, I laid a hand on her arm. "Angela? Are you okay?"

My touch seemed to jolt her out of her stupor, and she threw her arms around me in a quick, hard hug and talked so fast I missed almost everything she said. The only word that I heard was dead.

I froze, my arms still around her shoulders, as my mind tried to comprehend what I just heard. How did she know that? No one here was supposed to know about that. Did I not hear her right?

"Angela, what did you just say? Something about being… dead?" My voice nearly shook, and I coughed to cover it.

She looked up at me and behind her wire-rimmed glasses her eyes were red and a little watery. "I thought you were dead, Bella. I don't even remember how Mike found out; maybe through his mom. There was even a small memorial for you. I just can't believe it…"

I couldn't see it, but I could feel it. The color was draining from my face. How on earth did this get back to my hometown? They had been so careful, it was far enough away, and it wasn't huge news there that it would make any paper other than the small local paper in Denali.

My mouth opened and closed, but I managed to squeak out, "My dad?"

"Honey, he was the one who set up the impromptu service."

Hot and cold flashed all over my body, and then I felt as if I turned to ice. Oh God, Charlie thought I was dead?

"I-I have to go," I gasped and raced out of the store.

I catapulted into the truck, revved the engine, and peeled out of the lot. The short drive to my dad's house, my mind kept flashing the fact that my father thought I was dead. A sob caught in my throat as the agony of what he must have been going through this past year and a half hit me. And if Charlie knew, Renee had to know, too.

I jerked to a halt outside my home. My breath came in sobbing pants; shaking, I tried to calm myself before walking up to the door. My eyes closed briefly again as I realized Jacob would think this as well. There was no way he wouldn't have known. Did he think I was turned, though? Had he tried to hunt down the Cullen's at all or did he stop caring as much as he used to? I could hardly blame him.

Our contact had dwindled over the year; he stopped getting in touch with me even after I tried a few times. It was a huge factor in the demise of my relationship with Edward. I had never gotten over Jacob. Then this whole fiasco happened, and it had grated on me, wearing me down. I had to quit my job, my trips out of the Cullen house were planned, and I felt like I was barely living. It had come to me that I had wanted to live, but I couldn't risk the lives of those I loved.

Enough time had gone by without anything happening, though, so that was the end of my exile. It got to the point where I absolutely had to come home, where whatever love I had for Edward had dwindled. There had been strain on our relationship in the beginning and everything else was just another nail in the coffin.

I wanted to live. And the people I loved thought I was dead.

I got out of the truck, every fiber of my being focused on my home. It had always been my home even after I left; nothing else had felt right.

My legs carried me to the front door as my heart jack-hammered in my chest. I ached to see Charlie. I ached to see Jacob. And I ached to see Renee, even though our relationship had dwindled over the course of the past few years. It didn't matter; she was my mother, and I loved her. My fist lifted, though I was barely aware of it. It was as if I were in a dream.

I hoped Charlie could handle the shock. I didn't want anything to happen to him, but he had to know I was okay. My knuckles rapped on the door, and I waited with bated breath. When the door opened, I felt tears work free at the sight of Charlie. He looked exhausted and broken down; swaying in place with a beer in hand. His hair was a mess, he had stubble, and I could smell beer fumes.

He blinked at me. "Usually you just come to me wherever I happen to be at the time; never have you come to ring the doorbell and torture me that way."

My brow furrowed in confusion. What did he mean?

"Dad?" I whispered.

He started to turn away, and still not understanding, I reached out and laid a hand on his arm. His body jerked in surprise at my touch, and he turned around again. His eyes met mine this time and it felt like an endless moment as we stared at each other. I pulled off the baseball cap, releasing my tangled mess of brown waves.

"You…"

Words failed him, yet his mouth continued to open and close.

"Bella?" His voice sounded almost like a child's and my tears came hot and fast. They streamed down my face, each one a stab in the heart at what I had inadvertently done to my father.

"You're really… alive?"

I threw myself at him as he began to reach for me, the hope on his face engulfing me. My body collided with his; arms wrapped so tight around me, lifting me, as I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. I gulped in a huge breath, and even amid the beer fumes, he still smelled like Charlie.

He still smelled like my dad; a hint of soap and the outdoors.

I don't know how long we stood in the doorway, holding on to each other, but I began to shiver as the beginnings of a cool wind drifted over my back. Charlie backed up, and I was hit again with a wave of sadness and guilt as I saw that he was crying, too. He never cried in front of me before.

The wind cooled the tears on my cheeks as Charlie closed the door behind us. "Bella…" His voice was thick and rusty sounding.

All I could squeeze past the lump was a continuous litany of I'm sorry as he held on to me again. His fingers trailed over my hair, circled around my wrists, as if he was trying to comprehend that I was truly there.

"Right now, I don't give a shit how and why, I'm just so grateful to see you, to know you're actually alive," he said.

My normally non-emotive father was still trying to hold back tears as he took a shaky breath. "W-will you… stay?" I could see the fear on his face. I wouldn't have had it any other way, so I nodded.

"I'm staying," I told him. "I'm staying for good."

He sat heavily in a kitchen chair, and I sat next to him, his hand curled protectively over mine. As much as I longed to see Jacob, as much as I did Charlie, I knew there was no way I would leave Charlie right now to go find him.

I had done too much damage without even knowing it and I had to pick up the shattered remains of family and friends I cared about and left behind. No one was ever supposed to know of the dangers, but in the wake of trying to cover things up, I and the Cullen's had made things so much worse.

I held on to Charlie's hand, knowing I would do everything in my power to rectify the past year and a half; no matter the cost.


	2. Finding Jacob

*~*~*

His face in my dreams seizes my guts/He floods me with dread/Soaked in soul/He swims in my eyes by the bed/Pour myself over him/Moon spilling in/And I wake up alone

*~*~*

JPOV

I finished filing the paperwork from the project that was consuming too much of my time, locked up the office, and headed straight for the apartment I had begun to call home. I had thrown myself into my school work when Bella first left in the fall after marrying that worthless leech. I barely spoke to her the first year of her marriage, but when the news came through about her being dead, I left Forks. I went straight to Alaska to destroy the Cullen's, but they had been so well-hidden, there was no chance of finding them. I gave up after awhile, willing to bide my time.

My dad did well enough on his own, and after I had left, I called Rachel. I barely remembered the phone call; she couldn't even freak out on me I was that much of a mess. I called Billy, too, and he told me to do what I had to. So, Rachel promised to go home and help dad. She had been planning on moving back to the area anyway.

After that was done, I just disappeared and tried to start over. I had come back from Alaska to the Port Angeles area. There had been – and still was - guilt over leaving my pack, but I just couldn't handle anything. Every time I thought of Bella, the ache throbbed in my heart and I was useless. It never left me completely; it still hurt like hell, but I learned to not show it physically. I wasn't proud of the way I handled anything after that. I finally tried my best to get on with things, and I finished my senior year in a cyber school so I would also be able to work. I wasn't even eighteen yet, but this guy at a construction company took pity on me and hired me part-time and paid me under the table.

I continued with my schooling, managing to land a scholarship for Native American students. My classes were business and construction work, though I was learning it hands-on as well. I am still working my way through classes, but my boss has been moving me up the ranks because I continue to do well. The project we are working on is actually a school for Native American children, a project close to my heart.

My physical strength has been a huge asset to the job, and my skill and know-how from working on cars in my garage has helped as well. As soon as I had left La Push, I stopped phasing. I didn't want anyone to find me. It hadn't fully stopped – maybe just slightly lessened - the fantastic hearing, fast healing, and muscle tone which was ultimately what helped get me hired.

I dragged a hand over my face, pushing it through my hair. I drove through the quiet streets on the outskirts of Port Angeles, breathing a sigh of relief as I pulled into my building's lot. A song came on the radio that hit me like a knife to the heart. It was a song that Bella had liked and we listened to in the garage at home in La Push.

I flicked it off, but the pain was there, eating away at my insides as memories of Bella assaulted me. How could she be gone? I barely felt the few tears that slid unbidden down my face.

_Bella smiling at me as we ravaged through the dump, looking for car parts._

_Bella tucked against my side on the sofa, her feet under my leg for warmth, as we watched television._

_Bella holding my hand as we walked along the beach._

_The feel of Bella's lips against mine and her admission that she was in love with me, too._

My stomach felt off-kilter, and I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories. The pain was like a fist squeezing; deep breathing began to push it back. I had to push it back. No one I knew here was aware of Bella; of what Charles Swan of the Forks Police Department and what I had lost that day.

The night was closing in slowly, darkening the sky, and the lights around the apartment building came on. Tired and weak – thoughts of her were the only thing that truly affected me physically – I trudged up the steps to my apartment.

I pushed the door open, smiled faintly when I saw Lila was waiting for me. "Hey," I said quietly.

The phone rang, though, and I turned to answer it.

"Hello?" I answered distractedly.

It was Billy. He never called me unless it was important. I listened in silence, my eyes on hers, and then I hung up the phone. I barely remember sitting down, but my face lowered into my hands as my mind spun in rapid confusion.

I was going home.

*~*~*

BPOV

I moved about my old room a couple days after my return, lightly running my fingers over old pictures from high school. I wasn't proud of myself for how much I alienated people in school. It hadn't been apparent at the time, but I realized I had thought they weren't as important as the Cullen's. It was a horrible thing to do, especially to those who continued to try and be my friend. When the time was right, I would try to repair relationships with Angela and Mike… maybe even Jessica, too.

There were pictures of us on the beach, pictures of us in school at the end of our senior year, and pictures of my graduation. I felt a pang… though not really nostalgic. I wished my life had been more normal, that I could have enjoyed graduating without worrying that I was going to be attacked by Victoria and her gang of newborns.

The last picture had me pausing. It still hurt to see Jacob looking so sunny and happy and knowing I had caused this rift between us the first year of my marriage. He could barely talk to me, and I hated myself for hurting him like that. It would take me a long time to forgive myself.

The urge to find Jake was getting stronger. I hadn't heard anything about him, though I knew Charlie had spoken briefly with Billy today. I had also called Renee which had been difficult. She had cried so hard on the phone that I could barely understand her. She would be here in a couple days.

That would give me time to go to Jake and begin the process of trying to make amends. I had to. I didn't want to leave Charlie, but I couldn't not go.

"Dad?" I said quietly. He was sitting in his chair like he had been the past couple days.

He jerked, startled, staring at me in surprise. Whenever I spoke to him, he still seemed shocked I was there. "Bells?" His voice was still hoarse as if he weren't used to speaking.

Our talk had been sparse because there was so much I couldn't say. It was one thing to come back when everything seemed finally safe, it was quite another to tell him every single truth and put him further into danger than before. He believed the Cullen's had been keeping me from my family and friends because of the risk from people they knew who they shouldn't have been involved with. It was the closest to the truth I could get.

As far as my death, he had pinned it down to someone with the same name and the way it trickled down the lines and got mixed up. An officer of his had been visiting family in Alaska, caught wind of the article, and called Charlie. There had been a small photo in the paper as proof to show I was dead. It wasn't the clearest photo, though, so it was easy enough to explain away as someone else. I knew the excuse was flimsy for Charlie, and being that he was the Chief of the police force, I was lucky he didn't question it. I worried that he would question it further when the fact that I was back wore off. I would worry about it when that time came.

"Why didn't you call me?" I knew that question was coming and it hurt to see the look on his face. "You stopped talking to me, your mother, Jacob..."

"It was for safety reasons," I admitted.

"Bella, I'm your father. And I'm the Chief of Police. You should have trusted me to protect you. The Cullen's are not the police; they had no right to keep you from contacting your family. I don't care if it was to keep us out of their shady practices. You should have at least called me, so I didn't go through… what I did." His voice caught.

He was still so afraid I would disappear again, still seemed to have nightmares about losing me. I had only been home a couple days, but during the night he came into my room. It usually woke me, though I didn't say anything to him. He was checking on me and he would sit in my rocking chair. It was an eerie reminder of Edward in some ways, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. He looked so tired and worried; needing to make sure I was still okay, still there.

"Dad, I'm sorry," I said again, rubbing my hands over my face. "I really am. I made bad choices, I know that. If I had any idea what you thought, what you were going through…"

"I let myself be convinced it was better to not contact anyone. It wouldn't have been forever was what I kept telling myself, but it was so difficult. I missed you so much…"

"It was part of the reason why Edward and I couldn't make it work," I continued.

He stood and paced, reached for another beer, and I winced. He was still drinking too much; it was going to have to stop soon.

We had reached an impasse in the conversation. I couldn't tell him what was truly going on, that my death was actually faked, and I didn't feel comfortable admitting what went wrong between Edward and I. Relationships weren't an easy subject to discuss with your father.

He sighed and turned toward the living room. Before he went in, he turned back to me. "Bells, if Edward or any of his family shows up here? I'm not sure I will be able to hold back. They better think damn long and hard about showing up in my town again."

His voice was as cold as I ever heard it.

I nodded and leaned my forehead on my arms when he left the room. It was time to deal with Jacob.

*~*~*

Charlie was still refusing to let me out of his sight, so I wasn't able to go to La Push without him. It was then that I realized he had a falling out with Billy, with Sue, and I hated myself even more. I couldn't fathom how much he suffered to refuse their help and concern. He went with me, though, silent and showing no inkling that he didn't want to go.

He sat in the car while I walked up to the little red house that was so familiar to me. My heart was now pounding in my throat as I knocked. There was no answer, and I didn't hear any movement inside. My feet led me back to the little garage where Jake and I had spent so much time. Inside it was exactly how I remembered it; small and comforting with oil stains on the floor, tools scattered over the work table, and a small, threadbare couch.

Had Edward been right? Did Jake stop coming in here and move on with his life after I made my choice? It looked like nothing had been touched.

_My increasing thoughts of Jacob were beginning to interfere with the plan to die and become a vampire. I was away from Forks, from my father, from Jacob… and I was missing them a great deal._

_"This is the choice you made," I whispered to my reflection in the huge, gilt-edged mirror in the bedroom Edward and I shared._

_The room was immense, three times the size of my room at home. I felt lost in it. It was all white and gold, shiny and clean, and nothing like my bedroom in Forks. It felt pristine, though Edward told me to decorate it how I wanted._

_He came into the room after hunting, sliding his arms around me from behind. It was the first time I didn't reach up to hold on to him. I was homesick, missing people I loved, and increasingly less sure of becoming a vampire. And always in the back of my mind was Jacob._

_"Do you think Jacob is okay?" I asked. I hadn't meant to ask that out loud and winced. I tried not to talk about him too much for Edward's sake, but he hid his feelings well._

_"Jacob is young," he replied. He didn't say it dismissively, but there was no real emotion on his face. "He is young enough that he can recover and move on with his life, find a Quileute girl, and live his life in La Push."_

_He didn't seem to think that was an insult, but it resonated wrong with me. Jacob was smart, loving, and he had more in store for him than meeting a Quileute girl, marrying, and living his life in La Push. And not that I really thought he would be hung up on me, but I did worry about how much I hurt him by marrying Edward and leaving._

_That night I dreamt only about Jacob, about a life I didn't have._

"I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't looking at you right now," a quiet, male voice said intruding on my memory.

I spun around hope bubbling at the surface only to be surprised that it was Quil's voice. Embry was right next to him. They looked the same except they both looked a little older since the last time I saw them. It was such a familiar sight, and even though it wasn't Jake, I felt the smile begin to form.

"Billy told us you were alive, but we didn't believe it until we heard you in here," Embry added.

I started to say something when Quil cut me off. "Why the hell did you come back?"

Startled, I only stared at him, not sure what to say. He sounded almost hostile and that didn't match well with my memories of Quil. He was always happy, silly… but then again it had been awhile.

"I, um…" I started, stuttering a little. "I came back for good. It's been a long time coming and it's what I, uh, wanted. Where's Jake?"

It was then that I realized they were both looking at me coolly and with no emotion.

"So you can try and find him, maybe screw him up even worse? Why the hell do you want to find him?"

"Quil, Embry," I said, my stomach twisting itself into knots. "I know I made a lot of big mistakes, but I want to try…"

"Well, you can't." Embry moved closer to me, his dark eyes hard. "He struggled to let you go after you first left, not wanting to talk to you because it hurt him to lose you. It was never about winning with him, though he acted like it. He was so in love with you."

I managed to swallow past the lump. "I know I hurt him. It is something I have regretted every single day…"

"What's worse is that after you _died_ …" he emphasized. "He lost it. You have no fucking idea what that did to him. Devastated barely even covers it. He left La Push, Bella… he left us, his brothers, he left Billy, and he left behind what made him who he is because he couldn't bear the pain of being reminded of you."

Quil had me backed up against the workbench now, taking over where Embry left off.

"We don't have a fucking clue where he is," he said coldly. "And yet here you are, clearly not dead, looking to make amends? How about an explanation of why on earth you let him believe that, to suffer like he did? You have caused him nothing but grief."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I was shocked speechless at the harsh tone and words, unable to think of what to say. Part of me was beyond hurt at what they were saying – I never intended to hurt Jacob so much and I truly despised my choices – but deep down I knew in some way it was warranted. They loved Jake; they had every right to be furious at me for apparently destroying him.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie's voice calling me.

They backed up, mouths hard. "We'll discuss this later," Embry said quietly. "Quil, let's go."

They disappeared, and I stumbled out of the garage, nearly bumping into Charlie. He caught hold of my shoulders, fear and worry in his eyes. "Honey, are you okay?"

I nodded faintly, still unable to speak.

I saw Sue drive up, Billy in the passenger seat. Charlie flinched slightly, his mouth tight and his eyes uneasy. It was time for him to talk to them, just like I needed to talk to Jake. I just didn't have a clue where he was. He had really left his home? Where would he go? Knowing he was out there, his friends unaware of where he was, doing who knows what scared me.

We walked toward the car, watching as Billy leveraged himself out of it with his arms, and slid into his wheelchair. Sue stood by, waiting. I knew they had seen Charlie and I moved out from behind him. Sue's eyes widened as she caught sight of me.

"Oh, Bella," she said quietly. "I heard, but seeing you…"

My mouth tightened, trying to stop the shaking, as she hurried toward me. She hugged me tightly, and I closed my eyes at her touch. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said pulling away.

I met her eyes and smiled. "Thanks, Sue. I'm here for good," I told her, answering her unasked question.

Her eyes showed relief. "I'm glad to hear it."

I glanced at Billy. He didn't look furious, but his face was expressionless. I had no idea what he was thinking, but I had to ask. "Do you… know where Jake is?" I asked.

He shook his head, his gaze unwavering. He didn't yell, he didn't get angry, he just watched me. "No, I don't. He left, and I have his phone number for emergency reasons, but any calls are few and far between."

My heart leapt for a second, but Billy remained quiet. "Bella, could you give the three of us a moment? I think we need to talk."

I nodded, heart sinking when I realized he wasn't going to be very forthcoming. Billy probably hated me, too. Jake was his son and he had to have known what happened when the news spread to Charlie. I had a lot of people to apologize to; to try and explain and wait for their forgiveness… if they decided to forgive me.

"I'm going to go walk on the beach," I told Charlie. He already looked weary and uncertain about talking to Billy and Sue, but I could see fear in his eyes now.

I laid a hand on his arm. "I won't go far, and I'll be back. Soon," I promised him.

He hesitated, but nodded. I left them to talk and wandered down the path toward First Beach. I tucked my hands into my hoodie pocket and trudged through the sand, watching the clouds begin to thicken out over the water. It looked like we would receive only a brief respite from the rain.

The wind was getting cooler, so I moved back toward the forest, heading straight for the driftwood log that was mine and Jake's without even realizing it. A small sigh escaped as I sat against it, closing my eyes and remembering how we always seemed to end up here when we walked on the beach. It held some painful memories of how all I could talk about was the pain of losing Edward, why I loved Edward, and why I couldn't live without him. I should have told Jacob that he meant so much to me instead of focusing only on myself.

I rubbed my fingertips over the rough wood, smiling at the memory of how sweet I thought fifteen-year old Jake was when we first came here.

My smile faded when I thought of him no longer being in La Push. I would find him no matter what, but where would he go? I couldn't imagine he would go too far; he was apparently still in contact with Billy. Jake was too much of a good person to totally abandon his father.

I heard a rustling sound nearby and my heart thudded in fright. I spun around, searching, moving quickly to my feet. After a few moments, I saw a figure a little further down emerge from the woods. My feet poised to run, I squinted.

It was Jake.

I wanted to run, to hold on to him and never let go, but I stood rooted to the spot. The guilt, the fear, the grief all rushed over me at the sight of him. He looked older. He looked as beautiful as ever, but his face had lost the youthfulness I remembered. It was harder.

His dark hair was still a little on the longer side, but it was his eyes that really stood out. They were very nearly like his father's, black and expressionless, as he stood there a couple feet away staring at me. He was dressed, too, something that didn't seem like him. He was always running around in just cut-off's. He was now wearing jeans, a brown buttoned-up shirt that was rolled up to his elbows.

He was my Jacob, but not. There had been so many things I wanted to say and now I felt like a mute. I finally managed to whisper, "Jake, I…"

He lifted a hand up, halting me. He moved closer until he was standing within arm's reach. Time seemed to stop, the wind stopped rushing by my ears, and all I could hear was the intake of our breath. The only thing I could see was him, his russet skin, and the muscle that twitched in his jaw.

My eyes met his. I couldn't read them, but I was so glad to just be looking into them. He seemed to be scrutinizing me carefully.

He then lifted a hand; his fingers extended toward me and he touched the tips to my heart.


	3. I'm Sorry

And I'll cross oceans like never before

So you can feel the way I feel it too

And I'll mirror images back at you

So you can see the way I feel it too

Maybe I had said something that was wrong

Can I make it better with the lights turned on

**-The XX "Shelter"**

***~*~***

* * *

**JPOV**

When I moved from the trees, I got my first glimpse of Bella after a few years apart. She was twenty-one now and it was close to her birthday. She didn't look much older, though she carried herself differently. She looked very much alive, and I closed my eyes briefly against all the emotions storming through me. How could she have been alive and not contacted me? Or, my God, Charlie? He was her father!

As I moved closer, she turned and saw me. Her eyes widened and she stood, and I could see the subtle differences face-to-face as I continued moving slowly toward her. Her chocolate eyes were tired, shadowed, and filled with sadness. It made me wonder what she had to be sad about. She wasn't the one going around thinking someone she loved was dead.

Her hair was shorter, and she did seem older in some ways. It looked as if she had grown up fast, too. The look on her face was wary, but hopeful. As I reached her, I could hear her heart beating and the sudden rush of feeling to my limbs was overwhelming. My initial thought had been that she was turned into a leech, but because it happened a year into her marriage, I hadn't been sure if it was that or an actual death. I had talked to her in the first year, however reluctantly, and she was still human. And she hadn't seemed in a hurry to change anymore.

The not knowing had made it so much harder.

My fingers reached out of their own volition, and I touched the tips of my fingers to her heart. I heard it, but I wanted to feel the steady thump to reassure myself. It was there, strong and steady. My eyes flicked up to her face, taking in her surprised look. She looked like she wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what she had to say.

Who was I kidding?

I wanted to know why the hell she had put Charlie and me through this living hell. Where the fuck were those Cullen leeches? The anger was making itself known again and I stared at her.

"Why, Bella? Do you get off on torturing people who care about you? People who never lived up to the precious Cullens anyway.

Her eyes widened in surprise and she recoiled. "Wh… Jake… no, of course not."

My eyes fixed coolly on hers. Even as a part of me rebelled, wanted to crush her to me in relief, I kept my distance. I couldn't let myself cave in. She needed to be held accountable for the emotional suffering she caused. It was hard enough for me to go on, but to see Charlie so utterly devastated was something I wouldn't forget. Renee, when she came… well, all she could do was sob, but Charlie had retreated into himself. I hadn't been around for it, but I knew he began drinking too much, had a terrible fight with my Dad and Sue.

"Did Edward just decide he was done toying with your emotions? Is that why you came back? Why on earth did you let people believe you were _dead_ when that obviously isn't the case?"

"Jake, I had no idea anyone thought I was dead… it wasn't my intention for anyone to find this out. As far as Edward is concerned, it's over."

I furrowed my brow, examining her. It eased some of the hurt, but I wasn't feeling very rational. And what did she mean it was over? She threw her life away; her friends and family to be with that life-sucking bastard.

"Faking your death, Bells? Is that what you did or did your _husband_ decide to do that?"

She bristled. "There are reasons for that. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm aware of that, Jake, but I came back with the intention to try and make things right. I was blind-sided by the notion that everyone here considered me dead. I didn't mean to hurt anyone!"

"Hurt them?" I was incredulous. "How can you not have realized this could very easily get back to your father? Charlie is the fucking Chief of Police, Bella! He was worried sick when he stopped hearing from you! Whether or not you meant for anyone to find out about it… we did."

Her gaze was steady and she met my eyes directly. It wasn't quite like the Bella I had known previously, the girl who could get fired up at me, but never came across as real confident.

"I did what I had to do, Jacob," she said, her voice cooler now. "I was never Edward's _plaything_ , but I grew up regardless. If I could change things, I would. It wasn't easy and mistakes were made, but I missed you and Charlie, my mom…"

Her voice broke and she looked so utterly defeated.

A lump was in my throat as I stared at her. It felt like there was a mile between us even though I was right in front of her. "Can this… what you and I had… be repaired?" Her voice shook.

"I don't know, Bella."

I was still so hurt, confused, and angry. Plus, I had a life in Port Angeles. Lila stayed behind, okay with letting me leave to deal with an old life. I wasn't sure how understanding she would be, though, if I chose to live this old life again. Regardless, it was time I stopped running. I would go to Billy, Rachel, and try to make amends with the pack. The strands of my old life needed to be woven back together if they could. It had been on my mind lately and this served as an opportunity to do what I had to do.

We stared at each other.

"Bells?" I heard Charlie calling for her and she started. I could see the worry in her eyes as she spun around to hurry toward him and reassure him.

I was glad to see that. At least she cared enough to be concerned that Charlie knew where she was. Charlie's eyes met mine and he nodded slightly. His gaze was full of understanding; of how this had affected me and what he had seen the night I had found out about Bella.

Just as I had seen him falling apart at the seams. Bella was watching both of us, eyes narrowed, obviously having seen the look that passed between me and her father.

"We have to go," Charlie told me. "It's good to see you again, Jake."

I nodded. "Yeah, you too, Charlie."

As they walked away, I could practically feel the dejection coming off of her in waves. "Bella?" I called after her.

She turned her pale, heart-shaped face to look at me.

"Nothing is impossible."

*~*~* 

* * *

I made my way to the little red house I grew up in. Both Billy and Rachel were home. A bit hesitantly, I knocked. There was shuffling inside, the door opened, and I was staring into dark eyes just like mine. Rachel's hair was swept up into a ponytail and she looked tired. Her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Jacob?"

The next thing I knew, Rachel had her arms around my neck, hugging me so tight that I began to wonder if she had been working out. I held on to her, realizing just how much I had missed her.

She punched me in the chest… hard. "Asshole," she said, lips trembling. "If I didn't already love you, I would hate you for leaving." She threw her arms around me again.

I rubbed my chest absently, holding her to me with my other arm, and dropped my forehead on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Rach," I murmured. "I missed you a whole hell of a lot."

"You could have called," she sniffled. "I know I had your phone number, but Dad told me not to call unless it was really important."

"I should have," I told her. "I know I didn't handle things very well, but I couldn't face the memories. I hope you can forgive me, sis."

She rubbed her eyes, glared at me, and flounced into the kitchen. I couldn't help laughing a little. I knew that was a sign she would forgive me, but she wanted me to suffer first. What I had put her through… well, I figured I deserved it. I dropped my duffel onto the couch, moving down the tiny hall to my Dad's bedroom. His door was partially open and he was sitting at the little worktable we had set up in there for his wood-working. He was carving something, but I knew he was aware I was there.

He looked up at me slowly, his face expressionless. I pushed the door open, leaning against the doorjamb, my hands awkwardly shoved into my pockets. My father spoke with his eyes, thousands of words that meant something, without ever needing to say them.

_I've missed you._

_My son is a complete dumbass._

_I love you._

_I will forgive you, but you need to make me believe I can count on you._

He handed me his other carving tool, and in true manly fashion, I sat down in his little chair and began to whittle away in silence. Billy was never a big talker, mostly because he only said what really needed to be said. We continued to work together as Rachel banged dishes out in the kitchen in her frustration. She definitely took after our mother.

Finally, I set down the carving tool, reaching for a piece of sandpaper, when Billy laid his hand over mine. He held on, his hand shaking a little, and I swallowed roughly. I looked up at him, conveying my apologies without saying a word.

He smiled slightly. "I missed you, son."

"I missed you, too, Dad."

Rachel called us to dinner later and we ate chicken and rice, talking occasionally about non-important things. I knew it wouldn't be this easy with my brothers. When I cleaned up after dinner, I told Billy where I was going and headed toward Sam and Emily's place. I wanted to find Quil and Embry first, but I walked by both of their houses on the way and both were dark.

Sam and Emily's house was emitting a warm glow from the windows. Flower pots filled with wildflowers were scattered around, and I could see smoke coming from the chimney. I knocked on the door and waited, nervously, until Emily opened it. Her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Jacob? Oh my God, it's you."

This was the second time a woman threw herself into my arms. I smiled, hugging her back. "Em," I said, comforted by her warm familiarity. "How are you?"

"Good," she said, leaning back. "But more importantly, how are you? Are you back because…" Her voice trailed off and she looked embarrassed.

"I'm okay. I did come back because of what I heard, but I think I would have come back regardless. I had been thinking about it a lot lately."

She beckoned me into the kitchen. "Jake, it is so good to see you. I take it you are here trying to find your brothers?"

I nodded. "Do you know where they are, Em?"

She handed me a cupcake and I grinned ruefully. She, as usual, read my mind. I was still a little hungry and craving something sweet. "They all stopped phasing not too long ago, but they meet up in the woods near the cliffs to bond. That's what they say anyway."

I ate the last bite of the chocolate-banana cupcake. "Thanks. And thanks for the cupcake, too."

As I turned toward the door, I hesitated, looking back at her. "This isn't going to be easy, is it? Do they hate me?"

She laid a hand on my arm. "They could never hate you. In some ways, they understood why you left, but maybe not fully because you left them behind. It isn't going to be easy, especially for Embry and Quil. They defended you when the others were furious about your departure; they confronted Bella when she came earlier today to La Push looking for you and protected you. They were angry on your behalf and let her know."

She paused. "They love you, Jacob, so they will be furious. Just understand that, okay?"

I sighed quietly. Knowing that made it even harder but even more necessary. I pulled her into another hug, making her smile, and kissed the top of her head. The whole situation with Sam, Emily, and Leah had sucked. I had truly felt for Leah even through all my irritation at her attitude, but I secretly believed she had a right to be furious, hurt, and to take the time she needed to come to terms with what happened.

But in the meantime, it would have been way too difficult to try and dislike Emily. She was pretty damn amazing.

I took the familiar path that led through the woods and wound my way up toward the cliffs. The clouds had parted enough in the sky to showcase a pretty sunset with warm gold and soft purple colors streaking across. I could scent the rain to come, though. It was good to be in the woods again, tracking the marks left by my brothers. I may not have been phasing, but my senses were still really good.

I could see the cliffs in glimpses through the trees. The voices of my pack were quiet, but then became absolutely silent. They were aware I was coming. So, when I came through the trees out onto the cliffs they were all staring at me. It seems we all had perfected the blank expressions over the past couple years. It didn't stop the relief I felt at seeing all of them together, alive and well.

Sam stood up. "Jacob. We heard you returned today."

I nodded and stepped forward. "I wanted to see all of you, to try to explain…"

My eyes met Quil's and then Embry's. "Yeah, like where the hell you have been. And why the fuck you abandoned us for this long," Quil replied.

I knew it was coming, thanks to Emily, and tried to take it in stride. It still stung, though.

I stayed near the trees, not wanting to infringe too much in their space. They were angry, our personalities still ran a little more toward volatile, and I didn't want to cause any issues. My back resting against a tree, I met everyone's eyes, saving Quil and Embry for last. I held their gazes, took a deep breath, and began the process of trying to make my own amends.

* * *

**BPOV**

I paced my bedroom, feeling like a caged animal, and having no idea what to do to alleviate it. My friends were non-existent. My life had been too wrapped up in the Cullen's before I left and when I was gone it hadn't changed much. I had started to become friendly with a couple people before I had to go into hiding.

I felt the need to get out of the house, but I didn't want to leave Charlie so soon. Renee would be flying in tomorrow, too, and I wanted to be sure to have things ready for her. Both Charlie and Renee had agreed to have dinner together with me; one of the first times we would all be together, just the three of us, since I was a child.

I ended up in the kitchen and made a spice cake for tomorrow. Charlie had agreed to stop at the grocery store with me on the way home from La Push earlier to get what I would need to make a meal for tomorrow night. I had perused the aisles, my mind going over and over what Jake had looked like, how he had sounded, and I felt my heart sinking further.

He had a right to be angry I kept trying to tell myself.

But he was so angry and so hurt. I could see it crack through the blank expression on his face once or twice. It pained me to see just how much when all I had wanted from the beginning was Jake. I was just too young, too obsessed with the idea of becoming a vampire and being with Edward forever, to take the time to understand the ramifications of my choices and realize what I truly wanted.

I wanted to grow up and go to school, to have a job I enjoyed, to get married to Jacob, and to bear his children. It wasn't something I needed immediately in my life. There were still things I wanted to experience and Jacob deserved the chance to experience life, too, before all of that. Anyway, I was still young, but I wanted to begin the process of this life. Of course, that hinged on what Jacob wanted and I hadn't gotten much of a clue as to what he wanted.

Who knows what his life in Port Angeles was like?

I realized something in talking to him for that brief amount of time, though. There was still some confusion in my life; an unsettled chapter. There might even be some anger I never dealt with, anger that I really didn't want to deal with. At least not yet.

I glanced down, surprised that I had managed to finish chopping up the vegetables and chicken for tonight's dinner. I made some rice and prepared the stir-fry for dinner. The sky outside cleared and revealed a sunset and I wondered what Jake was doing. He had a duffel bag with him, so he would be staying in La Push for tonight anyway. I would go back early tomorrow morning before Renee's flight came in to try and talk to him again.

I called Charlie for dinner.

While he washed up, I glanced out the window and saw a flash of movement. My heart leapt in my chest, but then sank when I realized it wasn't Jake. It was…

Leah Clearwater?

Night had closed in, but I could see her long hair blowing back in the breeze, her eyes fixed on mine. I cleared my throat.

"Dad? I'm going to step outside for a minute, get some fresh air. I'll be back in a little bit."

He scrutinized me for a moment and then nodded.

Once outside, I faced Leah. "Leah? What are you doing here?" I couldn't figure out why she of all people came here. We never had a whole lot of contact.

"I just wondered where you got the nerve to come back here after what you did to Jake."

I could feel the frustration at being blasted from all different angles today building up inside. There was only so much I could take. I stepped down off the porch and away from the house a little further.

"And I'm wondering why it is any of your business," I said as calmly as I could.

Her gaze hardened. "When it concerns one of mine, I have a problem. I don't know why you're back, why you left your precious bloodsuckers, but don't you dare drag Jacob back down again. You screwed up and took off on _him._ "

I glared back at her. "It may concern you, but you still have no business getting involved in what may or may not happen between me and Jake. I'm well aware of what I did, but don't start preaching to the choir. You made your own mistakes and let them suffer for something that wasn't their fault," I shot back at her.

She moved closer yet, getting in my face, eyes flashing. She loomed over me, powerful and angry.

"Don't you dare try to turn this back on me. I didn't come here to get into a bitch fight with you. I'm just warning you to watch your step. Don't push your luck, Swan."

"Yeah, well, don't you push your luck, Clearwater," I snapped back as she turned to walk away.

I thought I heard her give a small snort of laughter, but her face was still cold. "Sassy. There may be hope for you yet, leech-lover."

I gave her a dismissive wave and strode back inside wondering what exactly had happened there. Did she hate me or was she commending me for standing up for myself? With Leah you couldn't really tell. Instead, I went into the living room to watch some television with Charlie.

We agreed on a movie and watched it together in companionable silence. When the movie was over, I glanced up at Charlie and found him asleep in his arm chair. He was finally sleeping, something I wasn't sure he had been doing too much of, so I didn't want to wake him. He was a bit restless, the worry lines still evident on his face.

I went upstairs and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and came back down. He was muttering in his sleep and sighed, "Bella…"

I bit my lip, feeling the urge to cry. He was doing better, but he still hadn't completely stopped worrying. It was upsetting that he thought I would disappear again. I grabbed the extra blanket and laid it over him, touching his bristly cheek lightly.

"I love you, dad," I whispered.

I grabbed the other blanket and stretched out on the couch, laying my hand over his on the armchair right next to me, and dozed off. At least with me here, he would be able to get some rest knowing I was right nearby.

*~*~*

* * *

**AN: There will be more to come with the talk between Jake and the pack (and the other talks). It would've taken me a lot longer to finish this if I included all of that in this chapter!**

**So, yes, Lila is a girlfriend… and it's funny but I had left it open-ended like that because I didn't know if that was what I wanted. I seriously did originally consider making it a pet! And had to laugh when so many thought that, too. :o) There will be more on that… it doesn't necessarily mean it's anything serious! So don't worry too much. :o)**

**And lastly, thoughts about Leah? Bella's a little confused on what she was doing there… and some of her reactions… curious as to what you thought. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think! Love hearing from everyone!**


	4. A Visit to La Push

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face and

that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over

Never mind I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

**Adele – "Someone Like You"**

 

***~*~***

 

**JPOV**

It felt like judgment day as I stood in front of what had been my pack. They were all scrutinizing me. The only one that truly looked happy to see me was little Seth Clearwater, though he wasn't so little anymore. He was probably a legal adult by now.

"So, where have you been all this time?" Sam asked. His voice held no inflection of emotion.

"I've been living just outside of Port Angeles. I got lucky and landed a part-time construction job when I left. I took some college courses – still am in fact – for business and construction."

"Sounds like you're doing well for yourself," Jared finally replied, his voice cold.

I shrugged uncomfortably. "I did what I had to do. I couldn't just sit idly by and do nothing. It was necessary."

"You could have come back here," Embry said. If I had thought Jared's voice was cold…

"It was too painful," I said quietly, trying to look him directly in the eye. "I doubt I can even say how sorry I am to you, to all of you, for how I left. I didn't intend to cut you out of my life, but I was a mess. I let myself drift away, trying not to think how much I missed everyone, because I knew if I did everything would just hurt again."

I glanced down at my hands. They were shaking a little.

"Jake, we're glad to see you," Seth said quietly. "I'm sorry that…"

"Seth, shut up," Paul interrupted, kicking him in the thigh. He turned angry black eyes on me, his mouth twisted with disgust.

"You left us in the lurch, Black. You were too damn focused on that leech-lover, on what happened, to even think about the people who actually gave a shit about you. It's not like she didn't ask for it…"

Paul had risen while he was snarling at me, but I wasn't even sure who had advanced on whom. I landed a satisfying, bone-crunching punch to his jaw. I took a hit, too, but before it could go any further I felt my arms being pinned behind my back.

There was too much confusion, too many voices yelling, to understand what the hell was going on. I yanked away from Seth and Sam, wiping the blood off my mouth. Paul was doing the same.

Quil stood up, shoving me back. "You expect to come back and magically be forgiven? It's not that fucking easy, Jacob."

I felt a strong urge to react to the shove, but reined in my temper. It wouldn't exactly help matters. We all stood, no one knowing what to say to that.

Finally, Leah spoke. "You made an idiotic decision, Jacob. You let a girl come between all of us. A girl we all tried to save for you. A girl who threw it back in our faces and left with the bloodsucker anyway."

I couldn't even defend that. Yes, Bella had come to tell me her choice had been made. She hadn't left immediately, but she had no regard for her life or the choices she had made and how they would affect the people who loved her. She had left with them.

We all stood there, unsure of where to go from here. They began getting ready to leave, picking up their things, and I felt a crushing weight settle on my shoulders. I really had missed them and it hurt worse than I expected that they weren't quite ready to forgive me.

"Tell me how…" I started to say, but my voice began to crack, so I shut up quickly.

Embry looked at me. The hard look in his eyes showed grief and regret. "Are you here to stay?"

I opened my mouth, unsure of how to answer. "I… think so. Or I'll be here often enough. Either way, I'm ready to deal with the fall-out. I'm done hiding."

He nodded, most of them looking at me with the same expression. As I watched them leave, I clung to the look in Embry's eyes and what Emily had said. I could make this right. I knew it would be harder with Bella, though I tried to let her know it wasn't impossible either. There had already been too much hurt when she chose Edward over me, left me behind, and then let everyone believe she was dead.

I sat down on the vacated log, listening to the silence. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

 

*~*~*

**BPOV**

_I wandered through the candy aisle at the supermarket, craving some kind of chocolate. It was a relief to get away from the suffocating atmosphere at home. It felt like I never had a moment's peace to myself. Edward was always there, worried that I would fall down the stairs or something, I guess. Or Alice was dragging me off to play dress-up. There were times I just wanted to be left alone, but I knew they worried because of the Volturi and the fact I was still human._

_I was taking an Intro to Business and Journalism class which I really enjoyed. It afforded me a little more time out of the house, but I was always accompanied to the campus and picked up at the end of class._

_I picked out a box of Junior Mints and pushed my cart up to the register to pay. As I perused the magazines, I saw an advertisement about Valentine's Day and candy hearts. On a whim, I added a box to my items and hurried out to my truck. When I got back to the huge house in the forest, I carried everything in and was met by Edward._

_"What took you so long? Are you all right?" he asked, taking my face in his hands. I shrugged away, trying to hide the irritation I felt. All I ever felt like was a child anymore._

_Edward's golden eyes examined me carefully for a moment. "You know why we are concerned, Bella. You have still not agreed to be turned; there have been vague murmurings from the Volturi."_

_"I know," I muttered. "I just… need time." I didn't want to admit what was becoming more and more obvious to me._

_Edward turned abruptly and left the room. I took out the box of candy hearts, held them tightly in my hand, and tried to fight back the tears._

I woke slowly, the memories still buzzing in my mind, and I tried to shake them clear. It was still early for a visit, but I wanted to get to Jake before he went back to Port Angeles; if he was going back. Charlie was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee. His eyes met mine and there was a silent acknowledgement and appreciation of me staying with him in the living room.

"Dad, I'm going to head down to La Push for a little bit," I told him.

He paused with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth. "Is that… such a good idea?" he asked quietly.

I felt my cheeks warm. "I need to try."

He nodded. "Okay, but Bells? He suffered a great deal over this. I'm surprised I still remember, considering my own…"

He swallowed, looking down at his coffee. "But anyway, I remember. It wasn't good, kiddo. He's probably going to need some time."

I didn't want to imagine what I put Charlie through or what it did to Jake. "Okay," I said softly.

"Keep your phone on," he added. I was surprised he was letting me go alone.

I patted my pocket. "It's on and it's charged. Call me if you need to."

As I drove the familiar roads to the reservation, I wondered and worried about what to say. There were so many things that needed to be said, but I didn't know how to say them. I knew it was going to take time, but I had missed him so much that it was hard to keep that distance.

My truck refrained from its usual gunshot bang thanks to the last mechanic I was at. I hopped out, deciding to try Jake's garage first. I was surprised he was in there, awake at this hour. He was under a car, his lower half sticking out. My eyes wandered before I could stop myself. Jake had always had long legs, lean and muscled, yet I stared at them as if I had never seen them before. His one knee was bent, his work boots scuffed, and the jeans pulled tight over…

A hot flush swept over me. Embarrassed now, I moved back, averting my gaze. Jake began to slide out from under the car, and my eyes shot back and immediately raked over the flat expanse of his stomach to the little bit of skin showing at the hem of his t-shirt. He caught sight of me and stopped dead.

I felt like an idiot. Why did I come here?

His eyes had shuttered again to hide his feelings from me. That was never like Jake. It bothered me because I wanted us to be open with each other, but I was also scared he wouldn't give me the chance to do so.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. He wiped his hands on a rag, meeting my eyes straight on.

"I… wanted to try and explain," I managed to say around the lump in my throat.

He sighed, getting up and stretching his long, muscled body. Dreams of Jacob over the years came rushing back and how it would feel to be held by him in an intimate embrace. My cheeks still felt warm, but I did my best to meet his eyes.

I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I couldn't tell him, though. He could hurt me too easily that way, and I needed to let him find forgiveness towards me first. I leaned my hip against the counter, looking down at my twisted fingers.

"It wasn't all bad at first," I admitted quietly. "I never stopped thinking about you, trying to keep in touch with you, though. You were my best friend."

He went on the defensive immediately. "Look, Bella, not that I'm some wise old sage now, but you were the first girl I loved. It hurt to talk to you, okay? Not only that, but my pride was wounded."

I gnawed on my lip. "I know. I still constantly regret having hurt you like I did; the way I did."

He began putting his tools in the toolbox. "Yet you couldn't stay away from me when you were here. And you kept up the phone calls after you left. It was rubbing salt in a wound, Bella. It was selfish; wanting that leech, but not giving me any peace or time to mend."

My chin began to shake. "I made a mistake, Jacob. Doesn't it matter to you that's how I think of it? I know it wasn't fair of me, and I'm _sorry._ I needed you, though. Was that not clear in all the damn messages I left you that first year?" I said, my voice steadily rising. I wanted to cry, but I was angry. The truth is always so much more painful than lies.

He turned to me, his gaze cold. "I couldn't listen to all of them nor could I return most of them. I needed to move on. For now, how about you answer me this? Why the hell did you allow the Cullen's to say you were dead and have it published in the newspaper?"

"The Volturi!" I exploded at him. "Okay? I obviously wasn't turned into a vampire, but they knew Edward and I had married. They sent a letter asking why I wasn't turned and if they would have to take matters into their own hands."

We stood there, glaring at each other.

"And you couldn't inform your family - the people you left behind for your new and wonderful life - that they wouldn't hear from you for awhile and that you were okay?"

"I was not going to risk Charlie's life or Renee's. It was so incredibly hard to make that choice, but I wanted them safe. I wanted you and your pack safe," I said through clenched teeth.

He moved close, almost right in my face now. "The fact that we shift into wolves for the sole purpose of destroying vampires escape you, Bella? You know I would have done what I could."

"They are pretty much the law of the vampire world, Jacob. They are ancient, and I don't think it's as easy as that to destroy them," I snapped back.

"We know how to handle ourselves, Bella. It has been in this tribe, in our stories, for as long as I can remember. It's just a slap in the face that you don't think we can hold our own against your precious leeches, ancient or not. If you had just told me the danger, you could have saved a lot of heartache. I could have told Charlie I heard from you and that you were okay."

"I don't know, Jake. I did what I had to do, and I listened to them when they said it was for the best. I hated the idea, but I just didn't want to bring my danger to someone else yet again."

"Yes, well, we can keep going in circles. You didn't bring danger, but you brought a whole lot of other shit instead. You can sympathize, you can continue to do what you can for Charlie now, but you didn't see what it did to him."

And he told me.

_Charlie had literally stumbled, his only support being Billy and Sue at his side. The officer who had heard the news wanted to tell his Chief when he was with friends, away from the station, to save him from the grief while being surrounded by his officers._

_Charlie's mouth opened, but no sound came out. He didn't know what to do or to say. He went with denial, shaking his head adamantly. "No, it can't be. I'm sure it isn't Bella."_

_Deputy Mark silently handed him the newspaper article. Charlie read every word, slowly and carefully. When he finished, the article fluttered from his fingers to the ground, Charlie following as he sank to his knees. Billy kept his hand on Charlie's shoulder while Sue hunkered down with him, holding him._

_"Bella," he whispered. "My little girl…"_

_The memorial service had been short and sweet. Renee had held on to Charlie the whole time, her sobbing only abating for short spurts. Charlie had held on to his ex-wife, Phil standing on the other side knowing it was what they needed. They needed to be together for this and were united in their grief. Charlie's eyes remained dry, but he was brittle, lost, and unfocused. When everyone laid roses down on the soft green grass, he closed his eyes._

_He drank beer at the gathering afterward, pulling on it like a lifeline. It was the first of many to come. He wandered through the house, unable to sit or stand still, avoiding everyone he could._

_He was usually bleary-eyed the days after, slurring, and he stopped fishing. He managed to stay sober to do his job, but once he was home, it was a different story. He distanced himself from the people who cared about him, too broken to try and maintain a relationship. He sat in the living room, drifting in and out while the television played._

_He never noticed the man outside who came to check on him not long after it happened. Charlie laid his head back on the armchair, having finally cried over his loss, and the last words to fall from his lips before restlessly drifting off, "Bella… I love you…"_

The recounting of Charlie's reaction had me crying silently. I turned away from Jake, the tears streaming down my cheeks, feeling the need to sink to my own knees. How did I make up for this? Could I ever? Charlie was obviously grateful I was there with him, and he seemed better now with me there, but it ripped me up knowing what I put him through.

Jake never mentioned his own reaction. He had obviously been there to witness Charlie's breakdown, but he remained quiet about himself.

"I'm not saying this to hurt you, Bella. I was there. I went to Alaska, and I came back for the service. I didn't come back after I left the second time, but Billy told me he had sent Embry to check on him. I just wanted you to know how difficult this has been for him, how much he needs you to be here now."

"I'm not leaving," I said shakily, wiping my eyes and gaining hold of my emotions.

He sighed quietly. "Good. Well, I have to head home.

I felt a little wiggle of panic flutter in my chest. "Home? Are you… going back?"

He glanced over at me. "Yes."

He was going to make me ask. I would, but I wouldn't let him see how much it affected me. "Are you coming back?" I asked.

"Yes. There's a job I'll be doing in the area. I have a life in Port Angeles, though. I can't just leave and stay here. There are co-workers, my apartment, my girl… um, my friends…"

"I wasn't asking you to," I replied stiffly. It was obvious he had meant to say girlfriend and a new pain twisted inside me. I was an idiot, thinking we could just go back to normal.

He hesitated before leaving. "I'll talk to you soon, Bella," he finally said.

I nodded, unable and unwilling to speak. He was gone a moment later. I leaned my head in my hands, my mind reeling. My intention was not to cause problems, to hurt someone he was with, but I wasn't giving up. Not when the past couple years all I could think of was Jake. I was going to prove that I loved him and let him make his own choice.

Everything in me wanted him to choose to be with me, but I had done enough damage. He needed to make his own choice. He would know soon enough how I felt about him and we could go from there.

 

*~*~*

**JPOV**

As I drove back to Port Angeles, I tried not to think of the tears I had seen and that Bella had tried to hide from me. Even though I was angry at her, and I wasn't sure if I trusted what she said, I had seen the genuine grief on her face.

Her chocolate brown eyes had been watery and filled with a sadness that seemed overwhelming. My fingers had itched to brush the tears away, but I couldn't get over the anger yet. Plus, there was Lila… who would be waiting for me.

I rubbed my forehead, feeling pushed into a position that I couldn't get out of. There was Lila, but I wondered about Bella's intentions, though she hadn't actually said anything. I had no idea what the hell to do. Why Bella couldn't have been upfront about the danger was beyond me. She didn't talk much about the Cullen's, so I wasn't sure what had happened there; if she had been forced into silence or what. That was enough to infuriate me, though.

Still as confused as ever, but knowing I needed to own up to a few things with Lila, I pulled into the lot and parked. I could see the light on in my apartment. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back for a moment. We went into this with nothing serious in mind, but I still didn't relish this conversation.

She was in the kitchen, music turned up loud, working on homework. I shook my head, still amazed at how she could concentrate with all that noise. She looked up and grinned, bouncing out of her seat to give me a quick kiss.

She flicked the music on low and turned with a carefree smile. "Everything okay at home?"

I grabbed a can of Coke from the fridge and sat at the table. "My dad and sister are fine. My friends are pretty pissed, though I don't blame them. You know I took off…"

She nodded, sitting across from me. "Yeah, but we agreed some details didn't need to be talked about. Are we talking about them now?"

Her short cap of blonde hair was pushed behind her ears, making her look even more like a cute little pixie. Her blue eyes were alert and focused on me, the little bow of her mouth curved into a curious smile.

I told her about my relationship with Bella; how she was the first girl I loved, though she had only been my best friend. I told her about Bella's choice and how she married Edward and left. I even told her about how I believed she was dead, eliminating the details I couldn't say, and explained that was why I ran and hadn't gone home since.

"Why on earth would you have believed she was dead?" Lila asked her brow furrowed.

"She says because of whom she was married to – people I never quite trusted to begin with – her life was in danger. She didn't think the news would spread because she was in Alaska, but it did."

"That's horrible," Lila said quietly. Her nose wrinkled the way it did when she was thinking hard. "She really screwed you over, but you still have feelings for her, don't you?"

I rested my head in my hands. "My feelings are so confused, Li. I'm beyond grateful she's alive and that her father isn't suffering anymore. He was always close to my family. It makes me feel so much better knowing she's alive, too, but I'm not sure of what to do anymore. I know our relationship is pretty carefree, but I wanted you to know. I care about you."

She smiled a little and took my hand in hers. "I know you do. I care about you, too. We'll just take things one step at a time, okay? I know your job is taking you back in the area of your home. Should I be worried?"

I struggled with myself, with how much honesty I was displaying. "I need to work things out. I'm furious with her, but she's trying to make amends."

She sighed, looking out the window at the fading light of day. "Just… be honest with me, okay?"

I nodded, already feeling guilty, because despite my anger… I was afraid that I was still in love with Bella.

*~*~*

**AN: I know this is a bit of a depressing chapter, but I left off with that little tidbit for you all. :o) So, what do you think? I sympathize with Bella, but I do think she needs to know what happened. Do you think Jake was too harsh?**


	5. The Fireball

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
And I know I may end up failing too  
But I know you were just like me  
with someone disappointed in you

**Linkin Park - "Numb"**

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*~*~*

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* * *

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**BPOV**

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The next few days had been busy with my mom flying in and spending quite a bit of time with me in such a short visit. There had been a lot of tears, of demands for explanations that exhausted me. It was my fault, but my patience was stretched thin. She deserved answers, but I was having trouble getting around the whole _my death was faked because I was in danger from ancient vampires_ thing. We mostly stayed inside; partially because Renee needed the reassurance that I truly was okay and because she needed me by her side.

****

It took awhile to calm her down. It was also difficult saying goodbye. Renee was exhausting, but I loved her. The guilt felt like it was going to be ever-present in my life from now on. We both cried before she left, and I promised I would call her often and that I would do my best to visit her as soon as I could.

****

It had been a couple days since I had spoken to Jacob, too. As far as I knew he hadn't been back, though it really hadn't been long. I was trying to give him some breathing space, but I kept coming back to the fact that he had a girlfriend and that made it hard. It didn't really surprise me because he had always been beautiful inside and out. It bothered me in completely selfish ways, though. Thinking of him with another woman stung more than it really had a right to.

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I sighed, staring down morosely at the pasta cooking on the stove. Giving it a quick stir, I drained the water off. I dumped the vegetables and shrimp over it and called Charlie to dinner.

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I could feel him watching me as I poked my fork into the mound. He twined some pasta slowly and ate it. "Bells?" he finally said.

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"Yeah, Dad?"

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"I know you haven't been back for very long, but maybe you need to find a job or something to do. You know, keep your mind occupied so you aren't thinking about…" he paused. I knew what he was going to say and my cheeks warmed.

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"I planned on it," I admitted ignoring the rest of what he was inferring to. "I had looked in the paper for jobs when I got here. I just don't want you to, you know…"

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He fiddled with his fork. "Freak out? I think it'd be pretty impossible to hide the fact that what I really want is for you to never leave this house."

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He gave me a small smile, surprising a laugh out of me.

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"But you need some distractions and I assume you're going to want to earn money." He took his last forkful of dinner and patted his stomach appreciatively.

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There had also been the thought of eventually having my own apartment, but I knew Charlie wasn't ready for that, and I wasn't ready to leave him yet. A job would keep me busy, though, so I was anxious for that. In fact, I decided I would head out tomorrow to check into those job listings near Port Angeles.

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He took his dishes to the sink. "You're right, I do," I said. "I think I'll head out tomorrow and see what's out there. I did take some writing, journalism and business courses while I was in…" My voice trailed off at the look on Charlie's face.

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His eyes had that haunted look in them again. Instinctively, I moved toward him and wrapped my arms around him. "I missed parts of your life," he said wistfully.

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Quite suddenly, I had trouble speaking around the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry, Dad. I can never say how sorry I am."

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He hugged me back, his grip tight, as if I would disappear again. "You will give me answers one day. I haven't forgotten."

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I closed my eyes, afraid of when that day would come. Would it be better if he knew the truth? The danger had never officially passed, but in over a year's time, the rumblings of the Volturi had stopped. Is it possible they would check on the Cullen's again or check here in Forks and find out I was still alive? I wasn't sure how to tell Charlie, though, without giving anything away. My lies would have to be kept track of, and I was completely sick of lying.

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For now, he wasn't pushing me. I would take what I could get.

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The dreams came more frequently now. It felt like I could barely escape my past because it kept haunting me at night. That evening was no exception as I dreamt of the moment when I realized I was in over my head and didn't know what to do.

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_The Volturi finally called Carlisle the evening of February 7th. I had a class soon that I was looking forward to, and I had made strides in achieving friendships with a couple people that took it as well. We were going to celebrate after the test we had to take to relieve some of the stress we had all been feeling._

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_Carlisle stood perfectly still in the middle of the living room, a blonde, marbled statue. He listened and finally said, "It is going to be taken care of."_

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_Edward had stiffened throughout the conversation. He led me into the living room, urging me to sit. Confused, I glanced up at them as the rest of the Cullen's - overhearing the conversation from different parts of the house - came into the room._

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_"What is it?" I asked worriedly._

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_"The Volturi…" Edward paused. "They know you are still human, Bella, and they said if something isn't done soon they are going to take matters into their own hands," he continued without beating around the bush._

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_I felt my stomach drop, and I struggled to breathe. Alice gently pushed my head between my knees as I began to hyperventilate. "Breathe," she murmured._

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_"Maybe we should turn you in the next couple days," Emmett mused._

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_My desire to be a vampire was no longer there. It was already becoming a slight issue between Edward and me. His eyes met mine, and I looked down, twisting my fingers together. The panic tightened its hold around my throat. This was too soon; there wasn't enough time for me to process it._

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_"I… I don't think I want to…"_

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_Edward's face tightened momentarily, but was smooth again a moment later. "We have to do something, Bella," Esme said quietly._

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_They pondered that when Edward came up with the idea of staging a car crash and having it reported in the local paper that I had been in it when it happened._

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_My breath caught in my throat at the consequences of something like that. "I can't… no… Charlie, Jake…" I cringed as I mentioned Jake's name out loud and saw that flash in Edward's eyes._

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_"It will only be circulated in Denali," Edward said calmly._

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_Rose looked thoughtful. "It could work. Denali is a small town. It wouldn't go beyond that, I'm sure."_

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_I didn't like the idea. It would mean I'd have to go into hiding. I already felt so disconnected from my family and friends. The worry in the pit of my stomach grew as I saw I was being outnumbered. I knew it was so the Volturi wouldn't try to hurt me, but it didn't stop me from thinking this was a very bad idea._

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I woke with a start. My head hurt, and I felt groggy as the vestiges of the dreams disappeared. The rain outside was quiet, just a soft pattering against the windows. I yawned, not really eager to get up, but also wanting to get a move on. So, I dragged myself out of bed and dressed in an emerald green sweater and nice slacks in case I got lucky and got to speak with someone in charge at any of the places I applied at.

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I grabbed a pop-tart and poured some coffee into a travel mug. "You're going to go look for a job?" Charlie asked, pouring out his own coffee, already dressed in uniform.

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"Yeah, I'm going to drive into Port Angeles to see if any newspaper offices might be hiring."

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Charlie's eyes flickered with worry. "You're looking in Port Angeles?"

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I said gently, "I don't think there would be anything like that around here, Dad. I'll probably have better luck in Port Angeles."

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He nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, you're probably right. But… please be careful, Bells. Call me when you get there?"

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"When I get there and on the way back," I promised. "My phone will be on the whole time."

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I gave him a hug before getting into my truck to make the journey to the city. As I drove, I wondered where Jake lived, if he would be anywhere nearby. It hadn't slipped my mind I was going to the area where he lived, but I was thinking more and more about it. Did he live with this girlfriend? Was he with her now?

****

The thought had me cringing, and I tried to banish the thought as I parked. I scanned the page of the newspaper I brought with me and walked the few blocks to the local newspaper office.

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"May I help you?" a perfectly coifed brunette said, looking up from her computer.

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"Good morning," I said putting on my best professional smile. "I was wondering if there were any job openings for a journalist position or columnist."

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"We do have a few job openings," she said smiling back. "Do you have experience in the field?"

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"I went to school at the Kenai Peninsula College in Alaska. I took courses in writing, journalism, and business. My last job was in a bookstore."

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She handed me an application. "All right, just fill this out, put any experience you may have had in this section, and attach your resume."

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I sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs and filled it out, returning it with my resume to her, thanked her and tracked down a couple more places. It was lunch time when I had exhausted my choices and my stomach started to rumble. I found a relatively quiet café where I ordered a turkey sandwich and an iced tea. I sat down by the window to eat and peruse a book I had found in a cute little bookstore nearby.

****

"Well, well, if it isn't Bella Swan," I heard a dry, female voice say.

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I looked up in surprise. "Leah," I said coolly. "What are you doing here?"

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She narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm here because I needed to talk to Jake. I could ask you the same thing, though, considering how close you are to where he lives. Are you stalking him now?"

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I gave her an irritated wave of the hand. "I don't know where he lives. And as if it were any of your business, I'm here job-searching. Now go away."

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I would have never spoken to anyone like that before, I thought to myself. It surprised me to see how I had changed in some ways. Leah's snarling face was now close to mine, but I met her gaze and didn't back down.

****

We stayed like that, neither of us willing to budge, until she finally just sat down and stared at me suspiciously. Anger was still evident in her eyes, but I could see a flash of curiosity.

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"I can't decide if you've actually grown a backbone or you're a complete idiot. You know I could kick your ass, Swan."

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I shrugged. "Go ahead and try."

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She laughed, catching me off-guard. "You surprise me, Swan."

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We just sort of silently sized each other up.

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Finally, she leaned back and motioned for a cup of coffee from the waitress. "I have actually mellowed out lately," she said with a smirk.

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I raised my eyebrows at her in disbelief. "If you say so."

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"I'm surprised you're still around especially after the way everyone treated you. It takes guts to do that especially when it involves someone you say you love."

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I bristled slightly at what she hinted at. "I _do_ love Jake. Not supposedly. I do."

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She raised her eyebrows and sipped her coffee. "Okay. Settle down. I suffered through the weird love triangle I was in, though the love was all on my side, so I just thought you…"

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I furrowed my brow. "What? You want to help me out?"

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Her eyes shuttered. "I don't know. I still kind of despise you, I'm not even sure anyone should trust you, and I don't actually need anyone myself… but… you actually show promise."

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I laughed softly.

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That was probably the wrong move as she moved in close, eyes glittering. "Are you laughing at me?"

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"No, no," I amended. "I was just surprised…"

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"Well, don't expect me to make this easy on you. You still have a lot to answer for, and my loyalty to Jake is a hell of a lot stronger."

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"I appreciate it," I said simply so as not to freak her out again.

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She stood up, draining the last of her coffee and slapped a few dollars onto the table. "Fine. Talk to you later, Swan."

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I shook my head, a little baffled, as she strode out of the café. Did we just decide to become sort-of friends? Leah may have mellowed out a bit, but she was still pretty frightening.

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*~*~*

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**JPOV**

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It was lunch time, and I was starving. I finished carrying a load of boards back to where I had gotten them, leaving them for the other guys' to use. "Be back in a half an hour," I called out and was waved off.

****

My apartment was within walking distance, so I took the chance and enjoyed the rare, partially sunny day. I passed busy shops and restaurants, other people out walking with their dogs', and the playground was full of kids. I was crossing the street when I stopped in surprise.

****

Was that Bella?

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"Damn, I'm seeing her everywhere I go now," I muttered, shaking my head, telling myself to get it together.

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She stopped, though, just as startled. "Jake?" she said. Well, apparently I wasn't just hallucinating. She really was here.

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"What are you doing here?" I asked suspiciously. Did she come here looking for me? I wasn't sure I liked that idea.

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Her gaze narrowed slightly. "Why does everyone think I'm stalking you?" she muttered. Apparently she could read minds, too.

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"I'm here because I'm looking for a job. I meant it when I said I'm going to stay. Port Angeles is the closest area to home that I could possibly find what I'm looking for," she said defensively.

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"Oh, well… that's good," I said, oddly at a loss for words. Her looking for a job did sort of cement the idea that she was staying here, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that idea. Probably a mixture of irritation, fear, longing, and something else I wasn't certain of.

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I hesitated, feeling both annoyance and the desire to spend a little more time with her. "I'm on my lunch break, and I'm heading home to grab something to eat."

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"Oh, sorry… I didn't mean to hold you up." Her face registered hurt briefly. She turned away, ready to leave.

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"Do… do you want to walk with me? I don't have much time, but…"

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She looked over her shoulder, eyeing me with uncertainty. "Okay, sure," she replied quietly. We fell into step as we walked the last block to my apartment. I led her up the stairs and opened the door.

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I went into the kitchen to make a quick sandwich while she wandered through the kitchen and living room. They connected and were pretty spacious for an apartment, though it was pretty under-furnished. I watched her make her way around the couch and armchair, looking out the window that overlooked the tree-lined street. She brushed her fingers over the carvings my dad had made which I kept to make it feel like he was close by. She examined the simple wall hanging I had. When she finally made her way toward me, I could see longing in her eyes. What did Bella Swan long for? I could read her so well, but I wasn't sure what she wanted this time.

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"I like it," she told me. "It suits you."

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I shrugged a little, took another bite of sandwich. "I suppose so. It's really just a place to sleep and eat for me, though."

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We were both quiet, the seconds ticking by. Bella looked like she wanted to say something, but was holding back.

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Finally, she said, "Jake, I think we should talk about things. Everything feels so unsettled."

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I turned away and downed half a can of Coke. "It does, but I still need time to think. It's just not that easy anymore, Bella."

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I watched as she caught sight of Lila's shoes by the kitchen table. Lila had a habit of always kicking them off while she ate and leaving them there. There was a twisting in my stomach as Bella's expression showed pain and then it closed off.

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"I should get home," she mumbled, hurrying toward the stairs. "Maybe I'll see you soon."

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"I'm coming back tomorrow," I said keeping my voice even. "We're starting the preliminary work for the school and I'm hoping I can talk the pack into helping. They would get paid for it."

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Bella paused and nodded. "That's a good idea. I'll talk to you later then."

****

She disappeared down the steps, and I brooded on my own, lost in my thoughts. I had invited Lila back to La Push with me at least for a couple days, to show her where I grew up. She was curious about where I lived, and even though things were tenuous with my brothers', she still wanted to meet them. It might be a good ice-breaker anyway. It had surprised me that Leah came to Port Angeles to see me. She was her usual pissy self, but I could see that in some way she was glad I was back.

****

She had actually come here with the reason that she was thinking of taking classes. Since I had been the only one of us to take any, she wanted my input. She could have asked anyone for help, but I was happy she came to me. It would never be easy for her to say, but I got the impression she had missed me. It was a nice feeling, though I knew she'd flip if I said anything.

****

As I called Lila before it was time to head back to work, I pondered how it seemed wrong to bring her back while Bella was there, but things couldn't always be put off to make it easier, so maybe it was better to just get it over with. She told me she would be able to get off work when I was ready to go and sounded interested in going home with me. I would head back to La Push tomorrow with Lila, ready to face my brothers' again, whether any of us were ready or not.

****

 

****

*~*~*

****

 

****

**BPOV**

****

_I stood by the little silver Volvo that had been Edward's car - and became mine when we moved to Alaska - looking down at the rocks below and the waves lapping at them. The cliff was high, and I shivered in my parka as the icy wind lifted my hair. I pulled my knit hat down lower, shaking, as I ignored the Cullen's behind me._

****

_The sky was rapidly darkening, and I already mourned the life I had tried to create for myself. There would be no more school, no more friends, no more going out unless it was with Edward or one of his family members to more secluded areas. And I would have to be disguised well enough to even be able to do that._

****

_I was going to perish to all that knew me in a huge fireball. My fingers ached to call Charlie, Jacob, my mom…_

****

_It had taken a lot of discussions, reasoning, and the oh-so-logical arguments from Edward and his family to convince me to do this. They felt there was no choice, and while I didn't want to do it, I couldn't bring myself to put my family back home in danger or any of my new friends here. My chin shook at the thought of not being able to contact the people I loved and missed so goddamn much. I had seen Charlie a few months ago. We had met halfway. Our day together was spent boating, and I even fished with him. He allowed me to drag him to a bookstore and out for dinner afterward._

****

_It had been a good day. He had given me the news from home, though he had been cagey about Jacob. He didn't seem to want to talk about him, and I didn't push even though I was desperate to hear how he was doing. Charlie had gotten a peculiar expression on his face when I brought him up._

****

_In my desperation, I had called Jacob before this debacle was decided. I had called him between classes when I was away from the Cullen's, ready to beg him to help me, but he never answered. I had even left him a message, asking him to call me back, and that it was important. I had never heard back from him._

****

_"It's time, Bella," Edward finally said._

****

_I turned around, everything inside me protesting. I didn't want to do this, but my voice would go unheard. I knew they were doing this for my safety, but it didn't make it any easier. It wasn't until I felt the brush of Alice's fingers on my arm and the concern on her face that I realized I was even crying._

****

_The car was being moved forward towards the edge of the cliff, Edward handed me my new cell phone with new number, and I watched as one last push sent the car over the edge. My knees gave out as a sharp pain pierced me somewhere deep inside. I watched as a ball of flame shot upward and I cried._

****

" _I watched as any semblance of a normal life disappeared in that ball of fire._

****

 

****

_*~*~*_

****

 

****

**AN: Next chapter will definitely have more Lila/Jake/Bella interaction in it (and more Leah). I wanted to cover how Bella's life had changed in Denali with that one single act, and it was too long to put it all together, so I just broke it up in between what she's doing now (in turn making that a little shorter).**

****

**As far as the Cullen's, do you think it was a terrible move? It's kind of in between, I think, though probably more terrible than anything else. Let me know what you think! :o)**

****


	6. The Confrontation

Please, I know it's hard to believe  
To see a perfect forest  
Through so many splintered trees  
You and me and these shadows keep on changing  
And I'm haunted  
By the lives that I have loved  
And actions I have hated

**Poe - "Haunted"**

* * *

**JPOV**

My fingers clenched the wheel as I drove toward La Push. Lila remained oblivious, her camera poised to snap pictures. Once she had her camera in hand, pretty much everything ceased to exist. She lived and breathed her work. I cast a sideways look at her as she absently tucked her short cap of hair behind her ear. She raised the camera again, lips pursed in concentration.

Could I love her? Would the feelings I had for Bella, now knowing she was alive and well, fade and allow me to love Lila? I cared about her; that I knew. Bella had been the one I wanted for so long, though. She had been it for me, but I had only been sixteen. Yet my feelings for her were still strong and still so confusing. Every time I saw her smile, watch her chocolate eyes light up or see her look so soft and vulnerable, I felt an ache in my chest. It was an ache I knew well; a throb of longing.

"I'm really glad you're taking me with," Lila said cheerfully. She bounced a little in her seat. "I know I wanted to help with promoting the school, but you haven't talked about your family or friends very often. I always got the impression you loved them a lot. And I know it's kind of silly, but I love the idea of visiting a reservation."

I smiled indulgently, knowing how excited she was to see what one was like. "It's nothing real exciting, but the beaches and forests are pretty beautiful."

When we reached La Push, I parked at my Dad's and tried to take a deep breath. It was a little risky bringing her here with the turmoil between me and the pack. I really hoped Bella wouldn't attempt to come by either.

My Dad opened the door, his eyebrows lifted slightly. It was the only outward sign of emotion displayed. "Jacob," he said calmly. "I didn't know you were bringing company."

I led Lila over to him. "Dad, this is Lila Bowen. Li, this is my father, Billy Black."

They shook hands. "It's nice meeting you, Mr. Black. Jake thinks very highly of you."

The corner of Billy's mouth curved upward slightly. "Really? He could have fooled me."

I rolled my eyes as Lila laughed. Billy turned and led her into the house as she asked him about being Chief of the Quileute Tribe. I shook my head, grabbing the small bag we had each packed, and followed them inside. They continued talking while I listened with half an ear and automatically set about making an early lunch.

"May I take a couple pictures of your carvings? They're beautiful, and if you're willing, I'll send them in to my supervisor. We're trying to bring more attention to some of the Native tribes in the area," I heard Lila ask.

Billy seemed amenable to the idea. I heard Lila clicking away and waited until she was done to let them know lunch was ready. We sat in the tiny kitchen, threadbare and plain, and ate lunch.

"Dad?" I asked during a lull in the conversation. "Is the pa… um, are the guys' around today?"

His eyes met mine knowingly. "I believe so. They have been doing extra work for some of the elders to make a little extra money."

I nodded, staring down at the remains of my sandwich. "Okay. Lila, are you ready? I'm going to take her to the beach and try to meet up with the guys and find out if they're interested in doing some of the construction for this school."

Billy nodded. "That's a generous offer, Jacob. You two have fun."

I squeezed his shoulder lightly on the way out and took Lila to First Beach. I stayed far away from the driftwood log that Bella had said was our log. We walked along the water, and I watched indulgently as she snapped pictures of the gulls circling the frothy waves.

"It's so pretty here," she finally said. "You miss it, don't you?"

I gazed at the rocky expanse of beach, the forest behind it, green and lush. The sky was overcast, but at least it wasn't raining. It was definitely home no matter how much I wanted to get out of here and see the world. There were so many things that kept me tethered to La Push, but I had proven to myself, though not in the right way, that I could leave. My family was too important to me to ever leave for good. There was also majesty to the cliffs, the ocean, and the forest so close to home. In time, I could see myself settling here.

"I do," I finally said. "It's home."

She stretched up to press a kiss to my cheek. We continued walking along the beach. I laughed as she insisted on dipping her toes into the water and then screeched about how cold it was. I shook my head, watching her as she darted up the beach to get her socks and sneakers.

When we reached my Dad's house and continued past it, I could hear the familiar voices of my pack mates. My stomach clenched a little at the idea of approaching them especially with Lila right here.

Lila stopped abruptly as we rounded the corner. The sight of even just a few members of the pack was overwhelming to anyone outside of La Push. She hung back, urging me forward so I could talk to them first.

"Jacob," Sam said a bit stiffly. "What's going on?" He eyed Lila briefly, suspiciously, and then turned to look at me expectantly.

"I have a proposition for all of you," I said keeping my voice professional yet friendly.

Quil and Embry exchanged a brief look. I cleared my throat, ignoring the side-eyed looks at each other. "The construction company I've been working for? I have been involved with plans for the building of a school between here and the Makah reservation for all the local kids on the rez. It's going to be bigger, be able to fit everyone properly, and we have quite a few people and businesses helping us out to give the equipment that is needed for a fully functional and up-to-date school.

So, I mentioned I had a bunch of fri… um, a lot of guys' built like me that lived in La Push that I could ask if they're willing to help out. They could really use some extra hands, a lot of muscle, and they would be willing to pay under the table," I told them, gauging their reactions. They ranged from disbelief, to surprise, to eagerness.

"We don't need you speaking for us, helping us to find ways to earn money," Jared said, apparently echoing all their thoughts if their expressions were any indication.

"I'm not doing it out of charity," I said levelly. "I thought it could help, yes, but this is an important thing for the reservations; something worthwhile. I thought it would mean something to all of you and the company could use the extra hands and strength."

"It does mean something," Sam replied. "I think it's a great idea. I'm sure we can work together for a positive thing to help the children of the reservations." The rest of the guys' nodded acceptance and agreed.

My shoulders relaxed. "That's great. I'll give you the information when my supervisor passes it on to me," I said.

"Anyway, this is Lila," I added, taking her hand and tugging her forward.

She had waited for me to give my speech to ease the tension. She moved forward hesitantly, eyes widening slightly, but she remained poised. "She's a, um… fr-friend," I stuttered slightly unsure of what to say.

"Hi," Lila said a little nervously, clenching my hand a little tighter. "I wanted to come with Jake to learn more about reservation life. I'm also a photographer, and I thought I could get some photos and show the progress of the school to my boss for possible publication. You know, to bring awareness…"

She bit her lip, trailing off. They were all scrutinizing her, but then they introduced themselves and all of them shook her hand.

Seth grinned at her. "I like the idea. I think I can safely say we all do, but you would need to discuss that with the elders of our tribe."

I relaxed as they talked a little more easily with her. They were holding back a bit, but the fact that they were doing this made me think all hope was not lost. I called my supervisor while she talked with them and told him that I had strong, willing workers for the school project.

"Fantastic," he enthused. "If they are all built like you, we'll be in great shape."

I laughed. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you like my body more than you do my work."

"You're a sick fuck, Black," he groused and muffled a snort of laughter before hanging up.

Lila was chatting with Seth and Paul. Quil was eyeing me and when I turned to him, he said bluntly, "You're dating her, aren't you?"

Embry turned at that, though no one else was paying attention. I gave him a speculative look and simply nodded.

"Wow. So, you left because you were devastated about Bella, but here you are with a new girl," Quil said stiffly.

My fists clenched and shook with the effort of not hitting him, but Embry gave Quil a shot to the shoulder first. "Dude, don't. That's not fair."

Embry's eyes met mine, and I could see a hint of understanding in them. "It isn't like that. I wallowed, not knowing what to do with myself, but after grieving the way I did, I couldn't help but try to continue living my life. It took me awhile, but I knew I had to attempt to move on," I said.

Quil's expression softened momentarily. They both knew what it had been like for me when I found out the news. The two of them had both been there, had been the ones my dad called to get me. They saw me at my worst. It was a painful memory, and I could see it in their faces they remembered it, too. Both of them had been there for me just as I had been there for them for all the moments in our lives that sucked and we had plenty of them. When I lost my mom, we were too young to really know what to say, but they kept me busy. Quil only had his grandfather and that was hard for him. He liked spending time with my Dad, so I would invite him over often. And when Embry's mom went on a bender, Quil and I would collect him, and we would work in the garage.

We never talked about our feelings - we had all insisted long ago that was sissy - but just having each other there was what helped.

"I know I said it already, but I'm especially sorry to the both of you," I told them quietly. "I really hope we can get back to where we were and you can both forgive me."

Embry shuffled his feet. "We know how hard it was for you, Jake," he admitted. "It doesn't piss me off any less what you did, but I get it."

Quil nodded. "I still feel the urge to punch you in the face, but I expect I either just will one of these days or get over it."

I smiled weakly. It was a start.

"And I hope you know what you're doing," he murmured. "Because I think you knew this could happen," he added, nodding his head toward my house.

I looked over my shoulder and felt my stomach drop. Bella pulled into the driveway, Charlie in the passenger seat looking ill at ease at being here. They got out of the truck and she spotted us from my Dad's house. Lila chose that moment to loop her arm through mine. Bella's pale, heart-shaped face was a mix of surprise and hurt; nothing was held back. I felt sick to my stomach.

  
*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

I sat at my computer, staring at the blinking cursor, trying to think of what I should write as my submission piece to the newspaper. They had called me later that day and asked for an article as part of my application process.

A sip of coffee and I managed to type the words, "I was…"

Frustrated, I leaned back in the chair. I wanted to write about something intelligent, something snazzy, to show them some of the world experience I gained. It wasn't much compared to other people, but I had lived a more opulent life with the Cullen's and moved to the wilds of Alaska; though I always preferred a simple lifestyle and never needed much.

I got up and paced my little room, gazing out the window at the dwindling rain. It looked like we were in for a cloudy day instead of a rainy one. I wandered downstairs to find Charlie staring into the refrigerator. It had come to my realization when Charlie and I had gone to La Push that first time since I came back that something had happened between him and Billy.

"Dad?" I asked, leaning against the counter.

He looked up at me, and I was pleased to see more of the shadows in his eyes were gone. "What happened between you and Billy?"

His expression closed off a little, and I thought he wasn't going to answer my question. I took the ham, cheese, and bread from him and began preparing sandwiches. He leaned back against the fridge, sighed, and told me what happened.

_Charlie sat in his recliner, lost in a haze of beer fog not long after the memorial service for his daughter. Every breath he took ached and he was so tired, but when he slept the dreams came. The first time he held his infant daughter, Bella, in his arms. She had been so tiny and perfect in his eyes. The times when she proved how quietly sneaky and smart she was as a two-year old and managed to open a cabinet and get cookies out._

_He tossed and turned remembering when she was taken from him by Renee. She looked out the window at him, her brown pigtails whipping around as she turned to watch him before disappearing from his life. All those time he kissed her cuts and bruises only to have no one to console him after all the pain he suffered. The memories of her growing up were disjointed, but at least they were there._

_The worst were the dreams of seeing Bella go over a cliff, to lose her life, and leave Charlie with the worst pain of his life. He always woke terrified, hurting and feeling so lost. Billy came to the house with Sue to try and intervene weeks later, to get him to stop drinking, to try and help him._

_"Leave me alone," he slurred when he answered the door._

_"Charlie, I don't know what it's like, but you have to stop. You can't destroy your life like this," Sue pleaded._

_He waved a hand at the woman who had become closer to him than any other adult woman in his life other than Renee. He had dated after Renee, but no one had ever worked for him. He just dismissed Sue as if she were an annoying pest._

_Billy rolled into the kitchen, his face set in tense lines. "Charlie, you can grieve as long as you want, but please. If you keep drinking like this…"_

_"I'll drink if I want to," Charlie growled angrily. "You have no idea how much this hurts."_

_"Not exactly, no. I know what it's like to lose someone, though. Bella wouldn't have wanted this."_

_"Don't tell me what Bella would have wanted!" Charlie whirled suddenly, eyes wild. "Don't ever bring her up!"_

_Angry, he swung out blindly, not really intending to hit anyone, but not really caring what happened. Sue jumped in front of Billy and Charlie's arm caught her in the chest, flinging her back against the counter. The silence was deadly quiet. Billy's face hardened as he reached out to help Sue up._

_Charlie's mouth opened, something piercing his haze, but he couldn't speak. All he remembered was the disgust and anger on Billy's face, the way Sue hid her face behind the curtain of her hair as they left. He sank to the ground and the tears wet his cheeks._

I looked at Charlie, aghast, not knowing what to say.

"I never meant to hurt Sue," Charlie whispered. "I never even meant to hurt Billy. I just reacted and was an idiot. They both stayed away after, and I didn't pull myself out of it until later. I stopped drinking quite that much, though I never stopped fully. I'm a coward."

"Dad," I said, unable to stop the tears. "I'm a disaster. I created such a domino-effect and ruined so much. Did you talk to Billy when we were there?"

He wrapped his arms around me. "You're not a disaster. And no, not about that."

"Then we're going there now," I said, reining in my tears. "I'm trying. Will you try, too?"

He nodded, a little reluctantly, but we ate our lunch even though neither of us was very hungry anymore. The drive to the reservation was quiet. I felt like the parent, carting my kid off to apologize to someone. Charlie knew he had to do it, though, and he wanted to. He was just scared; as scared as I was in trying to make things right again.

When I pulled up to the Black house, I got out and caught sight of the pack standing in the yard of one of the neighbor's homes. My eyes landed on Jake. He stared back at me, looking shocked, and I realized why when a blonde woman walked up to him and slid her arm through his. It was his girlfriend, I was sure, and my breath hitched in my throat.

I felt sick to my stomach, but everyone had seen me so I couldn't exactly take off. That was what the old Bella would have done, so I squared my shoulders and tried to still the shaking. Leah's eyes met mine and she mouthed, "You don't have to do this."

It was a nice gesture even though her posture was still a bit stand-offish. I gave her a tight smile while Charlie laid a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him and was completely embarrassed because he was aware of what was going on.

"Bells, just remember I'll take him down if he hurts you. I got your back."

I laughed weakly aware that he was trying to lighten the mood. "He has a hard head," I murmured remembering how I broke my knuckle punching him.

Charlie loved Jake, so I appreciated the gesture. He went inside the Black house, and I walked over reluctantly. Leah met me first, her eyes expressive in their disgust of me coming over here, but I suspected that was because she didn't want me or Jake to get hurt. She huffed out a sigh, rolling her eyes at me, and gave me a thin-lipped smile. I nodded, smiling a little. Leah could speak volumes with her expressions.

"Hi," I said quietly to the pack. Their faces were a mixture of disgust, surprise at my apparent bravery, and coolness.

Seth gave me a small smile and eased a little of my fear. "Hey Bella," he replied and I smiled back at him.

They all nodded at me and went back to work. "Jake," I said at a loss for words.

He cleared his throat looking uncomfortable. "Hey, um, Bella," he replied.

His girlfriend's eyebrows rose at the name. Well, that answered my question. She knew of me; how much I wasn't sure. She was pretty, I noted. Her blonde hair was cut really short, angled just right around her face, making her look like a pixie. She was wearing leggings and a silky-looking red top both of which hugged smooth curves. Her blue eyes scrutinized me as she remained close to Jake, her arm still in his.

"Lila, this is Bella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter. Bella, this is Lila Bowen," he murmured, looking as if he wanted to be somewhere else.

My stomach continued to knot as she said, "So, you're Bella." That was all she said.

I cleared my throat. "Yes."

It felt so awkward and my heart was beating faster as the silence stretched. "So, you're here for good? Not going to run back to Alaska?" Her voice was calm and steady.

I felt a twist of irritation along with all the other emotions. "I don't plan on running anywhere. I'm here to stay."

Her eyes narrowed a little. "No more plans to let people think you're dead?"

My own eyes narrowed as I stared back at her. Leah was moving toward us, ready to create an excuse to get me away from there, but I pulled my arm away. "It's really none of your business, but there were reasons."

Jake's jaw tightened. "Lila, don't," he said his voice holding a warning.

"Maybe so, but you created quite a bit of havoc, didn't you?"

My eyes met hers, and I said, "You have no clue what you're talking about…" and trailed off when Leah pulled me back.

Jake's eyes met mine and were entirely closed off; eyes that usually held so much emotion. My chin shook briefly, but I firmed it up, unwilling to show Lila she got to me. Deep down, I knew she cared about Jake and just didn't want him hurt again. Maybe it was fear for my history with Jake, too, but I was the one feeling the jealousy eating away at my insides. He was dating her. Did he sleep with her? The thought caused more of an ache in my chest, and I let Leah lead me away.

My eyes met Jake's as he steered Lila away. This time I could read the frustration, anger, and apology in his eyes. At least I knew he didn't intentionally bring her here to hurt me. That was something, right?

"Stop crying," Leah ordered.

Indeed the tears had spilled down my cheeks. "Let go of me," I snapped.

She snickered. "That's right. Be angry. Honestly, though, Lila's got guts. I kind of like her."

I shoved Leah's arm away from me. "Then go hang out with her!"

She just shook her head, exasperated. "I don't get it, Bella. I think I'm finally starting to like you. Come on, you need a friend. I kind of suck at that, but I'll try."

"And I'm sure Jake is thrilled you're attempting to be my friend," I muttered.

She smirked. "He knows, but he also knows I'm loyal and will kick your ass if necessary. I think he secretly likes that the little Swan has a big, bad wolf friend."

I rolled my eyes at her as she laughed. Relaxing a little, I walked with her back to my truck. Charlie was coming out of Billy's house, looking worn and tired. He looked like he had been through an emotional wringer, too. "We're going out this weekend, Swan. I need to fucking drink and you look like you could stand to get drunk, too."

I snorted, though the idea was kind of intriguing. I wasn't a drinker, but that's what friends did. They went out and had a couple drinks together. It couldn't hurt. I shrugged and said, "If you say so."

She tossed me one more smirk and left. Charlie and I instinctively reached out for each other. I smiled through the grief, knowing he was doing the same, but both of us took comfort in the fact that we had each other.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN:** **So, did the confrontation surprise you? I thought everyone got a little testy, but they had understandable reasons for it and didn't go overboard. I know it was a bit short, too, but I didn't want to dive into some whole big showdown Hope everyone is satisfied with it! Let me know what you think.**


	7. The Night Out

When you move in right up close to me  
That's when I get the shakes all over me  
Quivers down my backbone  
I got the shakes down my knee bone  
Yeah the tremors in my thigh bone  
Shakin' all over  
Just the way that you say goodnight to me  
Brings that feelin' on inside of me

**Eilen Jewell - "Shakin' All Over"**

 

 

**CPOV**

The clock ticked slowly behind me. It was so damn loud in the silence, but then again Billy and I weren't always big talkers. I sat at the kitchen table with him. It had only been about five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Talking about feelings was never my strong point, though it had gotten easier with Bella. She was right about getting this over and done with.

The grief and the mistakes I made had weighed heavily on my mind for so long. I needed to stop being such a damn wuss and own up to it.

Billy had called Sue as well to come over, but I wanted to talk to her alone. Billy agreed to give us some privacy when she got here. He watched me calmly right now, and I finally opened my mouth to stop the incessant staring. I was starting to sweat.

"I screwed up," I said. My voice cracked, and I felt like a moron. I cleared it quickly. "I know you came that day out of concern, but apparently I couldn't stop wallowing."

Billy didn't say anything; he just stared. He was annoyingly good at it, and I rubbed sweaty palms on my jeans. It was like asking a girl out for the first time as a kid and it made me feel weird.

"I'm sorry," I finally said simply. Billy always spoke volumes with just a few words. He always met your eyes, too, so I did the same. He deserved that after how I acted.

"No, you couldn't stop wallowing," he finally said. "You pushed away the two people that cared most about you."

It probably wasn't, but it felt like a reprimand. I lowered my eyes, embarrassed and feeling remorse over how I acted.

"You're cutting back on the drinking?" he asked.

I glanced up, nodded, and sighed. "Yes, I am. I had cut back a little already, but of course, having Bella home has helped. I really am sorry for how I acted."

He sighed, too, leaning back and taking a swallow of water. "I know you are. I also know that Bella was the one that talked you into coming here today. You're an idiot, Charlie. It's good that your daughter had the common sense to push you into coming."

I gave him a half-annoyed look. "Yeah, okay, Black. I'll let you get away with that once."

He smiled slightly. "It was up to you to come here. You made the mistake. But I do understand. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the news that I had lost one of my children. That would be why I can forgive you easily enough."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know you do, but you're right. It was up to me to get the ball rolling."

Billy moved away from the table. "Speaking of getting the ball rolling, Sue just came. I'll leave the room so you can talk to her privately. She's worth everything in the world, Charlie; remember that."

I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I stood up as she came into the kitchen. Her dark eyes were wary, but her expression was open, so I took that as a good sign. She gave me a hesitant smile and that was all I needed. I went to her, brushed my fingers over the tail of her long dark braid and then framed her face. I was terrible at words, so I tried to say what I needed to say through action.

I lightly - hesitantly - cupped her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers. She curled her fingers over my forearms and we stood there in silence for a few beats.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled awkwardly. "I hope you know I would never hurt you, I didn't mean to, I mean I was an idiot…"

I probably would've bumbled on like that forever, but she placed a finger over my lips, silencing me.

"Charlie, I understand it was hard for you. I'm probably in the same boat as Billy as far as I don't know what I would have done if it was one of my own."

She paused, laying a hand on my cheek. "I also know you would never hurt me. You lashed out which you shouldn't have, and I took it personally, which _I_ shouldn't have. I shouldn't have given up on you."

"I'm still sorry. You have always been there for me just as Billy and I have always been there for you."

She smiled a little. "We'll still be here for each other. I promise I won't give up on you, though I don't expect this to happen again."

"It won't," I replied reverently.

"Good," she said matter-of-factly and I kissed her. It wasn't the first kiss we had shared. We had been getting closer not long after Bella left Forks, but we were taking it ultra slow. Her lips were hesitant, and I thought maybe I was pushing it, but she was warm and soft and it made me feel as if I could do anything.

_Oh God, I'm being kind of sappy. Billy would laugh at me._

"Go be with your daughter. We'll work on this and try again," she said pulling back a little.

I nodded, grateful she was willing to try and worn down from way too many emotions for one man to deal with. The thought of screwing up again was enough to terrify me. I didn't want to lose her for good. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. Bella was heading towards me as I got to the truck; looking just as worn as I felt, though I wasn't sure her talk went quite as well. Sadness twisted me up as I saw Jacob walking away with a blonde that I assumed was his girlfriend. I had suspected that was part of the problem.

It was obvious Bella loved him even to someone with limited emotional range like me. She was trying so hard to make things right, but I remembered just how much Jake had suffered. It was easy for me to welcome her back. She was my daughter. But she had turned away from his offer and left with someone else. His ego had been bruised.

I sighed. As long as we had each other, well, I hoped that would suffice for now. I took her hand to comfort her and she gave me a smile, squeezing mine in return.

  
*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

My mind buzzed endlessly, but I didn't speak. I wasn't sure I should because I just didn't know what to say. Lila and I hadn't really said much after what happened. She seemed lost in thought, and I had no idea how to explain myself or anything regarding this situation.

We stuck close to my Dad's, Lila snapping pictures of the area where the school was going to be built while I sat in the car and tried to make sense out of the paperwork I had. The guys' continued working, but I could feel looks being shot my way now and again. They heard the exchange, though they had moved away and talked amongst themselves. Apparently everyone still had really good hearing.

I watched Lila as she continued snapping pictures and jotting things down in her notebook. There had been a time when I never thought I could love another girl because of Bella. I had come to care for Lila, though, but now those two worlds were colliding and I was going to have to make a decision soon.

I sighed, grabbing the folder of my newly organized files and frowned when I saw Paul now talking to Lila. That sort of bothered me, but I headed into the house. Billy was whittling wood at the kitchen table and looked up at me as I came in.

"You okay, son?" he asked mildly.

I shrugged and sighed. "Not really," I admitted.

He was quiet as he began carving the wood. Then he said, "It's never an easy decision when there are two people you care about. You have to decide whose best for you and who you can see the rest of your life with."

I glanced over at him. "How did you know Mom was it?"

He smiled slightly, never taking his eyes off his carving. "When we got into a huge fight. She was yelling at me, and I was angry, too, but I realized that I preferred a feisty woman and loved her even more after that. I told her so and she threw a book at me."

I snorted out a laugh. "So, if someone throws a book at me, I'll know."

"Smartass," Billy said calmly, but I could hear a hint of laughter in his voice. "Just be honest with yourself. You'll figure it out."

Billy left to go visit with Old Quil and Lila came into the house. She sat on the couch next to me. She finally murmured, "I'm sorry for what I said."

I looked over at her, surprised. She really did look bothered. "I should apologize to Bella, but the situation… well… anyway I didn't intend to be like that. It wasn't my place, but I got a little jealous," she admitted.

I reached over and took her hand. "I'm not mad at you. I was surprised by your reaction, though. It wasn't fair to Bella."

She leaned back against the sofa looking up at the ceiling. "I think I realized that you still love her. You do, don't you?"

I stared down at our hands. "I do, but it's complicated." I finally said. "A lot of things went wrong and it's hard getting over certain feelings to forgive her fully. I know that isn't fair to you…"

She turned to face me, a trace of hurt on her face. "No, it isn't, but then again we never intended to be serious, did we?"

"Lila…" I felt like such an asshole and wanted to make it better.

"Jake? Is that why we haven't been, uh… sleeping together lately? Or even been affectionate?" She looked embarrassed and wouldn't meet my eyes.

"I… well, I didn't think it…" I stopped, feeling vaguely embarrassed myself.

She stopped me by leaning in to kiss me. I closed my eyes after a moment, enjoying her touch, remembering the easy affection and intimacy we shared. She had been my first relationship, though my second sexual experience. It had been really good between us, and I felt her move closer. My hands spanned her back. She was warm and familiar, but it just didn't feel right because of Bella to continue, though, and I didn't want to encourage Lila when things were so up in the air.

She shifted back slightly, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. I sighed, wrapping my arms around her, resting my forehead on her shoulder. She leaned into me the way she always did and we just stayed like that.

I heard Billy outside, so I reluctantly pulled away. We cooked some steaks Billy had picked up at the store recently and ate together, talking more about the school project. My Dad eyed me briefly, and I knew he was wondering what was up. After we cleaned up dinner, he disappeared into his room to work on his carvings some more before going to bed while we watched television.

When we decided to get some sleep, Lila looked at my bed in silence. "I don't know what's going to happen, but is it okay if we just sleep together?"

I slid into bed, my legs hanging off the end like they always did and lifted the covers. She stretched out next to me, arm draped casually over my side, facing me. "If it's appropriate timing and you think it's okay, will you apologize to Bella for me? I would, but I don't know if that's such a good idea."

I nodded. As I drifted off, I wondered just how the hell I was going to figure this all out.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

It was the night that Leah and I were supposed to go out, and I could feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating. I wasn't sure why, but the pressure to go and have fun when I wasn't sure how I was feeling was kind of strong… and unnerving.

I brushed my hair, leaving it wavy and loose for once. I knew Leah would just harass me if I pulled it up. My closet doors stood wide and I perused the selection, pursing my lips as I realized I had nothing really appropriate to wear. Then I remembered the low-cut, off-white top I wore that night in Alaska to the coffee shop to meet with Ethan whom I had met there a previous time. My cheeks burned at the memory, remembering where things were leading before I stopped it.

Charlie called up the stairs. "Bells? Leah just called; she's on her way."

"Oh crap," I muttered. I had been standing in front of my closet daydreaming.

I raced downstairs to check the clothes that had just been washed. Charlie was leaning against the kitchen counter, watching me with an amused expression on his face. "I'm glad you're going out," he said. "Even though I think Leah is a bit overwhelming."

I snickered. "That's putting it mildly. And I'm glad you find this so amusing. I'll remember that when you and Sue decide to go out." I was really glad they had talked at Billy's and a couple times on the phone. As weird as it was to think of Charlie dating, I was happy Sue was willing to try again.

Charlie looked slightly embarrassed and coughed. "Yes, well, we'll see," he said.

Leah pulled up outside and honked repeatedly. I rolled my eyes, waving at her impatiently, letting her know I wasn't quite ready. She came to the door, took one look at me, and sighed. "Seriously, Swan, you're wearing that?"

I gave her an annoyed look. "No, but I haven't decided yet."

She trailed after me as I went back to my room to search deeper and see if I missed something. Leah perched on the edge of the bed, looking like a damn model in her tight red top and black skirt that barely reached mid-thigh. I felt extremely short and frumpy compared to her.

I pulled out a green top. "You'll look like a housemaid," Leah declared.

Next was a black blouse. "You'll look like Casper in that," she snickered.

"Too librarian."

"Ew. Ugly."

"What _is_ that? You'll scare everyone away."

I gave a loud, pissed off sigh. "Yeah, well, I don't do slut," I snapped.

She laughed at my dig, though for a moment I worried for my safety. She gave me a light shove sending me thumping into my door. Why the hell did everyone I know have to have super strength?

"Watch it," I muttered as she ripped open a box shoved in the back of my closet.

She ignored me and yanked out a denim skirt I had completely forgotten about. It was short; probably about mid-to-upper thigh on me. There was a silky, cream-colored top with it that was a little more low-cut than I was used to.

"Ta-dah," Leah proclaimed. "This will do. It's not as sexy as it should be, but it's sexy enough."

I was tired of arguing and just wanted to get this over with, so I yanked the clothes from her grasp and changed in the bathroom. I put on a little mascara and lip gloss and then sighed because I knew Leah would complain. So, I added a little eyeliner and managed to refrain from stabbing myself in the eye with the pencil. Satisfied, I yanked on my low-heeled shoes and we were ready to leave.

I zipped by the living room before Charlie could get a look at me, though I suspected he had an idea. "Have fun," I heard him call out. "Bella, leave your phone on."

"It always is," I called back.

Leah had borrowed her mom's sedan and she drove us to a bar on the border of Port Angeles. It wasn't a club, but there was a big dance floor and some people were already out there. My heart gave a sick thud, but I sucked in a breath and followed Leah.

She was already attracting attention, though she just sashayed on by without pausing. "Two shots of tequila," she ordered.

My eyebrows shot up. "Um, Leah… I'm not really a big drinker…"

She shrugged. "It's just one. We'll get a drink after that and stick to that."

I gamely followed along, licking the salt, downing the shot, and sucking on the lime. Trying to mask gagging at the taste of the tequila, I began to feel the burn in my stomach. We ordered a drink and sat at the bar. We talked - or yelled - over the music for awhile before moving to a table. My heel caught on a crack in the floorboard, but Leah's reflexes were just as good as when she was phasing.

"You only had one drink," she pointed out with a snicker.

"I shaid I'm not a drinker," I replied. "Um… said. And anyway, we had a shot, too."

She laughed again. "So, why did you decide to come back after all this time?" she finally asked. Her tone wasn't her smartass one, so I decided to answer.

"I missed my dad, my mom, and Jake. It had started before everything happened; before my death was faked to protect me, but it got worse as time went on. When it was decided I had to keep a low profile, when I had no idea that anyone knew of what happened, I had thought once the threat blew over I would leave. So, I did."

She studied me. "So, the threat was why you did it. And you never let anyone know that could find out. You didn't warn them. They just found out and suffered while thinking you were dead."

I bristled and took a gulp of my drink to make up for the buzz that was dissipating with the conversation. "Don't even start, Leah. I am perfectly aware that mistakes were made on my part. The Cullen's screwed up and Charlie, my mom, and Jake found out."

"They would have been suspicious regardless because they wouldn't have heard from you for quite awhile," she said her voice cool.

"I know, but I figured a year or so of silence would be better than possibly bringing the risk to them. It never was a smart plan, but it had been the only one that could keep me safe. The Volturi still think I'm dead, and I finally decided to leave and come home."

"Yeah, you came home to Jake with another woman and your father afraid of not having some kind of connection to you."

I looked her straight in the eye. "You haven't made any mistakes, Leah? Your situation sucked, but it's not like you handled things very well. You made the whole pack suffer when it should have been between you, Sam, and Emily. It's not the same, but you don't have room to judge. I'm trying."

Her lip curled back, eyes flashing as she stared back at me. I didn't back down, though.

Finally, she backed off. "Fine, you have a point. I screwed up, too. Regardless, I was going to say I respect that you came back. I'm just looking out for Jake."

I relaxed. I took another big swallow of my drink, ordering another one right away. Leah raised her eyebrows and laughed, the mood shifting back to light-hearted.

She tossed her drink back and literally dragged me out to the dance floor because I protested. This was not something I was good at, but I suffered through and danced with one man briefly before moving away. All I could think about was how Jake always smelled like the forest, how warm he was, and how none of these men were him.

It didn't take long, but I was wobbling from the couple drinks I had. Leah steered me back to the table, shaking her head. "That guy wanted to dance with you, Swan. You're just too hung up on Jake, aren't you?"

I ignored her, finishing off my drink and nearly stumbling into my seat.

"You two should just sleep together and get it out of your system."

I snorted at her, but felt my cheeks warm at the thought. She smirked at me and led me toward the door. "We're leaving?" I slurred. My tongue felt like a swollen sausage.

"Yeah, you're hopeless," she muttered. I could see she had a good time, though, and I knew she scored a phone number.

All I could think about was Jake on the ride home, and I tried to be careful what I was said, but apparently not enough. Leah kept egging me on, letting me know that she had seen Jake naked. When we got back to Charlie's, Leah screeched to a stop.

"Well, well, look who's driving by."

I glanced up and froze briefly. Jake was there. Why was he at my house?

He took one look at me and raised his eyebrow. "Leah, what the hell are you doing?"

She laughed, bounded out of the car, and hauled me out the other side. I stumbled as she pushed me into Jake. "Wha are you doing here?" I slurred slightly. I was seeing two of him.

Leah grinned. "Jake, you mind getting her inside? I already called my mom and let her know I was on my way home. I don't have time."

In a flash she was gone, telling me she'd call me tomorrow. Jake sighed, looking both annoyed and vaguely amused. He led me to the door where I fumbled with the key. He took it from me and opened it.

"Thanks," I said unable to stop a giggle.

He ignored me and led me upstairs very quietly. "I was heading to my dad's so I'd be here to start work on the school early in the morning," he said quietly, finally answering my question.

I nodded. I giggled again as my head spun when I pushed my bedroom door open.

Could I seduce him? I should probably seduce him. I slid my skirt off quickly, kicking it across the room before he realized what I was doing. "Bella," he sighed. I was standing there in my black bikini panties and he was looking all stoic. I tried to unbutton my shirt, but my fingers wouldn't cooperate.

I caught his hand before he could turn away. "Can… can you unbutton my top? I'm having trouble."

He gave me a brief stare, but efficiently unbuttoned my top. He turned away again, but I knew he had seen me. His eyes had darkened briefly.

"You need to get some sleep," he said calmly. I smiled, knowing he was striving a little too hard for calm now.

I tugged a flimsy tank top on after discarding my bra onto the bed. I slid under the covers making sure they weren't pulled up over my chest. "Jake? You are so mush more beautiful than sort of," I said. _Dammit, stop slurring!_

He turned to look at me, and I tried to sprawl in a sexy way, unsure if I was doing it right. My limbs felt clumsy. "What are you doing?" he murmured.

"Leah shaid we should just sleep together," I said. "You know, get it over with."

His eyes briefly landed on my chest as he pulled the covers up. "Leah is a meddling troublemaker," he said leaning over me. "There are other factors - other people - to consider, Bella. And we haven't entirely worked everything out yet, have we?"

I tilted my face towards his. Those dark eyes met mine, and I felt a little shiver in my belly. I knew deep down I was being stupid; that I had no right to try and tempt him when he was with someone else, but I missed being touched intimately. And I had wanted it to be him for so long now.

He leaned down, and I swallowed noisily. His face was so different and so familiar all at once. He paused, but I pressed my lips quickly to his. It wasn't exactly a kiss; more like a brush, though we both hesitated in pulling away. I was already dizzy, but just that light touch was enough to affect me.

His eyes still on mine, he picked up my bra and my clothes and placed them on my chair, and turned to go. He looked a little angry, a little sad, and if I wasn't mistaken in my haze, a little shaken. My body was quivering from his nearness.

"Good night," he murmured and closed the door behind him. I hugged my pillow against me, holding on to those sensations before I passed out.

  
*~*~*

 

**AN: So, what do you think about how Jake is handling this? I wanted him to feel that attraction to Bella without going over the top because of feelings for Lila. Did that work for you? And Bella is not a man-stealer in case you were worried… she was just sort of drunk and being stupid. Let me know what you think; hope you enjoyed :o) Oh oh and check out the song listed above… I love it. It's very understated, but I like the song and description of being affected by someone (hence why I used it because of their reaction to each other). And it is on YouTube.**


	8. A Decision is Made

I was lying to myself pretending to be someone else  
You love me so but it's over  
Just let me go, we're going nowhere  
I feel like I'm dead but breathin'  
I know because my heart is beatin'  
Just let me go 'cause it's over

**Lesley Roy - "Dead But Breathing"**

* * *

When I woke, I became aware of a band playing, particularly an enthusiastic drummer. The sound drilled into my head, and I cringed away from it. Where the hell was I? Suddenly, my eyes popped open. That wasn't such a good idea, though, when I felt vaguely nauseous. There was no band or drummer. It was the aftermath of my night out with Leah. I groaned softly, though it sounded more like a plane flying low over the house.

My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, my stomach pitched and rolled, and I was wearing underwear that barely covered my ass and a tank top that left little to the imagination. I wondered for a very brief second why I was wearing this when I usually wore a little more when it hit me.

Jake had been here, and I had started undressing in front of him.

"Dammit," I groaned. If that hadn't messed up our already messed up relationship, then I didn't know what would. The memories were coming back, and I remembered telling him Leah had suggested we just sleep together and get it over with.

I buried my face in the pillow. There was no way I could talk to him about it. Even if it bothered me he was with Lila, that wouldn't be fair to go and tell him I really meant it. And playing it off as a fluke would just come across as fake. He knew me better than that. We should still talk, though, and I should probably apologize and thank him at the same time. I'd call Leah first and bitch her out for getting me into this mess. It was _her_ fault that Jake had to come inside with me.

"Bells?" I heard my dad outside the door.

Freezing in place, I groaned as another thought occurred to me. Jake got me to my room, and I tried to convince him to sleep with me while my father was just a simple room away! What the heck was wrong with me?

"Yeah, Dad?"

"There was a message for you, honey, from that newspaper you applied at in Port Angeles? I figured you would want to know now…"

I nearly fell out of my bed in my haste to get up and bit back a groan as my head gave one sharp, protesting thump. "Thanks, Dad, I'll be down soon," I said, squeezing my head in my hands, trying to keep it on. At one point while trying to brush my teeth, I knelt over the toilet bowl. My stomach heaved, but settled, and I thankfully leaned back.

Gingerly, I dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved jersey and padded down the steps barefoot. Charlie was sitting at the table, but I moved right past him, desperate for some ginger tea to help settle my stomach even more. God, drinking sucked.

I dipped the tea bag in and heated the water. Grabbing a box of cereal, I nibbled on a dry handful and sipped my tea, my eyes closing gratefully. When I opened them, Charlie was watching me with raised eyebrows.

"So, did you have a fun night?" he asked dryly.

"I guess you could say that," I mumbled, trying to focus on my tea instead of Charlie.

He smirked slightly. "Yeah, I guess if the way you look is any indication…"

My head jerked up, and I regretted it instantly. "What? I look bad?"

He chuckled and drained his coffee. "I have to go to work, so I'll see you around dinnertime."

After he left, when I finished my tea and my stomach was mostly settled, I called the newspaper office back and spoke with the man who did the hiring. He expressed interest in my writing skills and a flicker of excitement sparked in my belly. I danced around in a quiet circle when he told me he wanted to meet with me to discuss a job with them further. We agreed on a date and time.

Once I hung up, I ran upstairs to get dressed. My cell rang, and I saw Leah's name pop up. Grimacing slightly at the memory, I answered.

"So?" she prompted immediately and without any preamble. "Did you lure him into your room and bang him?"

I gave an irritated huff. "No, Leah. And thanks for putting me in that situation," I said irritably. "He helped me to my room and I was stupid enough to tell him what you said. We didn't do anything because that wouldn't exactly be fair, now would it?"

"I can tell something happened - however minor - because you get all blustery when you don't want to admit something."

"You don't know me that well."

"Well enough to know that."

"Whatever," I muttered. "It was a sort-of, but not really kiss and I mostly undressed in front of him. Okay?"

She snickered. "See? Nice, Swan, I didn't know you had it in you."

"It was stupid. I'm not going to make him cheat on Lila even if he wanted to. You of all people shouldn't be encouraging that."

She was quiet on the phone, and I bit my lip, afraid I had upset her or hurt her feelings. "Yeah, well, I wasn't entirely serious. I was mostly just harassing you."

"Sorry," I admitted. "I didn't mean to…"

"No biggie," she interrupted. "I'm over Sam. It was a fucked up situation, but I'm sick of dwelling on it."

We let it drop and she demanded to know what Jake at least looked like when I undressed. It was still new to me to talk about this with someone, but I gave my best effort in telling her even though she made fun of me.

"You should go see him," were her parting words before we hung up.

I knew I should, but I felt silly and stupid. As much as Lila had irritated me, I didn't want to ruin a relationship especially if Jake was happy. No matter how much it hurt. Bolstering my courage, though, I drove to La Push to see if Jake was working today. When I pulled up to Billy's house, I could see the work being done on the construction site for the school.

They were working hard, hauling materials and discussing the blueprints. It was interesting to see Jake at work, and I secretly admired the line of his muscles, his strength, and his ease while doing so. He disappeared into the trailer with some of the men I didn't know. Carefully, I made my way over, knowing I would have to wait until he had a break before seeing how he felt about last night.

"What are you doing here?"

I turned and saw Quil watching me. He was standing nearby drinking a soda and taking a break.

"I'm waiting to talk to Jake," I replied, barely meeting his eyes.

"Are you serious about repairing things with him? Make sure you're serious because anything else isn't acceptable."

I turned toward him, anger stirring me up. "Not that it's really any of your business, Quil, but yes. I am. So, any other obtrusive remarks?"

He stared at me for a moment.

"I'm trying to look out for my brother. Even I can see you have changed, but you didn't see what it did to him. Maybe I should enlighten you."

_The news about Bella's death moved slow, trickling down through the people of Forks and La Push. Jake had been in the woods with Quil and Embry, the three of them scouting out areas that had been rumored to be trouble spots for ignorant tourists and an occasional nomad , when Billy called for him. The three of them were immediately worried because Billy's voice didn't sound quite right._

_Jake hurried to Billy, Quil and Embry hanging behind. They heard every word Billy told Jake, saw the way Jake's face tightened and froze, and saw when he got into his Rabbit and took off. Billy had been upset, more than Embry and Quil had ever seen._

_They waited in silence after telling the rest of the pack the news._

_"We should wait until we hear from Billy before going to see if he's okay, right?" Embry asked worriedly._

_Quil had agreed and they waited. It was a little later in the day when Emily got a phone call and passed it on to them. Billy was at Charlie's house, so Embry and Quil phased and ran and snuck around front to find Billy waiting for them. Charlie was in the kitchen, haggard and broken._

_"Please," Billy said, his voice cracking a little. "He's in Bella's room. You need to get him out of there. I can't get him and Charlie is in no shape to do anything."_

_They had gone upstairs to find Jake laying on the edge of the bed, holding Bella's pillow against him. He held it as delicately as if it were her. When the two of them moved around to face him it was painful. He was crying quietly; something they had never seen before._

_"Jake, buddy, come on. It isn't good for you to be here."_

_"I don't want to leave," he said woodenly._

_Quil laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know, but you have to."_

_"She's gone," he whispered, his voice breaking._

_He didn't even protest when they both took an arm and lifted him off the bed. They supported him down the steps where Billy waited. Jake's dad sucked in a shaky breath. On the way out of the house, Quil and Embry saw Charlie reach out for the briefest second and touch Jake's shoulder. It was the only sign he made that reminded them he was still there mentally._

_Embry woke late that night - just as Quil had - when Jake left. They both just knew. There was a note on the floor that simply said "I'm sorry." He had left town._

I felt numb, afraid to breathe for fear I would slide into an abyss and never return. I knew I couldn't do that, though. Not again. So, I sucked in a breath finally and felt that ache that had just started easing recently. Tears slid down my cheeks as I stared blankly at the trailer. "Jake…" I breathed.

Quil looked sympathetic which surprised me. Embry was standing next to him now, too, knowing what I had been told. "Even though we reacted strongly when you showed up here, I'm not saying this to hurt you. You do seem to really be trying, but we won't let you hurt him like that again."

"It was something you needed to know. Just be sure, Bella. Be really sure, okay?" Embry added.

I nodded. When they walked away, the trailer door opened and the men Jake went in there with came out. He didn't, though, so I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Carefully, I wiped away the tears, smoothed down my hair, and took a deep breath. When he called to come in, I opened the door and stepped inside.

He lifted his gaze and our eyes met. "Bella," he said. He didn't seem to know what else to say.

My cheeks felt hot, and I stared down at my hands. Suddenly, I was flinging myself into his arms. A few tears slid down my cheeks.

He stood still for a moment, but tentatively put an arm around me. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"Bella, it's not a big deal…"

"I'm more than sorry," I mumbled tearfully. He seemed to know something else was up as he leaned back to get a look at my face.

When his dark eyes met mine, there was still some anger, still some grief, but also a hint of understanding and that was what gave me hope.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

I lay in bed in the dark - days after - the soft green glow of the clock showing five in the morning, and Lila's head resting on my arm. I had been awake for almost two hours, my thoughts still on the sort-of kiss and what happened in the trailer. Bella had looked as if she were crying, tears streaking her pale cheeks, and her eyes tinged just a little red. She had apologized, and I had assumed it was for the night before when she was drunk, but when she hugged me and said she was more than sorry I just had a feeling she knew what happened when I found out about her supposed death.

When I was in the trailer with the other supervisors, I had thought I heard Quil talking. He must have told her and the thought made me cringe. It was one of the worst moments - ranking up there with my mom's death and dad's accident - I ever had. It made me feel guilty, too, for what I had put my friends' and my father through.

And it angered me because it made me feel betrayed which was stupid. Bella probably should know how she affected those who love her.

The other night kept running through my mind as well; Bella in her underwear looking so soft and trying to be sultry. It was a sight to behold. Even with her innate clumsiness, she was alluring. It had made me feel guilty just to catch that glimpse of her, to notice her nipples through her tank top, and to see the line of her long, slim leg under the covers leading up to the arch of her hip as she lay in bed telling me we should sleep together.

It was with some realization that I knew Bella wasn't untouched either. She was a little clumsy, but the look in her eyes was enough to know she had been intimate before. The burn in my stomach had been sharp and rather fierce, knowing it was with that piss-ant Edward. My stomach rolled in anger and disgust at the thought. He had risked her life just so he could get his whatever-hundred-year old ass laid. Ugh.

I gave a huff, dispelling those images from my mind.

The bed creaked a bit like it always did when Lila shifted. Her eyes blinked open slowly and she looked up at me. "Did the alarm go off?" she mumbled looking confused.

"No," I replied. "I just can't sleep."

She leaned up onto her elbow, looking down at me.

"Jake, just do what you have to do," she replied quietly. "I know I've been hanging on to you, but I think it's because I've been afraid to try things again on my own."

I reached out and touched a lock of her hair.

"I'm not being fair to you," I admitted. "I'm sorry, Lila."

She smiled a little. "So am I. But you didn't ask for this situation, Jake. It's a strange one, that's for sure."

The bed creaked yet again as I rolled onto my side to face her. "No, but maybe I should have told you anyway. I know we agreed to not be serious, to not talk about what brought us to where we were at the time we met…"

We watched each other a moment, remembering the circumstances.

_It had only been a week since my first time with a woman. It had been quick and to the point. The act itself had felt really good, but I knew the emotion was missing. I shrugged it off, not really caring. Maybe my thought had been to have sex with a girl I cared about when I was sixteen, but I was eighteen now and I just wanted to rid myself of my virginity. I was a guy anyway. The decision to stop giving a shit who my first time was with was the right move._

_The other decision I made was to find an apartment. I was legal, so I could officially do it and stop sleeping in the construction trailer my one supervisor agreed to let me use. It was a lucky break that he cared enough to do that._

_So, I did my usual routine that morning and strode to the café near the construction site and got my usual hot chocolate and cinnamon roll. The apartments were close, so I got an application and filled it out. Later that day, I received a call from the landlord and got lucky. He apparently knew my crew boss and he had put in a good word for me._

_When I finished moving in, the grief came on again at the reminder of how much my life had changed, so I went out running. I was trying to escape the pain when I nearly plowed Lila over on the sidewalk._

_"Are you okay?" I asked the same time she asked me the same question._

_Puzzled, I stared at her._

_She was really cute; this pretty blonde pixie. She smiled at me, her blue eyes tinged with their own sadness. "You just look… well, like something bad happened," she said._

_"It's a long, complicated story," was all I said. "You look kind of sad, too." To think about it made my stomach hurt, so I changed the subject back to her._

_"Yeah, I got out of a, well, bad situation with someone," she murmured not meeting my eyes now._

_We were both quiet for a moment when she looked up at me again. "Do you maybe want to go out for dinner tonight?"_

_I had agreed and that evening we went out to eat, talking about anything but our problems. When she came back to my apartment with me, I apologized for the mess, but she just smiled._

_In my bedroom there was nothing but a bed. It didn't matter. That was all we needed. "This is the first time I'm doing this," she admitted. "I mean, you know, so fast."_

_"I did it once," I told her. She pulled me down, and I lost myself in her, feeling more at peace with her than I had with the other girl._

_When we were lying next to each other, she turned to me. "I wouldn't mind doing this again," she told me, looking a little embarrassed._

_"This will be casual?" I asked. "I… can't, you know… but I wouldn't mind the company."_

_She nodded, kissing me. "I understand. I feel the same way," she added. It was our mutual decision to keep this up without involving any feelings._

Lila sighed. When I admitted what happened with Bella, she confessed about her ex hitting her. It had still made me angry when she admitted it because after being with her awhile I had suspected. She promised me she was getting over it and that she would be okay.

I tuned in again when she spoke. "You couldn't have known that Bella would come back. You thought she was dead."

We leaned close - forehead to forehead - and tried to adjust to the fact that this was ending.

"I care a lot about you," I whispered. "You deserve so much more than I can give."

She sniffed. "I feel the same about you. You should be with Bella if that's what you want, though."

I closed my hand around hers, warming it since they were always cold, and breathed out a sigh. "Honestly, Lila, I'm not ready for that. I know what my feelings are, but there are things that need to be worked through. In the meantime, I don't want to hurt you while I try to do so."

"It would be easier with you," I added softly. "I almost wish I could just do that, but I guess love is rarely easy."

"With a little more time to heal, I could have really fallen in love with you, Jake. I guess it wasn't meant to be. You should work through your feelings and give it a try with Bella, though."

The radio started to play on the alarm and the first rays of daybreak began to slip through the curtains. "Do you still want me to be on the project or no?"

"Li, this is important to you, but I want you to feel comfortable. I definitely would love for you to continue, but I don't want you to feel like you have to if it makes you uncomfortable. We could work something out if that would be a problem."

"I think we can work it out. We should probably take some time then to work on our own things, for you to try again at some point with Bella. I wouldn't mind hearing from you again, though. And I mean that in a friendly way."

I smoothed her hair back. "I wouldn't mind it either. We'll see how things go, how everyone feels about it, and go from there."

She nodded, and I kissed her one last time.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

It was a relatively gloomy day, and I felt the same way. Since I had gone to Jake, found out how much he had been affected by the news of my death, and threw myself at him in apology, I hadn't heard from him. It hadn't been that long, but it still ate at me. Was he still living with Lila? After everything, maybe he had decided he would rather stay with her.

My interview had gone well at the newspaper the other day and they scheduled one more before making their final decision. Even that couldn't fully cheer me up. Leah had come over and tried to make me feel better with her usual brand of sarcastic wit. Rubbing my hands over my face, I stifled a yawn.

To take my mind off of things, I began cleaning. I moved from the kitchen, to the hallway, to Charlie's bedroom, and then my bedroom. When I moved to put my discarded suitcase back into the closet, a picture slipped from one of the pockets. I picked it up, the memory washing over me. It was a snapshot of Edward right before the last time we had been intimate.

_Intimacy with Edward was always a little difficult. It took time to get around to it and to actually do it. Edward's fear of hurting me never quite waned because one out of control movement could destroy me._

_That had been an argument countless times in the beginning. He had always been careful when we finally did do it, but I longed for something wild and passionate. While it had been really good, it got tedious after awhile when I wanted more._

_"Bella, I won't risk killing you just to give you more," he said pulling up his jeans. "I thought how we did this was good for you."_

_I stared at his back, wishing for a normal intimate experience. He did make it feel good, but something just felt missing._

_"It is," I finally replied coolly. "I came, so I guess that's enough." I got out of bed as well and he shot me a reprimanding look. The words that came out of my mouth lately just weren't me._

_That was what led me to the coffee shop one day where I met Ethan and then went back to meet him again. We had ended up at his place, me desperate to feel something more, Ethan because he surprisingly really liked me. His hands on my skin had been warm, his lips soft instead of hard, his breathing real instead of faked. When I was half-naked on his bed, I came to my senses. This wasn't me. I was married, and I couldn't do this no matter how many issues there were between me and Edward. So, I had left, feeling like the worst person in the world._

The doorbell interrupted my thoughts, and I went downstairs to answer it. Jake was standing there, looking uncomfortable and as beautiful as ever in faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt. His dark, troubled eyes met mine.

He looked sort of irritated already which didn't bode well, but I chose to ignore that. "Jake?" I questioned. "What, um… are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

  
*~*~*

 

**AN: I know there wasn't a lot of J/B… and to make it worse there were mentions of intimacy with J/L and B/E! ;o) It only seemed fair to give Jake and Lila their back story, though, and how they came to be since their romantic involvement is ending. But for your sakes, I kept it brief, so I hope you enjoyed anyway. Haha There will definitely be more J/B next chapter!**


	9. A Difficult Discussion

And it's peaceful in the deep,  
Cathedral where you cannot breathe,  
No need to pray, no need to speak  
Now I am under.  
And it's breaking over me,  
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,  
Found the place to rest my head

**Florence & The Machine - "Never Let Me Go"**

* * *

Time had seemed to slow down, allowing me to hear the unsteady thump of my heart, the soft rasp of my breath against my throat, and the light rain drops spattering the windows. Jake watched me silently, his gaze assessing as I backed up to let him in.

There are always random little moments that are just imprinted in your mind forever. The way Jake stood in the doorway, filling it with his size and musculature, was one of them. He looked so right there yet so out of place.

In the kitchen, I leaned against the counter, trying to tell myself to calm down. It wasn't really working, but at least I was maintaining a calm demeanor. That was saying something.

"You said the idea of your death was the Cullen's idea," Jake finally said.

I glanced up at him and after a brief pause, I nodded. "Yes, it was originally their idea."

"And you went along with it."

I bristled. "I didn't want to, but yes, I did. It felt like the only way to keep everyone I cared about safe."

"Well, we both know how I feel about that. What I really want to know is what happened with you and the leech. How did it come to this?" he asked, leaning back against the wall, his face remote.

I never really talked about Edward with anyone; it didn't feel right or comfortable discussing all that happened in our relationship. I loved Jake too much right from the beginning, intimacy made things difficult, and my life was sheltered and lonely even with the Cullen's there. Essentially, I had grown up. The strain of a life not lived weighed me down and it was made worse when my death was faked. I missed my family, Forks, and didn't know when I would see them again, if ever. It had created irreconcilable differences in our relationship.

Jake had been watching me closely while I considered what to say. "You're still in love with him." It wasn't a question.

Irritation curled in my stomach. My eyes narrowed as I stared back at him. "Why would I have left if I was still in love with him? Don't assume, Jake, you know what that makes you."

He just shook his head. "So, be _honest_ with me. Don't I deserve that after everything you found out lately? You say you missed me, try to seduce me, say you're sorry, you didn't know… well, how about just telling me what the fuck happened when you were so goddamn certain he was your _forever_."

His voice had risen. He was struggling with his temper.

My cheeks were hot at the reminder of my pathetic attempt at seducing him. And my own temper was flaring up quite a bit. I had never used to have such a temper, but apparently now I did. I was trying to rein it in, but it surprised me with its intensity. I barely understood why until he pushed me enough to explode.

He moved closer to me and kissed me.

My body alternated between raging hot and an icy anger as he pinned me against the counter with his body. His dark eyes were practically sparking as they connected with mine. The only sound above the rushing in my ears was my ragged breathing; the only thing I could feel was the erratic thump of his heart against my palms. What was he doing?

When his lips touched mine, it ignited a long dormant feeling in my chest. His big hand cupped the back of my head while his full lips urged mine to open. The kiss was hot, very nearly angry in its force.

I was aware of his thighs pressing against mine, his other hand pulling me up higher. My hand fisted his shirt, not sure whether to hold on for dear life or push him away. There was a rush of feeling from my limbs that arrowed down between my thighs, disturbing me.

There had been pretty strong feelings when we had kissed prior to my leaving Forks, but it was nothing like this.

My mouth opened and allowed him access. His tongue found mine, and I bit back a whimper. As he angled his head, his mouth demanded more and more from me, draining me with its intensity. When he finally released me, his lips brushed against my ear and he whispered, "Apparently forever isn't so long, is it?"

It didn't matter how mild it was; that derisive tone was lurking under the surface.

I placed both palms against his chest and shoved him back. I knew I never would have been able to move him, but the surprise on his face had him at least taking a step back as if I did.

"Don't treat me like a child," I said, my voice shaking with anger.

"Well, why don't you explain…?"

I cut him off, feeling the dam break.

"We are all aware of mistakes I made, Jacob Black, but I have never once held back in how sorry I was for hurting everyone. Do you think it was easy for me to come back to begin with? I left Alaska knowing things were ruined with Edward. I made the trek back and was scared of how to deal with everyone, but I did. Not only that, but I stuck around even after I found out what I inadvertently did to everyone here."

My heart was pounding, and I felt sick. My voice had risen and I was yelling.

"I thought you knew me better than that. I would never intentionally hurt someone."

"You led me on over and over, Bella," he snapped back. "You kept saying one thing, but doing another. I was sixteen! How the hell else should I have taken that? I made mistakes with you as well, but one of the reasons I was so hard on you was because I wanted you to live!And you threw that back into my face!" His voice practically exploded on the last word.

"In the end, I chose to live!" My voice was getting higher and higher the more upset I got. Tears were imminent.

"You have no idea how suffocated I felt when I was there, how much I wished I had thought things through. I had to struggle with decisions, was angry with him because of what he couldn't fully give me, I very nearly cheated on him, and all I could think about was my family and how I didn't want to be a vampire! I was so damn isolated and lonely and all we did was fight."

Everything was shaking now as my vision blurred. "I was so sick and tired of being treated like a fragile piece of glass. And most of all, I was fed up with being treated like I was a fucking _child!_ "

My voice shattered into a scream just as the glass shattered against the wall.

Dazed, I stared at the broken shards of glass, not understanding how it had happened. Had I thrown that? One brief look at Jake told me.

We were both stunned into silence.

"What about Lila?" The whisper barely made it out.

Jake looked at me for a second as if I were a stranger. He had looked shocked, but now it was replaced with a cool blankness. He moved toward me, leaned down, sending my already shaky nerve-endings into another spasm as he bent toward my ear.

"We ended it."

Charlie burst into the door a moment later, and I moved in slow motion to look at him. It looked as if he had yelled something, but Jake was speaking now, and Charlie's voice lowered. "Bella, honey, are you okay?"

Jake left, he and Charlie exchanging a confusing look mixed with anger, frustration, and understanding.

"I'll kill him if he hurt you. All I heard was you screaming and something breaking."

My knees felt shaky, and I sank down to the floor. Charlie's face was right there, concern and fear mixing. There had been so much anger in me over all that happened and it was surprising. Who knew I could react like that? I didn't really fault Jake for that. He just drew it out by making me face things I should probably deal with. But I had no idea…

My cheeks felt damp. I had started to cry quietly. Charlie was holding on to me, so I rested my head on his shoulder. I didn't want him to see me cry, but something had shaken loose inside me, and I couldn't seem to stop.

"He didn't hurt me," I finally managed to reassure him.

I had hurt him.

 

*~*~*

 

Leah was staring down at me as I lay stretched out on my bed in a prone position. I stared back at her wondering what she was doing here.

"Chief… your father called me," she said, reading my mind.

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"Hell if I know," she replied with a shrug. "Maybe he called because I'm your only friend? You really are a loser, Swan."

I rolled over, presenting her with my back, and ignored her.

"Okay, okay," she relented. "You aren't a loser. I mean, you're friends with me, right?"

When I remained quiet, she sighed a little. "Look, he didn't know what to do for you. He was upset and thought maybe I could talk to you and help."

Leah had shown what a big help she was by telling me I should seduce Jake. That hadn't gotten me very far. Plus, she made fun of me. Deep down I knew that was just how Leah was, though. There were glimpses that she cared and she did have insight on Jake that could help me figure things out.

"We tried to talk. Jake wanted to know what happened with Edward, but it isn't very easy to talk about. He goaded me into reacting to what he said and I got angry. It caught me off-guard how much anger I have over the situation and I threw a glass at the wall."

She wrinkled her brow as she stared at me. "You threw a glass? Bella, that's nothing. I've thrown numerous things!"

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help snickering. That was Leah, though, and she didn't make any excuses for who she was and she definitely didn't keep her feelings bottled up. She reacted in anger often enough, but I didn't, which was what bothered me.

"Bella, it was one talk. You can't expect everything to magically be better after one talk."

"I know," I said, picking at my bedspread. "I know that, but I feel guilty for messing things up with him and Lila, for hurting him so much, and for not dealing with my own issues the right way. It pisses me off that I let Charlie see me like that. He shouldn't have to see that."

Leah shrugged. "He's your father. Parents will see that shit sometimes; that's what they're there for. I wish my father was still around to see me break down once in awhile."

Hesitating for a moment, I reached out and laid a hand over hers. Surprisingly, she didn't pull away. It was obvious how much she missed Harry. Billy was pretty much a father to the whole pack - who came from too many broken families - but it wasn't the same as having your own father there.

"He also kissed me," I admitted. I wasn't sure I had wanted to tell her that, but I knew it would take her mind off Harry.

It certainly did. Her eyebrows winged up and she gave me a shove which nearly toppled me off the bed. "Seriously? Holy shit. So, he and Lila are kaput?"

"I guess so," I said uncomfortably. It had bothered me knowing he was with somebody else when I wanted him, but now that I knew they had ended things I felt guilty.

"Get over it," she advised. "So, was it better than the last kiss? Tongue and everything?"

"Leah," I protested.

She laughed. "So there was tongue! I knew it."

She made me give her a couple more details before she left. When she was gone, I did feel a little better. When I went downstairs, Charlie eyed me nervously, not knowing what to say.

"It's okay," I said. I turned to the fridge and began to pull out pork chops I had defrosted earlier. He stayed quiet while I cooked them, stuck the potatoes in the oven, and got a salad ready.

He was just about finished eating when he looked up at me. "Bells? Was that all about, you know, what happened in Alaska?"

Staring down at my plate, I nodded. "In some ways it was."

He remained quiet until I finally admitted, "I threw the glass at the wall. I'm not sure what came over me, but I have been angry for awhile and haven't done much about it."

He didn't really seem surprised. "Did Ed… did that asshole hurt you?"

I smiled ruefully. "No, Dad, he didn't hurt me. It was a lot of little things, but he never did anything like that. It wasn't like him."

_It was a chilly night, and I pulled my parka closer around me to try and ward off the chill. The house had been feeling oppressive again, and I just quietly slipped out of the kitchen. It was stupid because I knew they would hear me anyway or miss the beating of my heart, but I needed to get outside regardless._

_Blowing on my chilled hands, I stared into the forest, remembering another forest; one that seemed like it was a lifetime ago. A green forest that felt like home. I sighed and watched my breath puff out in a small cloud._

_"Bella?"_

_I sighed, knowing it was inevitable._

_"You should come inside," Edward said from behind me. "It isn't safe."_

_Once we were back in the kitchen, I resigned myself to staying in the house and made a cup of tea. Wrapping my cold fingers around it, I sipped slowly._

_"You should eat something," Edward said._

_Already irritated that I had been told to come inside, I snapped, "I'm fine. I know to eat when I'm hungry, and I'm not hungry."_

_Edward never raised his voice, but his look was occasionally infuriating, like he was just humoring a child. I strode away, wanting to be left alone, but he followed me to our bedroom upstairs. When I stumbled a little over the edge of the carpet, he quickly took my mug and set it down._

_Frustrated, I pushed past him. "You act more like a protective father than a husband," I pointed out._

_"Is it so much better to have your life put at risk like Jacob always did?" he answered back, his mouth turned down; the only sign he was annoyed._

_I raised my eyebrows. "It wasn't at risk. And at least I was allowed to do things on my own. I didn't have a chaperone."_

_"Yes, I forgot, we're talking about Jacob here." His voice showed just how he felt about Jacob, and I bristled._

_"Jacob was never perfect, but I'm not so sure we need to strive to be perfect people with the perfect lives. I'd rather mess up, live my life, and learn from my own mistakes and accidents."_

_"Excuse me for wanting to keep you safe," he said. Abruptly, he turned away and left._

_And, as usual, I was left feeling the weight of his disapproval._

Charlie was watching me curiously, but I still wasn't ready to share. It also couldn't be said that humans and vampires truly weren't meant to be together especially if the human changed their mind about being turned. Charlie didn't need the details. He would mostly just think I was crazy and probably throw me in an institution.

"It'll take time with Jacob. It's, uh, obvious you need to work things out," he told me. He apparently decided to not put all the blame on Jake for what he came home to.

"I know," I said ruefully. "I'm just not sure what else I can do that I haven't already done."

"Be honest," he advised. "And be willing to show him he can learn to trust you again."

I passed him a brownie from the tray I had baked earlier. "Do you trust me?" I asked quietly.

He paused before biting into it. "I can see how much you are trying to repair relationships. It's also obvious how serious you seem to be about finding a job and staying here. That helps, honey. It's different with us, though."

I laid a hand on his shoulder, leaning against his side briefly. "Yes. It is. I'm glad you can see that, too, because I want you to know I'm not leaving again."

He patted my hand, and I left him to his brownie.

  
*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

It didn't matter that it was late. It didn't matter that I spent most of the day hauling wood and working feverishly. Working was what kept my mind occupied and that was what I wanted, so I lay on the floor of the garage tinkering with Sue's car.

I checked her brakes, rotated her tires, and heard voices outside the garage door not long after. Ignoring them, I continued, until I saw Embry and Quil's feet right by the car.

"Are you staying in La Push tonight?" Embry asked. "Your dad wanted to know if you would be around tomorrow morning to help him get to his doctor appointment or if he had to ask Rachel."

I rolled out from underneath the car, staring up at them from my prone position.

"We check on Billy occasionally," Quil said with a shrug. "He said you were still here, working in the garage, and asked if we could check with you."

I nodded. "Yeah, I can stay. I'll go in soon and tell him myself."

We were all quiet for a few moments. There was still some aloofness to the way we interacted, which sucked, but it was getting better at least. I finally stood up and wiped my hands off.

"Will, um, Lila be waiting for you?" Embry asked carefully.

I glanced over at them. "No, she won't."

I hesitated before adding, "We ended things. Amicably."

"Is that why you're working like there's no tomorrow?" Quil questioned as I leaned against my workbench.

"Part of the reason," I muttered.

"Bella?"

"Yeah. I, well… we kissed."

Embry's eyebrows shot up. "Oh really? You seem kind of pissy about it. I thought that's what you would have wanted."

I fiddled with a screwdriver. "I'm not pissy. And yes, in some ways I did, but I'm still angry, okay? I know I'm being a little hypocritical considering what I did myself, but I feel bad about Lila yet. Plus, we just have a lot of crap to work through."

"But you wanted it."

Ruefully, I nodded. The kiss hadn't quite left my mind since it happened yesterday. It had been the type of kiss I had wanted to have with her when I was sixteen, but never quite got. The feel of her lips, the brush of her body against mine, had ignited something I actually hadn't felt before. It made me feel alive.

And it had surprised - and very nearly pleased me later on - to see her react the way she did. Bella had gotten irritated with me before, sulky, and yelled. It was nothing like this, though. After the shock had worn off, I realized just how much she had kept bottled up inside about whatever else happened between her and Cullen. It hurt to see her battling so much, but she needed to let it release. For her sake and for mine, so I knew where the hell we stood.

The force of it, though, was still more shocking than anything. Apparently, the bloodsucker had screwed things up even more than I had thought he would. Bella was not only angry, but hurting as well, and it made me feel sorry for her. It just wasn't as easy as I thought to get over how much I had been hurt, though. And now there was also a burning curiosity about how she nearly cheated on Cullen. What the hell did that mean?

"You'll get there," Embry said simply. "We're working through forgiveness towards you, so just keep trying."

I faced them and said, "I'm glad because I missed your sorry asses." I knew that's what we all needed to hear and how it should be said; truthful but light enough that we could still be men and shrug like it didn't really matter. But it did.

Quil gave me a light punch on the shoulder. "Yeah yeah. Dude, get some rest. You need to work tomorrow and if you don't we aren't going to support your sleepy ass."

After they left, I went into the house to get some sleep. My dad was sitting at the kitchen table, looking a little pale and tired.

"You okay, Dad?" I asked, concerned. "What are you doing up?"

"Getting old sucks, kid, so don't do it." I grinned, knowing that was what he wanted.

I waited until he finally sighed. "It's just a lot of achiness. I couldn't sleep, plus I knew you were still out there."

"Well, we'll ask when I take you to the doctor's tomorrow," I said.

He nodded. "Is everything okay with you? You talked to Lila and Bella, haven't you?"

I took out a can of coke and gulped about half of it. "Yes. And I feel bad for ending things with Lila, though I know she'll be okay. Bella has some of her own issues to work through as well as issues we have with each other."

"Love isn't easy, son. It's worth it in the end, though."

I smiled wryly. "So I hear. Maybe there's some kind of love there since she threw a glass at the wall. I'm not sure if she was aiming for me, though."

Billy's eyebrows shot up. "Throwing things? Well, that's a new one for Bella."

My smile disappeared. "It is. I think it's more that she's bottling things up, though, and angry at the situation."

"Just keep trying. You can get there."

I pondered that as I helped Billy back into bed, got his water and gave him a pain pill so he could sleep better. In my room, I lay back on my too-tiny bed and wondered what Bella was doing.

The last thought that drifted through my mind before sleep was the anger and the resulting anguish in her eyes.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN: So, did their discussion go as you expected? It's good the two of them have sane and reasonable people to help them out after they have their explosive moments together. :o) Hope you enjoyed!**


	10. Progress

So now that we've stopped hearing echoes  
And now that the replay wore thin  
Just remember who held you  
Remember who held you  
Remember who held you  
Remember who held you  
Surrounded. Let's romanticize our beloved memories.  
Surrounded. Let's demonize our softest injuries.

**Silversun Pickups - "Surrounded (or Spiraling)"**

* * *

**BPOV**

I sat in the waiting room of the newspaper office trying to refrain from biting my lip and jiggling my foot around. I was a professional, and I needed to act like one. It didn't matter that my life was a shambles right now. My possible boss wouldn't give a crap. So, I stilled my foot and picked up a magazine. As I paged through, my mind began flipping internally back to a few days ago. It was kind of hard to forget a day where you got angry when the man you were in love with finally kissed you, and it resulted in a glass being thrown at the wall.

I had stayed away from the reservation, opting to shop for a couple outfits that would fit the business-casual lifestyle. It wasn't quite me, but I couldn't exactly wear jeans. So, I ended up with a pair of black pants, khaki pants, and a skirt with a couple tops to match. It was unfortunate, but I had to borrow money from Charlie to pay for all of it, but if this all went well, I would be able to pay him back soon enough.

Feeling guilty and like a bad daughter, I tried to push the idea of an apartment close to Port Angeles as well, out of my mind. How could I leave him again even if I wasn't going very far?

"Isabella Swan?"

I looked up, the butterflies take flight in my stomach. Pasting a professional and friendly smile on, I hid it as I shook Mr. Newcomb's hand. He gave me a courteous smile as he pulled out a chair for me. Thanking him quietly, I sat down and willed my foot to stop fluttering around.

He flipped through my portfolio for a moment before looking up at me. "You have a strong writing style which I like. You're clear, concise, and you don't beat around the bush. As far as subject matter, it looks like you could stand to be a little more well-rounded, though."

I licked my lips nervously when he wasn't looking.

"It seems the school paper you wrote for didn't have you cover a range of subjects, but we could definitely use another younger voice here." My heart tripped in my chest as what he was saying began to sink in.

"So, I would like to hire you, but I will have you do a standard column for now and assist in reporting when necessary to build up your expertise and give you practice in journalism."

Trying not to squeal, I couldn't help the silly grin that snuck out for a moment before I quickly turned it back to the professional one. It caught him off-guard and he chuckled. "I take it that's a yes?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Thank you so much for giving me this chance, Mr. Newcomb."

He smiled, shaking my hand again. "Welcome aboard, Miss Swan. Now let me get you the necessary paperwork."

The rest of the time passed in a breeze as I felt real happiness again. Finally, my life seemed to be going somewhere, and I was doing something I had been going to school for. Maybe I hadn't finished, but I was being given a chance and managed to land a job. My grades spoke well of how hard I had worked, and I had told Mr. Newcomb before that I would continue the few classes or so I had left to officially have earned my degree.

I left the newspaper office, insurance forms and booklets carefully tucked into my bag, a smile beginning to widen on my face. To celebrate, I decided to head over to the little café that was advertising fresh clam chowder. The café was bright and cheery, painted a soft violet and pale yellow with dark wood tables and chairs. Artwork of all varieties adorned the walls. I ordered a bowl of soup and a tall glass of strawberry tea.

As I waited at a table by the window, the memory of another café in another place came to me…

_The café was small; almost a dive, but they had amazing coffee and muffins. Ethan had been doing an open mic and strumming his guitar, his voice warm and fluid as he sang the first time I had gone there. It was where he asked me to meet him after talking for hours the first time. I didn't know what I was doing here, but it was too late now._

_Ethan was sitting by the window, smiling at me. "I ordered you a Frappucino. I hope that's okay?"_

_I nodded. "Sure, that sounds good."_

_We talked about school, work, his singing and playing guitar, our hopes and dreams, and I began to feel like I truly was missing something. Edward had been mostly supportive of things I was doing, but we never really talked about our dreams. My dreams - and eventually his - had been centered on me becoming a vampire. Until my mind began to change._

_Being with Ethan had reminded me of Jacob. The way we used to talk, to feel like we could confess anything to each other. It had been a major thing missing in my life._

_So, when Ethan finished his coffee, he glanced up at me. "Would you… like to leave? With me?" His shyness and slight blush endeared me even more to him and before I realized what I was doing, I agreed._

_The whole ride to Ethan's apartmen, a part of me was screaming incessantly that I was married and what the hell was I doing? The other part was so lonely - my marriage wasn't doing well and I missed Jake so much it hurt - that I couldn't talk myself out of it. Ethan led me inside, making small talk, obviously trying to calm both of us down._

_He smiled when I gazed up at him from under my lashes, not sure what to do. When his lips connected with mine, I realized how much I craved intimacy. It was what spurred me to grasp his shoulders, open my mouth to his, and allow him to lead me to his bedroom. We kissed slowly, repeatedly, as he stroked my hair. Ethan pushed me down onto the bed gently, grabbing the hem of my shirt and dragging it up._

_My breath was coming faster, my mind screaming louder about what I was doing, as Ethan's mouth moved to the swell of my breasts. Our hips were aligned, and I could feel him pressing down against me. He wasn't holding back. When his hands slid my pants down, I felt a rush of pleasure between my thighs. It wasn't mind-blowing, it didn't change my life, but it was nice to know he was concentrating on me and not just on keeping from hurting me._

_It began to dawn on me more and more, though, as we began dry-humping each other. The tingles were working their way down, and he groaned softly as he held me, bringing me to orgasm and my senses at the same time._

_"Oh my God," I gasped, alternately worked up and upset at what I was doing. "Ethan, I… I can't. I'm so s-sorry."_

_He was awkward, trying to cover up the fact that we had made each other come, as he backed away. "Bella, I don't understand," he started to say._

_"This isn't right. It isn't fair to any of us. I'm so sorry, I keep screwing everything up." I started to cry._

_He was remarkably gentle and was as understanding as he could be._

_"I guess I shouldn't have asked. I mean, I knew you were married, but I thought… well, I didn't think."_

_We parted ways. I left, dejected, knowing he had actually liked me. I could have learned to like him more, but I was married, and I was still thinking of Jake. My life was so completely fucked up._

A bit of my high had faded as I began to eat my soup. Ethan had wanted to keep in touch with me, but then my death was faked, and I never heard another word. It ate away at me for awhile, and I truly wished he was happy now.

Lunch finished, I paid, and headed outside. I walked and walked until I found myself in front of Jake's apartment.

  
*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

It was finally an off day for work, and I was glad I could get a little extra sleep and not have to run around. My apartment felt so empty with Lila gone, though, and I couldn't seem to stop thinking about Bella especially since we hadn't talked after the blow up. So, it was quite a surprise when just as I was pouring a cup of coffee there was a knock on my door and it was her.

She looked peculiarly excited and dejected at the same time.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" I hadn't meant to sound cold, but she flinched a little. I cleared my throat. "Um, I mean, come in. Sorry."

She didn't meet my eyes. I sat on the sofa, and she perched on the opposite end carefully. "I was just… well, I had an interview. I was excited and wanted to share it."

Surprised that she came to me, my eyebrows raised. Somewhere buried deep, I was aware of being pleased that she had wanted to tell me first. "Yeah? Where at? And how did it go?"

"At the _Peninsula Daily News_ ," she said, her eyes gleaming. "It was where I found the job offer when I first got back, and I actually just got hired!"

"That's really great, Bella. It looks like you're trying to settle in," I said, getting up to get a little more coffee. It was more of fishing for an answer type of question.

She nodded, looking down at her hands. "Yes, I am. I meant it when I said that. The next thing I'd like to do is get an apartment in between Forks and Port Angeles. I don't want to go too far from Charlie…"

I offered her a bottle of water which she accepted.

"Yeah, I don't think he would want you to go far," I said calmly.

"I'm kind of worried about it. I don't know how he'll react," she said, still not meeting my eyes.

Had we really come to this? It seemed so hard to believe. We were always so comfortable together, not afraid to hold anything back, and shared pretty much every thought we had with each other. I had always been happy - well, minus the anger issues with the whole wolf thing - and thrilled to be with her. That hadn't really changed much. I was still happy to be with her, but there were so many other feelings jamming up the lines of communication with each other. We really had to try and work through that, though I knew she wasn't keen on talking about what happened. And every time I thought about what I did to my father, sister, and my brothers, I got angry. It was my own fault for leaving, but the blame always fell on her because she had left and never told me she was _dying_ to save herself and everyone in Forks.

"It will take an adjustment, I'm sure. He lived without you, thinking you were dead, but Charlie knows you would want your own place eventually," I said.

She paused. "Yeah, I guess so."

I blurted out a question that had been on my mind for awhile now without thinking about it. "Are you safe now? You said this was done because of the Volturi. Will they look too closely?"

Bella fiddled with the end of her ponytail, drawing her lower lip into her mouth. "The Cullen's don't seem to think so. They don't have any reason to believe I'm alive when Edward and Carlisle made sure they knew of my… death," she murmured. "They said they would take care of things if anything were to arise."

Frowning, and feeling that stir of anger, I turned to her. "If the Cullen's show up here, Bella, I don't know if I can hold myself back. I'd like to destroy them like I should have from the beginning," I said, my voice harsh.

Her jaw twitched. "Jake, I don't want you involved in this. It's my problem, not yours. You made it clear I wasn't a huge concern for you since I came back."

My eyes narrowed on her. She was getting angry, too, and I couldn't help that the idea of it excited me a little.

"That's not what I meant, Bella," I said, gritting my teeth a bit. "I'm sorry if I can't move on and get over all this immediately. I would protect you from their manipulations, though, but I do not want them anywhere near La Push. If they come back, there _will_ be a fight."

"And I'm asking you not to fly off the handle, Jacob. You have every right to protect the reservation - and I would do everything I could to help, too - but it might happen that they come here in regards to the Volturi," she snapped. "I don't want anything to happen to anyone."

"Even after all this time," I started incredulously, "you would still protect them?"

Bella threw her hands up in the air. "That isn't what this is about! Is it so much to ask that I want my life - and my friends and family - to finally have a little peace? That's all I ask for. I just want a normal life, Jake, not a war between anyone."

"I can understand that, but life isn't always that easy."

"No, it's not," she added, suddenly sounding so defeated that I felt some of my anger fading. "I'm tired of being a screw-up, of being told what I should and shouldn't do, and most of all of having someone out to destroy me because of some damn secret I found out about and wished I never heard of!"

She was pacing now, back and forth, the frustration obvious. It surprised me she had said that. Bella still wasn't talking much about Edward and what happened, but it was definitely becoming clearer that her life before was one she didn't want. Her need to find a job, an apartment, and spend time with friends and family was obviously something she was craving. It was what spurred me to stand up and block her pacing. It also led me - in my own frustration that there was still too much shit between us - to kiss her again.

I couldn't seem to help myself.

I'd had to test my theory before. I had left behind a perfectly good and sane relationship to try again with Bella after everything had gone down, and I had felt something stronger than I'd ever felt before when kissing her. It alternately thrilled and frustrated me.

She stiffened at first, but then her body gradually softened. I cupped the back of her head as I angled my mouth over hers. Not as hard and angry a kiss as before, but still with a roughness and heat that short-circuited my brain. Her lips parted; the soft rush of her exhaled breath mingling with mine.

Bella's hands curled into my shirt again and her body moved closer. My hand pressed to her back, pulling her in, while I tugged on her lower lip. Our mouths met again and took greedily. I traced her top-heavy lip with my tongue, feeling her open again and meet my tongue with her own.

Her smell of strawberries, the softness of her mouth, and the gentle dips and swells of her body against mine was overwhelming. The only sound was the soft, wet noise of our lips connecting and parting. Her body shivered slightly as I slid my palm along the bared skin above her jeans.

My breathing was very nearly shaky when we pulled apart. Bella's eyes were a little unfocused and her breathing matched mine. "I… um…" she stuttered.

We continued to stare at each other. There was a serious urge inside me to scoop her up and throw her on my bed, caveman-style, and just take her. It was so close to happening, but she backed up, at a loss for words.

"Jake, I have to go," she finally said.

All I could do was nod. It was probably the safest thing, otherwise this could go an entirely different way if I wasn't careful. And I don't think Bella - or even myself - was ready for that change.

"I, um, I'll talk to you s-soon," she stuttered again, her cheeks turning a little pink. It was always something I liked seeing. It showed how alive she really was.

When she left, I just stared out the window after, more confused than before.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

When I got home, Charlie was eager to hear how everything went. I worked up a smile for him, trying to draw on my original excitement, and told him how everything went. He was thrilled for me, making my smile a little more genuine.

"Honey, that's great," he said enthusiastically, giving me a hug. "This will be really good for you."

I figured it was now or never, too, to mention my idea of finding an apartment sometime soon. As I told him, I tried to gauge his reaction, but he remained pretty neutral.

"I'm not saying immediately," I assured him. "I just thought it'd be easier to be a little closer to Port Angeles for work, but not far for me to drive home during the week or weekend to spend time with you."

He smiled a little. "I know you're trying to appease me. It scares me, Bella, but I also know that you need to feel like you're moving on with your life in a normal way. I don't want you to feel like you're being held back by living here with me."

"Dad, no," I protested. "It's not that. I don't feel like that at all. It's hard for me to wrap my head around, too, but I want to make sure you're okay with this. I'm not going to make any major decisions without talking to you first."

"So, when you decide to get married one day, you're going to ask me first if that's okay? If you decide to have kids, you're going to ask me first?" He teased me gently.

I rolled my eyes at him, laughing a little. "You know what I mean."

He nodded his face sobering. "Honey, I want you to be happy. You haven't told me much of anything yet, but I know you weren't. I want you to live your life, to have fun, and grow up at a normal pace. I appreciate more than I can say how you consider me before you do anything, but I also don't want that to be a deterrent for you to do something."

"Am I more scared of things that can happen? Yes, I guess I am. Will I worry more about you? It's possible, but parents worry. It's what we do. But you're only going on twenty-two years old. You're young and should be thinking of jobs, moving out, and boys."

I felt my cheeks warm at the word boys because Jake was anything but, and it reminded me of just how affected I had been by that kiss.

"I'll look then," I assured him. "It won't be immediate, but I will look. I did step one already; got a job."

He ruffled my hair. "We'll take things one step at a time."

Upstairs, I showered, my mind drifting back to the kiss Jacob and I had shared. It had left me weak, wanting more, and I couldn't help noticing how everything in me had felt like it was coming alive at his touch. It had never felt like that for me before with anyone. There was something real and warm behind the frustration we were feeling. It had embarrassed me, but I had wanted him to hold on to me longer; to lead me to his bedroom, but we were both being careful.

Leah called me as I finished up brushing out my blow-dried hair. "You feel like going out?" she asked petulantly. "This asshat guy keeps calling me now, and I'm not interested. Maybe I can find a new guy and then he'll leave me alone."

I snorted. "Way to string them along, Leah."

"Better than you could do," she retorted cheerfully.

I just shook my head and agreed to go, though I promised myself it would be a one-drink night. It would be my celebratory drink for landing the job. I ate dinner with Charlie, agreed to a dinner out for my birthday in a couple days, and started to get ready.

When she came, I actually got her nod of approval after one outfit change. "That first one was a little I'm trying too hard, so look at me. You're getting better at this, Swan."

Trying to give Leah a shove out the door was like trying to move a brick wall, but she smiled appreciatively at my feisty effort. We headed into Port Angeles for a second time and went to a different bar.

She flirted incessantly with a very handsome Native man sitting with a couple friends while I tried to pretend I was interested in their conversation. They ended up just inviting us to sit with them.

"You should practice your flirting skills on his friend," Leah hissed in my ear, shoving her elbow into my ribs.

Wincing, I absently rubbed them as I hissed back, "No. I know how to flirt, and I'm not interested in flirting with anyone. Anyway, I kissed Jacob again."

Her eyebrows rose. "Hey, Bella here kissed the guy she's in love with!" she announced to the whole table.

Pissed, I opened my mouth to fire back at her, but they all raised their glasses. "Go Bella! Take what you want!" they all chimed in.

Sighing, I gave Leah an annoyed look, but relaxed. They were genuinely happy for me. Well, okay, they were drunk, but still happy, so I added, "And I got a job today, too!"

"Good for you," Leah murmured while they all gave another cheer.

Everyone added some bit of good news they got, and in the end, we all raised our glasses in a unanimous toast to all of us and our good fortune. I added a silent wish to our toast, clinked glasses, and took a sip.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN: Second kiss… getting better? ;)**


	11. Birthday Surprises

I'm your prostitute, you gon' get some  
Like a shotgun needs an outcome  
I'm your prostitute, you gon' get some  
Go ahead, go way low, where I can do no harm  
Go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms  
Go ahead, go way low, where I can do no wrong  
Got you around my finger like a lonely lover's charm

**Lykke Li - "Get Some"**

* * *

Charlie called up the stairs, "Bells, honey, are you ready to go?"

I turned my head from side to side, pondering my new, smooth hairstyle. Leah thought I might benefit from something a little different, so I did it in my desire to change _something_ , even if that something was as simple as my hair. It hung smooth and sleek just past my shoulders, the ends twisted in a bit, to give it a more interesting look.

"I'll be right down, dad," I called back.

I liked it. It made me look a little more grown-up. The black skirt my mom had sent me for my birthday was perfect for the occasion, too. It fell to just above my knees and had a sheer overlay and swirled as I walked. A plum-colored top finished the outfit off, baring one shoulder and just a hint of cleavage. I slipped my feet into low-heeled pumps and headed downstairs.

A wolf-whistle greeted me, and I felt my cheeks flush even as I rolled my eyes. Charlie chuckled at my reaction. "Honey, you look beautiful."

It still was a little funny that we both became so much more open with each other recently, but it was nice. Charlie had been a good dad over the years, but we hadn't known each other as well, and the obsession with Edward had led to me hurting him. It was something I would have to live with, but in the end it was helping me to forge a better bond with my father.

"Thanks," I murmured, smiling slightly, pleased that he thought so.

We drove to Kokopelli Grill in Port Angeles. I knew we were meeting Sue, Billy, and Leah there for this dinner, but I was surprised into silence when I saw Jake arrive and help his dad out of the car. Things had improved a little more for us, but I hadn't thought he would come. Smiling faintly, I waved to Leah, who had a knowing little smirk on her face. I gave her a look and mouthed, "Behave."

She snickered as we headed inside. Jake was behind me, and I felt prickles of sensation all along my spine as we were led to our table. When our eyes met, he wasn't smiling, but his eyes were calm and almost warm. His eyes were so pretty.

Everyone got quiet as they perused the menu.

We all ordered the famous Smoked Salmon Chowder before choosing our entrees. The waiter set a glass of wine in front of me, and Leah leaned over, murmuring, "Don't drink too much, Swan. We both know how that goes."

I kicked her under the table, though I saw Jake's mouth quirk briefly.

"So, Jake, how's work on the school going?" Charlie asked and they were off and running.

"You keep staring at him like that everyone's going to think you want Jake as your entrée."

"You're a really frustrating friend, you know that?" I muttered back. I took a swallow of my soup and didn't grace her with a look.

She chuckled. "Yep, I'm as prickly as a cactus, or so I'm told. It's part of my charm; you learn to love it."

"Mmmm," I murmured noncommittally. "We'll see about that."

When Charlie proposed a toast, I felt my cheeks warm. He lifted his glass and said, "Happy Birthday, honey. After everything that happened, I'm glad to just be here doing something normal again, with friends and family," he added, gesturing to everyone else. "I'm proud of you, of the woman you're becoming," he finished off, looking mildly embarrassed himself.

That was big for him, and I appreciated the gesture. We clinked glasses with everyone, and I held Charlie's hand briefly under the table, and he squeezed mine in return.

Most of my gifts consisted of gift cards, but Charlie had given me a necklace that had been his mother's. It was a thin gold chain with a single pearl that rested just above my cleavage. "Thanks Dad," I said, giving him a hug. "It's beautiful."

My mom had sent me some books I had wanted and a promise of another gift; a gift I was supposed to open privately. I winced slightly at the implication, though no one seemed to catch on. It sounded like a gift she thought I needed to attract a man. She was overly fond of those. Jake was watching me when I glanced up, though, and I realized he was thinking the same thing.

Everything about him was still a little stand-offish, but his eyes were penetrative as he met mine again. My body felt flushed, and I desperately wanted to get some air. At a birthday dinner with friends and family was not a place to lust over your best friend… or someone you were working on repairing your relationship with so you could be friends again. It was too fragile, wasn't it?

It always felt as if Jake knew what I was thinking and this time was no exception. His lids lowered slightly, and I felt a gentle throb between my thighs. My eyes fluttered away from his, but my foot bumped against his under the table. Whether it was on purpose or accidentally, I wasn't sure. His leg was now against mine. I couldn't help myself, though, and I brushed my foot against his bare calf.

Jake wasn't looking at me now, but we were both hyper-aware of each other.

His calf muscle flexed slightly and I felt his leg shift to brush against mine. My toes drifted around his leg, back down to brush against his foot. His jaw muscle twitched, but again he repeated the action.

"Here Bella," Leah said suddenly, making my leg jerk.

I smiled, smoothing my skirt, thankful it was a minor jerk and I could cover it up. She was handing me an envelope, a little smirk curling her mouth. "If you're done _concentrating_ so intently on your meal, I have a gift of my own."

Her voice oozed innuendo, but I chose to ignore it and took the envelope. I slid my finger under the flap and pulled out a card for a Mani Pedi at a nearby spa. My eyebrows rose in surprise, and Leah flashed her quick-silver grin at me.

"I could stand to use one myself so I've been told by my mother, so I got one for you, too. You could stand to be spruced up a bit," she said.

I snickered as Sue just sighed and rested her forehead in her hands. "Thanks, Leah. I've never had one, but it might be nice for when I start work."

It hadn't escaped my notice on the way home that Jake hadn't given me anything. I hadn't really expected him to; he knew my aversion to gifts, though I was much more graceful about accepting them.

"Dinner was great, dad," I told him when we got home. "Thank you!"

Upstairs, I riffled through my purse looking for my cell phone when I spotted a little box near the bottom. That hadn't been there before. Curiously, I pulled it out. It was a plain brown box. I sat on the edge of my bed and opened it.

Inside, nestled in tissue paper, was a small wooden carving of a leaf. The wood was smooth to the touch and beautiful. Upon closer examination, I realized it was a pendant for a bracelet and my insides warmed. It was from Jake and the memory and symbolism of it made me smile.

We were both trying to turn over a new leaf.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

I knew I was being anti-social and broody, but I couldn't seem to help myself. My apartment remained dark as I lay sprawled on my bed, the silence deafening. With a sigh, I rolled over, trying for what felt like the hundredth time to stop thinking about that moment at dinner with Bella.

She had looked so pretty tonight and her hair had been different. My fingers itched to play with it; to stroke the nape of her neck, to whisper in her ear, but instead we had played footsie. And that had been enough to turn me on.

I frowned when I heard movement outside in the hall, and I knew who it was a second before there was a knock on my door.

"Jake? You in there?" Quil's voice called out.

I got up and opened the door to him and Embry.

"See? I told you he was here being mopey."

"He's sitting in his apartment, in the dark, and it's a Saturday night. Someone needs to blow off some steam," Embry added.

I just shook my head, letting them in. They poked around curiously. "So, this is where the almighty Alpha lives."

"How did you even know I would be in tonight?"

Quil shrugged. "We saw Billy, and he said you had all gone out to dinner for Bella's birthday. We just figured that would do you in and that you'd be in your apartment instead of out on the town like you should be."

"I'll go out, but I'm not trolling. That's up to you two wankers," I added as I headed back to my room to get dressed.

We ended up playing pool. Quil was tempted to get us a couple beers, knowing it was more than likely we wouldn't be asked for identification, but stuck to soda just in case. Embry missed his shot, so I took my turn.

Quil chuckled after I made my shot. "You know, that chick over there is totally checking out your ass."

I ignored him as I set up a bank shot and made it in again. Out of curiosity, though, I turned around and saw a pretty red-head blush when I caught her staring. She grinned sheepishly and gave me a shoulder lift as if to say 'Oh well, I can't seem to help myself.'

It was still an odd sensation to be checked out by women, though one that was pleasing at least. I gave her a smile and turned back around. As Quil took his turn, I heard her making her way over to us.

"Hey, I'm Alyssa," she said, moving up beside me.

"Jacob," I said, shaking her offered hand.

"Are you from around here?"

"I have an apartment in the area, though I'm from the La Push reservation," I told her.

When she got around to asking me out, I smiled politely, and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm not really available. My friend here seems to like you, though." I couldn't resist jabbing at Quil and his eyes widened in response.

Alyssa laughed, her eyes brightening. Quil kicked me as hard and discreetly as he could, though he came over to introduce himself. They hit it off immediately, chatting away, while Embry and I got another soda. We leaned against the bar, watching Quil lamely attempt to flirt.

"It's been hard for him to meet someone," Embry said, suddenly serious.

"Really? Why's that?"

"He acts like he's a charmer, but he's awkward with women. It's hard for him to find a woman that's willing to overlook that. And losing his dad in that storm and never quite having a normal home life. We pretty much all come from broken homes, but Jared has Kim, Sam has Emily, Paul has Rachel, Seth charms everyone and _has_ the pretty stable home. And with Claire in the picture, it makes it harder. He cares about her, but he doesn't want his life tied to hers like that."

"Anyway, I don't claim to be some Don Juan, but I do know how to talk to women. And you…" he trailed off.

I stared at Quil, realizing a couple things I had often overlooked. Quil had phased last, feeling left out, and then as a result of that phasing, had imprinted on a child. He was always happy to be around her, but there had been something off about him after that. I hadn't realized he didn't want his life to revolve around her and that was because I had deserted my friends.

"And I had been so wrapped up in getting away from certain memories that I disappeared. I was so wrapped up with one girl I lost sight of so many other things."

Embry took a sip of his soda, and we both watched Quil talk to Alyssa, his face animated. It was nice to see.

"Jake, you made mistakes. We both know how much you loved - well, love - Bella. I saw how much it destroyed you. We can't change who we love. And really, I'm a little more impressed with Bella. She's trying a lot harder and making smarter choices."

I nodded, not really wanting to discuss Bella. My feelings were so mixed up I knew I wouldn't be able to explain it without sounding like an idiot.

"Quil did manage to score a lay," Embry added, lightening the mood and giving me a wicked grin.

I laughed. "And who was that?"

"You remember Sarah from the Makah rez? She came to one of the bonfires one night."

I shook my head. "He didn't fall for her or anything did he?"

"Nah," Embry chuckled. "He was pretty much like us with our first time. We just desperately wanted to rid ourselves of that status and become _men._ "

I snorted. "Yeah, we became men all right."

When we were ready to go, Quil was armed with Alyssa's phone number and a huge smile on his face. I slapped his back as we walked back to my apartment. "Dude, she was into you. I could tell."

"Yeah, after you turned her down," he said, his smile dimming slightly for just a second.

"Aw, man, come on. She was just misguided," Embry said lightly, giving me a punch in the arm. "She couldn't take her eyes off you after you two started talking. And she was fucking cute."

Quil grinned again as we headed upstairs.

"Why don't you two crash here for tonight? It's too long of a drive and it's kind of late," I suggested. They agreed and made use of the sofa and the one extra twin bed.

I brushed my teeth and dropped down onto my bed with a sigh. It creaked as I rolled over to stare out the window. The gift I had given Bella was a reminder to me as well; that I needed to adjust to some changes and be there for my friends and family in a way I hadn't been for awhile.

They deserved more from me, more than the half of a man I was. And I planned to try and give them that.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

I brushed my fingers over the little carved leaf that now dangled from the bracelet Jake had given me back before I married Edward and left home. It was so detailed. Jake had such skill with his hands. I felt the beginnings of a blush as my mind drifted to different things Jake could try with those talented hands.

Ever since that second kiss and the footsie under the table, I couldn't stop thinking about him. My mind would randomly drift to wondering how it would feel to have Jake's body pressing me down into bed, the brush of his hair over my chest, and the span of his hands over my back…

Shaking my head, I tried to dislodge my thoughts. It was my first work day - well, my orientation - and I did not need to be thinking about Jake's naked body. When I got to the office, I reported to Mrs. Hart. She would be showing me the ropes.

"Ms. Swan, it's nice to meet you," she said briskly, shaking my hand. "I'm sorry I don't have more time to spend with you, but the office is very busy. I'm going to take you around, show you where everything is, introduce you to the people you'll need to know since you'll be working with them as a team, and I will leave you with samples and articles that were written in the past by the previous woman who had this job."

"That should give you an idea of where we'll need you to start," she finished, her voice brisk.

I nodded, trying to take it all in as she showed me everything and introduced me to everyone. She led me to a little cubicle that would be mine, and I spent some time getting it set up and having the computer hooked up. I was also given a company-issued laptop, so I could work from home if need be. Lunch time came quickly, and I headed down to the cafeteria to order a half a sandwich and an apple.

Since it wasn't raining, I sat in the outside area that was for employees to eat my lunch. A woman close to my age with long, straight black hair and another woman a bit older with a short, blonde bob sat down at the table, too.

"Hey, I'm Chastity," the black-haired woman said with a smile. "You're the new girl. Isabella, right?"

I smiled back. "Yes, but I usually go by Bella. It's nice to meet you."

The other woman introduced herself as Maggie. "So, do you live nearby?" Chastity asked taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Not too far," I said. "I'm living with my father currently in Forks until I can find an affordable apartment. I moved back into the area not long ago, and I want to make sure we're both settled enough before I make the move."

"That's nice of you," Maggie commented. "Where were you living?"

"Alaska," I murmured. Suddenly, I didn't feel quite so confident or comfortable anymore.

Chastity seemed to take notice and changed the subject. They informed me of who to avoid, the type of workload I would get since they knew the person who had the job before me, and where to get better sandwiches.

"Hey, good luck, Bella," Chastity said crumbling up her trash. "If you need help, you can ask us."

I followed them back inside and thanked them, happy that I had met two nice people on the first day, especially after I got back to my desk and saw one of the cubicle-dwellers give me a cold look. It didn't look like everyone was going to be nice. I was given old back-issue papers with the order to read through them to have a better understanding of what I would be writing.

The day had gone pretty fast, and it was still before dinner time, so I decided to take down the two trays of lasagna I had made. It was for the whole pack, but deep down I knew it was mainly because I just wanted to see Jake again. I hadn't talked to him since the night of my birthday dinner, though I had left him a message thanking him for the gift.

So, I packed up the lasagnas and changed into jeans and a dark green tank-top with straps that criss-crossed over my back. I gave my hair a quick brush, perused myself before adding a little bit of lip gloss, and drove to the rez. They guys were still hard at work, so I took the trays inside Billy's house. Billy was at the table, carving, and he looked up and gave me a small smile.

"You come bearing food? That will make the guys happy," he said. "I wonder if I'll get a piece."

I laughed. "I'll make sure to tell Jake that you get the first piece."

He stayed quiet while I preheated the oven. "Do you happen to have any salad?" I asked.

"Actually, we do. Jake has been making me eat even healthier lately."

I found what I needed and got the salad ready and put the lasagna in the oven. Billy's head was bent over his work, but I hesitated. "Billy?" I said quietly.

When he looked up at me, I just blurted it out. "I'm not sure what you even think of me because of what happened, but I just wanted to say that I really am here to stay. This is my life now; there is no chance of me going back to… them. I should have listened to your warnings and kept my distance right from the beginning. I just wanted you to… know that," I said, trailing off, and feeling silly.

Billy watched me calmly until I started to feel kind of twitchy. He was a man of few words and even less expressions of emotion, which made it hard to gauge what he was thinking. Biting my lip, I tried to maintain eye contact.

He nodded suddenly. "I can see that. And I'm glad you're back."

Apparently, that was all he had to say, but the small smile curving his broad lips made me feel better. Billy didn't say much, but he was showing me he accepted that and had forgiven me in some way, too, for what happened with Jacob.

"Thank you," I whispered before heading outside.

I glanced up and froze briefly. Lila was here? She was standing over by the basic structure of the school, a camera in hand, and talking to Jake. What was going on? My stomach suddenly felt sick.

Embry came up behind me. "Bella, it's not…"

I just nodded briefly at him, knowing he was going to say it wasn't what it looked like. It probably wasn't, but seeing them talking, and Jake smiling made me wonder if Jake could have been happier without me. Swallowing hard, I mustered a small smile for Embry and hurried toward my truck. The guys had caught the scent and were all waving at me, calling out their thanks, which brought Jake's attention to me.

Our eyes locked briefly. I gave him a quick and most likely painful grin and opened the truck door. Lila had just left, and Jake jogged over to me before I could follow.

"Bella," he sighed. "I know what you're thinking…"

"We're not together," I said softly, the knife twisting deeper into my heart. "Maybe I should do the right thing and tell you its okay to choose whoever you want. I've put you through enough. You might need someone who's better for you. That's the right thing to do."

"Bella, stop being so damn noble. I had made a promise to Lila that she could keep documenting this project. She's a good person and was here to cover the beginning stages. I would have warned you, but I didn't realize you were coming."

I nodded, though I still felt off-balance.

He set my world into a tailspin by pinning me against the truck and kissing me. It was a hungry kiss, and he tasted of sun and sweat, of pine and something that just made me think of him. His mouth angled over mine, demanding access, and I couldn't stop myself from opening to him.

His eyes remained open and on mine, so I did the same. His fingers grazed the skin bared between the straps of my tank-top as he nipped my lower lip. I moaned when he pulled away, though his lips went to my throat. He gave the skin there another quick nip before moving away.

"We'll talk later," he said, his voice husky and frustrated.

I drove home in a daze. I watched a little television with Charlie and we ate dinner. I was feeling confused and a bit morose even with Jake's explanation, so it was a good distraction. Charlie was covering the night shift for someone, so after he left, I headed upstairs to shower and change into thin, gray sweats and a worn blue tank-top. Downstairs, I made myself a cup of tea, figuring I would read a little before going to bed, when there was a knock on the door.

It was Jake.

My heart thundered in my chest as he deliberately stepped inside and shut the door. "I know you're still wondering and worrying. Well, so am I," he said, his tone annoyed.

"What about?" I responded, feeling my hackles rise. Why this always happened was confusing. We could be nice, almost friends again, except for when this type of conversation came up.

"Be honest," he stressed. "Why the hell did you leave Edward?"

Immediately irritated, I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't want to do this now."

"Well, too bad," he snapped. "You owe me that. We obviously have some unresolved issues between us, yet we like to make-out, and I want to fucking know the answer."

"It's confusing," I said coldly, feeling my hands begin to tremble.

"So make it less confusing. _Tell me,_ " he growled.

"Because I'm in love with you!" I yelled.

It was instantaneous. I felt exposed and vulnerable, like a raw nerve. He could hurt me so much now, and I was terrified. Our lives were different, _we_ were different, and now I admitted it after such a failed attempt at a relationship before… and I didn't know what to do.

I was shaking now, fear of him having this knowledge and not knowing what he would do was imprinted in every line of my body, but then suddenly I felt Jake's warmth.

He was carrying me upstairs.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN: Nice place to leave it, huh? ;o) Even with what's happening, it doesn't mean everything is going to be all sunny, though! There is still stuff unsaid.**


	12. Temptations

If only I could hold you every day  
I could undertake a larger mission  
I know that you and I is hard to say  
But broken pieces can be whole again  
I believe in a world that can take you high  
I believe in a thought that can touch the sky  
I believe in peace and harmony  
I believe that you belong to me

**Ra - "I Believe Again"**

* * *

My body was on fire.

Jake's touch was igniting it, and I was helpless to stop it. And I didn't want it to stop. The cool touch of the wall on my back was doing nothing for the heat against the front of me. His mouth was so warm; soft, yet unyielding. The feel of his tongue sinuously moving against mine was intoxicating. The strength in the lines of his body was exciting.

His big hands were cupping my backside, holding me up, kneading me and setting off a streak of pleasure that made me throb for him. His mouth moved away from mine, and I nearly whimpered, but then he began nipping a trail along my jaw, down my neck, until his mouth was hovering over the neckline of my worn tank top.

I had expected - well, I wasn't sure what I was expecting - but when his lips brushed over my nipple through my tank top, I _did_ whimper. My fingers tightened in his hair, wanting more. He pulled away, though, but before I could complain, he deposited me on the bed. Our eyes met briefly; there was a storm in his. The lust was unmistakable, though. He wanted me as much as I wanted him.

I arched my back, watching as his eyes zeroed in on my breasts again. There was no shyness, no hesitation, and I wanted him to look at me. It didn't matter that I thought my breasts were too small, that I wasn't as beautiful as other women, and that Lila had been with Jake first. This moment made it seem so insignificant when the boy I loved turned into the man I wanted heart and soul. He knew me, saw me, and I felt like the most beautiful woman alive under his gaze.

It happened quickly. Before I knew it, he had my nipple between his lips without even removing my shirt. It didn't dim the sensation, though, and I gasped at the wet warmth tugging and suckling at my breast.

My hands moved of their own volition and began tugging at his shirt, desperate to feel his warm skin against mine. He shifted back slightly, allowing me to pull it up, and he disposed of it quickly. When he settled between my thighs, my hips rose automatically, seeking him.

Jake's fingers trailed slowly down my sides, driving me crazy. He reached the waistline of my pants, and after a brief hesitation, his hand dipped below. We were both being very quiet, but I couldn't help moaning a little when he zeroed in on my clit.

"Ohhh," I couldn't help gasping, the word lengthening on a whoosh of breath as he pinched.

His other fingers - such long fingers - slid deep inside me.

My hips pushed toward his hand, wanting more. I had never felt such a build-up of heat, and I pulsed around his fingers. His face, always so beautiful, was tilted downward, and I wanted his lips on mine. Hesitantly, I reached out to touch his jaw; such a tense jaw.

Stroking along his face, I tangled my fingers in his hair, urging him back to me. His eyes were clouded with lust, much like my own, as his lips settled against mine. I kissed him with all the pent-up emotion I had been feeling. My tongue traced the line of his lips, nipping at the lower one as he continued to work his fingers inside me.

Basking in his touch, the feel of his mouth against mine, was even better than I had imagined. His skin was so smooth to the touch and the feel of his weight on top of me was just right. He wasn't holding back, trying to keep from crushing me, and it was so much more freeing and pleasurable.

There was a tightening in my lower belly, and my fingernails scraped down Jake's chest lightly as my breathing grew heavier yet. It was so close, and I reached down and found the bulge in his pants was hard and pressed against my leg. With an enthusiastic rub, he gave a small grunt. Just hearing him make noise was enough for me, and I felt my orgasm sweep over me, and my inner walls clench around his fingers.

My throat was dry as I stared up at the ceiling, a little dazed, a little sweaty, and a lot thrilled. When I looked over at Jake, though, I felt a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. He didn't look annoyed with me, but his eyes held uncertainty. I had wanted so much more; wanted to make him feel good, to show him as well as tell him that I loved him, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

"I… should go," he murmured quietly.

"Jake, wait. I don't want you to…"

His eyes met mine, dark brows furrowed, and he gave a small sigh. "I'm not sure I want to either, but I don't think this should happen yet. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

He didn't really wait for an answer as he pulled his shirt back on, but I gave him one before he left the room. I knew I couldn't push him to be okay, but I could let him know I would deal with this and wait for him. "I'll always wait," I told him quietly. He paused, and I could see the lust still there mixed with the uncertainty, as he registered my words. He nodded, understanding what I was saying.

And then I was left alone in my bed yet again, wishing I knew the right thing to say.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

I leaned my forehead against the shower wall, my dick still throbbing in my hand. With a sigh, I pulled back, washing the remnants of my pleasure down the drain. It had been painful to leave Bella in her bed, her body eagerly moving against mine, and just go home. What the fuck was wrong with me?

It had been a long time coming, and I wanted her so damn much, but how could we do this when we had so much trouble talking to each other? The hurt ran deep, but the fact that she didn't talk to me about what went on and I wasn't talking to her about what I went through, was something that held me back. And as much as I wanted her, I just couldn't go through with it. My resolve had weakened when I saw the look on her face, though. She had looked so beautiful lying in her bed; so soft and welcoming. I wanted to wrap myself around her, bury myself inside her, and hold her and never let go.

Her body had felt incredible against mine, and it had taken a hell of a lot of willpower to pull away from her. She had admitted she was in love with me - and that had relieved and thrilled me all at once - and she was looking at me, nearly begging me with her eyes to take more from her.

God, I wanted to.

Dad was sitting at the kitchen table, still carving, when I came out. I poured him a glass of water and gave him his medication. He watched me as he swallowed them. When he finished, he gave me a curious look.

"You look like something has happened."

I shrugged. While I was pretty comfortable talking to my dad, this was something that was just a little too uncomfortable to talk about.

"Am I correct in saying that you and Bella slept together?"

I always managed to forget how damn good he was at reading me, Becca, and Rachel. It was creepy and made it hard to hide anything from him. He had always been that way; quiet and perceptive.

I turned away, feeling sort of foolish, because I felt my face warm a little bit. _You're an adult, act like one._

"No, we haven't," I said, not offering anything else.

"But you did _something_ ," he persisted.

Rolling my eyes before I turned around, I added, "I suppose you could say that."

He chuckled. "I know it's painful, but it might actually help to talk about it a little. I do know what sex is, son, otherwise you wouldn't be here. I know it has been awhile for me, but I'm not stupid. And it's not like I want details."

I sighed, torn between annoyance, mortification, and laughter.

He gave me what he considered a winning smile, and I did laugh then. "Fine. Yes. But I didn't go through with it."

"What, you couldn't get it up?" he asked with mock concern.

Thank God my blush didn't show up much because of my skin coloring. I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help a snort of laughter despite the type of conversation he was forcing me into.

"Hardly," I mocked back. "Not an area I have difficulty in," I added, surprising myself.

Billy laughed outright then. "I take it you've, uh, been intimate before. I assumed so, but as you know, it's not a subject I felt comfortable broaching with you."

"Since you already know the answer, I won't bother answering that question," I told him. I sat down with a can of coke and raised an eyebrow at him, feeling a smidgen better when I saw the faint redness on Billy's cheeks as well.

He chuckled. "Fair enough. So, what happened? Condensed version please."

I snorted. "I, uh, found out how she feels about me. It was… really good to hear. We seem to have trouble talking about what we went through, though. She's not telling me everything, and I don't feel we should be intimate if we can't be honest with each other."

Billy pondered that. "You're pretty smart, Jake. It's definitely good to be honest with each other before furthering a relationship, and I'm impressed you have control over what you wanted to do; not many guys your age think like that."

I stared out the window, not sure what to say. It wasn't easy admitting that I really didn't want to stop. Billy probably knew that. It wasn't something that needed to be said, plus I was already embarrassed enough.

"She's trying," Billy said seriously. "I can see she's changed and that she really wants to do the right thing. And I also understand how you're feeling. You both need to cut each other a little slack. I know it's hard."

I nodded. "I know. Every time I'm with her, I feel frustrated about the situation and then get irritated when she clams up. Apparently, I'm not over what happened."

Billy sighed. "Yeah, it's a rough situation. Just remember she came back, though, and she stayed even when it wasn't easy."

I got up as he rolled his chair back from the table. He winced slightly, and I frowned, all thoughts of our conversation and my embarrassment forgotten. "Dad, what is it? You haven't been feeling right lately."

He looked worried briefly, but then his face smoothed out. "Nothing. It's not a big deal."

I took hold of his chair as he began to roll toward the hall. "I don't think so. You make me spill my guts, so I think you can do the same. What's going on?"

He pursed his lips, but answered. "I haven't been feeling right. I've been having some pain in my chest, arms, and back."

"Dammit, Dad," I said, angry immediately as fear squeezed my heart. "You need to tell me, Rach, or the doctor this stuff!"

He gave me a look. "When we went to the doctor, he took the necessary vitals. My heart is okay."

"That's all well and good, but you need to tell him anything out of the ordinary. I know it's scary; hell, all three of us have been worried just like you at certain times. You need to tell us this stuff. We're going to the doctor as soon as he can get you in."

"Yes, sir," he said with a mock salute, but sighed when I didn't budge. "Okay, fine. I know I should have told him, but I was…"

He trailed off. It was the common affliction among men. We were scared, but it wasn't easy to admit. I knew how that went.

"I understand," I said a little more gently. "But it could just be something easy enough to change so you feel better. It'll give us both peace of mind. I need that," I added, being honest, and also knowing that was what would get him to the doctor.

"Okay," he said quietly. "I'll make an appointment."

I lifted him out of his chair when we got to his bedroom and helped him get settled. When he was comfortable, I went to my room, and lay with my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling. There was too much to worry about already, and I needed to know Billy would be okay.

It was nearly a week after Bella and I had our encounter until we saw each other again. Quil called me Saturday morning as I stared bleary-eyed at nothing while drinking a coke. It had been a long week, and I'd been thinking too much about my dad, about Bella, and about work on this school to really get a good night's sleep. At least we had an appointment the following Monday for my dad to find out what was going on.

Quil sounded annoyingly chipper. "Hey man, you want to come down to the beach for a bonfire tonight? We haven't had one in awhile, and we just decided last night we needed to have another."

I grunted out a yes and he snickered.

"Late night?"

"Not that kind," I muttered irritably. Trying to swallow some of my crankiness, I asked, "You hear from Alyssa? I've been meaning to ask."

"Yeah," he said, sounding really happy about that. "We're going to meet up tomorrow night actually halfway between Forks and Port Angeles for dinner."

I smiled, feeling myself relax a little. "Good. I think she's worth getting to know."

"Thanks, man," he said happily. "Oh, and I really hope you don't mind, but Bella is going to stop by the bonfire tonight, too. I know things have been a little, uh, tough for you two, but I ran into her at the store when I was getting some supplies."

I paused, feeling my heart kick up a notch. Seeing Bella was a good and bad idea. I wanted to see her anyway even if it wasn't a good idea. "It's okay," was all I said.

"She seemed a little down," he continued. "I'm not sure why, but she seemed glad for the invitation. She really does seem to be trying."

I closed my eyes and told myself to remain patient. She wanted to see me. That was good, right? It was what I had always wanted; Bella to tell me she was in love with me, but I wasn't expecting to try and resist her because of all the other issues between us. I wasn't sure how long I could hold out if we didn't try to rectify the problems.

"It's okay, Quil. There was some… stuff that went on. It's nothing bad really, but maybe a little confusing. We need to work it out, but I don't have a problem with her being there."

"Hmm," was Quil's response. "Even though it isn't a very manly thing to say, you know you can tell me. Just don't tell anyone I said that."

I snickered. "Whatever, man. I'll talk to you later tonight."

I kept myself busy until it was time to leave for La Push. When I got there, I could see the bonfire already going and a crowd gathered around it.

"Hey man," Jared said. "Grab a hot dog and a cold one."

It sounded really good, so I did just that. "I didn't get a chance, but I wanted to say thanks for getting us hooked up with this school project," Sam said. "It's really been a big help to have the extra cash flow. Emily and I have been talking about having a baby, so you know…"

"Hey, that's great," I said. "And no problem. The extra help has been what we needed."

Quil and Embry had drifted over our way, and we were discussing the school when abruptly Paul said, "Seriously? Who invited the leech lover?"

A low growl in my throat, I turned to stare at Paul. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Bella a good distance away. She probably hadn't heard anything.

"I did, so get over it," Quil commented.

"Dude, she's the reason this asshat left us. She's the one who married and was boinking that icy son-of-a-bitch and she's the one who came back and turned Jake into a moony, whiny…"

The growl grew louder, and I drew my fist back and hit Paul in the nose. A snarl of anger erupted from Paul, but Sam clamped his arms behind his back. "You deserved it," he muttered. "We've moved on, Paul, so should you."

"You're such a fucking idiot, Paul," Embry muttered. "We're men, not little girls that hold grudges. You diss Jake again, I'll punch you after he does."

Paul was pissed, but he backed off, just in time as Bella and Leah showed up. "Hey, losers," Leah greeted cheerfully, high-fiving Embry.

I laughed. Leah certainly was one of a kind. A couple people from the Makah reservation had drifted down to the bonfire, too, but all of that drifted away as Bella smiled at me. She had steadily been losing some of the shadowed sadness in her eyes, and she looked almost happy again. Her hair had some of the curl back in it and she had it knotted loosely just above the nape of her neck.

She wore some kind of emerald top that was a bit clingy; and quite a bit distracting. Though she wore her standard jeans and a pair of sandals, she looked really pretty.

"Hey, Jake," she said, coming over to me. There was no hesitation, no shyness, just a curious look in her eye. And if I wasn't mistaken, she looked me over almost hungrily. Well, that was new.

"Bella," I said.

She looped her arm casually through mine as we joined the group again.

  
*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

Even while we talked and ate, Jake's eyes kept meeting mine. I was surprised how much I wanted him. Sex had been an enjoyable thing for me, but I had never lusted like this over Edward or anyone like I currently was with Jake. His russet skin glowed in the firelight, and I could see his muscles rippling even under his worn t-shirt. Black hair was scraped back into a short ponytail. It wasn't as long as it used to be, but I liked it on the longer side.

When I thought about his hands on me that night, I felt a shiver of anticipation work its way up my spine.

Everyone was sitting down chatting now, so I wandered down the beach a little, to dip my feet into the water. It wasn't quite icy, but it was pretty close. I stayed there, feeling the need to cool off.

Jake was behind me. I could feel his heat even before I saw him. When I turned to face him, I could still see how he held back around me. It was ridiculous. We needed to talk. As much as I didn't want to talk about Alaska, I needed to tell him something.

"They treated me like a princess," I said quietly.

I could feel his eyes on me now; feel the weight of judgment under that stare.

"I hated it. I never liked being coddled over, dressed up like I was a human doll, or feeling smothered and unable to contact anyone I loved," I said, kicking up a little spray of ocean water.

"At first, it was good. I was in love with Edward and kept telling myself that I had made the right choice. I was in school, I had made some friends, and even with the restrictions, I was mostly okay with it."

"The right choice…" he muttered.

I gave him a look. "Yes. But you were never far from my mind. I thought I would eventually move on and get over it, and I could start my life with Edward. Or unlife as the case may be. I wanted to consummate our marriage, but Edward was so reluctant that I was getting angry. When we, uh, finally did… I was scared because he was so single-minded and tried to impress upon me how dangerous it was. He was never a threat, but he wanted me to see the risk before we actually did it. It really had scared me, but I pushed that aside and went through with it."

Jake's face went from remote to hot and angry. "Are you fucking joking? He tried to scare you, to make you feel like that because of what you wanted? If that asshole was here right now…" he threatened.

A few tears trailed down my cheeks at the memory.

"He… apologized afterward. It was part of his nature, and it was part of him trying to make me understand his hesitation. We got over it and it was fine. But he wouldn't try certain things, you know… and it, um, made things tough sometimes."

My cheeks were hot as the tears continued.

"I kept thinking about you," I choked out. "How if I had given you a chance, it would have been so different, how you wouldn't have held back…"

His hand was on the nape of my neck, fingers sliding through my hair. "No, I wouldn't have," he said in a husky whisper. "I would have done every little thing you wanted and made you feel _so damn good_."

My thighs squeezed together, but he backed off slightly.

My voice was shaking when I continued. "It took me a little while, but I began to realize being a vampire wasn't what I wanted, and I couldn't get you out of my mind. Edward and I had a blow up when he realized that; it was the first time I've ever seen him angry. And then the Volturi found out I still wasn't changed and that was when they helped stage my death."

"I understand you were going through a lot," Jake admitted. "I've come to realize that, but to think of the lengths you went, not thinking me or Charlie would find out is hard to reconcile." His voice was bordering on hurt and frustration again, igniting my already tenuous feelings at all that I was admitting.

"And you know that I would never have willingly hurt you or my dad, Jacob Black," I said through clenched teeth. "And I _called_ you. I wasn't going to admit this to you, but even after our stilted conversations previously, I called you because I wanted my best friend to come and help me."

The tears started again. "You never answered."

He turned to me, shock on his face. "Bella, I had never heard my phone. I had seen later that you had called, but there was no message. I had no _idea_! You seriously can't blame me for this… I mean, hell, Bella… I was hurt and trying to move on and talking to you made it so much harder!" His voice was close to angry again.

"No, Jake, no," I said hurriedly. "I never blamed you for that. Please know that. I swear to you that isn't the case. I understand how much I hurt you; it was just a last-ditch effort. And I didn't have time to leave a message or elaborate. There were too many ears that could hear me. Never once did I blame you for not answering."

He relaxed a little, but still looked agitated.

"Where the hell do we go from here?" I asked bitterly through my tears.

He leaned in, examined me briefly, and then kissed me. His mouth was hot, his hands rough, as he palmed and squeezed my breast. My back arched and I gasped at his touch. "Let's go," he ordered.

"Charlie is still on nights," I said and with that, he led me back around everyone at the bonfire, and drove me home. He was speeding, and I couldn't stop touching him the whole way. His thigh muscles bunched when I slid my hand over the expanse of his leg, my fingers dangerously close to the bulge that fascinated me.

My fingers had just brushed over him daringly when he slammed on the brakes in front of the house. He yanked me on top of him, my elbow bumping the horn, and he bit down at the sensitive spot between my neck and shoulder.

I cried out, pulling at his hair, wanting to feel his naked body against mine. It felt like I had been waiting a lifetime. Our noses bumped, I could barely breathe, but I didn't want to break the kiss.

"Take me inside," I gasped, nipping his ear.

He shoved the truck door open and we kissed our way up the sidewalk to the front door. His tongue was doing wonderful things to my mouth, and I struggled to unlock the door. Again we found ourselves hurrying up the steps, Jake backing me against the wall and lifting me at the top of the steps. My legs wound around his waist as my hands dipped down into his jeans. His firm backside was under my palms and he made a soft sound in his throat.

He backed up to look at me, eyes betraying a jumbled mess of emotions.

I lightly nuzzled his cheek, feeling the start of stubble, and knew this was going to happen. We had made some headway, though things weren't perfect yet, but I didn't want to wait anymore and it didn't look as if he wanted to either.

"I want you," I whispered.

As he shoved open my bedroom door, I felt a zip of excitement shoot through me. I was finally going to make love to my best friend.

  
*~*~*

 

**AN: I know, I know! Sorry. ;o) This chapter got a little too long, though I intended to have more at the end, but figured it would be better in the next chapter and not as rushed.**


	13. Make It Last Forever

Is this a lasting treasure  
Or just a moment's pleasure?  
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?  
Will you still love me tomorrow?  
Tonight with words unspoken  
And you say that I'm the only one  
But will my heart be broken  
When the night meets the morning star?

**Lykke Li - "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow"**

***Because I love this song, I urge you to check out Lykke Li's rendition! It's beautiful. Be sure to check out AN below.***

* * *

"I want you… just you… only you…"

The words spilled from my lips and echoed around the room as Jake hovered above me, bracing his weight on his arms. His teeth had captured my earlobe and I didn't realize until right then how sexy it was to have your ear nibbled on. When his tongue tickled behind my ear, working his way back to my throat, a steady throb had taken up residence between my thighs.

Jake's back was smooth to the touch, warm, and I could feel the muscles flexing. It excited me more to feel the strength in him.

Our mouths met again, while my hands worked at his jeans button. His lips angled over mine, and I sighed, stroking my tongue against his. The feel of his tongue filling my mouth was intoxicating and made me think of other areas being filled.

Jake's jeans were finally undone and pushed partially down, but before I could explore, he caught my wrists in his hands. I started to protest, but he pinned them over my head, and the look in his eyes stilled me. They were filled to the brim with lust, need, and a bit of frustration. His mouth descended on my throat again where he sucked hard on the sensitive skin, his hips thrusting forward to rub against me right where I wanted it.

My body - amazingly - felt even hotter. "There, right there," I pleaded, giving up any pretense of calm or cool collection. I wanted it all.

When his hips moved again, I pushed up to feel even more. I needed to feel more of him. He released my hands to grasp the bottom of my shirt and in one fast movement he had yanked it over my head. He leaned down to trace his tongue over the line of my cleavage, and I felt my nipples harden instantaneously.

He took his time tasting, but it was driving me nuts.

"Jake, more," I pleaded.

One fast tug and he ripped my bra off of me. His eyes were fiercer than ever as they met mine. It didn't even matter that it might have been torn. His lips latched on and tugged at my nipple, rough in his touch and taste.

I took advantage of the freedom of my hands. My fingers trailed the length of his back, moving back up to tangle into his hair. It wasn't as long as it used to be, but it was long enough to twine my fingers in. Holding tightly, I urged him back to my breasts. He squeezed them in his big hands, tugging at my nipple with his teeth, making me cry out in ecstasy.

My body was on fire, my legs were shaking. I wrapped my legs around his waist, not caring at the moment if we were still partially clothed. There was an aching and throbbing feeling in me and this way I could press myself against him.

When he gave one long, last swipe of his tongue over my taut nipples, I moaned softly. My breasts felt tender from his touch, though it was quickly forgotten as he unwound my legs to pull the rest of my clothes off. His eyes finally really took me in fully naked, sprawled on my bed, my body aching for him, and I felt the first hint of a blush.

I loved how he looked at me. It was with such raw, hungry passion.

I felt beautiful, desirable, and like an unstoppable sexual force under his gaze. I sat up, keeping my eyes on his despite my embarrassment and tugged at his jeans. His mouth quirked slightly, while he helped me dispose of the rest of his clothes. I felt a throb deep inside when my eyes landed on his very exposed, very hard length. It was a little nerve-wracking; he was quite large.

A bit hesitantly, I reached out and stroked the tip of my finger up his shaft. His body quaked slightly, and I grew bolder as I curled my fingers around the thick length of him. He traced a pattern on the inside of my thigh, moving up to brush slightly over the sensitive nub between my thighs, and back down where he lifted my leg up over his shoulder.

My eyes widened as he pushed the other leg wider open, spreading me even further.

"Are you on the pill?" His voice was hard and husky.

When I nodded, he lifted my backside, and I felt the press of him against me. With one quick, hard thrust, he sheathed himself inside me. I cried out at just how much he filled me, my stomach quivering from excitement.

His eyes were locked on where we were joined. "So pretty," he murmured faintly.

I licked my parched lips. "More, Jake, more… more…"

He pulled back and then his hips surged forward, filling me, completing me. I clawed at the sheets, grasped his tight buttocks to try and pull him even closer, his hair, and cries spilled from my lips as he continued to slam himself into me over and over.

It was hard, it was rough, and it was so damn good.

His breathing was uneven, and I felt his groan as well as heard it. He suckled at my nipples until I begged him to kiss me. My leg was going numb, my behind would probably have brush burns, and my head board was banging loudly against the wall. And I loved it.

His lips found mine, and while his thrusting was intense, his mouth was almost gentle. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth repeatedly, teasing me, until he finally sank it just as deep as he sank his length inside me.

My inner walls clenched, while my back arched, and I gave a muffled scream against his mouth as my body shuddered with release.

The orgasm was so strong I felt weak immediately after, but he began to thrust even harder, sending me higher as his body brushed against that little nub of flesh.

"Shit," he gasped. "You feel so good… oh my God, Bella…"

I gripped his hair, cradling his face against my breasts, while he gave a small cry and shuddered out his release. My own body rippled with another small orgasm.

We lay there, and I felt very nearly stunned. His breath whooshed softly over my chest, and I felt his lips brush my breasts in a soft kiss. My body continued to throb from pleasure, and I couldn't believe how damn good at this he was. I whimpered as he pulled out of me, not wanting to lose the feeling, but he stretched out next to me. His hand idly stroked my hip.

I wanted to say something, to hear him say something, but I couldn't make my tongue work and my eyelids felt so heavy…

I was still half-asleep, but my body was humming with pleasure. Confused, I didn't know what to think at first. Then it dawned on me what was going on when I felt a hand between my thighs, rubbing and stroking in all the right spots, and I gasped.

I arched into Jake's hand, his fingers sliding deep inside me, gently stretching them, before he pulled them back out. I was lying on my side, so I reached behind me, sliding my hand around his neck. He hooked a hand under my knee, pulling my leg up and back to drape over his hip.

His hand cupped my jaw, turning my head slightly, and I felt his tongue slide into my mouth. Still not fully awake, I succumbed to his hungry kiss, and thrust my behind back against him. He obliged with another fast thrust, and I moaned against his mouth as he began a steady rhythm.

"Ohhhh," I gasped as his other hand laced with mine, bringing them both down between my thighs.

His fingers stroked me just as my own did, making me cry out, and wishing he could go even deeper. His mouth was still playing with mine, and he sucked lightly on my lower lip. We both listened to the wet suction and slapping sound of our bodies connecting. It had heat racing through my body until I was spasming in his arms, wreathed in aching pleasure, feeling his body jerk against mine as he came.

My breathing was choppy, but being curled into Jake, I relaxed back into sleep.

  
*~*~*

  
I could hear the rain drumming on the roof the next morning before I was fully awake. My body protested when I stretched. With a yawn, I reached out for Jake, but I came awake when I realized he wasn't there. Uneasy, I sat up, and slid out of bed. I grabbed my robe and padded out of my room. Charlie's door was closed, there was no one in the bathroom, and feeling my heart sink, I realized he was nowhere in the house.

My body throbbed everywhere as I headed back to my room. Glancing in the mirror, I pulled opened my bathrobe. My eyes widened and I gaped at myself. My breasts felt tender and they were scraped by what must have been Jake's stubble. There was a hickey on my neck, on my inner thigh, a little black and blue mark near my shoulder and red, scraped areas.

"Damn," I whispered. Jake had left a mark - well, several - on me.

And I wanted more.

I wouldn't compare past experiences with the one I had last night, but I knew how much I had enjoyed not being treated like a fragile piece of glass. That and the noticeable difference was the heat. I wasn't cold last night in the slightest; that was new. And I had come twice.

Still wondering why Jake had left, I turned back to my bed, flashes of warm, russet skin, big hands, and thrusting hips on my mind. It was then that I saw the piece of paper laying on the night stand. I opened it and read:

_Bella,_

_Sorry to leave so early, but I needed to clear my head and think. Just give me a little time, ok?_

_Love,_

_Jake_

That worried me, even though the word love was there, because I wanted him to know how much I loved him. I had thought he knew that already. There was even some knowledge there that he loved meas well. Sighing, I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling worried and restless. It took everything in me to not go rushing down to La Push to find him. If he needed a little time, I would give it to him; though I wasn't giving him any more than a few days to think about this.

Downstairs, I stuck a pop tart in the toaster and made coffee. After I ate, I showered, wincing as the warm water sluiced over bruises and scrapes. As I washed, I bit my lip and winced as I carefully cleaned myself. My body was feeling the after-effects of some pretty eager sex. I dressed and called Leah.

"Do you feel like going to a movie or something?" I asked when she answered. "I kind of want to get out of the house for awhile."

She agreed and came to pick me up. Once I got in, she turned and pointed straight-armed at me. "You!" she crowed.

I stared at her, wondering about her mental state, before she continued. "You had sex, Isabella Swan! With Jacob!"

Of course she would know. I couldn't seem to do anything without Leah knowing.

"Nasty, dirty sex," she added.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Shut up, Leah, and drive."

She snickered as she pulled away from the house. "Fess up, Swan."

"I did. So what? That wouldn't be any of your business now, would it? Anyway, how do you even know?"

"It's an unfortunate side-effect of having been a wolf with acute senses. I can smell too easily."

I cringed away from her, feeling more than a bit mortified. "That's disgusting. I showered."

She barked out a laugh. "Tell me about it. Believe me; I don't want to be able to smell you after doing the dirty deed. Shower and all, it doesn't erase it all. I think it's some kind of weird wolf-smell-connection thing, too."

I made a face at her. "Gross. You're connected to Jake and the rest so much that you can smell… well…"

She snickered, so I added, "Just stop talking about it. I'm not sure I want to be friends with you anymore."

Laughing, she opened the windows. "Then I won't tell you that I can still faintly see that hickey you got, too. Anyway, there, that's better. Now spill!"

I examined myself quickly, making her laugh more. While she drove, and appropriately enough Trent Reznor belted out "I want to fuck you like an animal" in the background, I gave her the brief description along with finding the note.

"Oh shit," she sighed. "He gave you the kiss off after a night of wild, passionate monkey sex?"

I raised an eyebrow at her description. "Yes. I'm giving him a few days, but then I need to talk to him."

She nodded enthusiastically, swerving around someone daring to drive sixty mph on the freeway, making me clutch the handle of the door. "Yeah, don't let it go too long. I know he's having trouble dealing with everything that happened and his feelings right now, but he wouldn't have done it if he didn't love you," she said, uncharacteristically serious.

A bit more relieved, I gave her a half smile. "Thanks. I'm trying not to focus on it too much, so that's good to hear."

"So, you and Jake got it on. It's about time he wielded the mighty sword and gave some love to the fiery furnace!"

I shook my head in disbelief as she pulled into the theater parking lot in Port Angeles. "You read way too many romance novels!"

She snorted. "Please."

We got our popcorn and went in to watch the bloody battle of zombies versus mutants. It was a complete gore-fest, and it made me think of Jake and how this was the type of movie we had seen together what felt like ages ago; when he was happy and made me happy, too. When the last battle ended, with the mutants being victorious and taking over the world, I shoved the last of my popcorn in my mouth.

Leah complained she was hungry as we headed outside into the light drizzle. I gave her a look and said, "You eat as much as the guys do."

"I got lots of energy to burn, though. Might give my booty call a ring later on; work it off."

I laughed. "Spare me the details. Let's go eat."

We stopped at a deli and got sandwiches before Leah dragged me into a lingerie store. She smiled evilly as she nonchalantly browsed around. "Now, let's see what we can find so you can seduce Jake into another round of slap the beaver…"

I examined what she was holding up, making a face. I didn't mind dressing in sexy lingerie, but that was a bit much. "Leah, there's nothing there. It's a strip of fabric. I don't think so," I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

She snickered. "That's the point, Swan. But okay, fine, since you seem to be willing to look, I'll see if I can find something else."

She made me try on one piece of lingerie after the other, though I refused to show her some of them. Plus, I still had the one my mother had sent me, making me feel all flustered again that it came from Renee. Though to be honest, it really wasn't _that_ surprising.

Finally, she found one in pink that was very sexy, and even though it had a thong, it was still a little more modest than some. And it was on the clearance rack for which I was grateful. Jake better come back and make love to me again; otherwise I was going to return this thing. She made a purchase, too, and we headed out to wander around the town since the rain had stopped.

When it was time to head home, we threw our bags in the car, and I leaned my head back on the head rest and closed my eyes, trying not to think about Jake's reaction to me showing up in something sexy and demanding more sex, and thinking of nothing else.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

By the end of the week, I was tired and really just wanted to go back to the peace and quiet of my apartment, but my dad was still feeling poorly, so Friday night I was in my garage working on a neighbor's car. It was to take my mind off of my dad and Bella.

Billy had gone to the doctor on Monday and we had found out he wasn't getting the exercise he could do and needed to do. His muscles were weakening; he was at risk for heart problems, too, though the doctor was glad he was eating better. It had scared my dad, just as it scared me and Rachel.

We had started an exercise regime for him, getting him to lift some weights, to do light twists, and a couple times I would get him out of the chair and help him work his legs. It also helped to move his body in a different way as opposed to being stuck in his chair.

My dad hated this, but he was suffering through it so far. I knew it was difficult for him to have his son doing all this for him, and I didn't like that he felt that way. He had taken care of me growing up, still did in his own way, and knew so damn much about so many things. He was smart and insightful and always had good advice.

I may have to lift him out of his chair and help him a few times, but he was pretty self-sufficient. I made sure to say all that and though he didn't react, I got the feeling he felt better hearing it.

Rachel poked her head into the garage just then. "Hey, little brother," she said lightly. "I was going to head home after checking to see if dad needed anything, and I thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing."

I concentrated on the car, shrugging slightly. "I'm okay. Why?"

She pursed her lips when I finally looked at her. "The fact that you can barely meet my eyes, look tired, and seem really distracted is a big indicator you're brooding."

I gave her a look. "I'm not brooding. I'm tired."

"Look," she said gently. "I won't ask because you don't seem to want to talk about it, but I think it has to do with Bella. Things have improved between you two it seems, at least a bit. Just tell her what you're thinking, okay? She's the one that needs to know."

I glanced over at her. I had pretty much come to that conclusion myself. It had been almost a week since I'd slept with her, hadn't talked to her since, and the memories of that night and the silence was getting to me. We really did need to talk. It wasn't something I was relishing, but it was necessary.

"I know I do, Rach. And I will. Thanks," I said.

She nodded. "Sure, little brother. I'll talk to you later."

After she left, I finished what I was doing and then poked through my drawers looking for a particular tool. My ears caught the sound of Bella's truck pulling up, and I felt my stomach dip.

_Bella's legs were wrapped around my waist, her silky skin free to explore with my mouth._

_Bella's soft, brown eyes met mine and were clouded with lust. My boner was rubbing against her thigh, and she was pleading with me._

Every single bit of it came back to me as I heard her walking toward the garage. The light was glowing, so she knew I was back here. Her pounding heart could be heard a mile away, I thought, as she came into the garage.

"Jake?" Her voice was soft, a little melancholy.

I turned around, meeting her eyes. Her hair was draped over her shoulder in a smooth braid, her mouth glistened with some kind of shiny, lip stuff, and she had her arms crossed over her mid-section looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Bella," I said. I didn't really know what else to say or how to start.

"I'm sorry," I finally said after there was too much silence. "I didn't intend to upset you by leaving, if I did, but I just needed to…"

"Think," she supplied, fiddling with the edges of her coat.

"Yeah, well. I had planned on getting in touch with you anyway. We need to talk."

She ran a hand over the trunk of the car and came around to the side to sit on the arm of the little sofa I had in there.

"I wished you hadn't left," Bella admitted, her cheeks flushing.

It made me feel good to hear that, though I needed to get out what had been bothering me. "I didn't want to," I told her. "All I kept thinking of is how you told me you had wanted it all with me; that you loved me, but in the end he was what you wanted more. All that I had offered, even as just a sixteen-year old, you threw it away."

"Jake," she said, "I'm still young, but I've realized what you mean at eighteen in terms of love is a lot different after you lived life a little and grew older." She looked dejected, her shoulders slumping. "I won't lie to you anymore. In some ways, I did love Edward enough to give you up, but I never stopped thinking about you."

I leaned against the car, knowing it was stupid and couldn't be helped, but still wishing she hadn't loved that damn bloodsucker so much. I had been so sure we were meant for each other.

"I haven't been able to get it to work comfortably for me that I'm your second choice. You came back to me because of your marriage failing. It wasn't a straight up choice that you loved me more, was it? And you're _still_ married. That's not exactly what I want in my life; a wife of another to be mine. What's to say things won't change and you'll go running off with him again anyway?"

Her cheeks had paled as I spoke, and I felt bad for it, but my own stomach was twisted in knots.

"Did it even bother you sleeping with me and knowing you're still married?" he asked.

Tears glistened on her eyelashes. "I'm not that type of person, Jake," she gritted out. "Yes, we slept together, but things are so much more confusing and complicated. I may still be legally married, but my relationship with Edward ended before I ever left."

She sniffled quietly.

"I'm still messed up over this," she pointed out. "I know I made a lot of mistakes, but coming home, sleeping with you… none of those were. I didn't want to be in contact with the Cullen's again. I had to leave there, but I've been thinking of requesting divorce papers. Honestly, I'm not even sure about the legality; I mean he's a vampire. I had married who he had been. Edward Masen. It doesn't make sense to me."

It didn't make a hell of a lot of sense to me either. It didn't seem right that we were taking up when she was married, no matter how much I hated that son of a bitch, but it wasfucking confusing.

"My main concern is you running from there to come back home. I was always your second choice, Bella. That doesn't feel so great."

Her mouth pursed and she absently smoothed her coat down. "Jake, I can't change what I did. More and more I tend to think what I felt for Edward was more obsession than love. There was some love there, but he said in the beginning everything about him drew humans in. That was how they killed."

I cringed.

"What I realized when I was gone was how much I wanted you in my life," she whispered. "I was in love with you then, and I still am." She spread her hands hopelessly. "Don't you feel the same?"

She looked on the verge of tears again. She had shown me her weakness; it was time I did the same.

"Yes," I admitted softly. "I've always loved you. I even loved you when I thought you were dead." My stomach still gave off a ping when I thought of that. "I'm still in love with you, Isabella Swan."

She was crying now.

"It has been hard to trust you again. I know why you did it, so you don't have to keep apologizing, but apparently you were told how bad it was for me. I wouldn't have left your room if Quil and Embry hadn't helped me out. I was lost, Bella. Hell, I still am. I tried moving on, and I managed that in some ways, but something was always missing and in its place was grief."

I leaned over, brushing her tears away. "I'm still working on it, but it's gotten easier. We have to work on it together."

She nodded. She looked so delicate sitting there.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about how much I wanted you to know I love you, and how hard I'm willing to try and regain your trust," she said fervently, looking up with surprising fire in her eyes.

"We can work on this together, like you said. You're willing to try?" She was looking me straight in the eye, though I could still see the fear lurking there.

"I am," I said.

She stood up. "I've also realized just how good it was last weekend. I came to talk to you, but I also came to seduce you."

Surprised, my eyebrows shot up when she pulled her coat off. She kept her gaze on mine as she lifted the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up over her head and unbuttoned her jeans.

My hard-on was instantaneous.

Bella was in a black thong, with a sheer black top that fell to the top of her thighs. It was a v-neck that ended around her stomach and was held together with little strips. I could see plenty of skin and her breasts were barely covered in it. She was mouth-watering.

"You surprise me," I managed to say. This Bella was a little more insatiable than I imagined, but I knew I would enjoy.

She moved closer to me, and I brushed a finger over the silky material. "I liked making love you," she said, her blush creeping back. "I want you again."

I moved too quickly for her, pinning her against the hood of the car. "Good," I said. We could shelve our issues for now. At this moment? "I want you on the hood of this car."

Her eyes widened. "On the car? What about…"

I cut her off by slipping my tongue into her mouth. She moaned softly, melting against me. "Get on the car. I'm taking you here and now."

Her chest was a little flushed now, too, but she obliged and met my eyes with her own now eager ones. I pulled the miniscule thong off her, spread her legs wide, and unzipped my jeans. Her breathing was faster, more excited, and I kissed her pert nipples right through the material.

She reached up to pull it off. "No," I murmured, stilling her hand.

I leaned down to kiss the swells of her breasts, feeling her arch. My one hand braced on the car, I grasped her delectable ass, yanking her down to the edge, and plunged myself into her with no warning.

Her muffled cry was music to my ears, and we took what we both needed from each other… over and over again.

  
*~*~*

 

**AN: Well, I hope that was satisfying for everyone! ;o) I struggled with that love scene, but in the end, I was happy with it. So, hopefully everyone else was, too!** **As far as the lingerie goes:**

**Bella's gift from her mother and what she wore to go to Jake:**

<http://www.img.alibaba.com/wsphoto/v0/423530743/ON-SALE-free-shipping-women-sexy-underwear-sexy-babydoll-lingerie-3-pcs-S68811.jpg>

**What Bella bought for another occasion** :

[www.globaltextiles.com/html/images/upload/tradeleads/379/378524.jpg](http://www.globaltextiles.com/html/images/upload/tradeleads/379/378524.jpg)

**Leah's suggestion ;o):**

[www.petite-coquette.co.uk/blog/images/fairefroufrou/madame-v-bridal-07.jpg](http://www.petite-coquette.co.uk/blog/images/fairefroufrou/madame-v-bridal-07.jpg)


	14. Dreams, Dates, and Discovery

I'll never let you go  
If you promise not to fade away,  
never fade away  
Our hopes and expectations  
black holes and revelations  
Hold you in my arms  
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

**-Muse "Starlight"**

* * *

**BPOV**

_The snow was blowing into drifts, obscuring the driveway completely. As if I hadn't already felt trapped, it was even worse now. I couldn't walk through it; the snow was too damn deep. Plus, being human, I'd freeze to death._

_Instead, I stood at the window, watching as the last streak of light in the sky disappeared and it became night. The house itself mirrored the outside world with all its white rooms and glass windows making me feel as if I were out in the drifts of snow itself. It was even cool inside the house, making me wrap my arms around myself under my hoodie for added warmth._

_I wandered over and trailed my hands over the piano keys, sitting down on the bench. This was one thing that Edward had taught me in the beginning, when things were good between us. I had enjoyed hearing his music, so he taught me how to play. It was nothing like how he played it, but I picked up on it fairly well. My fingers flittered over the keys, bringing forth the haunting ballad. This was the first song I had learned._

_The music shivered on the air, and I lost myself in the sound._

_It was the song Edward taught me, but it made me think of Jacob. The memory of him standing on top of the cliff came to mind, his eyes on mine, as I begged him to stay. The idea of him fighting the newborn army was horrible, and I had been so damn selfish. The kiss had been soft, impossibly warm, and I had seen the life I could have had. It hurt as I sat in this cold house, in the middle of a freezing blizzard, wishing I was warm. With Jake._

_My fingers faltered when Edward appeared from outside. His bronze hair glittered as the snow clung there, his golden eyes distant. "What's wrong?" he asked._

_It was then that I felt the wetness on my cheeks. Thinking of home, of Jake, wondering what Charlie was doing, had made me cry. Absently, I brushed the tears from my cheeks. "It's… nothing," I murmured. I wasn't up for a fight._

_"You miss home," he stated. "You miss your father, mother, and apparently Jacob as well."_

_"Yes, I do." There really was no use denying it._

_"I guess I'll never be rid of the dog, since he occupies so much of your thoughts. Sometimes I wonder why you chose me, this life, when it's so obviously not what you want," he said. His voice was bitter, and I felt miserable and guilty for the choices I made. I should have waited and made sure it was what I really wanted._

_"I miss my family. There's nothing wrong with that," I said my voice just as bitter as his. "I knew leaving Forks I might not see them for awhile, but I figured I'd still be able to talk to them. I wasn't anticipating this isolation from them, unable to talk to them after my death was faked. They probably think I disappeared off the face of the earth."_

_He shoved his hand through his hair, something that had become a frustrated habit of his._

_"I know, and I'm sorry for that, but that's not the only reason for our problems, Bella." He turned to stride out of the room._

_"No," I replied, knowing he would hear me as I moved back toward the window and the white world beyond. "I did love you, but I want to live. This isn't living."_

_The little wolf charm on my bracelet lay flat against my palm, a reminder of another life that had been left behind - one that I craved._

There were tears on my cheeks as I woke the next morning, my breath hitching in my throat. Surprised at the tightening of warm arms around me, I remembered I was with Jacob, the man I dreamed about while I was in Alaska. When I was done with work on Friday, he had told me to come over to the apartment. Most of the evening was spent in his bed, until we worked up an appetite to stop briefly for something to eat. It was after another round that I accidentally fell asleep there.

In the middle of the night I woke, worried because I'd fallen asleep instead of leaving, but found I was still in Jake's arms, his soft snores comforting. I had wanted to stay, but wasn't sure what he wanted. He hadn't woken me to go home, and had been wrapped around me, so I curled into him with a smile playing over my lips.

"Bella?" Jake murmured softly. "Are you okay?"

It was a little awkward, but we had promised to confide in each other now, hadn't we? I rolled over to face him. "It was a dream, but it was of something that really happened when I lived in Alaska," I admitted.

He stilled, but nodded slightly, so I began to tell him. To his credit, he stayed quiet while I talked. I told him how trapped I felt at times due to an occasional snowstorm and then because I was stuck in the house after my _death._ He absently stroked my hair as I tried to explain how strained things were at that point.

"He had always wanted me to live, but I knew he was still bothered in some way by the fact that I didn't want to be turned anymore. I think it was mainly because he had the feeling it wouldn't last if I was still human," I said, fiddling with the blanket between us.

He sighed quietly. "And it didn't. He should have let you go right from the beginning; then none of this would have happened. Selfish leech," he tacked on in an irritated tone. "He should have let you have a life, one worth living, free of misery and heartache."

I let him get it out, mostly because I knew he was right. Edward had dazzled me, and while I had loved him, my humanity and the love I had for a boy who never gave up on me, was the strongest in the end. I should've known better.

"I'm free of misery and heartache now," I assured him. When he met my eyes, I was taken aback at the uncertainty that was there. It struck me how much he had been affected; seeing that in his eyes, knowing the grief that was still hidden, had me tightening my arms around him.

"There's no need for uncertainty," I whispered, kissing him softly, over and over. "As long as you want me, I'm yours. I love you."

"I love you, too." His face relaxed, his lips warming against mine, and I knew no matter how long it took, I would do what I could to show him. I succumbed to his touch again, letting go of all inhibitions, and taking and giving right along with him.

  
*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

"So, you're banging Bella, huh? It's about time," Quil said. His voice floated down to me as I hammered home another nail.

I glanced up at him through my goggles, the sweat dripping down my temples, hot and annoyed. "What's it to you?" I asked feeling crabby. "We're working on it."

Quil held his hands up in surrender. "What crawled up your ass and died, Chief? I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just glad that it's progressing, and it's good to hear you two are working on it."

I stood, stretching the kinks out of my back. "Sorry, man," I said ruefully. "You didn't offend me. I'm a little tired, and we ran into a bit of a snag with the blueprints. I've spent too much damn time today trying to work on that."

"No problem, Jake," he said, handing me a bottle of water. I guzzled it in seconds.

"I may not be as familiar with construction as I am with helping you work on cars, but if you need help, I'll see what I can do," he added.

"Thanks, man," I said. "I might just do that. And as far as Bella, it's going okay. There's still the issue of the marriage, but apparently I can't stay away. And we're both moving past the regret and anger. She's been telling me a bit more of what happened here and there, and I'm trying to do the same. It helps."

"Good, that's really good. And you're fucking like rabbits it seems, too."

I raised an eyebrow at him, fighting a laugh. We really were; being with Bella was addicting and I couldn't get enough of it. We were going at it every possible place we could; in the car, in her room or my apartment, in the woods, right at our driftwood log, up against the wall, in the garage, and I still kept finding new places. She was wilder than I had imagined, and I often wondered if her strength in coming back from what happened lowered her inhibitions a little. I loved it.

We had been in the woods, leaning up against a tree the one day. Bella's soft, perfectly shaped behind was in my hands when she demanded, "Damn, Jake, just do it." Her voice was breathy as well as forceful. "I want you to screw me like there's no tomorrow."

It had caught me off-guard, making me laugh. A dirty-talking Bella was an incredible turn-on.

"Say it again, honey. Tell me what you want," I ordered as I swiveled my hips, slowly drilling myself into her. "Jake," she whined. She took her breast into her hand - though she was more wanton, she still blushed - and urged my head down so she could push her nipple into my mouth.

"Do it," she had gasped as I gave a hard suck on her nipple. "Screw me hard and fast." So, I screwed her just like she wanted; like there was no tomorrow.

We had also nearly been caught in the garage by Quil and Embry, hence his comment.

"You should talk, Ateara. You and Alyssa have been slobbering all over each other lately," I remarked.

He snickered, and his eyes lit up, just like they did every single time her name was mentioned. He was smitten with her, and I was seriously happy she seemed to feel the same way about him.

"Mmmm," he sighed. He got that creepy look, and I cringed away from him.

"Yeah, okay, I think this talk is over now."

His laughter followed me as I went back to work.

When we wrapped up for the day, I stopped in to check on my dad. Charlie was in there with him and they'd just finished watching the game together. "You doing okay?" I asked. "Rach said she dropped off a meatloaf for you for dinner. Should I put it in the oven?"

"Charlie actually got it in - seems Bella is rubbing off on him since he knows how to use an oven now and all - so it should be done soon," he said with a grin.

Charlie punched him in the arm, and I smiled at their antics. "Okay, great, I'll get everything else together and eat with you before I head home."

Billy began to set the table as I got a couple potatoes in the oven and the vegetables out. Charlie turned to me when I was done. "Jake? Can I talk to you for a minute outside?"

"I'll be right back, dad," I said, following Charlie down the front steps.

He turned to face me, his brown eyes so much like Bella's it was unnerving. He looked uncomfortable, but looked me in the eye. "Jake, I haven't really talked to Bella in-depth about all this, but I'm aware the two of you are… seeing each other," he said.

Well, this was going to be slightly awkward. I was kind of tired of talking to everyone about my sex life.

"I know you two had some issues to work through, so I'm assuming you're making progress there, but I'm worried. I know how much you were hurt, and I know how much Bella has been repressing, and I just wanted to hear it from you that you're both aware of this and making an effort not to hurt each other."

I glanced up at him. "Hurting each other? As opposed to just me hurting her?" That sort of surprised me.

He nodded. "Jake, I've always cared about you. I saw first-hand what it did to you, but I also see that Bella suffered, too. I haven't forgotten either… she'll explain to me one of these days what the hell happened, but for right now, I want you two to be aware of what you're getting into. She loves you so much, and I know you love her, but I need to say this."

I could understand his concern, so I answered him as honestly as I could.

"I do love, Bella, Charlie; a hell of a lot. I'm also beginning to understand how much she went through and that she really didn't want to hurt us. We've talked about a few things, got them out in the open, and we're working through it. I want to continue to do so, and I don't plan on bailing on her. We both know what we're getting into," I assured him.

He nodded, looking more relieved. "I'm glad. I hope it continues to work out for you both, but Jake? While I care about you, I will warn you that if you hurt my daughter in any way possible, I'll pull out all the stops. Understand that."

His gaze never wavered once as he threatened me. Knowing he meant it, I nodded my understanding, and he then gave my shoulder a slap. "Later, Billy," he called out and then to me, "See you later, Jake."

I stood watching him drive off, lost in memories of how wan, tired, and depressed Bella looked when she got home from Alaska. It was such a difference from how she looked now. She had vitality now, there was more sparkle in her eyes, and she looked healthier physically. I didn't want to do anything to ruin that, whether or not Charlie threatened me.

After dinner with Billy, I drove back to my apartment. Bella wouldn't be there, which was depressing. I realized after that she had felt awkward about falling asleep and staying over with me, but I had enjoyed it. I liked having her there with me. After I showered and stretched out in bed to watch television, I realized Bella and I had strictly been having sex, but we hadn't actually gone out together.

On a whim, I called her, relieved when she answered.

"Hey, Jake," she said softly, a smile in her voice. "I was just thinking about you."

_I wish you were here._

"Bella, are you doing anything this weekend?" I asked, staring out the window at the rain sluicing over the panes.

"Not really. I'm just going out to lunch with Angela on Saturday. Do you have something in mind?"

"Yeah, I was wondering if you'd…want to go out together Saturday night? We could get dinner or whatever you want." I was suddenly feeling kind of tongue-tied.

"Sure," she said. I could hear the surprise and happiness in her tone. It made me feel guilty for not having thought of this earlier. "Should I come there?"

We agreed on a time and bid each other good-night. The smile was still curling my lips as I dozed off.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

It was the night of our date, and I was excited that Jake had suggested this. Lately, as much as I loved having sex with him, I'd been wondering if we were actually together. We didn't exactly go anywhere together; just to each other's beds or wherever else we felt the urge to have sex.

I was nervous about bringing that topic up, though. We were still talking, but some issues were still a bit sensitive. It was like going to the dentist and then having your tooth poked at it when it's still a little raw.

It was a surprise when he suggested it, but I couldn't wait. I didn't care what we did.

Charlie had ordered a pizza knowing I was heading out for the evening. He was perched in front of the television with it and his beer. When I poked my head in, he jumped and gave me a guilty smile. I had been trying to get him to eat some healthier food in light of Billy's health issues.

I leaned against the doorjamb, raising an eyebrow at him. "Pizza and beer, huh?"

Charlie smiled sheepishly. "One night doesn't hurt, right?"

I rolled my eyes, but laughed. "I guess not. But you have to promise me that when I move out you'll do your best to eat the good stuff on a more regular basis than the bad. I mean it, dad," I added, feeling serious all of a sudden.

He noticed, and he got up to kiss the top of my head. "I do promise, honey. I will eat my salad and vegetables, fruits, and buy only lean cuts of meat. And fish. I'll indulge in a little pizza or beer here and there, but I won't do it real often."

He was teasing me a little, but I could see his eyes were serious. He knew my worries, and he would do this for me.

"Don't worry too much about your old man, kiddo. Though speaking of worry, I know you and Jake are, well… let's say really close."

My cheeks immediately heated. "Dad, you do know we already had the sex talk," I muttered, stringing my words together quickly. Saying sex around my dad still wasn't something I liked. It didn't matter how old I was.

"I know," he said, looking embarrassed himself. "I just wanted to say to keep your wits about you. He loves you, but be careful with your feelings, okay? Just keep talking to each other."

"Is there something I should know?" I asked, suddenly worried.

"No, no," he assured me. "I know Jake's feelings for you are real. I just want the two of you to understand what you're getting into and to work toward maintaining a good relationship."

I relaxed, agreeing with him. "I will, dad," I said and made my escape.

Feeling decidedly feminine enough, but not overdone, I drove to Port Angeles about a half hour later. My hair was braided and pinned at the nape of my neck, the way Leah had shown me, and I was wearing a soft, dove-gray skirt that came to a little above my knees and a pale purple scoop-necked shirt. Jake's bracelet he had given me before the newborn fight was fastened to my wrist, and I wore little silver hoop earrings.

When he opened his door, I felt a rush of warmth between my thighs. It was pretty much a given every time I saw him now. His hair was smoothed back, looking incredibly soft. He was wearing dark slacks and a gray buttoned-shirt, looking delicious and very polished. It wasn't a style I was used to seeing on Jake; he was usually wearing only shorts or jeans and a t-shirt. This was a change and a very nice one.

"You look beautiful," he said, leaning down to kiss me.

"So do you. No sort of about it," I said with a grin.

He chuckled and led me out to his car. He took me to Smuggler's Landing on the waterfront. The view of the water was nice and we ordered clams and soup to begin with and smoked salmon for our entrée.

We agreed that we would keep all sensitive topics at bay for the night, so we talked about books, movies we wanted to see and agreed that's what we would do on our next date, and we discussed Billy and his health.

We just took our last bite of dessert. He sighed, leaned back, and ordered me another glass of wine.

"More wine?" I said with a grin.

"Hey, you're legal," he said, smirking. "Plus, you enjoyed it, and I could see you eyeing your empty glass."

I laughed. "Okay, but only one more."

I sipped my wine, feeling really happy, as Jake's fingers twined with mine on top of the table. When we finished, we strolled along the pier to stretch our legs and he even indulged me by going into the bookstore nearby so I could browse. We held hands as we watched the sunset, and I felt his lips against my temple.

"Let's go," he murmured. "I want you so much."

We hurried back to his apartment, barely able to keep our hands to ourselves. Inside, he hoisted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our mouths locked, and we nearly fell into his bedroom. I laughed as my foot banged off the bedpost in his haste to deposit me.

I gasped as his head disappeared under my skirt. His mouth pressed against me in a heated kiss right through the flimsy lingerie I bought. My legs spread even wider, a small cry ripped from my throat, but he backed off right away.

His shirt was in the way, and I grasped it, trying to get it off of him. His eyes were wild, hungry, and my hips rose, wanting him to touch me everywhere. "No, baby," he purred, looking exactly like an untamed animal. "Touch yourself."

"What?" I said faintly. This was… new.

"You heard me. Touch yourself. Do it now." His voice was eager with need, demanding and hard, but his hands were gentle.

Hesitantly, I slid my fingers down my thigh, my eyes never leaving Jake's. When I slid my fingers beneath my flimsy pink panties, I realized just how wet I was. My lip caught between my teeth, I slid my fingers inside myself and began stroking. My back arched, my eyes roving over his naked, sculpted torso and down to where his slacks were unbuttoned.

The trail of hair leading down to his bulge had my mouth going dry. I whimpered and began stroking and pinching my clit in earnest, writing under him as he straddled me, watching me pleasure myself.

When I made myself come, I cried out. "Good girl," he murmured, stripping the rest of my clothes off. "Now you get a reward," he said teasingly.

I laughed breathily, gasping when he turned me over so I was face down. I put my hands down as I felt his mouth blaze a trail down my spine, his hands coming around to cup my breasts. When he finally grasped my hips, he inched himself inside me from behind. The position was new for me, and I moaned and thrust back as my body hummed from his touch.

As his hips began to pump, rocking me forward, I tried to hold on to what was left of my sanity.

"Oh," I gasped as he hooked one arm around my stomach, pulling me up so I was sitting on his lap backwards. "Oh yes," I whimpered when my head dropped back onto his shoulder. While he bounced me in his lap, his fingers unerringly zeroed in on my clit.

The fingers of his other hand were playing with my breasts, tweaking and tugging at them. I turned my head, my body throbbing with all that he was doing to me. When my fingers brushed over his, down to explore where we were connected, he groaned.

His mouth sought out mine, and I opened, craving the warmth and the feel of his tongue. Kissing Jake was like eating a decadent dessert; lush and delicious. His lips were soft, and I nipped at them as he continued to drive us toward the edge. His fingers touched my chin, his tongue delving deep, just as my back arched and I came heavily.

"Unhhhhh," I cried out, writhing, as his hips jerked me up higher. He bit down again on sensitive flesh, and I gripped his hair in my fist as he groaned out his own release.

I practically fell forward on the bed. Jake's cheek pressed to the small of my back. I stared out at the winking stars in the sky, feeling wrung out in the best way possible and happy. His lips pressed against my spine, fingers idly stroking over the skin of my side. It tickled, but I was too tired to move.

"Stay tonight," he murmured.

I smiled into his pillow. "Yes."

"And then stay here for good. Live with me, Bells."

Surprised, I managed to lift my head off the bed. "Really?" I asked.

He nodded against my back, and I felt delirious with joy. "Okay," I whispered.

I couldn't stop smiling. I hadn't heard it once since I'd come back, but it didn't escape my notice that he just called me Bells again.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN: Well, this one was a bit lighter for you! Not everything is solved, of course, but they're doing much better wouldn't you say? :o)**


	15. Destinations

**Love, love is a verb  
Love is a doing word  
Fearless on my breath  
Gentle impulsion  
Shakes me, makes me lighter  
Fearless on my breath  
Teardrop on the fire  
Fearless on my breath**

**-Massive Attack "Teardrop"**

* * *

Charlie helped me heft a box into the back of my truck. He groaned, arching his back a little. "I'm too old to do this heavy-lifting anymore," he said teasingly.

I laughed. "Nice try, dad."

He chuckled and helped me carry the last two from my room to my truck. When we finished, he had a wistful look on his face. We had just packed up all my belongings that I was moving to Jake's apartment.

"I still remember you coming here in the summer to stay with me when you were a little girl. You would go down to the reservation with me, make your little mud pies, and try to hide behind me when Rachel or Rebecca came over to you." He chuckled at the memory.

"And now look at you. The only kid you would play with was Jacob; now you're moving in with him."

I patted his arm. "I'm not going far, I'll call you often, and you know I'll be back here pretty frequently, too."

He smiled, leaning against my truck. "I know, honey. I know I have to let you go at some point to live your life, but…"

He trailed off, and I knew what he was thinking, even though he wouldn't say it. I had left him once before and he thought I was dead. My arms automatically went around his waist, and I laid my head on his shoulder. He held on to me, his arms tightening just a fraction more.

"Things are different now," I said quietly. "It's a very different situation. I've come to understand some things better now, and you know I'll never do anything like that ever again. Plus, you'll see me so much, that you'll barely even know I'm gone."

He kissed the top of my head and smiled.

"I know I said this already, but are you sure this is a good idea? I know your feelings for each other are pretty strong, and it certainly helps since you planned to move to Port Angeles anyway, but I don't want to see you rush into something if you aren't sure you're going to be able to work through things together."

I tossed my purse onto the passenger side seat as Leah came barreling up the road in her car.

I gave Charlie's hand a squeeze. "We're both dedicated to making this work, dad. I don't know what's going to be thrown at us, but we're both willing to do what we have to."

"Okay," he said, giving me a squeeze back. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with and help?"

"That's okay," I said as Leah came over. "You helped me out here, and Leah and Jake said they'd help unload. I'll call you later tonight, okay?"

Leah followed me to Port Angeles and we parked in the apartment lot. "We all know why you're moving in with Jake," she stated as she hefted three boxes in her arms to my one. "You just have the honeymoon hots. You want regular booty calls."

I snorted. "That's it, Leah. You nailed it right on the head."

"Nailed," she pondered. "On the head. See? You already turned into a pervert."

I jabbed her in the back with my box making her laugh. Jake was coming down the stairs; he tilted my chin toward his and gave me a quick peck before he continued on to get more of my stuff. Smiling widely, I hefted my box inside. With Leah and Jake - and their supernatural strength - we had the boxes in the apartment pretty quickly.

We set to unpacking a good chunk of it. When Leah decided to unpack my bras and underwear, and place them strategically around, I rolled my eyes and left her to it. I ordered a few pizzas and some wings. Jake came into the kitchen and looped his arms around my waist from behind. Leaning back into him, I relaxed as his lips pressed to my temple.

"I'm starving," he murmured, making me giggle. So much for sweet nothings whispered into my ear.

The food came and we pigged out in the living room.

"Well, I think I'm going to head out now," Leah said after. "Let you two christen the place as an officially moved in together couple."

I stopped Jake's hand from moving where it wanted to, feeling the heat flood my face. Leah's constant habit of saying whatever was on her mind - normal or not - would never fail to drive me up a wall. So, I pitched the empty pizza box at her in retaliation.

It was nice to hear Jake's uninhibited laugh; it was still a little rare these days. Leah had caught the box, though the corner of it had jabbed her in the forehead. She shook her head at me, but I could see the smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.

"You got your hands full with this one, Black. She's turned into a real pistol lately," she said as a parting shot. She wiggled her fingers over her shoulder at us.

I shook my head, turning to see Jake watching me. He wasn't really smiling, but his eyes were warm, his expression tilting more toward happiness. He leaned over, hauled me onto the sofa with him, and held me in place on his lap. When his mouth found mine, I sank into his kiss. The warmth of his tongue, the taste of him, the way his full lips angled over mine was delicious.

When he unbuttoned my shirt, I arched into his touch. His warm fingers spanned the width of my stomach, and he paused there, just holding me.

I slid my hands down the corded muscles of his forearms. "You okay?" I asked. I was a little worried, though he didn't really seem bothered; more introspective.

He smiled and said, "Yeah, I'm good. Do you feel like getting away for a couple days? I know we just got settled here, but I was thinking a change of scenery for a few days might be good."

Surprised, I eyed him as his hands began to caress my sides, easing their way down to just above where I ached for him. "That would be great, Jake, but what about work? I'd have to see if I could even get a day or two off. And what about you?"

He began to rub between my thighs, and I whimpered, my panties beginning to feel damp. "I have some vacation days stored up. I could work part of the day Friday, we could leave afterward, and we'd have all weekend and maybe Monday, too."

I bit my lip, my eyes nearly rolling in my head as he dipped his fingers below the waistband of my jeans. I arched into his touch, wanting his fingers to work their magic.

"I can ask," I said breathily. "If I work part of the day Friday, too, it might be easier to get Monday off."

He nodded. "Good. Do that Monday and let me know. A co-worker of mine goes to Seabrook, and he really likes it there. We'll rent a cottage; just us and spend some time together."

I loved that idea. When his eyes fixated on my nipples, he pulled me down with him to sprawl on the sofa. When his mouth closed over one, I let myself go, and we undressed to satiate our _other_ appetites.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

I finished going over the blueprints with my boss and a few other guys for the roof of the school. Bella was at work, and I kept glancing at my watch to see if it was time to leave yet. I wanted to get away from La Push and Port Angeles, even if it was just a few days, to continue to rid myself of certain memories. It didn't hurt now that we were together, but I'd had this restless feeling lately and this odd sense of paranoia.

Bella living with me helped me feel settled, though. It was pretty close to perfect holding her when we slept, waking up with her breath on my neck as she snuggled into me, and more often than not we'd have some more mind-blowing sex.

She was pretty insatiable, just as I was, and I loved it.

When it finally came time to leave, I waved to the pack, promising we'd have a guys' night soon.

"We better," Embry said. "You're too busy having sex to hang out much."

I rolled my eyes as they all snickered.

"Have fun," Sam called out, pulling his hard hat off.

"Pizza and beer night," I assured them as I jogged to my dad's house to take a shower and pick up my stuff. Bella was probably on her way to Forks right now.

I showered, got my stuff together, and sat with Billy and Rachel to catch up before leaving.

"Any plans while you're there?" my dad asked.

"Nothing set in stone," I said. "Karl had said it's just a nice place to get away, spend some time on the beach, and check out a few of the sights and restaurants, that sort of thing. The cottage I rented looks like a nice place, too."

"It'll be good to get away; spend some time together," Rachel said, taking a sip of her coffee. She looked a little wistful, and I felt guilty.

"If it's as nice a place as I'm hearing, maybe we should plan a family vacation come spring. We haven't done that in a long time. I think we could all use some time together."

Rachel perked up at the thought. "That'd be fun. We'll have to keep that in mind."

Bella called, so I said my good byes and left for Forks to pick her up. It took us a little over three hours to get there. We checked in and found the Wildflower Cottage I had booked for us. It was a white cottage with splashes of color; some late-blooming wildflowers, the brightly colored Adirondack chairs on the porch, and the bikes that were there for use were a bright red.

"Wow, this is really pretty," Bella said as she opened the front door.

The house was painted a tan, beach-y color and the furniture was in darker browns with beach-themed art on the walls. The kitchen and living room connected and the kitchen was stocked with all we could need. It had all the amenities you could want and one I was particularly stoked about was you could make your own homemade ice cream.

Bella laughed at the look on my face. "I take it we're getting supplies tonight so we can make ice cream?"

We agreed to take a walk through the little path in the forest to check out the beach and then walk through the town and get some of the food we would need. Bella's fingers twined with mine as we walked along the path. I pulled her in close, feeling myself relax and start to let go of the too many reminders that usually surrounded us.

She jogged toward the water, checking out the seashells, and running back to show me. Amused, I watched her run around like a little kid for awhile before we walked through the tree-lined town to the store. We stocked up on stuff we would need to make ice cream; cereal, bacon, and eggs were added along with juice and milk for the next morning.

The porch of the cottage we were renting looked out over North Alder Park complete with a community fireplace and chairs to sit out and enjoy the view. It was a little on the quiet side, being that it was in the middle of October now, but there were still some families in a few of the other cottages.

Bella poured some of the cheap wine we bought into plastic wine glasses, and we sat out on the porch. I tugged her down onto my lap, so she curled into me as we sipped our wine and looked up at the stars.

"This was a great idea," she said. "It's so pretty here; so peaceful."

I looped my arm around her and sighed, feeling content. "It is. I'm glad I found out about this place."

We drank glass after glass of wine until the bottle was empty. Bella was a bit buzzed, making me laugh as we tried to make ice cream later on, making a huge mess in the process. We managed it somehow, and our strawberry ice cream was pretty damn awesome.

Bella giggled and twirled her way into the bedroom. I chuckled, following her, watching her as she tripped her way to the bed. She flopped onto the bed belly-first, smacking her elbow on the wall. Giving a huff, she tried to shove her hair out of her face; and gazing back over her shoulder, she purred, "Come on, Jake, let's have some fun."

I couldn't help snorting with laughter.

"What's so funny?" she protested, pouting.

It was a totally ungraceful way to propose sex, which I told her, making her pout further. Chuckling, I added, "Don't worry, Bells. I still think you're sexy regardless."

"Why aren't you buzzed?" she growled petulantly.

"I may not be phasing anymore, but I still burn alcohol pretty quickly due to body temperature. Don't worry, though, I feel it."

She smiled at that, leaning back against the pillows and spreading her legs wide. I bit back a grin, liking this side of Bella. I began to tug my shirt over my head when Bella gave what I assumed was a wolf-whistle. To entertain her, I twirled my shirt around on my finger, releasing it. Incidentally, it landed on her head, making her collapse in giggles.

"Take it off!" she said. "All of it. Come on, Jake, dance for me."

That wasn't what I was expecting, but I went with it, turning my back to her. Slowly, I unbuttoned my jeans, lowering them to just below my ass. I smiled as she cheered. To entertain Bella some more, I gave her a bit of a booty-shake, making her laugh and whoop.

When I stepped out of them, I began to swivel my hips, moving much in the way I used to during the tribal dances.

I let loose, free of any inhibitions and moved sinuously, finally completely bare, my boxer briefs swinging from my finger. My body twisted and dipped, feeling strong and agile.

It actually felt good. I had missed the dancing we had done on the beach; it was powerful and made you feel like one with the earth; one of the things that was hammered into our heads as children. Respect and love the earth and it will come back to you.

My eyes caught Bella's… she had stopped laughing, and I noted she looked mesmerized, which pleased me immensely. I shimmied over to her, giving another shake, making my rock-hard cock bob. She giggled again, but was now licking her lips, making my body heat up.

I leaned down and unfastened her jeans, taking her zipper between my teeth and pulling it down. Her gulp was audible. She allowed me to get her undressed, but she gently pushed me back, easing off the bed and onto her knees. Her hands rested on my thighs to keep her balance.

"Bells," I murmured. "What are you…?"

When her mouth closed over the tip of me, I threaded my fingers through her hair, mostly to keep myself steady.

"Mmmm," I sighed. Her little pink tongue flicked out, dragging it up one side, and then the other.

When she took me in as far as she could, I closed my eyes, leaning back against the wall for balance. Her fingers grasped me at the base, the nails of her other hand digging into my ass, as she began to suckle and hum low in her throat.

My body was beginning to shake with the eagerness of her mouth and the vibration.

"Bells," I groaned. She scraped her teeth lightly over the length. When she reached the tip, she began to treat my cock like a Popsicle she couldn't get enough of.

My hips started to jerk forward, my body primed to explode. "I'm going to…" I gasped trying to warn her.

She met my eyes, her lips still wrapped around me, and nodded. It was so fucking hot and all I needed to see. Cupping her head in my hands, I came with an intensity that had me gasping and straining. My fingers clenched in her hair as she swallowed, and my whole body was throbbing. I pulled her up, my arms a little shaky, and lifted her so I could kiss her.

When I set her down, she murmured, "That was my first…" She hesitated and looked away, embarrassment on her face.

I deposited her on the bed, leaning down to nuzzle her neck, thrilled knowing I was her first for that at least. "It was fan-fucking-tastic," I whispered in her ear. "And now I'll reward you…"

I gave one swipe from bottom to top with my tongue, and her hips arched up immediately. "Jake," she practically purred. I zeroed in on all the sensitive spots, sucking and biting, and sent her up and over the edge. It was just the time I needed to get rock-hard again and take her with one fast thrust.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

The following morning, I woke when the sun rose; thankfully with no headache, though my stomach felt empty and I was thirsty. My body was pleasantly sore and supple; Jake had delivered more than once last night, and I was happily satiated. I rolled over to find Jake on his stomach, one arm still flung over me, the other curled under his pillow.

I wiggled out from underneath him, wanting to get a better look at him in repose. The weak sunlight trickled in through the partially opened blinds, highlighting his strong cheekbones. His full lips were parted slightly, and he was snoring quietly. Memories of last night came to me:

_Jake's long, muscled body moving in the sexiest dance I had ever seen. His russet skin gleamed under the light, his muscles rippling; especially his backside. The way it flexed was incredibly hot._

_His booty shake, the swinging of the shirt and underwear as he grinded his way over to me made me laugh. The look in his eyes, the smile on his lips; it was the old Jake, the Jake that made me laugh and who liked to have fun. It was entirely evident in the silly moves and his laughter._

_His fingers tangled in my hair, my mouth wrapped around him, his tongue exploring between my thighs over and over, driving me crazy._

I was torn between a little embarrassment over my buzzed state and desire. Last night had been fun and incredibly hot, though, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I skimmed my finger over Jake's cheekbone, brushing against his long eyelashes, and felt him stir. Abruptly, he rolled over on top of me, nuzzling into my neck and making me laugh.

He looked at me all sleepy-eyed and smiled. "How are you feeling this morning?"

I flushed a little. "Hungry. Thirsty. Happy."

He chuckled. "Okay, I'll make this quick," and before I could react, he was inside me. His hips were slow, and he built up the heat which didn't take long at all.

Afterward, we devoured eggs, pancakes, and cereal before heading out for the day. We spent some time on the beach, playing Frisbee, building sand castles, and just relaxing. We stopped in Blind Dog Books and poked around the market for dinner.

There was an indoor pool and hot tub by the cottages, so we made use of that. The windows overlooked the pretty rentals and we paddled around the pool lazily.

"Do we have to go home?" I asked, feeling more than content.

He smiled, catching my hips, and tugging me underwater. He made fish lips at me, making me giggle. I hooked my arms around his neck as he propelled us to the surface hard enough that we popped quite a bit out of water.

"Dork," I teased.

He kissed me. "Let's just stay here."

After a long soak in the hot tub, we bundled up and headed back to the cottage to shower and change into warm clothes so we could cook on the grill outside. Jake grilled some steak and potatoes while I chopped up some vegetables. We even ate outside; though I bundled up in a sweater and a jacket. There was another bottle of wine which we opened, though I refrained from having more than a glass and a half.

There was another couple that had ventured out to cook, too, and we ended up chatting with them for awhile.

We watched a movie, snuggled up on the couch, and made love again before passing out from sheer exhaustion. The next day was spent hiking the paths through the forest, checking out the ceramics studio where Jake painted a ceramic vase for me, and I painted him a ceramic wolf. We caught the sunset on the beach that night; my head rested against his chest as orange, purple, and red lit the sky and faded.

We left Monday afternoon to head home, vowing to go back again. It had been a perfect few days, though my stomach felt a little queasy on the ride home. I felt that way the next couple days, prompting Jake to tell me I should make a doctor appointment when he found me resting in bed after work one day.

"Bells, maybe it's a bug, but its lasted a few days now. I think you should get it checked out," he said, laying the back of his hand on my forehead. "You don't feel overly warm, but you look a little worn out."

I agreed since both he and Charlie told me the same thing. I made the appointment, but I went out to the drugstore, realizing afterward that my period was late. My stomach was rolling as I picked out the first HPT I found. Shaking, I paid for it, and headed back to the apartment. Jake would be home in an hour, so I had time.

I followed the instructions and stood at the sink, waiting, my heart pounding, sweat beginning to bead at my hairline. I took a few sips of water, trying to take deep breaths, as I waited to see if two blue lines would appear. My mind replayed the images from long ago; the ones when I had kissed Jake before the fight and saw a little boy and girl running hand in hand into the forest. They had been the life I didn't realize I wanted.

But to have a child now? Just when we were getting back onto even footing? I kept going over and over in my head if I had messed up with my pills. We didn't use condoms, but I figured I was relatively safe. Maybe I had been late in taking a pill one day, therefore lessening the effectiveness of it.

It had crossed my mind more than once when I was in Alaska; wanting a life, and children, with Jake. But I didn't want to saddle him down right now, make him feel obligated to marry me and raise children. He would do it in a heartbeat, I knew that, but he could resent me for it later.

My stomach heaved, and I bent over the toilet and got sick. Tears were running down my cheeks, partially from nerves and getting sick. My eyes finally landed on the stick, and I felt almost faint. It was negative. I wasn't pregnant.

"Bells?"

My head shot up, shocked at how long I had been in the bathroom. I wrapped the stick in toilet paper, put it in a paper cup, and buried it at the bottom of the trash can. Splashing water on my face, I called out, "Be right there!"

I brushed my teeth quickly and smoothed my hair. Downstairs, Jake was holding a bag of Chinese take-out. His warm lips pressed to my cheek, and my insides trembled. Part of me wanted to tell him, but I couldn't. Not yet. Instead we ate our Chinese food and watched a movie together.

The next day at my appointment, the doctor asked me when my last period was. I relayed that I had just taken a pregnancy test that came out negative. "Hmm," she murmured, checking my vitals. "Your blood pressure is a little elevated; you said you've been sick, and your heart beat felt a bit irregular a couple times?"

When I nodded, she marked something down. "Okay, I'm going to do an ultrasound of the stomach and chest area, just to see what's what. I don't want to scare you, because it sounds like you're suffering from anxiety more than anything right now. You said you're marriage fell apart; you came home, and have been reconnecting with people from your past to fix things? That could definitely make your period late, cause you to have latent anxiety, and it sounds like a bug you picked up on top of that."

I nodded, wishing Jake was there with me to hold my hand. She set me up to check and was looking at the machine when she paused. She frowned, sliding it over my stomach again.

"Bella, there seems to be a blockage in your fallopian tubes. That's actually something that can keep you from _getting_ pregnant if it isn't taken care of. It doesn't look like anything I've seen before, though…"

My heart gave a sickening thud. I had been scared I was pregnant, and now I was being told I might not be able to in the future? My eyes landed on the ultrasound machine and what I saw had me freezing on the table. It looked silvery to me and disturbingly familiar. When I had been bitten by a vampire, Edward had extracted the venom from me. Even in my half-passed out state, it had looked like something silvery.

Vampire venom. I couldn't have the doctor operate.

My heart was breaking. If this stopped me from having babies…

"I h-have to go," I said as soon as she pulled the wand away. "I n-need to talk to my boyfriend and f-father," I stammered.

Her face was wreathed in concern. "Okay, Bella, but remember this doesn't mean you're never going to have kids. We can take care of this…"

I nodded, making my escape. All the way home, my mind raced. Did this happen because I'd had sex with Edward? No one had mentioned the repercussions, but maybe they didn't know, especially since I was alive with venom inside of me. If I went off birth control to have kids one day, would I be able to conceive? I was going to have to call Carlisle. I'd sent them something about a divorce, but hadn't heard anything yet, but now I was going to have to talk to him.

Jake was in the apartment, standing with his back to me. He turned around, the pregnancy box in his hand. His face was pale, mouth twisted into a strange shape. "Bella, what the hell is going on?"

I couldn't decide if there was blame in his eyes, if he thought I was trapping him or if I was overreacting. I opened my mouth, but all I could do was sway on the spot and then everything went black.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN: Ok, yeah, I know that was a bad place to leave it, but this chapter kept growing in length. Just remember not all is always as it seems. :o) So, what'd you think?**

**And Seabrook looks like an awesome place, IMO. The link to the Wildflower Cottage that can be rented:**

**[www.seabrookcottagerentals.com/vacation-rental-home.asp?PageDataID=21406](http://www.seabrookcottagerentals.com/vacation-rental-home.asp?PageDataID=21406)**


	16. Strength

Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house  
Maybe you'll think of me and smile  
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse  
Keep me in your heart for while  
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams  
Touch me as I fall into view  
When the winter comes keep the fires lit  
And I will be right next to you

**-Warren Zevon "Keep Me in Your Heart"**

* * *

My stomach was still uneasy as my eyes flickered open. I was lying in bed, covers under my chin, and I was briefly confused why I was in bed during the day. The news I'd received came back in a rush, though. Turning my head, I saw Jake sitting in the armchair in the bedroom, slumped over, his head in his hands.

My mouth didn't want to work, so I stretched my hand out and tried to touch his knee. His head came up and I was met with the worry in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice cracking slightly. I cleared it and tried again. "I'll be honest; I admit that I considered for a moment not telling you because it was negative, but I would have Jake. I got overwhelmed, but I'd just found out before I went to the doctor appointment. I didn't want you to feel trapped, but I knew you'd want to know regardless and you deserved that."

He was quiet, examining his hands. "You aren't pregnant?"

"No," I replied softly.

"You're right. I deserved to know one way or the other. I wish you had confided in me first, but I understand."

He reached out and laced his fingers with mine. "We're still learning as we go, right?"

I smiled wearily; grateful he seemed to understand and wasn't freaking out. "We are," I replied. "But… what did you… think?" I asked carefully. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, but I had to ask. I had to know how he felt about having children. If the venom truly prevented - and I was desperately praying it wouldn't - me from having kids, would that change Jake's mind? I wanted to be able to give him babies one day, but I didn't know how he felt about it.

"I was angry at first," he said with a sigh. "It seemed like you were trying to hide it from me, but I told myself not to think the worst, because I knew deep down that you aren't like that."

He shifted so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He absently played with my hair, looking confused. "I don't want the added responsibility right now. I would have loved that baby with all I had, just as much as I love you, and it wouldn't have made me feel trapped. It just would've made things a little harder, that's all."

I felt the tears leak out and trickle down my temples and disappear into my hair. When he saw me crying, he looked concerned. "Bella, I do want children," he said misunderstanding. "I'd love to have some with you, but not yet. Were you disappointed that you weren't pregnant?" he asked. He looked a little scared at the thought.

"Not really," I managed. "I want them, too, but that's not why I'm crying. I've known for awhile I wanted them with you, but Jake, I went to the doctor and found something out."

He froze, his dark eyes filling with fear. "Bells, I thought you just fainted from being sick. What's wrong, honey? What happened?" His fingers had tightened around mine, and I wanted to hold on to him and never let go. I had to be strong, though.

"There was blockage in my fallopian tube," I whispered. "She said I had some kind of bug, but was a little concerned over some of the symptoms, so she did an ultrasound. She saw the blockage, said it could be removed, but what I realized is it can't be. At least not by her. Jake, it's vampire venom. I guess from…um, sleeping with Edward."

I couldn't bear to look at him as I said that. It wasn't like he didn't know I'd had sex with Edward, but I wasn't comfortable saying it right to his face. My throat ached as I held the tears back.

"How do you know? Is it hurting you? Bella…"

I closed my eyes. "I saw it before when James bit me in Arizona. When the venom was extracted, it was silvery. It looked like what I had seen on the ultrasound and the doctor had even noticed it seemed odd. I don't know the long-term affects; if it's what's been making me ill."

"Venom kills humans," he said his voice thick. "I don't understand. We have to find out…"

"I have to call Carlisle," I said into the silence.

He lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. "I know," he murmured. The weariness and worry in his voice tugged at my heart, but we both knew it was something that had to be done. "I won't put your life at risk. Call him."

He rested his hand on my stomach when I picked up the phone. My heart began pounding when the phone began to ring. I was grateful I had Carlisle's cell phone number to call instead of a phone that any one of them could pick up. When I heard his familiar voice, I turned my face to the wall.

"Carlisle, it's me," I said quietly.

"Bella," he said. His surprise was evident. "This is a surprise. Is everything okay?"

"No," I murmured. I began to explain to him what happened while he listened quietly.

When I finished, he gave a small sigh. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I have to be honest. I've never heard of anything like this happening before. I don't know how it has remained inside of you without any irreparable damage. I would have to see you, to examine you myself to see. It's not common knowledge for a human to sleep with a vampire, but I'm willing if you want that."

I blinked away the tears. Out of all of them, Carlisle was the one who almost seemed to get the situation. He worked with humans, had been around the longest, and was the most knowledgeable. And he had been generally kind even after everything.

"Yes, I do. I want to live. I want children one day, Carlisle. If this can be taken care of, I need your help."

When he offered to fly me there, Jake sat up. "No," he said firmly, his voice cold, knowing Carlisle would hear him. "She will not come anywhere near Alaska. I want you to come here to figure out what that bastard did to her; on my land where my pack and I can watch you."

I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say, but Carlisle said, "It's fine. I'll be there as soon as I can, Bella."

After I hung up, neither of us said anything; our fears remained silent. He just lay back again, wrapping his arms around me, and I rested my head on his chest trying to comfort myself with the beat of his heart.

  
*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

Bella remained silent the next couple days. She didn't want to talk about what was going on, and I didn't want to broach it much myself. The fear was eating me alive. She had to be all right. It took too damn long for us to be together for it to come crashing down on us because of a fucking vampire. It irritated me that Edward had his popsicle dick anywhere near Bella; it didn't make this any easier.

Bella didn't seem to be improving any and I was worried about her. I didn't know what to say about it, though. She hadn't said anything to Charlie yet, and I wasn't sure if she planned to. He should know she wasn't feeling well especially in this case, but what the hell do you tell him? I knew I wouldn't be able to reassure him when I was scared to death myself that something worse would happen. It felt like there was a ticking time bomb looming over us, and I was afraid to leave her alone.

She came into the kitchen, looking tired. "I'm really thirsty," she said. "Did we remember to get more ginger ale?"

I got her one out of the case, poured it and added ice, and passed it over.

She smiled at me, taking a sip. With a sigh, she sat at the table, resting her forehead on it. I rubbed her back and she gave a small moan. "My back has been really sore," she admitted.

I took her hand, helping her up. "Well, then, come on," I said. "You should have told me. I'll give you a massage right now."

She started to say I didn't have to, so I just gave her a look and ordered her to lie down. When I started working on her back, I could feel the knots, and it bothered me to hear the little sounds of pain she made until it began to feel good. She had fallen asleep by the time I finished, so I covered her, and resumed my pacing again. When the phone rang, I nearly jumped. It was only Embry, though.

"Hey, man," he said. "Is everything okay? I know we haven't phased in a long time, but Quil and I both felt something was off the other day and knew it had to do with you. Plus, Leah has been uncharacteristically quiet lately."

Apparently, a pack brother will _always_ be a pack brother. Or sister.

"Not really," I admitted. "It's a long story, but one I'm going to have to share with you, Quil, and the rest of the pack. We've been trying to cope here, but… well… things aren't that great right now."

"Are you okay? Is Bella?" He sounded officially worried now.

"I'm fine, and Bella is so far, but there are some concerns. We're attempting to get it taken care of. It would be easier to describe all this in person, though."

"Well, Emily has been talking about having all of us - including you and Bella of course - at the house for breakfast on Saturday. Would that work?"

I figured that'd probably be fine. Bella needed to get back to Forks to talk to Charlie anyway.

"Okay, well tell Bella to take it easy. Let us know if you need anything."

The next couple days, Bella dragged herself in to work, though her supervisor took pity on her and let her work from home some of the time. She tried to keep busy with doing some editing and working on an article she was given to write. I tried to keep my hours the same as hers, so I could get home when she did. Her face continued to look pale, she'd get sick, and she napped a lot. When Saturday came around, we piled into the car and drove back to Forks.

When we got to Emily's, Bella opened her door, and stumbled out. "Bells," I said urgently, racing around the car. Carefully, I helped her up, but her breathing was a little choppy and she seemed weaker. She was struggling not to cry, but sniffled a little.

Gently, I picked her up, leaning my forehead against hers. Carlisle had called earlier; he'd be here tonight and as much as I hated the idea of him coming here, I was glad Bella was going to be looked at. This had to stop; my stomach was tied in knots, and I felt like I was about to be sick as well.

Quil and Embry came to the door, their brows knitted in concern, their frowns deepening when they saw me carrying Bella. Opening the door, everyone backed up, while I got Bella settled on the couch. Emily came into the room, her gentle face wreathed in concern.

"Oh, Bella," she said quietly. "Can I get you something? Tea, maybe?"

When Bella nodded, she hurried off to get some while everyone filed into the room. "What's going on?" Sam asked, looking serious. "What happened?"

I let Bella explain after Emily gave her some tea and fruit while everyone else piled on the eggs, bacon and toast. She said that she hadn't been feeling right; she even admitted to thinking she was pregnant, but told them when she found out she wasn't, she went to the doctor to see what was going on. She began explaining what she knew of vampire venom and that she knew that's what the blockage was.

I finally said, "She had to call the leader of the Cullen's, the doctor. He's the one who reset my bones after the newborn fight. He's coming here tonight; we just found out this morning."

An eruption of noise occurred, but I held up my hand. "I don't like it either. In fact, I detest the idea, but he's the only one that might be able to do something."

"Can't Sue do an x-ray and see if there's something to be done?"

"You aren't going to their territory to have this taken care of?"

"We want Bella to be taken care of, but we need to think of…"

Sam interrupted them before I could. "Everyone, relax. It's not an ideal situation, but you can vouch that he wouldn't hurt anyone, right Bella? I mean, he seemed okay when he was here before…"

"He wouldn't hurt anyone," Bella assured him.

"No one has phased and Quil told me there was a run-in or two with a vampire, so I figured if he came and we knew he wouldn't hurt anyone, that we'd be okay. I need all of you here, if you can spare it. Bella needs this."

Embry laid a hand briefly on Bella's shoulder. "We'll be here." She reached up and squeezed his hand.

They continued to discuss where the best place to do this was. I kept an eye on Bella as they talked. She looked tired, very pale, and unbearably sad. Sucking in a deep breath, I tried to let go of the helplessness I felt. I couldn't make her better.

"Jake," she whispered suddenly, panicked. I jumped up, instinctively knowing. I got her to the bathroom in time for her to be sick. She knelt on the floor as I pulled her hair aside until she sat back. She leaned her forehead against the cool tile wall, and I rubbed her back.

Leah was outside the door, pacing. When she opened it, our eyes met. Leah was a conflicting mess of emotions, but she obviously had come to really care about Bella. She needed to see she was okay, but didn't say anything. It was time to take Bella to Charlie's, so we said good bye to everyone, and I felt their worry weighing down on my shoulders.

Charlie was on his way home, so I got Bella settled on the couch, knowing they needed some time alone together. I smoothed her hair as she lay back, watching her closely. "Call me if you need me," I told her. "I'll come get you when it's time, too. I'm just going to visit with Billy while you stay here."

She nodded, and I made myself move away, wishing for nothing more than to be permanently by her side.

 

*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

Charlie sat on the armchair, his lightly lined face grave. It was an expression I was all too familiar with; one that I had put on his face to begin with and now I was doing it again.

Finally, he said, "What's going to happen tonight? Will he be able to fix whatever's wrong?"

I rolled to my side, the dull ache persisting in my stomach. Wincing, I laid a hand over my stomach. "He's going to see what he can do by extracting what's in there. It seems to be what's making me sick, and I really hope he can."

Charlie leaned his head back. "I don't understand why you need Carlisle Cullen to do this. Why not just go to the hospital?"

I bit my lip. "It's a little more… complicated."

Charlie turned his eyes boring into mine. "I haven't forgotten, Bella. I want you to tell me what the hell really happened and soon."

I nodded wearily, resigned to having to try and explain this to him. It wasn't going to be easy, but he hadn't pushed me into telling him. He was being patient and especially now with what's going on, it didn't seem right to keep it from him. I explained as best as I could about my stomach; telling him it was something foreign in my system.

We talked about other things, trying to remain normal. He made me lunch which was a first, and I managed to keep it down. After awhile, I felt the urge to go out to the cliffs and watch the sunset. I had to plead a little bit with Charlie to take me there, but he finally gave in, ordering me to keep my phone on and to answer it. I also had to tell Jake where I was. I promised I would obey the orders, so I called Jake as he drove me out to the cliffs. He made me promise to call him immediately if I needed it, and I had to answer if he decided to call and check up on me.

Finally, Charlie helped me to the cliffs and got me seated with my back against a tree. I curled my legs under me, smiling up at him. "I'm okay, dad. I just want to sit here and relax a little while. I love you."

He looked a little shaken; like I had said it in case something went wrong. I didn't feel that way, though. I just wanted him to know.

"I love you, too," he finally said, hesitantly laying his hand on the top of my head. "Call me if you need me, but I'll be there tonight. Don't even try to talk me out of it."

I nodded and after he left me there, I leaned back and closed my eyes.

_So lost. I'd been so lost for so long. The snow was still falling, and I longed for wet, green forests. I longed for a love that would last a normal lifetime. I longed for so much I didn't have because of choices I had made. The Cullen's drifted by, busy yet not so busy, not understanding my boredom; their lifetimes were infinite._

_The boy and girl I had seen holding hands in my vision drifted by, taunting me, showing me what I wanted. But when I tried to catch them, they disappeared, and I was surrounded by white snow, silence, and pale skin and golden eyes._

I opened my eyes and felt a tear slide down my cheek. I was pretty sure Carlisle could help me, but not sure if he could reverse the possible damage to something inside me that would stop me from having children. My chest and stomach began to ache again, and I took a deep breath, watching the sun begin to sink over the ocean.

"Hey," I heard someone say behind me. I jumped, but relaxed when I saw it was Leah.

"Hey," I replied. I waved a hand and she sat next to me.

She didn't say anything else, and suddenly, having someone there who didn't feel the need to talk was overwhelming. The tears began to fall a little faster, so she draped an arm over my shoulders. I turned my face into her and cried, knowing that despite all the teasing, occasional blunt comments, and harassing me over Jake, that Leah cared about me. That was enough.

"I understand," she said simply. I didn't get it at first, but she clued me in when she told me she'd stopped menstruating when she was phasing. "I was frozen for the most part. I was a strong wolf, but apparently I wasn't strong enough because I was unable to conceive due to that. There's still a part of me that thinks that's why Sam imprinted on Emily."

I leaned back, seeing the sadness but also seeing that she'd accepted that. "I… had no idea…" I murmured. How was that fair?

She shrugged. "It sucked, but I went through yoga and meditation to help some of my anger; to keep it in control. When I stopped phasing, it came back, though it's been off and on. I'm still not positive if I can, but I have to wait and see. My mom seems to think it'll happen, but hey. I just thought I'd let you know that."

I wiped the back of my hand across my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Leah. It seems you've come to terms with this, but I hope it does happen for you. It bothers me because I'm the one that made the wrong choice. Do I deserve this for being so stupid? You certainly don't. You had no choice."

She trailed her fingers across the loose pebbles, looking out over the sea. "I don't think you do. So many people make mistakes, but try to rectify them and they have happy lives. I don't know what the outcome will be, but you aren't a bad person, Bella. You've come a long way."

I smiled a little. "Thank you. Jake's been amazing about all of this so far, but we haven't discussed everything yet. I feel so helpless, because he had admitted before he knew that he wanted children one day. It makes me feel like shit. I want to give him that."

"You can't think about the what-if's. Take it one step a time. And believe me, if anyone can break through vampire venom, it'd be Jake. He probably has mega-strong sperm."

It took me by surprise, but I laughed so hard and it felt damn good. Leah was smirking at me. "Come on, let's go," she said. I texted Jake back after his check on me to let him know I was with Leah and we were on our way.

The bed was ready; my makeshift gurney and it was as sterilized as possible. Carlisle came shortly after, and he gave me a small, reassuring smile. "How are you?" he asked quietly.

"Other than this, I'm good," I said honestly. "Being with Jake is what I really wanted. I love him. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I had to do what's right for me."

He nodded, one of the few vampires that understood, even if Edward was his son. He told me he was glad I found what I wanted and then told me to relax and slowly put me under. The last thing I saw was Jake's face at the door; Charlie, Billy, and the pack not far behind him.

When I woke, my stomach still ached, but it felt a little less painful. Jake was on one side of me, his hand holding mine, Carlisle on the other. Carlisle smiled down at me, but I could see the look in his eyes.

"It wasn't successful, was it?" I asked. I squeezed Jake's hand harder.

"It's not that," Carlisle said. "I managed to remove most of it. I don't understand why the venom didn't kill you. It hasn't been heard of, but you were always pretty remarkable, Bella. It was starting to hurt you, causing these symptoms, but they'll ease and be gone soon. There's still some in your system unfortunately that couldn't be removed, so I'm not sure if you'll be able to get pregnant down the road. You might, you might not."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. He laid a hand on my forehead, which felt comfortingly cool. "What's important right now is you'll get better and be able to live a pretty healthy life. You don't have to hesitate to call me, though I don't expect problems. I wish you the best, and I certainly hope you'll be able to bear children. If I come across anything about it, I'll be sure to let you know."

I nodded, reaching for his hand. "Thank you, Carlisle, for coming and helping me. I appreciate it more than I can say."

He smiled, nodding to Jake as he thanked him as well. "I'm glad I could. And I'll be sure to check on the divorce proceedings."

I smiled weakly, thanking him again, before he left. Jake sat on the edge of the bed, leaning down to kiss me. "Don't despair, Bells. I love you and we'll make this work. There's adoption… and who knows. He didn't say it wouldn't happen for sure."

I nodded, knowing he was right, and tried to hold on to that hope, though I struggled to keep a firm grip on the wavering vision of our little boy and girl.

 

*~*~*

 

**AN: Not all hope is lost. :o) I know, it's sad and sucks right now, though! Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**


	17. Halloween

Today I've cried a many tear  
And pain is in my heart  
Around me lies a somber scene  
I don't know where to start  
But I feel warmth on my skin  
The stars have all aligned  
The wind has blown but now I know  
That tomorrow will be kinder

**-The Secret Sisters "Tomorrow Will Be Kinder"**

* * *

Jake was fast asleep next to me, one arm slung over his head, his lips parted slightly in a soft snore. He had bent over backwards to take care of me as I continued to heal from the surgery and because I was still suffering from a few after-effects. It made me feel guilty because he came from working all day to help me make dinner, to shower, and to make sure I was comfortable. He told me to get over it when I said something, but I knew he was tired. I had begun to feel better after the surgery and was able to go to work, but I tired easily and couldn't move too fast because of the stitches. Plus, there was still some residual pain.

Easing out of bed, I pulled the extra blanket out of the open closet and wrapped it around myself. Even with his still better-than-normal hearing, Jake didn't stir. He was fast asleep. Carefully, I slid out of the room and sat out on the little deck off the living room. The night air was a little chilly, but it felt good on my face as I tilted it up to the night sky. The stars were obscured by the clouds, but I could see the faint outline of an almost full moon.

I tried to tuck my legs under me, wincing slightly as my stomach twinged. Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I felt the pain subside enough to relax.

I rested my hand on my stomach, feeling the sadness and fear that came in waves. I leaned my head back, staring at the view of the apartments across the street. Some still had lights on and there was movement behind the curtains. It was a good distraction from thinking about what had been going on in our lives; to see people going about their own business.

The door opened behind me, and I turned my head to see Jake. He looked tired and had faint circles under his eyes.

"You okay, Bells?" he asked. He perched on the chair next to me.

"I'm all right," I said, reaching out to brush the messy tangle of hair off his forehead. "I just couldn't sleep and wanted some fresh air. You look exhausted, though. You've done enough for me; why don't you get some more sleep and I'll be in soon?"

"I'm fine," he said, kissing my neck lightly.

I missed being intimate with him. I needed to heal more first. The conversation about that had been awkward with Carlisle. Every time I was with Jake, I craved him and the way he made me feel. He could brush a lock of his own hair away in distraction and I wanted him. He could be making dinner and I wanted him. He could come home hot, sweaty, and irritable and I wanted him. My need was strong, but Jake held me at arm's length because he was afraid of hurting me. It drove me nuts.

His hand enveloped mine and we sat there, loosely connected, but I knew our bond was solidifying. It was something I was really grateful for. He supported me through this, not once saying anything about how if I had made different choices, I might have a better chance at conceiving. Not that I ever thought Jake would say or even think that, but it was what went through my mind. This had just brought us closer where I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.

"I'm scared," I whispered into the dark, not looking at him.

A soft sigh escaped him. "So am I. I hope Carlisle is right and that this won't affect you anymore."

"And I'm sorry," I admitted finally. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but how this happened… I had no idea… and now I've probably ruined things."

My eyes burned with unshed tears as Jake turned to me. Firmly, he took my chin in his hand, turning my face to his. "Don't, Bella. It's not like I like the idea of it, but you didn't know. Do I wish you hadn't married him or been intimate with him? Hell yes, but there is no way I'm going to blame you for this. I know this is hard for you, honey; it's hard for me, too, but I believe we still have a chance. You should as well."

"You really don't care if I can't give you children? I feel like you should have that chance. You didn't ask for this and it makes me feel guilty," I said. My lips trembled, though I managed to refrain from crying.

"Bella, as long as I have you, I'm perfect. This doesn't make you any less than you are. I know I was angry and hurt when you came home, and we're still learning to be together, but I'm proud of you. You came back and you stayed even when things weren't easy. You're strong, honey."

My cheeks were chilled from the tears as I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder. Jake was everything I ever wanted; it just took me awhile to realize it. We sat there in silence, watching the night pass us by and listening to the crickets chirping. When the rain started up again, he gave a sigh and rose.

"Come on," he said, helping me up and out of the chair. Gently, he picked me up and took me back to bed.

  
*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

I stood staring at the structure of the school. It was pretty amazing to see the progress we had made and to get an idea of how the finished project was going to look. Thankfully, we were right on target and got the outside work done before we rolled into November. It was Halloween weekend already. I checked my watch, realizing Bella would be on her way from work. She was cleared to drive, though her recovery was still in effect. Thankfully, it wasn't much longer. Her need for me was palpable, and I knew mine was for her. Resisting her was getting more and more difficult.

I tapped my fingers on my work bench, staring down at the blueprints, anxious for her to be here. It was nerve-wracking for me knowing she was driving. When I heard gravel crunching outside, relief flooded through me, and I went out to greet her.

She still looked a little worn, but was moving better. And she looked adorable in black jeans, orange-brown sweater with brown and green leaves painted on her cheeks, though I wasn't sure why she had pictures colored on her face.

I touched her cheek lightly, trying to hold back a grin. "What's with the face paint?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Damn, I forgot to wipe it off. It was part of a work thing; kids came in to the office for Halloween and the supervisors asked us to dress the part. I thought I was smart in wearing Halloween colors, but apparently I needed to look more like a pumpkin."

I did laugh then. "You look cute in face paint," I said, earning a punch in the gut.

I slid my arms around her, pressing a kiss to her thick, wavy hair. "I'm glad you're here," I said quietly.

She knew I worried still, so she rested her head on my chest and held on to me. We stood there like that until we were interrupted by the rest of the pack. Even the remaining brothers in my pack that weren't thrilled with Bella had gotten over it in light of everything that happened. They could feel Bella's pain of being unsure if she could give me children one day, solidifying how she felt about me. They already knew how I felt about her. Due to the nature of our relationship, they weren't exactly connected to her like they were to me, but they could read her like a book.

Quil was wrestling with Embry, while Seth egged them on, and making Bella giggle. "Are you sure you're up for tonight?" I asked. My hand eased over her stomach, stroking and soothing.

She smiled. "I am. That one bonfire we were at briefly before we, um, had to leave wasn't enough. I miss going to them."

I chuckled, remembering how we were in such a hurry to get back to her house because we were desperate to be together. The thought was going to drive me nuts because I really wanted her now, but didn't want to hurt her.

"It'll be a fun weekend," she assured me. "We'll go to the bonfire tonight, and we'll go to Emily and Sam's Halloween party tomorrow night and have a good time."

"Only if you dress up as a pumpkin," I teased her.

She gave me a smack, and laughing, we hit the store to grab some supplies before driving down to the beach. Once there, they got the bonfire blazing quickly. We sat around discussing the school and our plans for the holiday.

"We should totally TP the high school," Quil said.

"Or throw eggs!" Jared crowed.

"We should try to frighten the crap out of kids," Paul added.

I just shook my head, laughing. "What are we? Twelve?"

Just then I realized Bella wasn't paying attention. Her focus was on Sam and Emily, and I tuned in, realizing right away what was going on. My stomach sank, and I tightened my arm around Bella. Emily's cheeks were glowing and she looked thrilled. Sam had his arm around her, his hand occasionally drifting to rest protectively on her stomach. He also had a glow about him.

When Bella couldn't take her eyes away, I cleared my throat. My eyes met Sam's, and he looked down briefly before clearing his throat.

"We, um, have an announcement," he murmured quietly. All conversation came to a halt at that.

Leah had been uncharacteristically quiet, and I saw her shift slightly and take hold of Bella's other hand. Emily realized Bella had seen and took a deep breath before looking up at all of us.

"Sam and I are going to have a baby," she finally said.

No one moved at first, the knowledge of what had just happened recently hitting them. Bella's hand tightened briefly around mine, but she smiled. "Emily, Sam… I don't want you to be afraid to be happy for my sake. This is huge news, fantastic news, and I'm thrilled for both of you."

Bella's statement caused everyone to relax a little. The guys got all rowdy, congratulating them, laughing, and there was a lot of back-slapping and hugging. Bella looked calm, happy for them, but I wondered what was going on in her head. Leah leaned over and murmured something in her ear. I could barely hear it, but it had something to do with strength.

Leah's face hadn't changed either, but I could feel the briefest inner turmoil from her before she squelched it. Her eyes met mine, and I nodded slightly. She gave me a small smile. We brought the food out then - hot dogs, potato salad, chips, cookies Emily had made, and of course marshmallows - and ate and talked some more.

When it was time to leave, we made our rounds, and I smiled as Bella hugged Emily and Sam. Her hand rested briefly on Emily's stomach. "I wish you a healthy pregnancy, and I'm so happy for both of you. Let me know if I can help out with anything."

On our way back to the little house we were staying in for the weekend, thanks to Sue Clearwater, I tried to gauge how Bella was feeling. She was quiet, but seemed pretty calm. Once inside, I opened my mouth to say something, but Bella had reached up to lock her arms around my neck. When she urged me down, I could feel desperation in her kiss. Her tongue was insistent; sliding sinuously inside, eager and teasing.

She felt so delicate under my hands, the bones small and fragile, and her skin soft to the touch. I never got tired of the thickness of her hair as I buried my hands in it, tilting her head back slightly to get a better angle. Carefully, I slid an arm under her, lifting her and carrying her back to the bedroom. I stretched out on my side next to her, tracing a pattern over her stomach, to her side, up to her breast, and back down to her hip.

Bella gave a small purr, arching a little at my touch, and tried to hide the wince it caused. I had seen it, though, and I backed off. "Jake, no…" she sighed, tugging my hand back, "Keep touching me."

"Bells, we can't. I don't want to hurt you…"

"You aren't. I need you, Jake, please."

My resolve was weakening, so I idly stroked her hip and said, "We'll compromise. Just hold still. If you move too much, I'm stopping."

I unbuttoned her jeans, hooking my fingers into the waistband and pulled them off along with her panties. Slowly, I got her sweater and bra off so she was bare before me. Her eyes met and held mine, warm with lust, as I leaned down to lightly nip and taste her luscious pink nipples.

She gave a small moan, but I backed off before she could move under me. "Jake," she sighed.

I placed a soft kiss over the area that she had stitches before moving down further. Pressing light kisses to her inner thighs, she tried to keep from squirming, her breath choppier than before. I slid my arms under her thighs, placing my hands under her ass, raising her slightly before I pressed my mouth to the center of her.

"Oh God… mmmm, that feels so good," she panted.

I concentrated on nibbling those soft lips, pressing my tongue to her clit. When she shifted, I reached up and held her down firmly. It was to hold her still so she didn't hurt herself, but it turned her on even more. Slowly, I eased my tongue into her, making her cry out.

"So sweet," I murmured.

Pressing little kisses along the length of her, I looked up to see her head thrashing on the pillow. When I focused on just where she wanted, I nipped, licked, and sucked until she came with a cry. As I moved up next to her, her brown eyes were pleading. "I want to make love to you," she said.

"Soon, honey," I promised. "It's only a couple more days."

When I saw a tear slide down her cheek, followed by another, I knew it was more than just wanting sex. The news of Sam and Emily's pregnancy was hitting her hard and she was looking for something neither of us was ready for just to see if it could happen. She was crying silently now. She turned away from me, but I held her against my chest. Her body shook slightly with her sobs and I remained quiet, letting her get it out of her system.

"I'm s-sorry," she gasped. "I thought I was… I don't know…"

"When the time is right down the road, we'll try," I told her. "Bella, I know this is hard, but it isn't something that should happen now just because it's happening for someone else. I know we aren't ready for kids yet."

She turned and tucked her head under my chin. "I miss being intimate with you even if it hasn't been that long. Seeing Emily just freaked me out, and I thought if I tried right now, maybe it would happen. I just lost my head for a bit," she mumbled.

Her sniffles stopped, and I rubbed her back. "I know. It's okay, honey."

She turned and smiled wearily at me. "Thank you for being understanding. I know I've been a mess lately, and I'm sorry, but it's getting better. This was just a huge reminder."

"Don't apologize," I murmured. "You know I'm here for you. It hasn't been easy, but we're doing okay. We just have to keep on going and continue what we're doing."

When she relaxed against me again, it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. Her soft breath ghosted over my chest as I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep as I envisioned Bella pregnant with my child.

  
*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

I was embarrassed at my display; practically trying to force Jake to have sex with me before the healing process was complete. I was misguided enough to think if we did so I might get pregnant, too. He was right. It wasn't something I wanted immediately, but all the talk of uncertainty and Emily being pregnant sent me into a bit of a tailspin.

Determined to have some fun and try to forget all of the problems that had cropped up recently, I called Leah to help me find a sexy Catwoman outfit for the party. It didn't take her long to arrive and she smirked when I opened the door.

"So, is Jake going as a sexy Batman? You could wear leather and look at each other all sexy-like. Or you two could duke it out; have a sexy fight."

I snickered at the thought of a sexy fight. "What does that entail? We eventually engage in some naked wrestling?"

She laughed. "I'm rubbing off on you. That's awesome!"

I gave her an innocent smile. "He's actually going as Bane."

We drove to a nearby store to look at costumes. It didn't take long to find a Catwoman costume. It was the typical black leather, though the front unbuttoned to show off some cleavage. I didn't want to go too crazy with something sexy because I still wasn't technically allowed to have sex yet. Jake wanted me, I could tell, but he wasn't bending. He was too afraid of hurting me.

Leah held up a Playboy bunny outfit. "Think I could just wear the ears with a thong?" she asked.

I laughed. "It wouldn't surprise me if you did."

We paid for our outfits and headed back to Charlie's. He was home from work and threw some steaks on the grill for us before we had to leave. Jake met me back at our temporary home and we changed into our costumes. He was still in the bedroom, so I fished out my caramel-coated apples that I'd made that morning along with the chocolate studded rice krispie treats that resembled spiders.

When I turned back around, I gave a shriek. "Jake!" I exclaimed. My stomach had ached a little in response to that, but I refrained from wincing. "You scared the crap out of me!"

The Bane costume was freaky enough to begin with, but on Jake, with his russet skin, his height, and massive muscle, it was pretty terrifying. The mask obscured most of his face and he looked rather evil. He leaned down and nuzzled my neck, though. "Sorry," he said in an overly husky voice, making me giggle at his attempt to sound scary, too.

"Those look good," he said, leaning eagerly over my shoulder. I smirked and gave him a small one.

We got to Emily and Sam's house which was decked out with black and orange lanterns strung in the trees and placed along the front porch and sidewalk. There were orange floodlights illuminating the house, and I could hear thumping music pouring out the windows and front door. The inside of the house was covered in black and orange streamers, fake spider webs decorated the corners of the house, and dancing skeletons and witches hung strategically around the rooms.

The food covered the kitchen table, plus every space of the countertop was taken except for a little spot for my own treats. "Hey Bella," Emily said giving me a hug.

She was too tactful to say anything, but I knew she was worrying about my reaction. I gave her a smile and a hug back. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," she said a little carefully, though I could see the hint of a happy smile ready to bloom on her face.

"The food looks amazing," I said staring in awe at all of it. There were trays of sandwiches, meatballs and sausages, and there were deviled eggs with olives to make them look like eyeballs, bowls of chips, pumpkin soup, and plenty of treats that looked like spiders, marshmallow treats that looked like ghosts, and so many more.

Jake got a massive plate of food while I settled for a more reasonable one. We ate before heading into the living room. _The Nightmare before Christmas_ soundtrack began playing and we laughed and talked with everyone.

It was all perfectly normal and fun, and I couldn't help laughing as the pack managed to tackle and pin down Sam. They managed to get some lipstick and rouge on him before he managed to get out from under them.

I danced with Leah, laughing at her skimpy leather mini-skirt with a bunny tail attached to it. She shook it, making all the men that _didn't_ know her drool. "I think I'm going to be scoring some tail tonight," she said with a wicked grin.

"You're such a slut," I said teasingly.

"I have a strong sexual appetite," she said loftily. I snickered until she wound herself around me, mimicking dry-humping. I think every single man in the place turned and stared. "See how they're all looking at us? What a bunch of dogs."

My cheeks were red, but I couldn't help laughing at her antics.

"Hey, get off my girlfriend," Jake said with a chuckle. "That's my job."

I smiled, sliding my arms around him. "Fine," Leah sighed. "Go off with someone who has a _penis_ , why don't you? I'm gonna go find me a Hugh Hefner, though a hotter and younger version. Toodle-oo!"

Jake was just shaking his head, and I giggled. "She's unique," he said. I agreed whole-heartedly.

He danced with me, holding me against his body, spinning me around carefully. I smiled and let myself be twirled around as I stood on his feet. It didn't take long before we ended up outside, the breeze cooling my cheeks. "Did that punch have alcohol in it?" I asked fanning myself.

He grinned. "I think so. You didn't have that much, though, so I think you're good."

A swirl of yellow and orange leaves rustled around us as the air stirred them. He danced slowly with me, holding me now, so I could rest my head on his shoulder. "I like how your ass feels in leather," he said, surprising a laugh out of me.

"I'll have to wear it more often," I teased. "Maybe when I'm in the clear we can have a little leather night."

He smirked, but I could see his eyes warm at the thought. I could scarcely wait. His mouth trailed a line of kisses along my jaw while we danced until he reached my mouth. The touch of his tongue against mine set off sparks inside me; tingles shot up and down my spine at his touch. His mouth was so warm and I lost myself in his kiss, the languid stroke of his tongue, and I tilted my head back as he tasted my neck.

"Jake," I murmured.

He knew what I wanted, so he let me slide down his body. I wanted to return the favor from last night. "Don't tell me no," I said with a wicked grin. "I promise to be careful. Let's go."

He groaned painfully and laughed. "Okay, let's go say good bye."

As we headed toward the door, I felt a trickle of cold ease down my spine. The back of my neck prickled, and I spun around to stare at the forest behind me. Trees swayed in the cool breeze, the leaves rustling, but I thought I saw a flash of color. It happened so fast, I wasn't sure if I was imaging it or not. The uneasy feeling inside me was still there; fear had me pinned in place momentarily.

Jake looked at me, concerned. "Bells, what's wrong?"

Not sure if I had too much of the alcohol after all, I tried to give him a reassuring smile. "Nothing. I think the leaves rustling and the Halloween spirit is making me a little jumpy."

He frowned, his nostrils flaring slightly as he sniffed at the air. "All I can smell is the hot dogs cooking," he said as the fumes from a nearby cooking pit wafted over. Some of the party had spilled outside and were using the outdoor pit to roast hot dogs. Looking a little frustrated, Jake said, "Let me go further and check…"

"No, don't worry about it," I said, tightening my grip on his arm. I couldn't explain it, but I wanted him by my side. "Let's just go home. I want to be alone with you."

He was still a little tensed, but relaxed at my words, giving me a sly smile. We headed inside to say good bye to everyone before hopping into Jake's car to head home. I stroked his thigh, eager to repay him in whatever way he allowed me.

The feeling I had outside never quite left, though. I pushed it to the back of my mind, attributing it to an overactive imagination, and focused on what was in front of me.

  
*~*~*

 

**AN: Hmmm… curious, eh? Heh Hope you enjoyed! And just so you know, I try to update about a week and a half, and I'm now up-to-date. :)**


	18. In the Know

She was a middle class girl, she was in over her head  
She thought she would stand up in the deep end  
He had a bullet proof smile,  
He had money to burn  
She thought she had the moon in her pocket  
But now she's dead  
She's so dead  
Forever dead and lovely now

**Tom Waits - "Dead and Lovely"**

* * *

Jake's moans of pleasure were enough to bring a cat-ate-the-canary smile to my face. When I pulled away, making a little pop with my mouth as I released him, he didn't move. It was apparently a job well done. Carefully, I maneuvered my way back up to him and stretched out, content with the return favor.

Jake turned to me, a smile teasing the edges of his mouth. "You're pretty pleased with yourself, aren't you?"

I gave him a smug look. "You know it."

He laughed. "I'm pretty pleased, too."

I smiled, snuggling into his warmth. He played with my hair as we listened to the rain making pinging sounds on the little side patio. I'd cracked the window and the cool air wafted into the room.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

I considered that, especially after everything that happened. "Not too bad," I said honestly. "Physically, a little sore, but it's getting better. It's not constant at least. And I'm still a little sad, but I'm going to try and think more positively about it."

He shifted, spooning me from behind. "I'm glad," he murmured against my shoulder. "I think it's best to try and focus on the here and now. The stress isn't good while you're trying to heal either."

As much as I wanted it to happen, I knew he was right. This wasn't something I could control. I would do what I could, try to push thoughts of little black-haired babies from my mind, and focus on the good things I had in my life.

"We'll be okay," I murmured sleepily. His arms tightened around me before we drifted off.

My eyes blinked open suddenly. Confused, I caught sight of the clock. It was almost four in the morning. I felt shaky for some reason; my body was in a cold sweat as I tried to figure out what woke me. I slid out of bed, padding into the bathroom. It was quiet and still except for the occasional whoosh of the trees outside in the rain-driven wind.

Chalking it up to Halloween jitters, I washed my face. A little less sweaty, I opened the refrigerator for a coke and took a big swallow. The fizz burned a little, but it was cold and just what I needed. While I was leaning against the counter, there was a twinge in my stomach. Suddenly, it felt different; almost like a warning.

Panicked, I cried out, and looked up to see a flash of color outside the window. This time I briefly saw the faint outline of a silhouette and it scared the shit out of me. Another cry broke free as my stomach shivered eerily in response. Jake was in the kitchen in seconds, confusion and panic on his face.

"Bella? What happened?" he asked anxiously. "Are you okay?"

"Some…" my voice cracked. Taking a deep breath, I gasped, "Something's ou-outside. I just saw a flash of something in the yard, Jake. I saw it earlier before we came back here for the night!"

Jake was out the door in a flash. "Jake!" I cried, not wanting him out there. I grabbed the phone, dialing Embry's number.

He answered and his voice was groggy with sleep. "Huh?"

"Embry, it's Bella," I said still out of breath. "Something's outside here and Jake went out to look. Please, I know it's asking a lot, but can you back him up?"

His voice was immediately alert. "I'm on my way, and I'm getting Quil."

I moved out onto the porch, looking for Jake. He had disappeared and now along with the strange and indescribable sensation in my stomach, I was scared to death he would be hurt by whatever was out there. Embry and Quil appeared, reassuring me, but were gone in a flash. I worried about them now, too, but I knew strength in numbers would be better. It felt like it lasted a lifetime, but in actuality, it didn't take long before all three of them came back.

I stayed on the step with my arms wrapped around my middle until Jake came up and enfolded me in a hug. Embry ruffled my hair affectionately, giving me a reassuring smile. It was meant to calm me, and I appreciated the gesture.

"We didn't see anything, but I know something was out there," Jake told me, his hand nervously rubbing my back. "I could smell it."

"It smelled like a vampire," Quil added, "but it didn't smell quite the same as they normally do. So, we're a little confused as to what or who it actually is."

"Whatever the hell it was, it dodged us and disappeared. It's gone," Jake said reassuringly.

"We didn't even have to attempt to phase. It was gone that fast. I'm not sure how that would've gone; it's been a long time since we did," Embry said.

My stomach had calmed, though the feeling had been strange and unsettling. It hadn't feel quite right and I didn't know how to explain it. "You should get some more sleep," Jake murmured. I was practically falling asleep on him, though I was fighting it because I couldn't shake the worry.

Embry and Quil left and headed back home. Jake led me inside, helped me back into bed, and slid in next to me. Confused about something, I turned to Jake. "You still have some werewolf senses, right?"

He turned his head to look at me. "Yes. Why?"

"I was just curious. I mean, you said you hadn't smelled anything earlier. I mean, I thought I was just seeing things. That's why I didn't say anything."

He pondered that for a moment. "I guess it was a bit of a distraction with what was going on, the smell of the food roasting, and like Quil said, it didn't smell quite the same."

I nodded and lay back again. Fear still gripped me a little, which was making it difficult to rest though I was tired. "Jake, I…"

"You're safe," he murmured, knowing exactly how I felt. "And we'll talk more in the morning. Please, get some more sleep. You're obviously exhausted."

I nodded again, curling back into him, and falling asleep before I could say another word.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

The sky was lightening, and I was still too fired up to really sleep. I dozed off a few times, but that was about it. Bella was fast asleep, though, for which I was grateful. She was almost there, but I wanted to make sure she was careful and got the rest she needed to finish healing.

She stirred in her sleep, murmuring softly. I listened intently for a minute because she murmured Edward's name. It didn't particularly bother me. I knew she often dreamed of her time in Alaska; it was never anything good so it didn't worry me. It was just the way it was. Instead, I smoothed her hair, humming quietly a song my mom used to sing to me to help me fall asleep. It had been a long time since I'd thought of that, but it was what instinctively came to mind. The song had been something I enjoyed and that helped me sleep, though I would never have admitted it to my friends because of where it came from.

_How high does the sycamore grow  
_ _If you cut it down, then you'll never know  
_ _And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon  
_ _For whether we are white or copper-skinned  
_ _We need to sing with all the voices of the mountain  
_ _We need to paint with all the colors of the wind_

She relaxed as I continued to hum.

When Bella was still, I continued to ponder over and over what the hell it was in the woods. The wolf inside had been dormant for nearly four years, and I could feel the beginning stages of it clawing inside of me, wanting to be released. There was danger to my family, my people, my land, and especially Bella. I didn't want that responsibility, the danger that went with it, and I wanted to remain human. I'd had enough of being a monster, but it didn't look like that was going to be the case.

I would be a wolf if it protected Bella.

I turned on my side to look at her. Her thick, wavy hair was spread out on the pillow in tangled disarray. Her long lashes fluttered slightly against her pale cheeks. My eyes lingered on her full, slightly off-kilter mouth; something I loved about her. Her small hands were bunched slightly around the fabric of the soft, blue quilt. When she shifted in her sleep, sighing, I knew she was about to wake.

Before she did, I pressed my lips against hers. She murmured slightly against my mouth, but I kissed her over and over. Why couldn't our life just be normal? I just wanted to wake up in bed next to her, knowing she was healthy and safe, go out on a date with her, make love to her without being afraid of hurting her, and damn if I didn't want to worry about wolf-ing out anymore.

But life was never easy. And we'd made it back to each other despite everything. We were sticking together through thick and thin and that was what life was supposedly about.

When Bella's fingers tugged lightly at my hair, I pulled back slightly. She smiled a little at me, her brown eyes still sleepy. "I need to breathe," she said. Contrite, I started to move away, but she took a deep breath and pulled me back to her.

Our mouths met again and her tongue darted between my parted lips. I stroked her, pushing the covers out of the way, working my way up to cupping her breast through the little tank-tops she wore that drove me crazy. When I moved down to taste her throat, she squirmed and her wince could be felt.

"Soon," I said softly, kissing her once more. She sighed, keeping her hand on the back of my neck. I rested my forehead against hers.

"Let's get something to eat," she said finally. She slid out of bed, wrapping a robe around herself, and I followed her into the kitchen. We made French toast, and I smiled when she handed me a cup of coffee sprinkled with a dash of cinnamon.

The subdued light trickled in the windows while we ate. It felt like a completely normal morning, but we needed to talk about last night. It wasn't something either of us relished, but we knew it had to be done.

"Was last night, before we came back here, the first time you thought you saw something?" I asked.

She nodded, looking down and folding her hands around her coffee cup. "I thought maybe I was seeing things. It happened so fast. It didn't feel right, and I should have trusted my instincts. You didn't sense it, and I didn't want you to go off looking."

"What happened this morning?" I asked her, taking the last bite of bacon.

She frowned, looking really worried for a brief second. "What is it?" I would never cease to worry about her especially when she looked like that.

"It's hard to explain, but right before I saw whatever it was outside the window, my stomach felt strange. It didn't feel anything like it normally felt; it was a shivery sensation, like something was moving. It was almost like an… alert."

My own stomach felt strange when she said that. How the hell could that be? Oh shit, what if Edward left something else inside her? The thought made the wolf snarl, and I felt fury boiling deep. "So… you knew something was out there because of that?" I had to be careful.

She nodded. "It didn't feel right, Jake," she whispered. "I didn't like it, and I don't know what it could be."

"Maybe that son of a bitch left something else…" I said, struggling to control my temper. If that was why she might be unable to have children, I was going to Alaska to rip his head off.

At my statement, Bella's eyes widened in shock. "No, Jake, that can't be. It probably has to do with the surgery, nothing else. Carlisle would have seen and said something."

She sounded certain, but I couldn't help feeling that niggle of doubt. "He's supposed to call, right? From what he said, you have a day or two left. He wanted to follow-up."

She got up and moved around the table. I slid my arms around her waist, pulling her onto my lap. Shaken, we held each other, unsure of what was going on and what to do about it. Burying my face in her neck, I breathed in the smell of cinnamon and her soft lilac scent.

She smoothed my hair, her touch soothing. "We'll talk to Carlisle soon. We'll figure this out and we'll go back to normal. Everything will be okay; you'll see," she promised.

I truly hoped she was right.

  
*~*~*

 

**BPOV**

I spent the rest of the day with Charlie, willing to help pass out candy that evening for trick-or-treaters. I planned on cajoling Jake to help me with that after dinner. He, Billy, and Sue planned to come up and eat with us. I spent the afternoon under my dad's watchful eye. Finally, I headed outside with a towel and a book, having had enough of overprotective men. Spreading the towel out, I stretched out on my back, propping my one leg on my knee and resting my book there.

Charlie came out to clean the grill and watch me. Ignoring him, I continued to read, grateful that he offered to grill so I didn't have to cook. I heard Jake's car pull up, so I hopped up and headed into the house to make a big salad. When they came in, I gave Jake a little smile. He kissed the top of my head. "I thought you weren't making anything?" he questioned, quirking an eyebrow.

"I can probably handle making a salad. I'm not an invalid," I said, giving him an elbow shove.

We got the table set, my dad grilled the steaks, and I put Jake in charge of oiling up the potatoes to go into the oven. Once we sat down to eat, I leaned back in my chair watching my family eat dinner. It was something so simple, but it was what I had wanted for so long.

_The kitchen was quiet; the only sound that could be heard was the click of the chess board from the living room. I stood at the stove, shivering in my hoodie, and cooking pasta. Cooking was something I mostly did out of habit in Phoenix, but when I'd lived in Forks, I had made food for the pack a couple times and ate with them. It felt like a real family gathering with a bunch of people who loved each other._

_Lonely, I stirred the pasta and heated up the meatballs. Here, I was the only one that ate food. There was no one to cook for, no messes to make, no loud laughing and talking. I felt a tear slide inadvertently down my cheek._

_Jasper and Emmett came into the kitchen, back from hunting. They greeted me, but what I saw had me pausing. My answering smile was shaky, but I kept it as normal as possible. There had been blood at the corner of Emmett's mouth, and I felt my stomach roll slowly._

_"What am I doing?" I whispered._

_Bracing my hands on the counter, I took a deep breath. I knew this going into the marriage; knew that Edward and his family needed blood for survival, but suddenly it was hitting home that I would have to do this myself if I'd allow myself to be changed. It was a sickening thought._

_I managed to finish making my dinner, sat down at the lone place setting at the table. Edward came out to the kitchen then; sat at the other end. The gesture was appreciated, but we didn't have much to say to each other anymore. I was surprised he even bothered. Our eyes met, and I felt the loneliness bubble up again even with my husband sitting there._

_The images of my father, Jake, Billy, Jake's brothers and sisters... it was all I could think of as I ate dinner in the silent, sterile kitchen in Alaska._

Jake's hand brought me back as he wrapped his fingers around mine. "You okay?" he asked quietly. "You look kind of sad."

I smiled, squeezing his hand. "I'm fine. It was just a memory."

I could feel his eyes on me, but I began to eat, grateful that I had the family, the noise, the mess in my life now. The sky was already beginning to darken, so while Sue and Jake offered to clean up, I got the candy ready for the trick-or-treaters. Everyone ended up staying, helping to pass the candy out. I couldn't help laughing as Jake swung the door open, his Bane mask in place, freaking out most of the kids.

Charlie shook his head. "You're scaring the shit out of them, kid," he said, but his mouth twitched.

Jake grinned evilly. "That's the point."

I got up to go get some beer and wine for all of us when suddenly that shivery feeling took over my stomach. I bit back a cry, but I jerked my head toward the window in the kitchen. There was nothing there, but it didn't matter. I knew something was out there, putting not just me and Jake, but now the rest of my family in danger.

My stomach was gripped with the oddest sensation, a slight shiver of movement, and I couldn't bite back a cry as it swelled and ebbed. It set me off-balance, and I tried to catch myself on the counter, slamming my knee into the handle of a cabinet before I landed on my knees on the floor. Holding my stomach, I bent over, gasping.

Warm hands were on my back in seconds, but I could only focus on my stomach. Finally, it eased and stopped, and through the rushing sound in my ears, I heard Jake's voice. "Bella… Bella… honey, talk to me." His voice sounded frantic, so I struggled to focus.

"Jake," I rasped. "I'm… I'm okay…"

"What happened…?"

"Is she okay?"

"Jake, what the fuck is going on?" Charlie's voice exploded, and I finally snapped to attention.

Jake and Charlie both had one of my arms and was lifting me, moving me, and easing me onto the sofa. "Is it the same thing…?" Jake started to ask, and I nodded, interrupting him before he could say more.

He disappeared outside immediately. Billy was watching me silently, understanding, and I felt the sudden urge to cry. What the hell was happening to me? I was sick of this, of feeling like a freak and being reminded of things I'd rather bury and forget, and especially of putting people I loved in danger. A few tears did escape, and I swiped the back of my hand across my face.

When Jake came back in, Charlie's face had darkened considerably. "Bella, it's time you fill me in. What's wrong? I sat back long enough, giving you time you needed, but now I need to know what the hell happened." His tone was hard and there was no getting around it.

Jake's eyes met mine and we communicated silently. _Tell him_ , he was saying. _We might as well. He's in danger, too._

Billy was looking down at his hands, Sue was biting her lip nervously, and I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I hated talking about this, but now I needed to confess.

Keeping it simple, omitting some details, I spoke in monotone. "I was in danger. I know this will be hard to believe, but there aren't just humans in the world. There are other… beings. There are vampires, werewolves, and who knows what else. I'd found out about the Cullen's, but they were different. They didn't hurt people. I loved Edward in a way, but I think it was mostly just being in thrall with him. I let myself get swept away, but I was pulled into their world nevertheless."

Charlie was staring at me slack-jawed. "Bella, did you hit your head?" he asked worriedly.

Jake sighed. "It's true, Charlie. I'm one of the wolves, though I haven't phased in a few years. I can shape shift into one and I rid this area of vampires. Just ask Billy."

Billy looked up and met Charlie's eyes. "I'm sorry, Charlie, I really am. Our legends are true, but we've never been allowed to speak of them outside of the tribe. What Jake says is true."

Sue reached out and squeezed Charlie's hand. "It's a lot to process, I know. I'm sorry it had to be kept quiet."

"You… knew my daughter could be in danger and you did nothing?" His voice was dangerously quiet.

"Dad, you would've been in danger, too," I said quietly. "I stumbled across this by accident. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to put you in danger, too. The threat here was taken care of, but after I married Edward, I was in danger from something that doesn't live anywhere near here."

"I'm finding this… really difficult to believe," he said faintly. "You knowingly married a, um, vampire?"

He looked bewildered, upset, and angry.

Jake squeezed my shoulder gently. "I'm sorry, dad. I should have told you, but I was never in danger from the Cullen's. They aren't bad people; they're just not the people I needed to be around, which is what I discovered after moving to Alaska. When we found out I was in danger, they staged my death. I barely had time to process the fact that I'd have to give up my family."

I started crying again. "I f-fucked up so bad," I gasped, startling everyone. "I missed you more than anything in the world. You and Jake. I didn't know the news would travel back to Forks that I was dead. I had no clue or I would've put a stop to it then and there. It was to keep me safe, but it made everyone I truly care about suffer."

I reached out for my dad and felt my heart ache as he hesitated briefly in holding on to me. "Please," I whimpered. "Dad, I know I screwed up so much, but it was supposed to be a temporary separation. It was just until the vampires in Italy thought I was truly dead. My marriage to Edward was falling apart before that, though, because I wanted to be home with you and Jake. I'd come to my senses and wanted a normal life back."

He held me then, and I buried my face in his shoulder. I haltingly explained that vampire venom was inside me, but didn't tell him how. I explained that Carlisle came and helped me, that I was healing, but we needed to talk to him about what was going on. We needed to find out who was hiding in the woods.

My head was pounding at the end of my speech and my back was tense.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"That's why it took me so long to forgive her," Jake said quietly. "I was born to kill vampires, to protect people, and I wasn't given the chance because she didn't want me or anyone she cared about hurt. Charlie, I'm sorry you were kept in the dark, too. I know how it feels in some way, but I also know how much Bella missed you and loves you. She's become stronger for this, knows what she truly wants now."

Charlie nodded faintly, looking dazed.

"I think I need to be alone for awhile," he finally said. He still looked angry, but more worn now. "Billy, Sue, can you please leave?"

They left, Sue crying a little, but Charlie gave them a weak smile. He was angry, but he wasn't shutting everyone out entirely like before. It made it easier, but it still hurt, knowing what I did to him.

"Jake, take Bella home," he said hoarsely. "I'll talk to you soon."

I started crying, reaching for Charlie, but Jake gently hauled me up. "Honey, it's okay," he whispered.

"Bella, I love you," Charlie said. "I'm not going to lie. This hurts a lot, I'm confused, and I'm angry. I need to think things over, but we'll talk soon. I love you, baby. Always."

I nodded, still crying, when Charlie turned away to hide his own tears. Jake carried me outside to the car while I clung to him. I curled into a ball, unable to speak. When we reached the apartment, Jake carried me inside. On the sofa, I climbed onto his lap. He held me, rubbing my back, and I was resigned to calling Carlisle again tomorrow.

"He looked so lost," I said. I rubbed my eyes which felt gritty from crying. "I hate that I did this to him, to you. Will he ever forgive me?"

"Honey, he's your dad," Jake said soothingly, rubbing my back. "He loves you more than anything. He's confused, angry, and upset; just let him process this. You'll both get through this together, like we did, but he's your dad. It's different. It'll be easier. You'll be honest with him from now on, and you'll be the better for it."

He kissed me gently, and I nodded wearily. He took me to bed, tucking me in, and stretched out next to me. I listened as he made a call to Embry and Quil, and I felt better knowing Charlie and everyone would be looked after. Jake turned to hold me against him, and silently I wondered what the next day would bring.

***~*~***

**AN: I wasn't sure if I was going to include what's out there in this chapter, but since this chapter got bigger before I knew it, I decided next chapter! So, you'll definitely have that info in the next one. :o) Did the talk with Charlie go the way you expected?**

**The song for this chapter… it should be listened to! I always thought it described Bella/Edward to a T.**


	19. Revealed

'Member when we argued on the concept of regret?  
You were an expert even then but not me, not yet  
Now all you gotta do's remind me that we met  
And there you got me, that's how you got me,  
you taught me to regret

**Fiona Apple - "Regret"**

* * *

I sat at the computer, staring at the blinking cursor, feeling horribly cranky and tired. Glancing at the clock, I groaned quietly. I'd only been at work for an hour. Jake had been as supportive as he could be last night, and I loved him for it. This morning I just felt like I needed time alone to calm down, though. The beeping, clicking, humming, and talking in the office wasn't really what I had in mind. I really wished I was in the forests of La Push, sitting by the tide pools.

Sighing, I put my fingers back on the keyboard and began typing my article. Chastity's head popped up over my cubicle, a smile on her face. I plastered one on in response. "I'm going to take a short break and get some coffee," she told me. "You want to come with me?"

I readily agreed; glad to be away from the computer. We walked down the short hall to the break room. She handed me a K-cup of French Vanilla, and I smiled gratefully. She already knew what I liked. We got our coffee and she leaned a hip against the counter.

"You okay?" she asked, taking a sip. "You look a little exhausted."

"Rough weekend," I said with a wan smile.

She smiled sympathetically. "And it's always harder coming back in to work after one of those."

We walked slowly back down the hall, and I listened to her idle chatter about her own weekend, responding when necessary. She was a really nice woman, but I wasn't even up for conversation. At my desk, there was a note that I needed to report to the receptionist, so I walked back down the hall to her desk. She smiled up at me and held up a bouquet of flowers.

A small smile curled my lips, and I felt some of my frustration ease. "These are for you, honey."

I thanked her and went back to my desk. Setting the bouquet down, I opened the card and read: _I thought you needed some cheering up. I hope these wildflowers do the trick. :o) Love you, J._

I grinned, feeling lighthearted as I looked at the mix of purple, yellow, and white blooms. It was nice having someone who finally understood me, knew what I needed when even I didn't know what I needed. I decided then and there that I was going to make Jake's favorite meal for dinner and a dessert as well. He deserved so much just by being himself.

When work was over, I went to the store and splurged on prime rib. We tried to be careful about money, but I figured a random treat wouldn't be such a big deal. At home, I marinated them and scrubbed a few potatoes. While the potatoes were in the oven, I took a deep breath and called Carlisle.

He listened quietly as I told him about being followed, trying to explain the feeling I had each time whoever it was had been near.

"What's wrong with me?" I finished in a whisper.

"Oh Bella," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry for all this trouble. I don't think anything could be inside you, though I don't know how vampire venom affects a person's body if it doesn't kill them. I can't be one hundred percent certain, but it sounds like a warning. I'll definitely look into it immediately and let you know what I come across."

It didn't really assuage my worries, but he continued.

"Do you want me to come back there?" he asked. "I don't know if the Volturi got wind of you still being alive or not, but I'll find out. Either way, I can come and see what I can do to stop whatever it is."

I bit my lip, not sure how to answer that. I wanted this taken care of. I wanted to be left alone to live as normal a life as possible and having something lurking nearby really scared me. "I'll talk to Jake about it," I finally said. "It's going to depend on the pack as well, but they might be able to figure out what it is and take care of it. I'll talk to you again after I speak with him."

Before he hung up, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and mumbled, "Am I okay to go back to my regular activities now?"

My cheeks flushed because it was obvious what I was asking even without saying it. This was a conversation I didn't want to have, but I wanted to know. It had to be awkward for him, too, because of the nature of my relationship with someone other than his son.

He paused, too, as if trying to figure out how to be delicate about it. "You would be pretty well healed by now. How does your stomach feel?"

"I get a minor little twinge, but it's much less frequent. In fact, I didn't feel anything today."

"Then I would think you could… resume physical activities," he said steadily.

I nodded, relieved it was over with, and thrilled that I got the okay. "Okay, thanks, Carlisle."

"I'll be in touch with you soon," he promised. "I'll see what I can find out about vampire venom and who might be lurking."

I thanked him and finished getting dinner ready. Jake came home not long after and looked a little worn. When he saw what I was making, his eyes brightened and he smiled. "Bells, this looks awesome," he said.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him. "Thank you for the flowers. Now go take a quick shower; this is just about ready."

He took the world's fastest shower and then came down, looking a little more alert. We ate dinner and make quick work of the apple tarts I made. He leaned back in his chair after the last bite. "This was so damn good. Thank you."

I deposited our dishes into the soapy water, turning to him with a little smile. "And it's not over yet," I said slyly. When his eyebrows rose, I slid one leg over his lap, perching on top of him. "I have a few more surprises in store for you."

When he leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine, I wound my arms around him, kissing him with a fierce hunger. My body craved him. It felt like it had been forever since I'd made love to him, and I wanted every inch of him surrounding me. His hands explored my back, fingers grazing over every ridge of my spine, while he trailed his lips down my neck.

I wiggled against him, eager to feel his naked skin on mine. I didn't know how I lived without loving Jake, without _really_ loving him. His mind, his body, his faults, and his loving nature; just everything about him made everything inside of me melt. He was so full of light, of happiness, and he did everything he could to make me feel worthwhile. He forgave me which was a huge feat to be sure. Who would have thought being with and making love to my best friend would be exactly what I needed? I couldn't imagine not being with him.

When he lifted me, I held on, his warm hands cupping my behind. "We need to be…" he started to say, but I pressed my lips to his again.

"No, we don't," I said softly. "I spoke with Carlisle. It's okay."

He leaned back to get a better look at me. "It is? Well, what about…"

"Later," I promised. "Right now, I just want it to be me and you. Please."

His lips became more urgent, his mouth hot and urging my lips apart. I didn't need any encouragement as he tasted me all the way up the steps. He pressed me against the wall in the hallway, his hands skimming up under my shirt to tug it off. He groaned softly when he found me bare underneath.

I smiled. "I was waiting for you."

He grinned, leaning down to tug lightly on one nipple with his teeth. I whimpered, gripping his hair, leaning my head back as his lips skimmed over my nipples. When he gently began suckling, getting harder and more urgent, I tugged at his hair. My body was on fire. "Jake, I want all of you. Now."

He was in the room so fast, tumbling me onto the bed, and kicking his clothes off. I wiggled out of my jeans as he crawled up the bed toward me. He had a predatory look in his eyes, his mouth finding the most sensitive areas to kiss and make me cry out. When he looked up at me from between my thighs, my heart stuttered. His black eyes held so much love and contentment in their depths. When my stomach shivered under his questing mouth, I felt him pause over the scar. His fingers gently traced the line of it, his mouth following after.

Tears welled up, but I felt too good to really let it bother me.

His hands gently squeezed my breasts, shaping them and pressing them close to taste both. I giggled as he gently tried to merge them together and I was rewarded with his grin. "Both are begging to be tasted, but I can only pay attention to one at a time," he said, pouting.

I shook my head with a laugh and urged him down to nip at his lower lip. "Jake, I love you so much," I said quietly. I cupped his face in my hands, searching his eyes. He did so much for me, and I needed him to know he was worth the fight, the tears, the fear, and the heartache.

"You're my sun. You were - and still are - always in my mind. I don't even know how to say you were worth everything."

His eyes looked suspiciously moist, but he just kissed me hard and long in response. "I love you, too," he murmured against my neck.

He sat back, and I explored the hard pecs, the clearly defined abdomen muscles, and curled my fingers around the length of him. I sat up and leaned down to press my lips to the tip of him before we rolled around on the bed, the two of us trying to find leverage and the upper-hand, our need for each other strengthening.

I managed to straddle him, reaching behind me to grip him in my hand, grinning evilly as he momentarily stopped struggling. I began stroking, sliding my behind down to get close, teasing him. His eyes almost sparked as they met mine. His hands wrapped around my hips, spilling me to the side.

He rolled so he was on his side as well, facing me. He slid a hand between my thighs, brushing his fingers oh-so-close to me, making me shudder, but he just lifted my leg up over his hip.

I dug my heel into his backside, and without warning, he nudged himself between my thighs and slid just the tip of himself inside me. My body was on the verge of exploding into a million pieces, but all I could do was wind myself closer to him, hold on and…

He was buried deep inside me.

I touched his lips, feeling his smile against my fingers. He pressed me closer with a hand on my backside, and my eyes rolled with the sensation. It was a slow glide, in and out, designed to drive me crazy. I reached down to fondle where we were joined and he groaned quietly. His hips began to move faster, and I pressed so close to him my breasts were crushed against his chest.

When he rolled onto his back, I ended up on top of him again. He was touching me everywhere now and I began to swivel my hips. I arched my back, cupping my own breasts, pushing and molding them for him as he sat up partially, his tongue flicking over my nipples. His lips latched on and I began to ride him faster.

The feel of his powerful body beneath me, undulating with mine, had my blood singing.

He flipped us again, ending up on top. He pinned my arms above my head and drove into me harder and faster. The soft sounds of our bodies connecting and our mingled gasps permeated the room. My back arched again when his fingers worked their magic between us, stroking and tugging on my clit.

"Oh… fuck…" he finally sighed, pounding his hips against mine again, releasing heavily. His hips jerked against mine rapidly as he came and I struggled to free myself from his grasp and touch him when my own body began shaking with my climax. He let my hands go, and I grasped his tight behind, biting his neck, while my body continued to ride the tidal wave he created.

Spent, he eased himself off me, holding me close. I rested my head on his shoulder, satiated and content, listening to the rapid beating of our hearts before we both fell asleep.

 

*~*~*

 

**JPOV**

The following weeks, after I got the information I needed to hear from Bella, we made love frequently. Unable to do so for those weeks after Bella's surgery made me a bit sex-crazed. Bella was more wanton than ever, drawing me in and nearly turning me into a caveman. I'd already felt the urge to drag her to bed several times and told her so, making her laugh and light up with devious glee.

One lazy Saturday, we didn't even make it back up to the bedroom. I had her on the floor, hands and knees, holding on to her hips as I sank deep into her. She cried out, arching back against me. Damn, she was going to kill me. She was so soft, warm, and _eager._ I drove into her over and over, teasing her with my fingers faster and faster until we both cried out with the force of our release.

I was barely able to tumble over onto my back before I sprawled on the carpet, unable to move. Bella stretched like a cat, curling against me. "Mmm," she sighed lazily. "That was fantastic."

She kissed my nipples, her little hand making a lazy circle over my stomach. "You're a sex addict," I informed her, looking down at her laving my nipple. She giggled and bit me.

"I like your body," she informed me. When her mouth found my dick, I groaned.

"You're lucky I'm young and horny," I teased her, closing my eyes as her tongue flicked out against me.

I finally pulled her up over me after her torturous licks had my body quivering. "Fair play," I murmured, turning her around so she was sprawled on her stomach on top of me, my face between her thighs.

I nipped, licked, and suckled on her, squeezing her delectable behind since it was right there. She moaned around my dick, the vibration driving me crazy. I dipped my tongue inside, tasting her eagerly, my body tightening as she took me in deeper at the same time. It didn't take long for either of us to reach the breaking point.

"Baby, I'm…" I started to say, but she just purred.

"Do it, Jake, I want it."

She swallowed it all, and I nipped her clit, making her squirm and cry out yet again. Giving her ass a smack, she yelped and giggled. She looked back over her shoulder at me, grinning, making me laugh. I gave her another smack.

"So, the little vixen likes to be spanked. When I recover, I'll remember that."

It didn't take long and I had her over my knee, spanking and stroking, sending her into another orgasm. I shook my head at her wonderingly. "Come on, you little horn dog. I'm hungry."

Later that day, I heard Bella on the phone with Carlisle. "There's still no word on what it was? I mean, I haven't felt anything since Halloween weekend, but I just have this feeling that whatever it was is still out there."

She listened as I paused in the doorway.

"Okay," she said, sounding a little dejected. "I know you are. Thanks for letting me know."

After she hung up, I moved behind her and she leaned her head back against my stomach. "He doesn't have any news yet?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Come on, let's go out," I said impulsively. "We can go to a movie, go to one of the parks, and maybe get something to eat somewhere."

It perked her up and we ended up having a lot of fun watching a movie with killer ghosts. We walked around the park, holding hands, enjoying the cloudy but not rainy day. We found an Italian café where we ordered chicken parmesan and discussed the upcoming holiday.

"So, what are we doing for Thanksgiving?" I asked. "My dad called and wanted to know if we'd be home."

Bella pursed her lips and didn't quite manage to hide the flash of pain in her eyes. I knew she was missing Charlie, and I felt guilty for reminding her of that. He hadn't called since we'd told him about vampires and wolf packs. She hadn't called him either, though I had to stop her once or twice, urging her to just give him a little time.

"I don't know. I'd like to go home and see everyone, but well…" she trailed off and I reached over to lace my fingers with hers.

"Honey, he'll come around."

She nodded, taking a bite of spaghetti.

We walked our dinner off in the cold November air, stopping in a bakery to buy some pumpkin cupcakes. When we got back to the apartment, Bella's cell phone trilled. Glancing down, her eyes widened, and she stared at me. "It's Charlie," she said and grabbed it.

I gave her the privacy she needed and waited in the living room, flicking through channels. When she came in, she was excited. "He wants us to come home for Thanksgiving. He said he's going to have dinner at his house with all of us, and then we're going to your dad's for dessert and to meet up with the guys."

I pulled her into me, kissing the top of her head. "See? What did I tell you?" I said, smiling against her hair.

She looked up at me, eyes shining, and I knew things were going to start improving.

 

*~*~*

 

It seemed like the threat had disappeared, but I was still on alert. It didn't fool me for a second. Something was out there, whether it was around right now or not. Bella still hadn't felt those shivers since Halloween and Thanksgiving was this week, but I knew she hadn't forgotten it. When I got home from work on Wednesday, Bella was in the kitchen, having had the day off work.

The apartment smelled fantastic, and I groaned as I leaned over the pumpkin bread she was cutting. She giggled, turning to kiss me. "Hmm," I pondered, smacking my lips after. "You taste good. Almost as good as that pumpkin bread will taste."

She gave me a pat on the cheek with the still gooey spatula. She squealed with laughter as I chased her into the living room. She squirmed as I caught her and rubbed my cheek against hers. I pinned her down and licked her cheek until she turned and captured my lips with hers. "Mmm," she hummed as our tongues met.

I backed off, eager to get her clothes off, but she surprised me with a quick twist and got out from under me.

"Hey," I protested. "What happened to my little nympho?"

She laughed, hurrying back into the kitchen. "Maybe later, big boy."

I gave her a pout, managing to at least finagle some beef BBQ out of her for dinner. If I couldn't have sex, food was the next best thing. She wrapped up the pumpkin bread and I helped her get the ham and what she needed for it prepared for the next day. When she pulled out her chocolate chip cookies, I hung over her shoulder.

She grinned, reaching her hand back with a cookie in it. I kissed her ear and then devoured the cookie. Once we finished getting our stuff together, I threw her over my shoulder cave-man style and carried her up to bed.

When we got to Charlie's early the next morning, Bella paused in front of him at the door, unsure of what to do. Charlie seemed to feel the same way, but he cleared his throat. "I don't know what to say. I'm not sure I even entirely believe all this, but you're my daughter. And I'm grateful you came back to me; that's what I have to be thankful for."

I nodded at Charlie when he met my eyes. He held on to Bella, her arms wrapped around him. When they finally separated, I saw she was trying not to cry, so I kissed her. "Come on, woman, let's get the food ready and eat it," I said, making her giggle.

Sue, Leah, and Seth came soon after us followed by Rachel and Billy. "Becca couldn't make it," Rachel said throwing her arms around me. "But she promises to be here for Christmas."

Inside the noise and laughter was plentiful. I watched as Sue approached Charlie and spoke quietly to him. He was still pretty quiet, but he gave her a small smile and they hugged. Relieved, I turned to Bella to see her watching, too.

The ham Bella made was fantastic. There was also turkey with gravy that Sue brought, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, cranberry salad, salad, and when everyone had their fill we moved to La Push for the desserts. My brothers were there, and we played an impromptu game of football outside.

Bella sat with Leah, Rachel, Kim, and Emily. It was good to see her with other women. She'd spent so much time alone or with me when she wasn't with that leech. I was glad to see her have female friends, too, but then she'd changed so much. Her views on life had expanded, as had her friends, and her personality. She was who she was truly meant to be. A warm, loving woman with friends and family who loved her. When the day began to wind down and everyone was drowsy, we made the trek back to the apartment with the promise of coming back over the weekend.

Bella was half-asleep when I parked in the lot. "Come on, honey," I said quietly. "Let's get inside."

She yawned and shuffled up the walk, hand entwined with mine. I kissed her at the door and said, "Everything worked out for the best."

Her cell phone rang and she frowned, biting her lip. "It's Carlisle," she informed me.

She answered and listened quietly. She began to shake a little, and I felt the worry creep back. After a few more minutes, she murmured, "Thanks Carlisle. I'll let you know."

When she pressed the end call button, she turned to me. "He found out that the Volturi sent a scout to see if I was alive, Jake."

I led her inside hurriedly, glancing over my shoulder. "They know? How?"

"He didn't say," she mumbled, eyes fearful. "But oh shit, I had articles printed in the paper with my name on it. I didn't think it mattered; it's a small paper and they live in Italy. It might be my own damn fault!"

"It might not be that," I reassured her. "I'm going to have to call the pack, put them on alert."

She sniffled, looking upset and terrified. "And Jake, he said the venom does seem to be a warning mechanism. It's like if you don't burn vampire parts, they still move. It's doing so inside of me. Jake, I want this out!"

"He doesn't know why, but he thinks maybe I've survived the venom being inside me because of this shield I seem to have. None of the Volturi was able to affect me with their powers, just like Edward was never able to read my mind."

I wrapped my arms around her, hiding my fear. "That's good then. Honey, we'll figure this out and we'll put a stop to it. I'll kill anything that tries to harm you." My body tensed, and I could feel the wolf straining again. My eyes felt different, my mouth felt wider as if my teeth were elongating, my body felt shaky, and I saw Bella's eyes widen.

"The wolf is trying to come out," she whispered, shocked at the sight.

I swallowed with difficulty, but very nearly exploded when Bella cried out, gripping her stomach. "Oh no," she whimpered. She dropped to her knees just as I heard the doorbell.

"Jake, no, please…" she pleaded, holding her stomach and reaching out for me.

I gritted my teeth and went anyway. Whoever was outside the door was pushing my limits and I was ready to rip something limb from limb. I flung it open, and I caught Bella as she stumbled over to me, face pale and filled with horrified shock. It was Edward, his eyes close to black from hunger.

The tremors still wracking my body suddenly stilled. Time was suspended; the only sound was the beat of my heart, the only feeling was my body turning hot and painful in preparation, and the only thing in front of me was my natural enemy.

_No one will ever lay a hand on her again._

 

_*~*~*_

 

**AN: Wow, I feel so dramatic! Heh So, you think Edward is all vamped out or something else is going on? Either way, there could be a showdown. Hmmm. ;o) And no yelling at me… at least you have an idea of what is coming and I answered other questions! Lol Kidding! Hope you enjoyed the lemon(s)… and the drama. haha**


	20. Phases

I hear you're asking all around  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms  
And I've learned to live half alive  
And now you want me one more time  
And who do you think you are?  
Runnin' 'round leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart

- **Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts"**

* * *

**BPOV**

Jake was pushing me back, his body physically growing bigger in front of my eyes. I'd never been this close as he phased and it caught me off-guard. His body was stiff and his breathing was harsher. The muscles of his back bunched and corded, and I couldn't tear my eyes from him as he contorted.

It was horrifying and fascinating all at once. My stomach rippled and quivered again, and I tried to suck back the whimper that clawed at my throat. I held my stomach, trying to reach out and soothe Jake, but he shifted further away from me as his body became a blur and then he was standing before me as a wolf.

The wolf had taken over.

I finally dared to look at Edward; his eyes were black, his body tensed in preparation. His lip curled back as he stared straight at Jake, only once flicking his gaze in my direction. I didn't know what made him come here, why now, and what the hell was going on. All I knew was Jake was an over-sized wolf that barely fit in the hallway while the door was wide open and Edward didn't look quite sane.

If they lost control and went at each other, we were screwed. We lived in an apartment and if anyone saw us there would be one massive problem to deal with. As if there weren't enough already. Jake's wolf snout lifted slightly and he bared razor-sharp teeth, a low, quiet growl emanating from him. His ears were flat, his jaw quivering as if he were imagining ripping Edward apart.

It was hard to tell who would've lashed out first, but without thinking, I threw myself between them. I turned to Jake, resting my hand against his massive chest. His jaws snapped closed immediately, afraid that he might hurt me, but I knew he never would. It didn't matter how furious, how upset, or how much of a rage he was in. I trusted him implicitly.

"Jake, stop," I said quietly. "You know you can't do this. The door is open, you're in wolf form, and nothing about this is remotely normal."

His wolf-eyes were exactly like his normal, human eyes. They met mine and he registered what I was saying. I slid my hand along his snout, unable to resist. It'd been so long since I'd seen him like this. In the blink of an eye, he phased back to human form, fully naked and unashamed. If he didn't care, neither did I.

I turned around and met Edward's eyes. He was frozen in place, unblinking and unmoving, reminding me completely that he didn't have a heart that beat. "Edward, what are you doing here?"

He shifted slightly, jaw tight. "I found out Carlisle came here, that he spoke with you, and he informed me of the danger. I came to take you away from here; to hide you."

I raised my eyebrows. "I believe it was made pretty clear that I wouldn't let anyone dictate my life for me anymore. We aren't together anymore and running won't help. This needs to stop."

He was looking at my neck now, freaking me out a little, but he'd always had pretty rigid control of his hunger. "You're still my wife, Bella."

His eyes drifted back to mine, softening, and I felt the slightest pull on my senses. My own gaze softened, but suddenly I was jerked back when I felt Jake's hand on my waist.

"I…" I stuttered, flustered. "You should have received divorce papers; if our marriage is even officially legal, that is."

He frowned at that, but moved closer, trying to draw me in. "Of course it is…"

Before I could react, Jake shifted and his arm came from out of nowhere. I could hear the crack of his fist connecting with Edward's face. The force of it threw Edward back into the doorjamb, making it creak and shudder and me jump in surprise. Edward's lip curled as he hissed, darting forward, ending up in front of Jake without me evening seeing. He landed a blow to Jake's shoulder causing his shoulder to pop out of alignment, but Jake gritted his teeth and slammed him back yet again.

Edward suddenly looked hungry again, scaring me.

"Enough," I snapped, my heart beating harder now. I watched as his tongue darted out to lick his lips. He looked too out of control for my liking. "This isn't helping matters. I don't know what the hell you're really doing here, but you can't come barging in here hungry and expect things to go your way."

"I needed to see you, to make sure you were safe," he said, his voice not quite as smooth as it usually was.

I just shook my head. "I'm safe. Now go."

He looked hurt, but I remained firm even while my insides quaked. It was partially from nerves, maybe the venom as well. "We'll talk later," he promised, his voice turning cold as he met Jacob's eyes behind me. The implied meaning of his tone - we'll talk alone - was clear without it being said. I bristled, and I could hear Jake's teeth grinding.

"Get out," he snarled.

Once Edward crossed the threshold of our doorway, Jake slammed the door in his face, fury pouring out of him. "Who does that leech think he is? I'll rip his head off for this. The prick made me phase and I could've hurt you. If he doesn't have a death wish, he needs to leave. Now." His voice was rising, his tone vicious, but I reached for his hand.

Once they connected, his body settled. Thankfully, my stomach had done the same. "You moved away from me before you phased," I informed him. "You were still aware I was there, Jake, so don't beat yourself up over phasing. I'm fine."

I looped my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against his overly warm chest. He hesitated, but then reached around me and held me tightly against him, afraid I was going to slip away. "We'll figure this out," I said, repeating it over and over, trying to convince myself this would be okay.

What was Edward's real reason for being here? Why he would come here unannounced, barge in here like he had a right to, baffled me. He seemed a little unstable which was unusual. He was always in control of his emotions; something that drove me nuts. The fact that he was hungry, though, could have something to do with it.

Something was going to have to be done, but I had no idea what.

* * *

**JPOV**

The rest of that night, I remained alert and watchful, but quiet. Neither of us talked much, though Bella reassured me by pressing close against me, whispering that she loved me. I held her tightly, breathing in her scent, afraid to let go of her. I just got her back; there was no way in hell I was going to lose her again.

When the sun rose, I was still gazing out the window when Bella stirred in my arms. She looked worried when our eyes met and pressed even closer to me. She tilted her chin up to look at me and I kissed her. "Are you okay?" she asked. "Did you sleep at all?"

I shook my head, but smoothed her hair back. "Not really, but I'm okay. How are you?" Even with everything that happened, she sighed and told me she was still okay.

"Can you work away from the office today? I want you to come back to La Push with me. I want you on the rez and near me at all times."

She looked like she wasn't sure about that idea, but her eyes softened when she looked up at me. "If it means that much to you, yes." I felt vulnerable, even a little fearful, though that was due mainly to Bella being anywhere near Edward alone. The idea of him touching her, the thoughts of her being with him, invaded my mind and me furious and sick all at once.

She called in to work while I got a quick shower. We grabbed a few bagels and coffee on the way to La Push and got there in record time. The blood had begun pumping in my veins again, knowing Edward was here, and that some fucking leech royalty was after her. Phasing for the first time again hadn't felt particularly good, but now I could feel the power coalescing inside me. I felt as if I were jacked up on something.

"Jake, I'm okay," she assured me yet again when I hesitated in leaving, looking a little frustrated now. "I know you're concerned, but I promise I'm staying at Sue's place to get some work done. I'll be close to you." She stroked my jaw, trying to calm me down.

She stood in the doorway, looking pretty in yoga pants and a green hoodie, so I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her to my height. She snuggled her face into my neck, and I never wanted to let go of her again.

"Are you okay? After phasing…" Her breath tickled my neck.

I nodded, kissing just under her ear. "I won't lie. It didn't feel good. It's been awhile since I've done so."

I leaned back and she met my eyes, brushing her lips over mine. "We'll figure this out. Right now, I just need to distract myself with work."

"I'm going to talk to the guys today," I assured her. "You work and I'll be back later."

Once she was inside and I heard the lock click, I hurried to the construction site. It was going to be a long day when I saw the guys were already there and starting to work; needing to talk to them would have to wait when we had a minute to gather without other ears hearing. It was a long, tense day and I earned a look from every one of the pack at some point. I knew they were wondering what the hell was going on.

Even though I was distracted, I couldn't believe how far we'd come in the past few months. We'd have the school done in time before winter, which was the plan. When we finished up for the day, I motioned to Sam, and he came right over.

"What's going on, man? You look a bit freaked and pissed off. Everything okay with Bella?"

"Yeah, she's fine, but I need to talk to you. Emergency meeting."

His brows knit in concern. "Go to our usual spot in the woods?"

I agreed and we met there within the half hour. I sat on one of the logs, pensive and anxious to get back to Bella, while I waited for everyone to get there and settle down. It wasn't going to be an easy discussion.

"Look," I started in right away, waving a hand for them to quiet down. "We have a problem. The leech royalty sent a scout to see if Bella was alive; I don't know how they knew. And last night Edward Cullen just showed up at our door."

Before I could even get any further, they all started talking at once.

" _What?_ "

"Are you shitting me?"

"Why?"

I waved my hands again. "Shut up and let me talk. I don't know what his game is, but he said he was here to take her away, that he knew she was in danger and wanted her safe."

"What the fuck? Didn't Bella tell him in no uncertain terms that they were done?" Leah demanded, standing up, looking pissed off.

"She did," I said looking up at her. "She told him last night, too, but he's saying they're still married. He has this… fucked up dazzling thing that softens her without her realizing it before she snaps out of it."

"Shit, Jake, what now? Where is she? You left her alone?"

I bristled slightly. "She's on the rez at Sue's house. She's close, but I can't crowd her or order her around nor do I want to. She put up with enough of that and won't tolerate it now. She's more independent. And anyway, I freaked her out enough with phasing last night."

They all stared at me in shock.

"I guess that's not really a surprise," Embry said, raising his eyebrows. "You just lost it?"

"Yes and no," I admitted. "I knew enough to get her away from me, but Cullen was hungry and I was so furious. It triggered the wolf. It hurt like hell; it's been so long. We sort of fought, but Bella got between us and made us stop. I'm glad she did. I was about to completely lose my shit."

Sam looked worried. "We might have to phase again, it seems. If this fight comes here, to our land, there's no way we can't. I need to make sure Emily and the baby are safe."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry this is happening and I know Bella is upset about it. She didn't want this to come here."

Jared looked up. "I'm not looking forward to phasing again, surprisingly, but you're our brother. I'm not sure how this will go, if we can even phase at a second's notice, but we'll stand with you. Bella is one of us."

Every single one of them nodded, even Paul.

I glanced down and took a deep breath. "You're the true Alpha, Jake," Sam said quietly. "You need to accept this once and for all. I'm willing to be your Beta."

"Thank you," I said my throat a little tight. "This means more to me than you know. It wasn't something I ever envied you dealing with Sam, but I'll accept, and I'd be grateful to have you as my Beta. Once this is taken care of, we can go back to our normal lives again."

"For whatever it's worth," Seth said quietly. "We're in this together; all for one and one for all."

We all stood, facing each other in a loose circle. I was lucky to have a pack as united as we were. I was even luckier to call them my brothers and sister.

* * *

**BPOV**

The rain ticked on the tin roof of the porch, continuously, over and over. Normally the sound didn't bother me. It usually soothed me, but I was on edge and every little sound made me twitch.

My laptop whirred quietly on the desk. I stared blankly at the empty document, trying to gather my thoughts to get some work done. By sheer force of will, I began to write and it came easily enough. Relaxing a little, I took a sip of my peppermint tea and continued tapping away.

Before long, I began to wonder how Jake was doing at the construction site. I got up to make a turkey sandwich for lunch, wishing I could make some for the guys and take them over there just to get out for a little while. I knew it wasn't a good idea for me to leave the house even if I would still be on Quileute land. And I knew Jake would be upset.

So, I ate my lunch, staring out at the drizzly day. When I finished, I sighed and went back to the desk in the living room to continue working. I managed to focus and write for awhile, but was interrupted when suddenly my stomach quivered.

Nervously, I glanced up and out the window. The sky had darkened even more as the day went and a thunderstorm was rolling in. My stomach shivered again and I gripped it tightly as the spasm worked its way through, setting my teeth on edge, and taking me down to the floor again.

"Dammit," I hissed through my teeth, struggling to get back up as the quivers in my stomach had me shaking. I looked frantically out the window, seeing nothing, and I scrambled for my cell phone.

"Bella?" The soft, melodic voice wound its way around me, and I paused in my fumbling, my fingers just grazing my cell.

I got up, brushing a hand over my forehead which had beaded with sweat, and made my way to the front door shakily. Carefully, I looked out of the peephole and tried to ease away knowing it was futile, but wishing just once I could be quiet enough to not alert him.

"I know you're in there," he said calmly. "I'd like to talk to you."

"We don't have anything to talk about," I replied.

He opened the door slowly, trying not to scare me, I assumed. "Bella, may I come in?"

I shook my head wordlessly. His eyes were back to their usual color, though they still had a bit of a wild look in them. My eyes drifted up to his tousled, bronze hair and back down to the familiar angle of his jaw, the slope of his shoulders, and down to his long, graceful fingers.

All I wanted to see was warm, rounded muscles; long arms and legs, long and lean body with russet skin. But my traitorous human mind was allowing itself to be dazzled, and I was struggling to fight it.

"Stop it," I snapped. "Stop trying to draw me back in. Edward, when I left it wasn't a whim. It wasn't a joke. I want this over."

"You aren't safe here. Neither are the wolves. The Volturi will destroy them; they will destroy you if they can. They're furious that they were fooled. Bella, please, come back with me. We can protect you."

He had slid easily into the house without my really noticing it. I backed up against the kitchen table, my emotions tangled, my stomach fluttering, and I wanted to run far away. But when he looked at me, my mind felt foggy.

"So can Jake and his pack. Plus, thanks to you, I now have a vampire early warning system embedded in my uterus," I spat sarcastically.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What? Carlisle said in passing that you'd had some health issue, but that he took care of it."

I glared at him, feeling the tears well in my eyes. "He did, but apparently not all of your venom is out of my body. It's already alerted me to something - the scout - out in the woods and now you apparently. And it might affect my having children in the future!" I finished and realized I was yelling and the tears had spilled free.

He stood frozen. Finally he said, "Are you sure it's the venom? Maybe we created something…"

It was my turn to freeze. No, that couldn't be. It seemed very eerily similar to what a pregnancy might feel like with a child moving inside of you, but that wasn't possible. He was a vampire. But Carlisle would have told me that surely.

I shook my head. "No. How the hell would that work? Carlisle would've said something if that were the case. It's not possible, Edward."

He sighed and reached for me. "Please, Bella, re-think things. You're still my wife. I don't have to sign the papers. We can work something out."

I flinched, but his cold hands wrapped around mine. "Stop dazzling me," I whispered. "Edward, I'm with Jacob. You must've gathered that from last night."

His eyes reflected hurt, anger, but I bit my lip to keep myself from apologizing. There was no reason for me to apologize. We were done. His fingers played with mine, and I felt tears of confusion swimming in my eyes. "I love Jacob. And I want children with him."

His eyes were so damn mesmerizing.

"I shouldn't have been with you. You should've been strong enough to stop _us_ from happening," I continued. "I was young and made the wrong choices. I didn't want what I thought I wanted, but you made me feel guilty, intentionally or not. Our relationship was so damn cold, Edward. When I didn't want to be a vampire anymore, you tried, but you were so distant."

A few tears trickled down my cheeks. "Alaska wasn't me, that lifestyle wasn't me. I needed the forests, rain, sun, friends, and Jacob and my dad. I needed and wanted them both back in my life and now that I have them…"

He leaned in, catching me off-guard, and kissed me. I pushed him away, shaking my head. Suddenly, there was a scraping sound behind me. I turned and saw Charlie standing there, his face as dark as the brewing storm.

"Dad…" I started to say, but he cut me off in a move so surprising all I could do was gape at him.

He had ripped his gun from his belt holster faster than I could blink. He trained it on Edward, dead center in the middle of his chest. His arm didn't quaver, he didn't blink; he just stared with a blankness I'd never seen on his face before.

My mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out.

"Step away from him, Bella," he said quietly.

When I tried to say something, he just gave me a quelling look. "Now."

I backed away, aware that Edward was in no real danger, but I'd never seen Charlie move that fast or be so certain. I knew he'd have perfect aim, too. "You took my daughter from me, you son of a bitch. I thought she was dead," he said coldly.

"Now that I have her back? You can bet your sorry vampire ass that I'm going to shoot if you get anywhere near my daughter again. You may have some supernatural edge, but I won't go down without a fight," he continued.

Edward's eyes touched on mine briefly, surprised, but he didn't so much as move a muscle.

Charlie's finger twitched on the trigger, and I carefully moved closer to his side. I knew better from summers with him as a little girl to _never_ get too close or interrupt him when he had a gun in his hand. He'd hammered that point home over and over, showed me gun safety, and made me repeat his warnings to him continuously. He stressed how important it was to respect firearms, and I took him seriously.

"Dad," I said keeping my voice even. "I know you're upset and you have a right to be, but this isn't going to help matters. You can't do this. It doesn't matter whether or not you would hurt him, this isn't you. You're the Chief of Police and you wouldn't shoot anyone unless it was absolutely necessary."

His hand wavered a little, but he was listening to me. He looked so angry and pained, and I knew everything I'd told him was hitting him at once. He was face-to-face with who he perceived as the enemy and who had tried to take his little girl away.

"Dad, please," I murmured. "He's not going to hurt me. I'm not leaving you again. I promise."

He relaxed when I told him that and lowered the gun. He looked confused for a minute and sad. As soon as he put his gun away, I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. "I love you," I said my voice cracking.

He held me tightly.

"You're on our land," I heard a voice say behind us, and I jerked back. It was Jacob, and I could see the pain he tried to hide on his face. I wasn't sure what he'd heard, but the fact that Edward was here, in La Push, in Sue's house with me had upset him. Charlie was here, but Jake knew we'd been talking before that and he was hurt. It broke my heart to see him like that, and I tried to reassure him with a look.

He was trying to conceal the trembling, but I could see it in the way he held himself. "Get the hell off my land. You broke the treaty and if it wasn't for Bella, I would destroy you." His voice was tight and hard.

Edward acquiesced, but he met my eyes on his way out. He was trying to tell me to think about what he said, but I cast my eyes down, overwhelmed. I needed to be with Jake, to talk to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

I let go of Charlie and nodded. "Jake…"

"Can we talk later?" he asked. His voice was detached and he looked a little distant and the fear came back. He was still willing to talk, though. It'd be okay. But I shivered a little as he gave me a nod and slipped back outside.

It scared me, but Charlie squeezed my shoulder. "You've been through a lot," he said, his own voice still a little shaky. "Give him a little room, but go to him and explain."

I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder, though the nagging ache in my heart returned and the worry over what Edward said loomed over my head. Jake had left for a reason, but I would never give up on him.

* * *

**AN: So, what do you think? Bella stayed pretty strong and certain of what she wanted, but who knows what's going on in Jake's head! Hope you enjoyed. :o)**

**And as far as this fic goes, I'm looking at about 25 chapters total. I don't have it worked out entirely, but I think it's going to be right around there, just to let you know ahead of time!**


	21. An Unexplainable Moment

At first I was afraid, I was petrified I kept thinkin' I could never live without you By my side But then I spent so many nights Just thinking how you've done me wrong And I grew strong, I learned how to get along And so you're back from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that look upon your face I should have changed my fucking lock, I would have made you leave your key If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

**-Cake "I Will Survive"**

* * *

**JPOV**

My mind buzzed frenetically as I hurried back to the pack to warn them of the break in our treaty. Could this thing inside her be something that was actually growing? A life that she created with the leech? It didn't seem possible, but then again, what the hell was normal anymore. I couldn't bear the idea or possibility of that yet, so I'd hurried out like the pussy I was. In my heart, I knew Bella wasn't choosing Edward, but the insecurities were attacking me full force. I'd heard her say she wanted to keep what she had here with me, with her family, but I nearly went in there and killed him for kissing her. It was sheer force of will that stopped me… because it scared me that he could _dazzle_ her back.

He still had some hold over her. I knew it wasn't Bella's fault, but it got under my skin and made me furious that he exerted that control over her. It wasn't that I didn't trust her; it was that I didn't trust him. Everything that had transpired over the time we'd been apart had just crashed over us all at once and I couldn't even begin to sort everything out in my head.

Those fears that she would tire of life here in La Push and Forks, tire of me, were still there, but I told myself I was being ridiculous. Those insecurities drove me away from Sue's house after that leech left - and he was lucky he left with limbs intact because I wanted to kill him - to try and muddle through my thoughts.

"Sam," I called out when I reached his and Emily's house. The whole pack was there since Emily had ordered pizzas for dinner.

He opened the door and I waved him outside.

Curiously, he looked back at the house. "Do you need to talk to everyone?"

"Yes, but I need you to know first. We need to keep everybody in check and not run off half-cocked. Edward was at Sue's with Bella; he broke the treaty to try and convince her to leave."

His black eyes widened in shock. "What? Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately. He left when I ordered him off our land, but I don't know what the hell he thinks he's doing."

Sam's brow wrinkled in thought. "I know he's a leech, but that doesn't sound like him. Is Bella okay?"

A slight hesitation before answering had him looking closer at me. "Why isn't she with you? What happened? Jake, she loves you. I wouldn't have said that in the beginning, considering what she did, but it's pretty obvious now she had feelings for you before she even came back here."

"When I got there, that bloodsucker kissed her. He still dazzles her, Sam. I know she was resisting, but I worry he'll be able to take her away from me," I admitted, feeling ashamed.

Sam shook his head at me as we walked into the house to tell the rest of the pack. "Jake, I'm surprised. You've both been through a hell of a lot and while I understand the insecurity, you should be with her. I know I can't know everything you two have struggled with, but you should tell her how you feel."

I nodded, knowing he was right. "I will. I didn't plan to avoid this forever, I just wanted a chance to calm down and think things through."

The kitchen was warm from the pot of savory beef and vegetable soup Emily had made, flowers brightening up the plain kitchen, the pack seated in every available space. It was packed, loud, and overly hot… just the way I liked it. It was something I hadn't realized how much I missed when I wasn't here.

Sam got everyone's attention, which was no easy feat when there was homemade soup and pizza in front of everyone, but once I began telling them what had happened that got their attention. There was a lot of yelling and anger, but with Sam's help, we managed to calm them down enough to not break something or go tearing out of the house.

"The fight's coming here then," Embry said grimly. "And who it's going to be with remains to be seen."

As much as I wanted the Cullen's gone, out of Bella's and my life, I had trouble seeing the pack destroying them. I felt the wolf stirring in me, wanting to kill them once and for all, but the human part of me knew even if Bella wanted to be done with them it would be hard for her. Plus, Carlisle had come here and helped Bella at her request.

I sighed. "Yeah, I think so. I don't much of what's going on, but as soon as I hear something…"

"Hey, are you and Bella okay?" Leah asked me abruptly.

I met her eyes and she knew. "Oh Jake," she muttered. "I'm sorry. She knows what a real man is like, so don't worry. And that's a hell of a compliment coming from me, so appreciate it. It doesn't happen often."

I couldn't help but laugh. Leah still had some issues, but she could always be counted on for fierce loyalty and easing the tension. I left them there to head home and fill in Billy before going to find Bella. He was sitting at the kitchen table with Sue. It was a feat in and of itself to shock my father, but he had that look on his face, and I knew that he was aware of what was going on.

"So you heard," I said.

"Yes, Charlie stopped by on his way to work. Apparently, he was there with Bella and knows something is coming, though he doesn't know the specifics," Billy said, looking shaken. "Is it true, Jake?"

I paced the tiny kitchen, circling them both at the kitchen table multiple times, before saying, "Yes, I believe so. He broke the treaty by coming here. I don't know how this is going to turn out, if the other Cullen's are coming back, and if they're going to fight against us or not."

"Is Bella okay? I heard something happened with this Edward…"

My gaze shot to Billy's, but he just watched me knowingly. "I don't know," I admitted. "I have to talk to her about it."

Billy's lips pressed together. "Don't wait too long, Jake. You have a right to be freaked out, but you two are apparently in this for the long haul. That means it isn't easy and you need to clear the air."

"He's right, Jake," Sue finally said. "I know from experience with Charlie. They aren't always easy; both of them are stubborn, not always great with emotions or talking about certain things, but they're both worth it."

I smiled, realizing just how similar Bella was to her dad. "Yeah, they are," I said. The thought of taking care of this problem and living a normal, mundane life with Bella was incentive enough. I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with her, to try and hopefully succeed one day at having children, grow old with her, and even be bored and typical together. It sounded like heaven.

I squeezed my dad's shoulder. "I'll fill you in on the details as they come in." He was the chief, served as an elder of the tribe; he deserved to know.

He gave me a smile, masking his worry. I knew it was there, though. "Okay. Be careful."

So, with everything a little clearer in my mind, I decided I would find Bella and try to get this straightened out.

* * *

**BPOV**

The more I thought about it, the more fearful I became. I wasn't sure all of what Jake heard, but I couldn't bear waiting. Not much time passed since I'd seen him; just a couple hours or so, but I needed to talk to him.

Charlie had stayed with me the whole time. I told him more about my time with Edward, still omitting a few details, but he seemed to need to know more specifics. We sat together in silence for awhile until he finally sighed.

"As much as I wish this shit didn't exist or that I was still clueless about it, I'm glad to get to know more about what happened, more about you," he told me finally.

I smiled wryly. "I wish it didn't either. Like Jake told me, without monsters and magic, the two of us together would have been as easy as breathing."

A few tears dripped down my cheeks, and I brushed them away, embarrassed. Charlie was watching me and I could see just how much he understood. He reached across the kitchen table for my hand and after a moment's pause, I held it. He smiled a little and took a deep breath.

"I gave up on my relationships too easily, Bells. It may have been the right thing with your mom; she didn't do well here in the rain and green forests. It would've caused too much resentment, but I did love her. I wonder if I tried harder if we could've worked _something_ out. With Sue, I just held back because I was afraid of trying again. I let myself push her away when I really could've stood to have someone who cared about me by my side."

His cheeks turned red.

"Jake is and always has been a good kid even if he's some kind of… dog," he said reluctantly. It was the closest he'd get to actually saying vampire or wolf. "Don't let that go. I know he's the one that walked out, that needed time to think, but remember how you left initially. He's always loved you. If he means that much to you, you should just go to him and tell him that."

I smiled a little as he got embarrassed as well, but I appreciated it and knew he was right. I didn't want to sit around and wait for Jake to come back. He needed to know. I stood up and said, "Okay. Let's go. You have to go to work now anyway, right? I don't think it's safe to be alone, but being surrounded by your deputies should help."

He agreed and drove off in his cruiser while I took off running to Sam and Emily's house. I knew they held their pack meetings there, and I was hoping I could still catch him. Sweaty and out of breath, and feeling increasingly more urgent about talking to Jake and clearing the air, I knocked impatiently on the door.

The pack was still there, but Jake was nowhere in sight.

"Where is he?" I asked without preamble. "I need to talk to him."

I could feel the weight of their judgment when no one said anything immediately. I felt self-conscious, but Leah's eyes met mine. I knew she understood a little more than the rest of them did.

"I really don't know where he was headed. He might be with Billy, though. He was here, told us the situation, and headed out not long after," she said. Her voice was neutral and I knew she was warring with her loyalty to Jake or friendship to me.

I nodded. "Thanks, Leah. And for what it's worth? I'm sorry to all of you for dragging you into this mess. I don't blame you if you didn't particularly care what happens to me, but I'm on your side. I'm on Jake's side and I always will be."

Quil's face softened. "We know, Bella. We can't pretend to even understand any kind of feelings you have for them, but you also need to know we won't hesitate. We're behind you, though and will protect you no matter what."

The rest of them nodded in agreement and my throat was suspiciously tight. "Thank you. I'll do right by Jake no matter what it takes, too," I said and hurried out to find him.

Fear is an irrational thing. Even though Jake didn't look like he hated me or wanted to leave me forever, my stomach was in knots as I ran to the Black's house. I knocked until Billy swung the door open, a surprised look on his face.

"Bella," he said.

"Hi Billy," I said hurriedly. "I need to talk to Jake. Is he here?"

"No, he's not. He said he was going to come and find you; that he wanted to talk to you."

Worry continued to gnaw at my insides. He said he wanted to talk to me, but he hadn't shown up at Sue's place. Where was he? I bit my lip, thanked Billy, and stood at the bottom of the little stoop not knowing where to go next. I wandered toward his garage, drawn to the familiarity of being in there. He'd made me so happy here. Countless sodas drained, watching him work on our motorcycles, sitting in his Rabbit and talking, and I always felt safe and cared about.

And the garage was where I found him.

Surprised to see each other, we both stared. With a little shake of my head, I launched myself at him and felt his arms circle me. I just held him tightly, not intending to let go any time soon and afraid he'd let go of me. He didn't, though, so I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his scent. "Don't ever leave me," I whispered shakily. I didn't realize just how scared I was until I saw him.

He was surprised at the intensity in my voice. He held me tighter.

"Jake," I finally said. "I don't know what you heard, but I…"

His arms lowered and my stomach sank. He didn't look angry or distant, but he looked confused and lost. I reached out to him, but instead he turned and threw a wrench at the wall of the garage, putting a large dent in it, and making me jump. My chin quivered slightly, but I bit my lip to keep it from showing.

He sighed and turned back to me. "Sorry," he said looking chagrined. "I needed to get that out of my system apparently."

He did look a little calmer, so I spoke quietly. "Jake, I'm sorry, but I promise you can trust me. I wouldn't do anything like that to you…"

He interrupted. "I know and I do. It's not that I don't trust you, Bells. I don't trust that leech anywhere near you," he growled angrily.

It was my turn to sigh. "Jake, he had absolutely no right to come onto the reservation. He broke the treaty; you have every reason to be furious and do what you have to."

I kept my expression neutral, but Jake could read me like a book. "You don't want him or his family dead, Bella. And I saw him kiss you."

A few tears spilled free. "Jake, I didn't know he was going to do that. He caught me off-guard."

He looked unbearably sad for a moment, but shook his head. "It hurt to see that, but I know, Bella. I know he was aware I was there which might have been part of the reason why he did it. He knows he can still dazzle you in some way and he was trying to show me that while you and I may be together, he's still married to you."

That thought hadn't occurred to me and it made me even more furious that he sought me out and did that. I got the impression he still had feelings for me, but to do that because Jake was outside was infuriating.

"I also heard the theory about what's going on with you could be something that the two of you created. I don't know how the hell it could happen, but what if you're pregnant… with something?" The hurt on his face was like a physical blow.

"Jake, I can't be," I said shaking my head. "How could that be? It's preposterous." The fear was there, though, since Edward put the idea in my head. I was going to have to check with Carlisle or somebody to find out to make sure.

His arms did wrap around me then, and I clung to him gratefully. "I'm sorry you saw and heard that. Jake, I love you so much. I know it hurt you, but you have to know that. We'll figure this out, okay? Just don't leave me like that again. You scared me."

He smoothed my hair back from my face. "I'm sorry, Bells. I shouldn't have walked out, but I let myself get worried, felt the old insecurities, and I needed to clear my head. I was planning on coming to find you, I swear, but you beat me to it."

He kissed me then, a kiss that was desperate, gentle, hungry, and all-consuming all at once. Overwhelmed, I wrapped my arms around his neck, his warm mouth caressing mine. In that little garage, wrapped in Jake's arms, I felt as if I could take on the world.

* * *

**JPOV**

Sprawled in the back of the Rabbit, I was grateful I'd parked it in the old garage. It came in handy as I held Bella against me while sprawled on the backseat, our skin still damp with perspiration. I stroked a hand down her bare hip, hitching her higher on top of me. My head was squashed against the door and I had a major cramp in my leg, but it was worth it for that frantic bit of love-making we just had.

"I love you," I said, tucking a lock of swinging hair behind her ear. She smiled, leaning down to give me a kiss - a really wet one that nearly got me hard again.

"As much as I don't want this to end, we should probably get dressed," I said reluctantly.

She groaned, but sat back. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm going to head back to my dad's. I told him I'd bake something for him to take to work tomorrow for their Christmas party. I should call him and let him know I'm okay, even though he knew I was coming to find you. He had said I should come find you, too."

"Okay. And yeah, my dad said the same to me. Guess they aren't just annoying old men, huh?"

She giggled. "Nah. Have you seen my pants?"

I dug them out from under me and watched her wriggle back into them. She finished dressing and I caught her arm before she could leave, pulling her back against me. She smiled up at me, and I said, "Bells, I love you. I always have and I always will."

Her full mouth softened and she pressed a kiss to my bare chest. "I love you, too… always have and always will," she echoed. "I'll see you at Charlie's in a little while?"

I nodded and said, "Yep, I'll be there pretty soon. Be careful on your way back, okay?" I didn't like the idea of her heading off the reservation by herself even just for a little while, but again I knew I couldn't dictate her life for her.

I watched her as she headed down the path to the house to get her truck, smiling, feeling a little dopey.

I grabbed a shower at the house and drove to Charlie's not long after to keep Bella company. The inside of the house smelled fantastic; a blend of spices, pumpkin, and chocolate. She was standing at the counter, her back to me, and I took the time to watch her like a creepy stalker. Her ponytail bounced along with the quiet sounds of the music she played on the stereo. She was wrapped in a white apron, looking incredibly cute. Her hands moved constantly; adding ingredients, mixing, and pouring batter.

It was a perfectly domestic thing, and I couldn't wait until all this shit was over so we could get on with our lives. Every day that passed, I envisioned her as my wife. We could build a house in Port Angeles, marry, and grow old together. The future of children was iffy, but I chose to remain hopeful that she could get pregnant one day. It wouldn't change how much I loved her, so I knew we would make it work somehow.

"Hey, honey," I said, making her jump a little.

She smiled and said, "Come here. Taste this. It's a pumpkin and chocolate-swirled cake."

My eyes must've lit up because she laughed. She held the spoon out for me to taste. "Delicious," I proclaimed. I tried to swipe the bowl from her, making her snicker and smack my hand.

"I'm making two," she said. "One for Charlie and one for us."

I kissed her temple and let her get back to work. We talked about the normal stuff; the school and when it would be finished, her job and how she hoped to upgrade to a different column - one she could call her own. We discussed Christmas and how going away for New Year's might be nice. It'd give us a chance to be alone and get away from all the shit that had been happening.

She had just pulled the cakes out of the oven when she cringed. "Bella?" I asked concerned, getting up, my own sense of uneasiness more apparent.

She leaned against the counter, holding her stomach, and an icy anger draped over me like a now familiar cloak. "Something is out there, Jake."

I helped her to the living room and the sofa and flipped open my cell phone. "Sam," I said after a moment. "Suit up."

It was brief, but he knew exactly what was going on. The mind link between all of us was still strong even in our human form. Bella's face was white, pinched, and she was still holding her stomach as she looked up at me. "I'm going out there," she said, standing up shakily.

I started to shake my head, but she glared at me. "Don't you dare try and stop me. This is happening to me and I have something to say."

Her expression was more stubborn than I'd ever seen it and unless I physically restrained her, she would be coming outside. "Fine," I said irritably. "Stay near me, okay?" Suddenly, the wafting stench of a leech assaulted my senses.

"Bella," a voice said from outside the back door. "Please, I need to talk to you."

Quick as lightning, I flung the door open and shoved Edward back off the porch, sending him flying into a tree. Bella cried out in surprise, following me as I strode after Edward, ready to rip him limb from limb. I felt the pack before I saw them, but suddenly I saw the glow of the pack's eyes glinting from the forest. They were snarling, and I felt my body begin to convulse with the need to phase.

Edward's lip curled and his eyes were feverishly bright. "Touch me again, dog, and I'll turn you into kibble. I'm here to protect Bella from the Volturi, not to destroy you in front of her."

"You have no right to be here," I growled, advancing slowly. "You gave up that right when Bella left your sorry ass behind."

He moved fast, pouncing on me, his teeth bared. I felt a couple ribs crack, but before he could do anything else, I heard Bella yelling behind me. I got my feet under him, launching him up into the air, and saw Quil and Embry leap and catch hold of him. There was a brief struggle before Bella strode right into the middle.

"Stop it," she yelled. She was livid, her face nearly purple now, though she was still clutching her stomach. "Edward, what the fuck do you think you're doing? You're not winning any brownie points here. What's to stop me from telling them to rip you apart?"

He stopped just like that, his body frozen in place. He was still pinned against a tree, but his eyes met Bella's now. "You're still married to me. I came to protect you from the Volturi, to ask you to come back. I went about this wrong, but I lost my head. I'm sorry, Bella. I still love you."

"You don't love me," she snapped trying to shake off his dazzling effect. I stood up gingerly as my ribs began to mend, moving toward her, but she waved me off. "We fell out of love - obsession - whichever a long time ago, Edward. You need to stop and leave here. Don't come back."

Warmth bloomed in me as I watched her. Her anger was breaking through the dazzling. He started to move toward her, but the whole pack growled in unison, while Leah moved in front of Bella. She growled viciously, her teeth bared and sharp as knives as she stared dangerously at Edward's crotch. Unable to help myself despite the circumstances, I muffled a laugh.

Edward started to say something, but Bella bent over again, gasping. "Jake," she gasped. "More."

Snow had begun to fall, lightly coating the grass as we lined up, prepared to do battle. My body was shaking, ready to phase any second, as I pushed Bella behind me. Her cold fingers pressed to my back as she looked around me to see what was going on.

It was the Cullen's.

"Edward, back off," Carlisle said as he maintained his position at the head of his family. "I told you this was a bad idea." Edward's eyes glittered golden as he eased away from the wolves and toward his family.

"So, it's come to this," I said coldly.

They all stared back at me, hard and cold, though Carlisle met my eyes. I could see understanding in the doctor's eyes as he located Bella. "We're not here to fight you. I don't doubt you don't want us here, but Jacob we swore to protect Bella against the Volturi. We'll leave as soon as the battle is done."

"So, they're coming," I responded. Bella gasped, gripping her stomach, agony etched into her face. I caught her as she stumbled against me.

Distracted, I glanced back at her and terror ripped at my insides. "Bella? Honey, what's wrong?" I asked. The fear bubbled over as the pack and the Cullen's stared at Bella in shock and horror.

Her eyes flashed golden, though her face had elongated like ours did when we started to phase. Her body arched and shook, contorting, and she cried out. "Carlisle!" I yelled. "What the fuck is happening to her?"

My heart was slamming against my chest as I held her, trying to calm the tremors wracking her body. Carlisle stood by me, staring down at Bella in shocked wonder, his mouth opening and closing, unable to speak for a moment. It scared the shit out of me, because even I knew Carlisle Cullen didn't get shaken up; he was always calm and collected.

"I…" he started to say before Bella sat upright.

Her eyes were feverishly bright; a mix of brown and gold and she smiled at me. In utter stupefaction, I stared at her familiar face complete with sharp, slightly smaller fangs compared to the packs, and the eyes that vaguely resembled a vampire.

* * *

**AN: So, um… what do you think? Haha This story is taking a curious twist, and I'm interested to hear what everyone thinks about this latest development.**

**Just wanted to say a quick thanks to TeamSethLover and the other anonymous reviewers - or one's that I just can't reply back to - for the reviews! I really appreciate them. :o) Oh, and btw, the Cake version of "I Will Survive" is A.W.E.S.O.M.E.**


	22. Hybrid

It's holding me, morphing me And forcing me to strive To be endlessly cold within And dreaming I'm alive 'Cause I want it now, I want it now Give me your heart and your soul I'm not breaking down, I'm breaking out Last chance to lose control

**Muse - "Hysteria"**

* * *

**BPOV**

My body didn't feel like my own. I could feel something coursing through my veins, a force that needed to be unleashed. It was scary, confusing, and strangely exhilarating. I knew because of Edward and his family that this wasn't exactly me turning into a vampire; there was no process where I went through intense suffering for days before I turned.

It hurt, my body had jack-knifed with the pain, but I was all too aware of my surroundings and it didn't take long. The pain in my mouth as the fangs grew was quick and biting; fangs so like Jacob when he was a wolf. It didn't make any sense to me. My body felt as if it were freezing and hardening, but my face felt strangely like it had elongated. I had the fangs of a wolf and the urge to protect others from vampires, so I knew this had to be different. There had been no legends about people randomly turning into werewolves.

It scared the hell out of me, but at the same time the power was a drug. For once in my life, in some way, I could understand how it was for Jacob to be a wolf and Edward to be a vampire. I looked down at my hands which were remarkably human and there was definitely no hair, so I wasn't actually a wolf.

When I sat up, my eyes met Jacob's. I could see so clearly and every little detail. The slight indent in Jacob's chin that I never noticed before, the shimmer in his glossy, black hair, and every line of muscle in his arm was noticeable. The rush of love was still there for which I was eternally grateful. I still loved and desired him; there was no disgust even with the vampire additions. I registered that everyone was there, shock evident in their features, but I couldn't take my eyes off the russet-skinned man in front of me, fear holding him frozen in place. A new thought occurred to me, and I felt a fissure of worry. I still loved Jake, but with what happened… did he still love me?

Tentatively, I reached up and stroked his face, tracing the edge of his lips. Surprised and pleased, he felt warm to me. Whatever I was, I could feel warmth, so I knew I wasn't a full-on vampire. He was staring at me, the look in his eyes conflicting. There was so much shock, so much confusion - everything I felt as well. When I pressed my palm to his chest, he winced, but I could see his love for me. Relief eased through me, but I frowned in confusion at the wince.

His hand touched mine, slowly easing the grip of my fingers, and I realized I was actually hurting him. The strength in my body wasn't imagined; it was really there.

"Bella?" A soft voice over my shoulder said. Annoyed at the interruption of my exploration of Jacob's face, I flicked a glance over toward Carlisle.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

I pondered that briefly and said, "Strong. Healthy. Powerful."

He knelt down close to me and asked, "Do you mind if I take a better look at you?"

I shrugged, not really caring. He hesitantly tilted my chin so he could get a better look at my teeth. When his eyes finished skimming over my face, he met my eyes. The look of shocked curiosity was still there.

"Bells?" Jake finally said. He had regained his voice and pressed his fingers to my chest, right over my heart. The realization that he wasn't sure if I was still alive or not made me feel sad, but my heart still beat. The relief on his face was palpable. "You're still you," he said, happy and even more confused.

"What happened to me?" I asked Carlisle. He was still staring at me, just as the other wolves and Cullen's were as well.

His mouth opened and closed unsure of what to say. "I… don't know," he admitted. "I've never heard of anything like this before. I have a feeling it has something to do with the combination of having the venom in your body and something to do with Jacob, though."

I pondered that and stood up and stared at Carlisle. I could see the idea slowly dawning on the faces of Jake and the others. "Does that mean what I think it means? The fact that I was with Edward and now with Jacob… the mix of the two created some kind of… hybrid?"

We were skirting the issue, but the idea was creepy. And kind of disgusting.

Jake looked a little sick to his stomach, so he felt the same way I did about it. Edward just looked frozen, not moving in the slightest. I reached out for Jake's hand, comforted by the warmth and the reassuring squeeze.

"That would be my best guess," Carlisle said.

"How on earth is this possible?" Alice murmured.

No one had an answer, but Leah had made her way over to me and began sniffing my leg. It was an odd thing for a friend to do, but this wasn't exactly a normal situation. She snuffled at my knee, my hand, and then bared her teeth at me and whined in confusion. I knew she was freaked out, but her eyes expressed her loyalty. She stood by my side as slowly the other wolves expressed their loyalty to Jake, their alpha, by coming to stand behind us as well.

I was scared, but my new transformation stopped me from being able to produce tears even as I felt the urge to cry. It was an unnerving and not very human thing; something I didn't like.

Carlisle sighed quietly. "The Volturi is coming, but we have a little time. Maybe one of your tribal elders will have an idea? We're going to convene at our old home for now with your permission." He looked to Jake questioningly.

Jake's expression wavered, and I looked up at him. "Do what you think is right," I assured him.

The tension around his eyes eased at my words. "I don't want you here," he said coldly. "We can take care of our own problems."

Edward bared his teeth slightly, the first movement he made since this happened to me, but he remained quiet.

"But in light of what happened to Bella, it might be beneficial to keep you around for now. You'll fight against the Volturi, but you will not come onto the reservation unless you're given the go-ahead. And if Bella or any one of my pack members suffers at the hands of them, or is killed, I will hold you personally responsible."

Rose and Emmett were bristling with concealed rage, but Alice and Jasper remained curiously unaffected. Esme looked upset, though Carlisle seemed to understand. He nodded at Jake, and I could see his edict warring with his gratitude to Carlisle for coming to my aid so readily when I needed.

After the Cullen's left, I turned to Jake. "Do you think Old Quil or your dad would be able to help?"

The pack had phased back to human form and began dressing discreetly. I could hear the swish of their shorts being pulled on, their soft breathing, and the snap of buttons snapping into place.

"I should have thought of him before," Jake said. "He's always had skills none of us ever had. Quil? Do you think your grandfather would be okay with this? I'd like to see if he has an idea."

Quil nodded, running a hand through his hair, looking at me worriedly. "Yeah, I'm sure he'll be willing to see if there's anything he can do. Why don't I go on ahead and ask him if he can meet you at your dad's place?"

He took off with the pack in tow, leaving me and Jake facing each other. Jake reached out and brushed the back of his hand across my cheek. "You still feel so soft and warm," he said quietly. "You feel like you."

I moved in close, wrapping my arms around his waist. He shifted slightly and I quickly relaxed my grip a little. "Sorry," I murmured. "I am me, mostly. I'm scared, Jake."

He tilted my chin up. "So am I. I don't know what this means, but maybe we can get some answers. Whatever it is, we're in this together, right?"

I kissed him then, feeling the warmth of his mouth move against mine, but not before I saw the uncertainty in his eyes.

* * *

**JPOV**

Bella had asked if we could go through the forest to my dad's house, and I realized why as soon as we made it into the privacy of the towering trees. She was a blur, racing through the trees at breakneck speed. It was an unnerving sight, but even as a human, I had a decent amount of speed myself. She was still faster with the vampire ability, but I managed to keep track of her.

She came to a stop near the tree line and glanced back at me. Even through the fear of what this meant, what could happen, she currently had a smile on her face. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "I really wanted to do that. It was fun."

I couldn't help laughing. She curled her fingers around mine and we went in to see if Billy and Old Quil would know what to do. I knew the pack was around, waiting to hear word, but kept their distance to give us privacy. Billy was seated at the table with Old Quil looking shell-shocked. When they caught sight of us, they scrutinized Bella carefully.

"What's happening to me?" Bella asked quietly, worry creeping back into her voice. "Carlisle Cullen had a theory, but we thought maybe the two of you could help."

Old Quil's weather-beaten face was somber and still as he motioned Bella forward. She stood next to him, casting a look back at me. He took her hand in his wrinkled one, frowning with concentration. Billy was still examining her and finally said, "This is unbelievable. I can see the differences however subtle they are. Your eyes…"

He trailed off, clearly worried about the similarity to vampires. "How do you feel?"

Bella bit her lip and murmured, "I feel normal except I feel strong and everything is much clearer and in greater detail. I can sense and feel things I hadn't before either."

"You have no desire to feed?" he asked curiously.

She cringed at the thought. "No, I don't. Thankfully."

Old Quil had his eyes closed as he concentrated. He mumbled a few indistinct words in Quileute, words even I didn't recognize, and laid a hand over Bella's lower abdomen. The silence in the room became thick as we waited anxiously. He frowned, mumbling, and shook his head.

Finally, he opened his eyes. "The Spirits aren't forthcoming about everything, but yes, there's a melding of vampire venom with the essence of a wolf inside you. It's unheard of for one of our wolf protectors to be enamored with a vampire, but this is the result; as if you're a vessel. What would happen if the natural enemies came together would be a hybrid."

Bella clenched her jaw. "Is it permanent?"

Old Quil was still touching her stomach. He concentrated again for a moment and finally said, "The ability you have to block vampires who have powers of the mind? It's almost like immunity; it kept you from being turned into a vampire due to the venom. The best I can tell is that the reaction of being with Jake while having this venom in you is what forced the wolf tendencies on you as well. Being around both the vampires and wolves at the same time is what finally triggered it."

"I don't think it's permanent, but time will tell," he continued. "It happened for a reason. Your ability shields you from phasing or turning, though, so whatever is the dominant part of you will come forth, which I would believe is human considering that's what you are."

A shaky sigh of relief escaped both of us when he said that.

After thanking Old Quil, we informed the pack of what he said and they agreed to meet in the clearing at sundown. There was no scent of bloodsuckers right now, so the reservation was safe, but we wouldn't take any chances. When we were alone, Bella leaned into me and sighed.

"He seemed pretty certain, right?" she asked me nervously.

I rubbed a hand up and down her back. "Yeah, he did. Old Quil has always been intuitive, honey. It's part of being a medicine man, a healer. I'm sure there's a reason for this and everything will work out in the end."

She sighed and said, "I hope so, though this whole discussion makes me queasy. The fact that my sex life keeps coming up as the main reason why this happened makes it really uncomfortable to talk about."

Even though it involved the fact that she had sex with that bloodsucker before, I couldn't help a small laugh. It was just insane, this whole thing, and there just wasn't anything else to do or say about it. "Yeah, like it isn't weird enough," I replied.

We walked on the beach, trying to pretend everything was normal, taking in the cold but sunny afternoon. The air was biting, though this time Bella didn't seem particularly bothered by it. The changes were unnerving. I wanted the old Bella back, the girl who was still occasionally clumsy. The girl who was strong just as she was without any added power and the girl who was all human and wanted a normal life with me. I knew she still wanted those things, but this was out of the realm of normal and we both knew it.

The wind was picking up and the threat of snow was in the leaden sky. We perched on our old driftwood log, just staring out to sea, trying to absorb everything that happened. Bella sighed and leaned her head against my shoulder. "Jake? Would you still love me and want to be with me if I stayed this way?"

Understanding her silence, I held her against me. "Oh, Bells, is that what you're worried about?"

"Partially," she admitted. "I know you're here with me now, but there's hope that I'll go back to being human after all is said and done. But in some ways, I'm like a vampire. There would be no children for sure. Can you live with that if something goes wrong and I stay this way?"

This was the closest I would ever get to a vampire. I wanted her to be back as she was, but this was Bella. No matter what, it was still her deep down, and I would always love her. Sticking through things together was what we'd learned over the months in getting back together, and I wasn't going to give up on that now.

"Yes," I said with utter certainty. "I want you no matter what you are and what you can do."

She opened her mouth to say something, but I kissed her. Her smile spreading against my mouth made me pull her closer, wrap my arms around her, and we both tumbled back off the log in a heap of arms and legs.

"Is this a good idea?" she whispered as I worked at her jeans. "I mean, this is partially what made me turn into a hybrid, but…"

"You're already a hybrid, so it doesn't matter," I said. "I'm just going to give you some more wolf."

That made her giggle and she wiggled out of her jeans. "That works for me."

It was amazing how fast she moved, the roll and tumble of our bodies as we reached frantically for each other. She was strong and she was showing it, taking what she wanted. I let her have the control for awhile before I began to show my own strength. She laughed breathlessly when I managed to pin her down and drive my point home - literally. Her laugh turned to a moan as her hips shot up to meet my downward thrusts.

Her nails raked my back and her legs had me in a vise-tight grip, but it didn't matter. I would take anything she dished out.

Afterward, she tugged her jeans back on and rested her chin on my chest, smiling up at me. "I love you, Jacob Black."

"I love you, too."

We headed back to the house soon after as twilight was drawing near. "I should go to Charlie's," she said. "Or maybe I should call him instead. I don't want him to see me like this."

"I think it's too late, Bells," I said. Charlie's cruiser was parked in the driveway and his voice could be heard from inside the house. Charlie came barreling out of the house and stopped short when he saw us. His eyes flashed to Bella, taking in her appearance. Bella didn't move except for the tightening of her hand around mine. I squeezed it back in support. He came over to Bella, hesitating, staring at her as if he'd never seen her before.

"Dad," she started to say, but he just shook his head.

"What happened to you?" he said thickly.

"We don't know exactly. You know about the venom inside me and it seems, um, the combination of me being with Jake…"

She swallowed with difficulty, not knowing how to say it, but Charlie seemed to know the gist of it. He was a little red in the face and Bella looked embarrassed. "It made me a sort of hybrid," she mumbled.

We stood there at a loss for words.

Finally, Charlie said, "Well, I knew I should have shot him when I had the chance. And I'm not so sure about you anymore, Jake."

I felt the crazy urge to laugh, but fought it. It wouldn't exactly help matters.

"It's not Jake's fault," Bella said. "This wouldn't happen normally. I'm an anomaly; no one ever thought a wolf or a vampire would ever come in contact like this. It just happened through me because of the vampire venom. Old Quil believes there's a reason for it, though, and he thinks I'll be human again."

Charlie hesitantly touched Bella's cheek, examining her features. "Okay," he said quietly, surprising me there wasn't any fight to him. "Billy explained some more to me, but if this vampire royalty comes here? I'm not going to stand by and have my daughter or you put your lives at risk while I hide," he said, directing that at me.

"Dad, you can't…" Bella said, worriedly.

"Charlie, it's not safe. We're designed to kill them and the Cullen's - no matter how we feel about them - made a pledge to destroy them if they threaten Bella," I told him.

"Can you honestly tell me that Bella would stay behind even if she wasn't… like this?"

I thought about that for a minute. "No, I guess not…"

"Well then. You know where Bella gets her stubbornness from." I sighed and Bella gave me a frustrated look.

"We'll keep you informed. _If_ we can use you, we'll let you know. There will need to be safeguards put into place. We're the ones that are able to destroy them, but we'll need to burn them after."

Charlie was pacified enough to drop it, though I refused point-blank to let him anywhere near where any fight would go down. Before he left, he turned back to us and the sadness in his eyes was overwhelming.

"I just want my little girl back. And I want her safe."

* * *

**BPOV**

The next couple days were difficult. The human part of me was trying to adjust to the changes. I still slept, but not as much as I had before. The urge to hunt and to run was pretty strong, though I felt no desire to eat anything but real, human food. It made it difficult to see anyone other than the pack because of my eye color and the fangs. There were slight physical changes, but I could at least hide my eyes behind sunglasses. I had to be careful about the way I moved because I was faster, more agile, and it wasn't entirely natural looking.

I went out to run with Leah while Jake spent some time with the pack and the tribal elders. He promised to fill me in on any new developments, but I was feeling antsy and trying to get used to this new energy and harness my strength. I'd already broken a few things in Sue's place. I'd called off work, asking to work from home due to family issues. I was grateful they allowed me to do this.

Leah was waiting for me near the tree line, her dark eyes watching me speculatively as I made my way over to her. She gave a low growl and then took off. I sped after her, feeling the wind rush through my hair, my leg muscles stretch and flex, and I was neck and neck with her. We just ran for awhile, occasionally racing each other until she finally slowed near the cliffs.

I stopped and waited until she phased back.

Pulling a t-shirt on over her head, completely unashamed at changing in front of me, she stared at me. "This is by far the weirdest fucking thing ever," she commented.

I couldn't have agreed more.

"It is," I said. "I admit the speed and strength is nice, but I'm really scared, Leah. I mean this isn't terrible so far, but all I wanted was a normal life. I left Alaska and Edward because I wanted a life with Jake. I wanted the whole package. And now I'm afraid of what this means."

She sat down near the edge of the cliffs, so I sat next to her. The storm clouds from earlier were moving out and glimpses of the fading sunlight were beginning to show as the day came to an end.

"Yeah, I know that feeling. I missed being a wolf actually. Who would've thought I'd end up back here? I still hope that once this is all over, my body can normalize again. Hopefully yours can, too."

I felt guilty. I had interrupted the pack and their normal, human lives because of the threat against me. They had school, work, and there was a baby on the way. Plus, I knew of Leah's struggle with fertility and that was a big thing for her.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I know I'm screwing things up for everyone on some level."

She shook her head, flicking a rock over the edge. She knew exactly what I was referring to. "Bella, we all made the choice to phase back and protect you. Don't wimp out on me and start feeling sorry; you're a freaky hybrid. Act like one."

I laughed. "Thanks, Lee. If I can be a freaky hybrid that no one has ever heard of, I know that anything is possible."

She smiled a little. "Yeah, I haven't lost all hope, Swan. I know that's probably surprising for me, but I've come a long way. I'm still going to try just like you. And I'm going to enjoy trying."

We both cracked up and eased the tension.

It was that night that I got the phone call. Carlisle said they were close to our land, so Jake called Sam to spread the word and we agreed to meet them at a clearing in the woods on the border of the La Push reservation.

I called Charlie to warn him. I didn't want to do it, but I knew if he got wind of it without us telling him it would be a lot worse. I told him a couple of the younger pack members would be guarding him and he finally agreed to stay in the clearing and help burn the parts. It went against everything inside me to allow him to do this, but we had the wolves and the Cullen's to keep the worst at bay.

As we walked through the woods, Jake took me hand and tugged me to a stop. "Bells, whatever happens, don't be a hero. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. You're fast, you're strong, and they aren't going to be expecting what happened to you here. You have the element of surprise, but don't get cocky. I need you safe."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Jake, I'm not going to be rash, but if I can help someone who's having trouble I will. You're all important to me, you're all risking your lives, and you're all my family. I love you."

He kissed me fiercely. I reveled in his strength and the love that was so evident in everything he did. When we pulled apart, I saw the Cullen's move into the clearing. Edward's eyes were on me and I could see his frozen expression. It had felt like a lifetime ago that we thought we could never be apart.

But life had changed us irrevocably. My life was with Jacob, the Quileute's, and my life in Alaska was a thing of the past. It was time Edward needed to know that, once and for all.

"I can sense them; they're almost here," Carlisle said quietly.

"We fight and then you leave," Jake replied. "I think you understand that, though."

"I do," he said with a nod.

There was no sound announcing their arrival, but suddenly they were there. They stood in a united front; Aro, Caius, Marcus, Jane, Alec, and quite a few others. Their frozen faces were so identical, their fury palpable.

But what they didn't account for was me.

The surprise was evident as eyes widened and mouths dropped open. I stood before them; a human with vampire strength, the strength and speed of my wolf family, and my own desires as a person to take what I so richly deserved. A fucking normal life.

Their shocked surprise was our advantage.

* * *

**AN: So, what do you think? Having sex with vampires is dangerous business. ;o) I found the idea of a connection between wolf, vampire, and human to be rather interesting in the formation of what Bella is currently. Hope you did, too!**

**And yes, of course I had to save the epic fight for its own chapter. Haha Bella's ass-kicking of vamps deserves that! Oh, and just so you know, I decided. There are three more chapters of this story left! So, there you have it… let me know what you think. :o)**


	24. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

If I could tell the world just one thing  
it would be that we're all okay  
And not to worry, cause worry is wasteful  
and useless in times like these  
I won't be made useless,  
I won't be idle with despair  
I'll gather myself around my faith,  
for the light does the darkness most fear

**Jewel - "Hands (Christmas version)"**

***Warning: Fluffy Christmas mush ahead. :o)**

* * *

_He was standing at the door, looking in at me as I sat huddled in a miserable ball. My decision was made, though. As right as I knew it was, I couldn't turn to look at him. I knew, even if it was inevitable and our feelings had changed, that he was still hurt._

_I continued to stare out the huge bay windows at the unfamiliar forests. There was finally no snow, but I still couldn't even enjoy the outside as much because of my imprisonment._

_"So, you're really leaving?" he asked._

_I sighed quietly, knowing this was coming._

_"Yes, it's long overdue, Edward. I can't live like this anymore. I know you all meant well in trying to protect me, but I need to be home. What you and I had was built on an obsession."_

_When I finally looked up at him, his expression was cold and removed. "So that's it. What it boils down to is that you never loved me."_

_"Edward," I said, feeling guilty. "I'm not saying there was never love. In some way, I believe we did love each other, but you said what you are is what draws humans in. And I'm human and I want to remain human. I fell in love with Jake and I apparently never stopped. I shouldn't have rushed through and moved away with you knowing this. If we were destined for each other, truly in love the way two people should be, I wouldn't have fallen for someone else."_

_He began to move around the bedroom, unable for once in his life to hold still._

_"I guess you're right. So go home then," he finally said. His voice was bitter and hurt._

_It didn't make me feel good, but there was nothing more for me to say, so I picked up my suitcase and headed downstairs. My life here in Alaska was ending and while I was sorry for getting mixed up with the Cullen's for all our sakes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of elation; a sense of my life finally, really beginning._

I woke with so many aches and pains that I winced as I tried to roll over. Jake was fast asleep next to me, and I desperately needed to get up. "Jake," I whispered. He was usually such a deep sleeper, but he came to as soon as I said his name.

"What's wrong?" he asked groggily.

"I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom," I admitted. "I can't seem to get up, though."

He gently took hold of me and helped me to my feet. I shuffled my way to the bathroom with Jake's hand on my back. When I came back to the bedroom, he helped me back into bed. I yawned, but I wasn't all that tired anymore. Apparently, Jake wasn't either, so he turned to face me.

"I was thinking," he said.

"Uh-oh," I replied.

He rolled his eyes at me and I giggled, wincing slightly at the pain in my chest and ribs.

"I thought you would want to spend Christmas here at home, but maybe we should head to Seabrook for the New Year. I thought it might be nice to get away again, spend some time away from here. We could go down for a couple days, maybe have the pack meet us there for a couple more days to just relax and ring in the New Year together."

I smiled, liking that idea. "That sounds great actually. And… oh, shit… Christmas is like a week away, isn't it?"

Jake laughed at the panicked look I knew was obvious on my face. "It is, honey. I know, everything has been crazy for so long. We've lost track of time."

I nodded absently, my mind already on the upcoming holiday and how pretty much nothing was ready. I could talk Jake into getting a Christmas tree for the apartment when we went home in a couple days, though I planned to get a small one for Charlie because we'd be spending a good portion of Christmas day here with our families.

Jake helped me downstairs and made breakfast for me. I smiled when he eventually placed a plate of bacon and eggs he scrambled in front of me. He was starting to get better at cooking; the eggs were only a little brown this time. "I could get used to this," I said with a little grin.

He smirked.

Just as I finished eating, I heard a knock at the door just as Jake made a face like he smelled something bad. I felt my stomach sink. Jake's eyes met mine and he sighed. "I'll clear out the back and give you some privacy to talk to him."

After he slipped out the back door, I went to the front door and opened it. Edward stood on the porch. I stepped out carefully, holding onto the doorjamb and tried to hold in the gasp of pain the movement caused. I eased myself down onto the porch chair, wrapping my coat around myself.

"Why were you under the impression I would come back with you?" I finally asked outright, not wanting to draw this out, knowing getting this over as fast as possible was the best for both of us.

He turned to me, his golden eyes confused. "You're my wife."

"Edward, did you not understand what I said when I left Alaska? I wanted to come home, start a new life; a normal life. I don't want to be a vampire nor do I want to associate with them. I just can't do it anymore. I'm in love with Jacob. I have been for a long time. I'm happy with him, and I want to build a life with him."

Edward shifted slightly, finally sitting down as well. "Look, Bella, I know I didn't go about this the right way. I wanted to salvage what might be left, what we didn't damage. I still love you." His voice was soft and pleading.

I felt that familiar pull as who and what he was tried to draw me in. It was much easier to resist now, though, and being firm in what I wanted from life.

"Edward," I said, frustrated. "It was obsession. You know I'm not saying there was no love there at all, but what you are is what drew me in. It was something we rushed into. I was too young to realize what I was getting myself into. You're in love with the idea of having someone for eternity. Please, just stop."

He stared out at the snowy ground, looking lost.

"You need to move on."

"Maybe if you think about it…"

"No!" I exclaimed, angry and upset. After all that had happened, I could taste the salt of my tears as they trickled down my cheeks. "I want a divorce, Edward. I need you out of my life."

He looked livid at first. "Jacob, that… dog…" he growled, but I held up a hand immediately.

"Don't you dare," I said, quietly furious. "Jacob should never have suffered. He was the one that made me stronger, loved me without condition even after I told him I might not be able to have kids because of being with  _you_."

I stared at Edward coldly, trying to drive that point home.

He remained quiet, anger etched into his features. I decided to take the high road and softened my voice though keeping it firm, "I need you to go. If there was ever any real love between us, Edward, you'll let me be with whom I'm meant to be with and leave. Please don't make this harder."

He stood, bitterness etched on his face. Yet despite that, he finally acquiesced. "I'll leave. Regardless of how I feel, I can see there's no changing your mind. Be happy, I guess. I'll send you the papers."

I watched him walk toward his car without a backward glance and all I felt was relief. "Thank you," I murmured, barely a sound escaping. "Be happy yourself."

I knew he'd heard me and I was glad. And then he was gone from my life.

I called Carlisle and thanked him with everything I had. He listened patiently while I bumbled on with my thanks. When I finally slowed down, he said quietly, "I know this goodbye, Bella."

I felt the tears burn behind my eyelids because as much as I wanted a vampire-free life, Carlisle had always had the grace and kindness to help me. I sniffled a little, trying to find my voice.

"I hope you know, no matter how things ended with Edward is Alaska and now, that I don't hate any of you. You've really helped me, and I am so grateful for that. Do I wish my life had gone a different path? Yes, I do, but I can't fully regret knowing you, Alice, Rose, Jasper, Esme, and Emmett. Even Edward in some way."

"I know," he said gently. "Bella, in spite of everything, we do all wish you the best. We'll be leaving again. I very highly doubt we'll speak again, so I truly hope everything works out in the end for you and Jacob."

"Thank you. I feel the same way for all of you. Please say goodbye to everyone for me?"

We hung up, and I stared down at the receiver in my hand and realized that chapter of my life was officially over. Carefully, I brushed the tears away after a few moments and made my way painfully into the house and called out for Jake. I looked out the window, knowing he wasn't too far. His wolf emerged from the woods and he phased back. As he walked toward me, I smiled with relief, watching as the love of my life and my future made his way toward me.

* * *

The next week was busy as we got a Christmas tree for my dad's house and one for our apartment. I continued to decorate with Jake's help as my mobility was still not the greatest. I hung strands of garland and set out a few Christmas knick-knacks I had. I did some shopping online and some with Leah in a few stores in Port Angeles.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as we poked around a bookstore. I knew Renee was looking for a particular book, but hadn't bought it.

"Okay," I replied, even though I was feeling kind of tired. "I'm just taking it one day at a time."

She scrutinized me and finally said, "Is there something else? You seem sort of… off."

I bit my lip, but finally said, "My period is late again. I don't know what to feel about it because Jake's right; it's just too soon to bring a child into the mix, but a part of me can't help hoping."

"What are you waiting for, Swan? To pop the kid out, if that's the case?"

I shook my head and laughed. "Okay, I did well enough today with shopping anyway. I guess we can make that our last stop before we get something to eat."

I bought a pregnancy test, worrying my lip between my teeth as I made a stop in the bathroom at the café we were going to eat at. I peed on the stick, trying to breathe slowly and deeply while I waited. When it was time, I glanced down to see the negative results. My disappointment and grief ran deep, but I sucked in a deep breath and went out to Leah.

When I sat down across from her, the waitress delivered our soup and sandwiches. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand, the understanding in her eyes a balm to this wound. "Bella, it's still so soon," she said. "You can't expect Jake's swimmers to slam through just yet and disintegrate that vampire shit."

I laughed weakly; glad she always tried to amuse me during the tough times. "Yeah, you're right," I said. "Just like you need time, too."

I knew my struggle was hers, too. She wasn't trying with her current boyfriend, but I knew she wanted one eventually. I wouldn't let it bog me down, though, so I pushed on the next few days prompting Jake to tell me to slow down and that I wasn't fully healed yet. I had gone back to work in spurts, eliciting sympathy from my co-workers about the "car accident." I was invited out for a drink for the holidays with Chastity and Maggie which I really enjoyed.

Christmas Eve day we were allowed to leave early, so I went home and made a batch of cookies I knew Jake loved; chocolate chip with pecans and peanut butter chips. I made a cranberry sauce salad as well as started a dish of green beans with onions and bacon bits mixed in. When Jake got home from work, he sighed.

"Bella, sit your ass down. You look exhausted. I'll finish the beans and worry about dinner," he said. He walked over to me when I hesitated, so I raised my hands. "Okay, okay, I'll sit down."

I was grateful to do so actually, and I sat at the kitchen table trying not to cringe at the pain still radiating throughout my body. Jake was right; I'd overdone it a bit. He grilled the hamburgers I had gotten fresh from the farmer's market and made the mac 'n cheese he had begun perfecting.

When dinner was over, Jake carried me upstairs along with a bottle of champagne. I laughed softly when he deposited me on the bed. "We're going to watch a movie, drink some champagne, and then listen to some corny Christmas music while exchanging gifts. And you're not going to do a damn thing."

"And thank you for making those cookies," he added softly, kissing me slowly and thoroughly. I smiled against his mouth, happy and perfectly content.

We drank, relaxed, and watched a movie and Jake even gave me a foot rub. My gifts were a book I wanted that he'd ordered and an email confirmation that a cottage was rented and we'd be going to Seabrook for the New Year. The last gift I opened was one he carved; the most beautiful dream-catcher I'd ever seen. It was a smooth, oak wood with an intricate patterned web. Strings of green, yellow, and blue feathers that represented the forest, ocean, and the sun hung from the bottom. They were adorned with beads that represented different aspects of our lives. There was a wolf, a human girl, a leaf, a heart, and a small dove as a symbol of hope.

"I plan to add a baby to it when the time is right," he said kissing my forehead. He knew what had happened a few days ago and his continuing certainty that we'd have a child one way or another helped.

"Jake, this is absolutely beautiful," I said and began to cry. "How on earth did you finish this so quickly? You just finished the school project."

He smiled. "A few nights this past week I just stayed up most of the night carving. That's why I've been so tired. I wanted it to be done in time."

I was still crying when he enfolded me in his arms. I was beyond touched that he made this. I gave him his gifts of new carving tools because I knew whenever he'd done some carving he used Billy's extra ones. There were also tickets to a concert in January we were both interested in. Last, I bit my lip nervously as I handed him a manila folder.

When he opened it, he pulled out a pretty thick sheaf of papers. Confused, he looked at them and began reading. As his eyes widened, I chewed on my lip nervously. This was something I'd been working on in secret here and there since we'd started dating.

"Bells, what…" he started to say in shock.

"Jake, this book I wrote is going to be published," I said hurriedly. "This has been our life, with a few minor omissions of course, but it's all about us. It's about living in Forks, finding my best friend again, loving him with everything I have, and learning how many changes I went through for the better because of him."

"This is the manuscript. It's yours as well as the first book when it's done. This is about you and the life and love I have with you. It's our story."

His mouth opened and closed as he stared at it. "Honey," he managed to say, his voice cracking slightly. "I don't even know what to say. This is so damn… perfect. First of all, congratulations and thank you," he said fervently. His eyes were surprisingly wet, too, as he kissed me over and over.

"I can't believe this," he murmured. "I'm so glad we found each other again. Thank you so much."

Our love-making was frenzied yet gentle. He was always ever-aware of me and how I felt. Afterward, we lay in bed, curled around each other. "It's been the perfect Christmas Eve," I said quietly to him.

"It really has been," he said. We drifted off with the soft, muted glow of Christmas lights twinkling outside.

* * *

**JPOV**

Christmas Day was busy and full of food, laughter, and family and friends. Charlie's house was filled to the brim with the pack, my dad, Bella, and Sue. Renee and Phil had even managed to fly in for the holiday and because she wanted to see Bella for herself and make sure she was okay. There was food everywhere; ham, turkey, stuffing, Bella's green beans and cranberry sauce salad, carrots, rolls, and sweet potatoes. There were plenty of pumpkin pies, apple pies, and pecan pies that had already been delivered to La Push where we were all going to convene for the rest of the day so we could spend time with more of the tribe.

The food was fantastic and the wine flowed as everyone chattered excitedly.

When we got to the reservation, there were tables set up at the tribal center so everyone could gather there. More desserts were brought as more people arrived to greet each other. The Christmas tree was glowing and I saw Bella looking over there rather intently. Old Quil had just read a Christmas story to the kids and was still sitting over there by himself. Bella's eyes met mine, and I knew she needed to satisfy something, so I got up and followed her over there.

"Merry Christmas, Old Quil," Bella said with a smile. It always tickled him when everyone called him Old Quil instead of just his name.

"Merry Christmas, Isabella," he said. He reached over and pulled a chair out for her and we sat down with him. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better," she replied. "I'm still tiring out pretty quickly and still have some pain, but it's becoming a little more bearable every day."

"Good, good," he said. "I know you want to ask me something," he added with a small smile.

She laughed. "We did come over just to sit with you, too, but yes, I did have a question."

She took my hand, squeezing it slightly in her nervousness. "Um, I was just wondering… we haven't really talked about it, but I don't understand why I became fully human again. I'm thrilled I did, but with what Aro was saying to me…" She hesitated, swallowing hard. "I'm worried about what could happen in the future, if there's something wrong with me…"

"Bells, he was hitting you where it would hurt the most," I said. I smoothed her hair back, tilting her chin toward me. "You are not abnormal."

Old Quil smiled and said, "Give me your hand."

When she placed her hand in his, he closed his eyes and concentrated. I knew this was important to her, to know and understand, and to feel normal. I couldn't begrudge her that after all we had been through. Old Quil was still silent, concentrating, and after a few more minutes he opened his eyes.

"You are quite special," he said gently. "As I said before, the vampire venom couldn't hurt you because of you're ability to block. It triggered the shield in you when the venom was inside of you; stopping your death and turning. When you were with both vampire and werewolf in the clearing, the combination of the two forced the aspects of each out in the open."

Bella nodded, listening intently.

"It seems the tendencies of both failed you because the fight was nearly over and your human desire to have normalcy was the strongest. It just so happened that the human part of you became so strong it overpowered the two others, which is what made you turn back. And your desire to protect those you loved was what gave you the strength to destroy Aro; that and your genius idea of hanging on to that vampire bullet," he added with a smile.

Old Quil's explanation made a strange kind of sense to me, and I could see the relief in Bella's face.

"From what I've gathered, it sounds like at some point the strongest tendencies in you were wolf-related," he continued. "You belong with the pack, my dear."

Bella leaned back, smiling as she turned toward me. I grinned back at her, pleased to know the wolf was the stronger one of the two and even more pleased that her human side was what eventually overtook both of them in the end. We both stood, noting Old Quil was getting tired.

"I do have something for you because I know of your other worry, of the hope you had a couple days ago," he said a little more seriously. He reached into his satchel and pressed a little leather pouch into Bella's hand. "I can't make any concoctions to help you with pregnancy, but this blend will open your mind to hope and your body to change. Just keep it with you."

Her eyes widened as we both stared down at it; not only because of what this could possibly do, but the fact that he was aware of the incident the other week without having been told by anyone.

"I don't have anything for you…" Bella said, her brow wrinkling in concern.

"I have no need for material possessions," he said quietly. "It's enough to know that this tribe is happy and thriving; that's my gift. It's also my gift to know how incredibly special you are and what you've done for our Alpha."

Bella's chin shook, and I nearly felt teary myself. She leaned down and hugged our wizened and wise healer. "Thank you," she whispered. "For everything you did."

He patted her back and shook my hand. "Remember, both of you, that hope is always stronger than fear." I hugged Bella to me, smiling when all the kids began to squeal with excitement. Snow had begun falling, thus ending our Christmas day.

The following week was busy as we held a celebration in honor of finishing the tribal school. My bosses wanted to hire on the older pack members to help with other projects. We were all thrilled with that notion, and I even got to see Lila again as she came to get the finished project's pictures. Bella handled herself really well, and Lila seemed to be doing great.

"I met someone," she admitted to me. "I'm happy, Jake. And I'm really glad you found the peace you needed."

She gave me a hug before she left, wishing both of us the best in the New Year. Bella looped her arms around my waist. "I'm not saying this just because I ended up with you, but she truly is a really nice person," she said.

I smiled. "Yeah, she was pretty special. I'm glad she's happy."

We celebrated with the crew and their significant other's that night with champagne. Bella found out at work that week as well that her boss wanted to give her an ongoing column instead of filling in for other people. She was ecstatic with the news, plus the news that her publisher was eager over her book had her flying high. It truly was a celebration as we headed to Seabrook for New Year's.

Charlie would bring Billy, Sue, Rachel, and the pack would follow them to stay with us in a couple days, just in time for New Year's Eve. We wanted a couple days to ourselves first. We got the same cottage and got settled for our first night. We got a fire going and curled up on the couch to watch a movie. When it was over, we were both a little sleepy, but decided to go out for a quick stretch and walk to the beach and back.

It was freezing, and I chuckled as Bella burrowed into me. "Thank God you still have so much body heat," she murmured.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around her. "We won't stay out here long. It's starting to snow a little, though, and I thought it would be nice. Plus, I have a surprise for you."

She looked up at me, and I felt uncharacteristically shy. I slid my hand into my back pocket and knelt down in front of her. Her eyes began to widen as I opened my fist and held up the tiny, heart-shaped ring that was my mother's. It had a very tiny stone in the center instead of a diamond. My dad had saved up for so long for it, and he had given it to me when I told him I was thinking of proposing to Bella. It wasn't big, it wasn't overly flashy, and it certainly wasn't extremely expensive. I did have it engraved with our names on the inside band, though, with my dad's approval.

"Bella, will you marry me? I mean, not any time really soon. We've really only been dating for a few months, but I thought it could be a long engagement and I wanted to propose now because I need you to know I want you, us, no matter what happens. I thought being that it's nearly the New Year, this would be the best time to give it to you…"

She knelt down, too, and took my face in her hands.

"Yes," she whispered, interrupting my rambling. "I love you. I'd love to marry you."

"I love you, too," I said pulling her against me.

We broke the news to everyone when they arrived on New Year's Eve. There were toasts and I could see Charlie fighting his emotion as he hugged both of us. "I knew you could both get here," he said.

The pack enveloped us in a massive group hug. When the clock struck midnight, our New Year was rung in with the people that meant the world to me and with the promise of a married, normal life stretching as far as the eye can see with the woman I loved.

* * *

**AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter of (mostly) fluff! I can't seem to avoid Christmas chapters and using Jewel songs from her Christmas albums (one of my all-time favorites). And here's the ring that I used as inspiration: www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/0216-2-heart-shaped-engagement-rings_we.jpg. Next chapter is the epilogue… and there will be some AN info in that chapter in regards to what I plan on next. Just to let you know ahead of time to check it out if you're interested. :o)**

**And I haven't officially posted anything yet, but I will have entries in the Halloween contests on Tricky Raven and Jacob Black 'n Pack, so if you're members, go check out the stories as they come in. Everyone always does a great job! :o**


	25. Battle

This is the end  
Hold your breath and count to ten  
Feel the earth move and then  
Hear my heart burst again  
For this is the end  
I've dreamed and dreamed this moment  
So overdue, I owed them  
Swept away, I'm stolen  
Let the sky fall, when it crumbles  
We will stand tall  
And face it all together

**Adele - "Skyfall"**

* * *

**BPOV**

My muscles were tensed, coiled, and my body was set to spring at any moment. I'd spent too much of my life in fear of these vampires and I was done. No more would they hold that power over me, no more would they interrupt a life I craved. My lip curled back and my snarl matched Jacob's. He was in wolf form right next to me, the sheer size of him overwhelming. His russet head turned toward me, his familiar eyes locking with mine, and he inclined his head slightly.

I knew what he was telling me without having the ability to hear his thoughts. We never needed to hear each other's thoughts; we were already in tune to each other's feelings and emotions. He knew I was poised to attack immediately, but he was asking me to stay calm and hold back for now, so I did.

Aro's eyes were glued to me, narrowed slightly, and his mouth moved unintelligibly. For vampires, they were caught completely off-guard and couldn't seem to figure out what I was. I knew they'd be able to detect I wasn't a full vampire, but they wouldn't know of the fact that I was a hybrid.

"You hid her from us, duped us," Caius hissed, still eyeing me warily. "Whatever respect we had for your family is gone."

"What  _are_  you?" Aro said silkily, but I felt his uncertainty, even though it was well-hidden. "You wouldn't have gone to the trouble to fake a death only to be a vampire now. I know you aren't."

"We did what we had to," Carlisle said quietly. His voice was as steely as it got. "We always maintained a careful relationship with you, but Bella didn't want this life anymore. She left and came home and we did what we had to do to preserve her life. There are no regrets."

Aro's eyes narrowed on Carlisle. "I guess the pleasantries aren't so necessary anymore, are they? We gave the order for Isabella to become a vampire or be removed as a problem; you ignored that. We've come to finish what you did not."

Jacob's snarl was vicious as he shifted slightly in front of me. I could see his muzzle quivering, the glint of his much larger fangs, and the murderous intent in his eyes. He would forever be my protector whether I needed it or not.

Aro's calculating look landed on Jacob and the pack behind him. When his eyes landed on mine again, I felt Jacob press against my leg, signaling me. We both felt the Volturi's confusion over me and what exactly I was and it was time to exploit that. I leapt straight up into the air from a standing position, gracefully arching as I caught hold of the branch of a sturdy tree and swung myself up high.

The distraction was what the Cullen's and the wolves needed. The thunderous crack as the vampire bodies collided was enough to send a resounding boom through the area and shake the leaves. The snarls rolled from the pack as the snap of their jaws could be heard for miles. I swung through the trees, dropping down in a crouch and springing at Jane.

"Whatever you are," she said, her lip curling, "I'll destroy you and enjoy it."

"You're just pissed your power never worked on me," I replied with a taunting smirk.

She hissed furiously and leaped at me. The feeling of fighting something that had frightened me for so long was tantalizing and I threw myself into it. Jane caught hold of my arm, twisting and pulling, but I threw her off-balance by flinging my body along with the twist. She struck out, sending me crashing into a tree.

Jake was there within seconds, his teeth sinking into her arm in his fury. My eyes narrowed as she zeroed in on Jake and I leapt again as she turned on him. She caught him in the side, but it was fairly minor as I caught hold of her arm and Jake her leg. Together we both pulled and I was left holding an arm.

"Bitch," she snarled. I flung the arm and threw myself to the side to avoid her barreling at me. I took another vicious hit, but I kicked her as hard as I could into a tree and dove onto her. The vampire and the wolf inside me warred against each other, but in the end, the wolf teeth I had was what ended her. The strength of my teeth was what separated her head from her body.

I backed up, horrified and fascinated by what I did.

Jacob wound around me briefly. He was congratulating me in his own way, but he immediately took off with an angry growl to go after another vampire. I saw Brady stalking nearby and knew he would take the parts to burn, so I turned and followed Jake back into the fight. My body was buzzing with energy as my senses took in everything around me. My sensitive hearing picked up the resounding boom as bodies collided, the leaves rustling as a light snow began to fall, and the crackle of a nearby fire.

Suddenly, that last thought crowded everything out when I saw a flash to the right of me disappearing on its own deeper into the forest.

_Charlie._

Instinctively, I knew, and I felt the fury raging inside me as I raced away to follow. In seconds, I was in the clearing where the fire was. Charlie stood near the fire, his eyes fixed on Demetri. He didn't so much as move except to flick his eyes toward me. Demetri half-turned to me, his eyes glittering in the firelight.

"Think you can get to me before I get to him?" he taunted softly.

The images flashed through my mind of losing Charlie, of seeing him killed right in front of me and unable to stop it. The unbearable pain it would cause to lose a man who always stood behind me, who loved me regardless of the mistakes I made in my life, and who helped me countless times to figure out any problems I came across?

I couldn't bear losing my dad especially to this abomination.

Brady and Collin were flanking Charlie, teeth bared, and I knew they would protect him no matter the cost, but I was the one that needed to stop this. I was the one that brought this to our home and put the people I loved in danger. I would end it. Before I could get a word out, Charlie had his gun up, aimed directly at Demetri.

I shook my head slightly, confused. He'd done this before and he knew it wouldn't make a difference. Demetri tilted his head back slightly and laughed outright. He stared malevolently at my father, and I tensed, ready to attack and rip him apart before he ever touched Charlie. Collin and Brady's growls rose to join mine.

"Do you really think a gun will stop me?" Demetri started to say, but we were both cut off when a blast from Charlie's gun rocked the forest. It was nothing like a gunshot I had ever heard.

Whatever shot out of his gun - which upon closer inspection was bigger than what I'd ever seen Charlie handle before - slammed so hard into Demetri that he catapulted through the air, crashing into a boulder. The shot had ripped his arm clean from his body and I wasted no time as I flew at him. Collin and Brady held back, understanding that I needed to do this on my own.

I was furious that he had targeted my father and I let him see it as I stood over him. My hands clenched convulsively around his neck and I leaned down, hissing, "You got bested by a human and now I'll end you for targeting him."

The rage in his eyes was apparent as I used my strength to rend him to pieces. Charlie wasn't far behind me, his eyes glazed as he stared at the remains of what I did. He looked at me then, and I felt fear at what he would think of me. I had just killed a creature in front of him, not even thinking how it must look to him.

I had seen it before, though the experience of doing it myself was strange, but he never had.

I didn't know what to say, but he finally nodded at me, a small smile curving his mouth. "Go. Go get them, honey."

I chuckled, but before I raced back to help, I looked back at him. "What on earth did you shoot him with?"

"A piece of his own kind," he replied, smiling mysteriously.

I shook my head in confusion, but saw what he meant lying near Demetri's body. It was a sparkly piece of vampire in the shape of a bullet. I frowned, but pocketed it quickly. I raced back to help as Brady and Collin began to gather what was left of Demetri. Riding high on my power, I darted through the brush and didn't pay as much attention as I should have when I felt something strike me hard from behind. I rolled and slammed into a tree. My body wasn't as rock-hard as a regular vampire's body; the pain briefly ricocheted through my body. I still managed to get up, though, grateful nothing seemed to be broken.

Aro was there, his dark eyes flat and unexpressive. His mouth was twisted into a grotesque shape as he advanced on me. Jane was one thing and she hadn't exactly been easy to kill, plus I'd had the help of Jake. Aro was much older, much more experienced, and much more dangerous. I struck out, trying to catch him by surprise, but he anticipated it and easily moved out of the way and landed a crashing blow to my shoulder. It ached and throbbed, and I swallowed painfully.

"What are you?" he asked his voice low and pleasant. The undercurrent of banked fury left me feeling nervous.

"Nothing you've ever seen," I said.

He smiled slowly as we circled each other. "That's true. Do you ever wonder why this happened to  _you_ specifically?"

Aro had caught me off-guard and hit me again, so fast and so hard that my head spun. His smile finally turned evil, transforming his face into something twisted and grotesque. It was a world of difference from the calm demeanor he always wore.

"You are the only known person with a shield, Isabella. Your mind is protected and your body is that of a hybrid. You're quite simply… a freak of nature. You'll never live a normal life," he said and laughed. He had known exactly where to hit as that thought, that fear of what I'd hidden since this happened finally broke to the surface.

* * *

**JPOV**

The fight continued to rage on as the pack and the Cullen's held their ground. I'd known Bella had gone after someone, though not being able to see her worried me. I struggled because I wanted to go with her, make sure she was okay, but I knew she could handle herself. I was entangled with another leech anyway.

_Dude! Get this fucker off of me._

Quil's voice burst into my head and I raced over to help him. We took down a huge one together, barely escaping our heads being smashed with a ham-sized fist. My paws pounded the ground as I threw myself at another one. I caught sight of Paul and Jared tag-teaming a leech, taking turns grabbing any extremity they could and shaking their heads viciously.

_You should grab his dick and act like the dog you are with a bone,_  Leah snarked. I couldn't help laughing as they both yowled and cringed away from the leech.

She gave what could best be described as a smirk, teeth glistening as her lips curled back. She took over and dove on the leech with no qualm and ripped his arm right off.

_Now THAT'S how it's done_.

I sniffed the air and suddenly became aware that Aro wasn't anywhere nearby. I jerked around, ready to take off when suddenly Bella's voice blasted into my head.  _Jake! No, it's not true. It can't be!_

Immediately, my body stiffened. Leah's head jerked around and she stared at me. No one else seemed to take notice; they hadn't heard, but Leah seemed to know. Without a second thought, I took off through the woods, barking orders to the rest of the pack, knowing Leah was on my heels.

_Stay back for now. I'll let you know if I need you,_  I ordered.

How the hell could I hear Bella? She didn't have this ability before now. I crashed through the forest, my paws shaking the ground as I pounded my way toward her. When I reached the clearing, I saw her fighting with Aro and struggling. Leah circled them one way while I went the other. My heart was slamming in my chest, fury trying to claw its way out. This filthy fucking leech was dead.

Bella saw me, eyes full of fear, but I could tell she feared something other than just Aro. I tried to reassure her with a look, but she was backing away and shaking her head. I looked at Leah and she nodded. I barely even had to think it; she already knew to approach this one carefully.

"So, this is the one that you so desperately crave? I can tell even in mutt form that this is him. Does he know you're defective?"

The fur along my back bristled and I gave a warning snarl. Leah feinted to the side, going in toward him to distract him, and I dove. I managed to catch his leg, but not for long when he flung me back so hard I felt a rib crack.

"Jake!" Bella cried out.

Aro's smile was slow and icy. "You're defective, so maybe I should make him defective, too. Or better yet, maybe I shouldn't. Just the fact that he can procreate and you can't will be torture enough."

I could see the tears in Bella's eyes as he jabbed viciously at her strongest weakness.

"And considering what you are now, that makes it even better; a vampire with wolf fangs and human parts. Who on earth would want you?"

I could feel the pack in my head, their rage palpable as they began to crowd behind me. Even the Cullen's were beginning to move in closer, but the main thing I was focusing on was Bella and the red that was hazing my vision. I had never wanted to kill something more than I did this fucking bloodsucker that was tearing Bella down mentally.

Leah dove in and took a major hit to allow me room to take another shot. Her yelp of pain ringing in my ears, I ripped his hand off, eliciting a furious roar, but saw stars as his other fist struck my head. I dodged the worst of it, but the pain made me feel sick.

Bella came forward, breathing heavily and kicked out viciously. There was a crack as she made a connection and he swung around. There was a flurry of blows, and I threw myself back in to help her, but when we were all thrown back I saw something that nearly made my heart stop. Bella was leaning against the tree, the golden-brown color of her eyes fading back to her normal color, her skin tone warming, and her fangs receding.

A brief moment of shock and her eyes connected with mine. Her mouth opened and the blood coming out trickled down her chin. Frozen, I stared at her, horrified. Aro's grin was triumphant and as the pack collectively bunched to pounce, Bella pushed slowly off the tree.

"Aro," she gasped. He turned to look at her, his eyes bright with a feverish gleam and she gave him a bloody smile. "Here."

She slammed a very human hand right into his face, smashing whatever she had in it against him. It sent cracks spiraling across his face. He leapt back in shock, splintering, and the pack ravaged and tore the rest of him into pieces. I phased back immediately, knowing the fight was over, and ran to Bella as she collapsed.

"Bella, Bella," I whispered as she looked up at me blearily. "Honey, hold on, it's okay."

Carefully, I ran my hands over her, feeling that she had at least one cracked rib. Her breathing was short as she struggled and she was fading in and out of consciousness. I barely felt the tears that slid down my face and landed on her.

"I see them, Jake. It's a little boy and girl. But why are they covered in red?" Her eyes were glazed in fear and confusion.

I felt the pack gather around me as I bit my lip to keep from crying out at her disjointed rambling. Embry was carefully deposited next to Bella. He was pretty badly hurt, but he was awake. He struggled to sit up, but Leah pressed him down with one damaged paw. I saw the Cullen's hovering in my peripheral vision, but every time one took a single step toward us, my pack growled. They had banded together in a circle around us, protecting us from view.

Suddenly, Charlie broke through the circle of wolves. His fear was gone as he made his way to his daughter. "Bella?" he whispered. He knelt next to me as the pack enclosed us again. "Jake, what the hell happened?"

"Jacob. I'd like to help if I can," I heard Carlisle say through the buzzing in my head. "Please, hear me. I'm not going to harm anyone, you know that."

The words finally penetrated. I looked up at Charlie as tears slid down his face. "Carlisle wants to help. We need to let him."

He nodded and Carlisle knelt next to Bella, checking her pulse, feeling the same areas I did. He continued to feel, listening carefully to her breathing, and he said, "Her lung collapsed. The broken rib punctured it which is why she's bleeding. I can fix this, Chief Swan, Jacob. I have my medical bag at the house."

Carefully, I picked Bella up as if she were made of china. She felt so breakable, her skin pale and breathing labored. We were closer to Charlie's house, so we hurried inside. I laid her on the sofa and reluctantly backed away as Carlisle came in with his bag. I stood staring out the kitchen window, the pack settled on the porch, and Charlie sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

Someone had called Billy for me, so it was moments later that he came into the house with Sue. "Jake," he said. He reached for my hand, squeezing it tightly. I held on to him, needing that lifeline, afraid of what would come next.

* * *

**BPOV**

There were voices floating in and out of my consciousness mixed with images of a little girl with black hair in pigtails and a little boy with a warm, sunny grin. All I really wanted to do was continue to watch them play in the clearing, darting around and chasing each other while their laughter rang in my ears. It felt like something was missing, though, something vital to me.

The voices were intruding on my time with my children, though.

_"She'll heal from this, Jacob. Her lung has been inflated. The puncture and ribs will heal. She's been through a lot and just isn't ready to wake."_

_"Jacob, she has a reason to live."_

I floated in and out, wanting to reassure that I was happy, but afraid to swim through the murky unknown to break free and be able to feel pain again. It was safe right where I was; where no one had to deal with someone who was defective.

I dug my toes into the sand, smiling as the sun's rays lit my children's hair as they now played and splashed in the shallows. Their squeals mixed with the call of the gulls. Frowning, I glanced around when I thought I heard my name being called. Who would be calling me? The whisper on the wind reminded me that there was still something missing.

_"She's afraid to come back," a wise voice intruded again. "She was told she was abnormal, not a person who should be cherished because she has this unique gift. She was made to feel inferior, defective, and she's afraid to recognize anything real."_

Annoyed at having my feelings so clearly stated, I retreated again, but that whispery voice broke through this time loud and clear.

_"Isabella Swan, you fucking listen to me. You never were and never will be inferior. You are not defective. I need you like I need to breathe, so wake up and come back to me."_

That warm, husky voice finally penetrated; what I had been missing and craving, and I began to struggle to the surface. I knew I was almost there when the pain in my side began to pulse. My eyes felt glued shut, but I struggled to open them. It was taking so long, but I felt the faintest squeeze of my hand. It was Jake and his heat, his strength, filled me and I opened my eyes.

Everything was bright and harsh. I cringed, but Jake knew and he had the lights flicked off so I could see easier. My body throbbed, and I knew I was human again because of how much pain I was feeling. When my eyes met Jake's, the tears that had been pressing against my eyes spilled free. He carefully stretched out next to me on my old bed at Charlie's and held me as gently as he could.

It hurt to cry, but I couldn't stop.

He laced his fingers with mine, bringing them up between us to hold tightly to his chest. "Shh, honey, it's over. You're going to be fine and everything is going to go back to normal again."

When the flow finally ebbed, Jake kissed me gently. "Do you need anything?"

"Everything hurts," I admitted.

He left and came back with medication. Charlie was right behind him, worry lines creasing his forehead. I tried not to cry again as he sat next to me and smoothed my hair back. "Thank God you're awake," he said quietly. "You've been out for almost two days, baby."

I couldn't believe it'd been that long. "What happened to me? I'm fully human again, I guess?" I asked wearily.

They nodded and explained the punctured lung, the cracked ribs, and fractured wrist. I remembered having trouble breathing and the horrible stabbing pain in my side, but the fractured wrist confused me.

"You hit Aro in the face," Jake said. I could see the glowing pride in his expression. "And Bella, you did it as a human. I don't know how, but you cracked his face apart and the pack finished him off."

Charlie explained to Jake how Billy had given him a piece of vampire that Ephraim had kept from his first kill. It was shaped to fit into an actual gun and they tested it before Charlie brought it with him to help. It was genius.

"It seemed like it might come in handy," I added, a bit amazed. "And that's how I fractured my wrist. I almost can't believe it, but I remember it. Everything hurt, I was furious, and I just wanted to end it."

Charlie smiled. "You certainly did. My daughter the warrior."

I blushed and Jake chuckled. After Charlie left, Jake gave me the medicine and stretched out next to me again. He helped propped me up so I could swallow the pill. "Jake? What about the other wolves? The Cullen's?"

"Everyone was okay. Embry was hurt pretty badly, but he's recovering, too. Leah was hurt, but it was minor. We nearly got into another fight with the Cullen's while you were out because of it and what happened to you."

I bit my lip, but he added, "We settled it. I gave Carlisle leniency to stay because of you. He took care of you and wanted to make sure you were on the mend first. I don't know if the others actually left yet, but we haven't done anything about it so far."

His brow wrinkled as he gritted his jaw. "What's wrong?" I asked fuzzily as the medication began working.

"I think you're going to need to settle the score with Edward first. He needs to hear it from you again."

I nodded, cringing, but knew it was inevitable. I was beyond grateful to Carlisle, to the fact that they all came to help, though I knew it was more out of a sense of a duty than anything else. It had been a promise before I ever left Alaska. I would thank Carlisle for everything he did for me and tell Edward he needed to be out of my life once and for all.

"Get some sleep first," he said quietly. "I'll be right here."

I drifted off, wrapped in his arms and comforted by his presence. We would deal with everything else another day.

* * *

**AN: Two more chapters to go! Hope you enjoyed the battle. :o)**


	26. Epilogue

And with words unspoken  
A silent devotion  
I know you know what I mean  
And the end is unknown  
But I think I'm ready  
As long as you're with me  
Being as in love with you as I am

**The XX - "**[Angels](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nW5AF0m9Zw)"

  
*~*~*  
  
 **BPOV**  
  
I sat at the kitchen table, check-marking the things I managed to accomplish for my upcoming nuptials to Jake. The excitement I felt at getting to marry him was over the top. We waited two years after he proposed to finally do this, and I wanted it to be simple and a happy occasion of family and friends gathering with us to celebrate our union. We decided to get married at this beautiful church in Port Angeles that allowed couples to marry outside; one that was near our new home there. We would have a standard priest, a man who agreed to stand with the tribal elders which was very important to both of us.  
  
We were going to drive back to La Push for the reception later in the evening. It seemed fitting to have the party with a bonfire on the reservation and a drum circle - the place where we had officially met.  
  
Our list was simple: to find some wildflowers for the tables and to have a few arrangements for outside the church and for on the beach. There was also finalizing the food, which wouldn't be too difficult. Most of our family and friends were taking care of side dishes and desserts, though Jake and I offered to get these delicious hams we found at a market in Port Angeles. They could be cooked and kept warm in the tribal center or it could be served on sandwiches.  
  
My dress was the one thing I splurged on, with the help of my parents. It was simplistic and a beautiful ivory color. The fabric overlapped over the bodice and lay in soft folds, creating a soft and feminine look. I had to pick it up from Emily who made the minor adjustments for me. Renee would be flying in tomorrow, though Charlie promised he would pick her up so I didn't have to worry about it.  
  
I bit my lip, examining all the items, realizing we had pretty much everything as prepared as possible. On Saturday morning, I would meet up with Emily, Leah, Rachel, Rebecca, Kim, and Angela at our home to carpool to the salon in Port Angeles to get our hair and make-up done.  
  
I stood, stretched, and laid a hand over my slowly expanding belly. I still couldn't believe it. There was a baby growing inside me and every time I thought about it, I felt so incredibly happy I could burst. My hand drifted to my stomach a thousand times a day. So did Jake's. I was five months along already and everything was going well.  
  
I smiled, remembering when I found out and broke the news to Jake. We had tried off and on after the first year of our engagement with no luck. It was frustrating, heart-breaking, and I knew Jake was worried about me. Then a year and a half later, after so many negative results, I was ready to call it quits.  
  
"Honey, maybe you're too focused on it," he had said gently. "You know I want a baby with you, but maybe we should just enjoy being with each other and not worry so much about what we should be doing to make it more likely."  
  
He was holding me, rubbing my back after another negative stick went into the trash.  
  
I had nodded listlessly, knowing he was right. So, I squashed the yearnings I felt, trying instead to focus on just being with him and getting ready to plan the wedding that would happen in six months. In a month's time, my period was late, but I was so busy with work, my book, Jake, and my family that I didn't even take the test until I started getting sick.  
  
When I went to the doctor, I had found out I was pregnant. Every nerve-ending was tingling with excitement. I had barely thought about it and it happened. My heart had been so full that when I left the clinic with the paperwork about vitamins, how to prepare, and a book on becoming a parent, I practically danced home. Jake had just gotten home and was unloading groceries in the kitchen.  
  
I stood there, staring at him, not even knowing what to say at first. He turned to me, puzzled, and said, "Honey, are you okay? You look really spacey."  
  
I walked over to him, sliding my arms around his waist, and tilting my head back, I rested my chin on his chest. "Jake? I'm pregnant."  
  
The look on his face had been priceless. His mouth opened and closed, looking very much like a guppy, and making me laugh. When his eyes widened, I grinned. The look of happiness on his face made me cry.  
  
His mouth met mine as he stammered, "Holy shit, Bells. It really happened. I knew it would! We're going to be parents."  
  
We spent the evening in bed, his hands constantly moving back to my stomach. When we finally got tired, he had kissed my stomach, and rested his head on my chest. The bliss that had swept through me was consuming.  
  
The day of the wedding dawned chilly and a little gray, but so far the forecast was right; the rain was still holding off and there could be a glimpse of sun later. Leah arrived right on the dot with Kim and Emily, followed by Rachel and Rebecca. My mom and Angela were going to meet us there.  
  
Leah grinned when I opened the door. "How's little Jakey doing?" She was convinced it was a boy. I kind of was, too, but Jake seemed to think it was a girl.  
  
She patted my stomach, and I smiled and said, "He's doing just fine. He gave me a kick in the bladder this morning and I almost wet myself."  
  
Leah cracked up, while Emily grinned in amusement. "I remember how that felt!"  
  
The girls were all giggling now, discussing the strange things our bodies went through during pregnancy. Leah still hadn't gotten pregnant, but I also knew she wasn't quite ready to try yet. She seemed to accept it, though, and I knew she was truly happy for me. She managed to stick with the same guy she'd been dating when Jake proposed to me, and he had just popped the question recently, so I knew she'd be going through the same thing I had in the next couple years or so.  
  
She gave me a small and understanding grin, both of us the only two in the group that knew of the struggle and uncertainty of getting pregnant.  
  
"You look good, Swan," she said. "For a pasty-white bride-to-be," she added with a smirk.  
  
I gave her a shove and she laughed. "Geez, ever since you took part in the battle, you think you're the shit, don't you?"  
  
I stuck my tongue out at her.  
  
In the salon, I got my hair washed and dried. In the end, I had long, spiral curls that shone. Some were pinned up at the back of my head, leaving the rest to fall down my back. Little pins with real wildflowers attached were secured in my hair around where it was gathered. After my make-up was done, I got the full effect, and it was pretty stunning.  
  
"Oh honey," Renee said, sniffling a little. "You look gorgeous."  
  
All the girls were looking at me open-mouthed, so it was a job well done. I couldn't stop turning my head this way and that to look at my hair. When I got home, my mom helped me into the dress. She was still trying not to cry, so I handed her a tissue and took a few deep breaths to keep my own at bay.  
  
It was even harder with Charlie; he was just like me and didn't know what to say. He kissed my forehead and held me against him, mumbling how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. A few tears did escape, but Sue helped repair the minor damage. When it came time to walk down the grassy walkway to Jake waiting for me, I was so ready to marry my best friend that I nearly made Charlie run down the aisle with me. I could hear a smattering of laughter in the audience.  
  
Our vows were short, but meaningful. I spoke of how I made mistakes, but was glad I realized in the end that the most important part of my life was waiting for me back at home. I told Jake that my own strength was magnified by his continuing love and support. I told him no matter what, he would always be a part of me.  
  
When his dark eyes held mine, he placed my hand over his heart, and he placed his over mine. His other hand rested on my belly.  
  
"Everything we've been through has led to this; a joining of hearts, of mind, and of spirit. You are a beacon of strength and inspiration, Bella, in all that we've been through together. Even though we did things a little backwards," he said, patting my belly and making everyone laugh, "I know this child will be blessed to have you as a mother. You're my warrior wife and I love you."  
  
I had begun to cry then, trying to hold on as I realized how many trials had been thrown at us over the course of the past few years. His words were piercing, and I laid my other hand over his resting against my belly. We were linked in every way, by what we created together and our love for each other.  
  
The evening was a blur of food, of dancing, and of family and friends.  
  
We didn't often let go of each other; only when we got dragged away by someone for a dance. Once it was over, we zeroed in on each other again. Jake spun me around, the cool, autumn air coming off the ocean making me chilly. He wrapped his arms around me, easily warming me up, and I didn't want to move from that spot.  
  
"We should probably think about heading to Seattle soon, Mrs. Black," he said with a grin.  
  
I smiled back, liking the sound of that. "Yeah, we got a drive ahead of us. At least our stuff is packed and in the car."  
  
We began to make our rounds, thanking and hugging everyone, until we reached Charlie, Renee, and Billy. I hugged my mom tightly, laughing a little when she wouldn't let me go. When I got to Charlie, his eyes looked suspiciously moist, but all he did was hold me close.  
  
I loved my mom dearly, and I was glad we were forging a better relationship with each other, but living with Charlie had really solidified and made our relationship mean so much to both of us. I kept my arms around him, my cheek pressed against his shoulder, neither of us saying anything. He and I had been through a lot together; a separation, a horrible experience, a rocky re-start of our relationship, and then a confession and battle that drew us closer together than before. I loved him so much and told him so, my voice cracking.  
  
"I love you, too, honey," he murmured. We had both gotten so much better at expressing our feelings to each other. It really meant a lot to me, just as I knew how much it meant to him.  
  
I sniffled then, overcome with emotions I couldn't even really name. He held me back slightly, smiling down at me. "I'm proud of you, Bells. You've come a long way. I'm so glad you and Jake made it; you're pretty damn close to perfect together. And I really can't wait for my first grandbaby," he said, laying his hand lightly on my stomach.  
  
I did cry then, but we were both laughing and hugging at the same time.  
  
"Go on, honey. Have fun. I'll talk to you as soon as you come home."  
  
We left, everyone yelling and waving behind us as we made our trip to Seattle for our honeymoon. Jake insisted I take a nap, promising me he felt fine to drive the whole trip, and finally told me I would need it because he planned to keep me up all night. I giggled and took his advice.  
  
I woke shortly before we made it into the city. We checked in at the Greenlake Guest House, and my eyes widened when I saw it. It was beautiful and exactly what we were looking for. The people who owned the place were friendly and chatted with us about things to do and see while we visited. Our room was just as beautiful with a whirlpool tub and a gas fireplace.  
  
"Holy crap, Jake," I whispered. "This is perfect!"  
  
"Look," he replied. "A king-size bed."  
  
I muffled a snort of laughter. After we talked a bit more with the owner, we got our stuff unpacked and Jake lit a fire while I showered. I perched on the edge of the comfy bed, as happy as I'd ever been. I was beginning to warm up and while Jake took his shower, I changed into a slinky, blue baby doll dress with a matching thong. I had bought it just for the occasion.  
  
Jake's eyes darkened when he saw me. He was already completely naked, and I leaned back on the bed, propped up on my elbows. "Holding out on me, huh?" he murmured, hooking his finger into the silky strap of my lingerie.  
  
I smirked. "Oh, I have a few surprises now and again, but this one was especially for tonight."  
  
He trailed a finger over my cleavage, which had become a little more impressive through the pregnancy. When his mouth replaced his hand, my head dropped back. I tried to shift myself back up onto the bed further, but his hands stilled me. His mouth continued moving down until he ended up kneeling between my legs, which were hanging off the edge of the bed.  
  
As soon as his mouth touched me, I couldn't hold back the whimper. Everything felt overly-sensitive. I reached down, finding Jake's hands, and he wound his fingers with mine without ever lifting his head.  
  
"Jake…" I gasped.  
  
The cool air from the vents coupled with his warm tongue was creating sensory overload. I laid back on the bed, shaking, and cried out when he brought me to climax with the teasing movements of his tongue.  
  
"Come here," I ordered, my breath coming in little pants.  
  
He moved over top of me, lightly stroking and kissing the bulge of my stomach on his way. I smoothed his hair, tugged it, and pulled him down to nip at his ear. "I want to feel you inside me," I purred into his ear before suckling the sensitive skin below it.  
  
He groaned a little.  
  
He worked my lingerie off, moving slowly as if to savor the view, and it was driving me crazy. I couldn't move too easily to get him to do what I wanted, so I had to wait. To pay him back, though, I tickled my fingers along his outer thigh casually while he continued taking his time. Then I struck by darting my fingers over to his cock.  
  
His hesitation was my reward as I circled him, tightening my grip just slightly, slowly and gently stroking him just how he liked it. His body tensed, his dark eyes meeting and holding mine while I continued. I squeezed lightly, making his hips jerk slightly.  
  
"You've made your point," he said, his voice huskier than normal.  
  
I grinned as he stretched out next to me, easing me on top of him. It was the most comfortable position for me, and he liked to see my belly and breasts while we made love. He cupped my neck, gently urging me down so he could taste my heavy breasts. I whimpered at the sensitivity, but the feeling was too incredible to want to pull away.  
  
I positioned myself over him, bracing my hands on his chest. He took hold of my hips and I slid down onto him eagerly. He filled me to the hilt, and we both moaned at the sensations. I began to rock my hips, his pumping up slightly, and the soft suctioning sound of our bodies was intoxicating. His hands flexed on my hips, and he moved them up to massage my breasts and tweak my nipples.  
  
"You get even wetter now that you're pregnant," he said wickedly. "It feels incredible."  
  
His words spurred me to move faster, my body tightening even more quickly at his hearty thrusts and his words. He reached down to delve into my cleft, his fingers deftly stroking my clit. I cried out, rocking as fast as my body would allow me. His fingers were fast, determined, and I locked my arms around his neck as he sat up. Our mouths fused together, tongues moving in tandem. He cupped my behind, holding me against him as close as my belly would allow, and I let out a cry as my orgasm swept over me with intensity.  
  
"Shit," Jake gasped as I clenched around him. "You feel so fucking good, baby."  
  
He came then, too, holding on to me as his hips jerked uncontrollably. His cry prolonged my satisfaction. We held each other in the aftermath, contentedly curled around each other, and entirely satiated.  
  
After we calmed down, we discussed what we wanted to do the time we were here, in between making love before sleep claimed both of us.  
  
*~*~*  
  
 **JPOV**  
  
I was half-asleep, aware that Bella was restless in sleep. The pregnancy was further along and we were too close to the due date for me to really sleep properly. And I knew she was uncomfortable.  
  
I smoothed her hair back, humming the song my mom used to sing to me to calm me down. She was trying to turn in her sleep, so I helped her do so until she was facing me. I pressed a kiss to her lips, smiling when she murmured contentedly in her sleep.  
  
She thought she was unattractive because of her bigger body, but her curves were just more plentiful and she'd never been more beautiful to me. She took to pregnancy really well. There had been one scare, but it passed and everything was still okay. I knew she was nervous because of the venom that had been in her body, but scans had shown there was nothing there anymore. She had confided what Leah had said; that my sperm had blasted through the venom and destroyed it.  
  
It cracked me up, but I liked that thought. It seemed as plausible as anything else that had happened since we had gotten involved. I knew it still scared her, though, so that made her even more anxious for the birth.  
  
I finally dozed off, but it seemed that barely any time had passed when I heard Bella whisper frantically, "Jake! Wake up! I'm having contractions. I think it's time."  
  
My body moved on auto-pilot, first turning toward her to make sure she was okay. I yanked my jeans on, grabbed her bag, and carefully helped Bella up. She was shaking, breathing like she'd been taught as I helped her down the steps.  
  
She gave a small cry, holding her stomach, and I felt a jolt of fear as I rubbed her back. "Just keep breathing, honey," I said.  
  
She gritted her teeth and breathed deep as I called our parents. They were going to meet us at the hospital. I got Bella situated in the car and made the quick drive to the hospital. Once the nurses got her situated in the bed, I sat behind her to keep her propped up, and smoothed her hair back.  
  
She rested her head on my chest, her hands gripping mine as another contraction passed. "Jake, I'm scared," she finally whispered. "I'm scared of actually giving birth; it's really going to happen. And what if something's wrong with him? The baby just can't be affected by the venom."  
  
"He won't be. Bells, I think it's normal to be terrified. If I could do this for you, take away some of the pain, you know I would."  
  
"You can't, so that doesn't help," she said, but there was a minor laugh in her voice. She was teasing me even through the pain she was feeling. "But thank you."  
  
"You can yell at me if you want," I assured her. "Isn't that what women do when they're about to give birth?"  
  
She gave a breathless laugh. "I think so, and I'm a little tempted, but after all we've been through I just can't. In the end, it'll all be worth it when we can hold our baby," she whispered.  
  
I kissed her temple. "The light at the end of the tunnel."  
  
The doctor came in then and got Bella ready to push. She gripped my hands, and I could hear her heartbeat pick up. "I'm right here with you," I said quietly. "Talk to me, okay?"  
  
At the doctor's urging, Bella began to push. Hearing her cries of pain, seeing her tears was difficult. I rubbed her back, let her squeeze the hell out of my hands, and I managed to distract her with talk of taking our baby home to her new nursery we painstakingly fixed up and decorated. I told her how the nursery reminded me of the forest in its shades of green with white furniture. We had stenciled animals as a border and there was a mural of a warm, yellow sun and forest scene that the whole pack and their significant others worked on with us as a gift.  
  
Bella gave one more cry and push. I moved to down to the end of the bed, still holding her hand, to watch the birth. It was one hell of a thing to watch our baby being born. Bella began to cry after everything was said and done.  
  
"Is it a boy? Girl?" she asked tearfully.  
  
The smile that curved my lips was huge. It was a little boy; Bella had been right. And he was a beautiful, squalling little boy. The nurse handed him to me after he was all cleaned up. "It's a boy," I said shakily.  
  
"He has your lungs," she added, sniffling. We both began laughing.  
  
I carried him over to her. When I laid him on her chest, the doctor proclaimed him healthy, which made Bella cry again. I was fighting tears myself. I sat down on the bed as she held him, her eyes streaming and a smile on her face. "He's beautiful," she murmured. "Just like you."  
  
"And you," I said, smoothing a hand over his tiny head. He had dark eyes, quite a bit of dark brown hair, and his skin tone was close to Bella's. He was perfect. She leaned her head against my chest, exhausted, and I held her tightly.  
  
"Nathan Charles?" she said questioningly. It was one of the few names we both liked and it seemed to suit him well, so I agreed. We stayed like that while Billy, Charlie, Sue, and Renee filed in to greet their grandson.  
  
The next couple days were a blur as we got our baby home and settled. Sue and Renee had cooked up a bunch of meals for us so we didn't have to worry about it for awhile. The pack and our other friends from work came to see the baby, bringing gifts and well wishes. Finally, it was just us and we began to settle into our routine. Well, as much of a routine as you could get with a newborn.  
  
Around two in the morning, I heard the cry on the monitor. Bella gave a sleepy groan and slid her legs off the bed. "I'll be in when you're done feeding him," I assured her and she gave me a sleepy smile.  
  
I heard her humming over the monitor as she settled in the rocking chair to feed him. The soft suckling sound of him nursing came through, and I couldn't resist going in to watch her. Breast-feeding was such an intimate thing to see; one that continued to amaze me. Just watching Bella feeding our baby was incredible. She looked up at me as I settled on the recliner we had in there as well.  
  
When Nathan was done feeding, he was usually a little fussy; he'd done it a couple times before. I'd come in and take him so Bella could get some sleep. She rocked him for a few minutes, rubbing his back. He began to calm down a little, but she still passed him to me. I walked around the room, holding our tiny son against my chest.  
  
"I'm going to go make some tea," she said quietly. "I'm tired, but I could really use a cup to help me settle down."  
  
After she went into the kitchen, I ended up walking into our bedroom. I knew I should put him back in his crib, but we both had a tendency to wake up randomly to just check on him and make sure he was okay. I settled onto our bed, leaning back against the pillows and closed my eyes. My hand continued to circle my son's back as he nestled into me.  
  
A wave of peaceful contentment washed over me.  
  
I heard Bella come into the room, and I opened my eyes to find her staring at us. I could hear her swallow audibly and raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"You're the perfect daddy," she whispered thickly. "Just seeing you there with him…"  
  
I smiled, understanding, because I felt the same way seeing her with Nathan when she was unaware I was watching. I held my other arm out to her, so she set her tea on the nightstand and curled up next to me. Her head rested on my shoulder and she gently stroked a finger down Nathan's soft cheek.  
  
"I think next time we'll have a girl," she proclaimed softly.  
  
I laughed quietly. "Oh yeah? Well, you were right about our first one being a boy. We'll see if you're right when it's time for a second one."  
  
She smiled peacefully. "I know I'll be right. I feel it right here," she said tapping her chest.  
  
I tightened my arm around her, holding my family close to me. It didn't matter what we had, just as long as we were together and healthy. She gave a quiet sigh, and murmured, "I'm so happy. I love you, Jake."  
  
"I love you, too, Bells."  
  
The End  
  
*~*~*  
  
 **AN: Sorry for the slight delay…my power is still out because of the east coast hurricane. Anyway, hope you enjoyed their happy ending! :o) Thanks for sticking with me and being so supportive! And btw, this is the Parkview Room at Greenlake Guest House in Seattle:**[Room](http://exquisite-ugly.livejournal.com/www.greenlakeguesthouse.com/rooms/Greenlake-Guest-House-Rooms/Parkview-room.htm)  
  
Bella's wedding dress: [Dress](http://pic50.picturetrail.com/VOL401/12778990/22736049/404480389.jpg)  
  
Bella's hairstyle: [Hair](http://pic50.picturetrail.com/VOL401/12778990/22736049/404480391.jpg)  
  
As far as other projects, I did want to let you know that the month of November will be a little slow because I'm doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It's 50K words (hopefully) in the month of Nov, so it'll keep me busy. If things are going well, I'm going to try to get one or two drabbles up in a series I want to start (titled loosely: Cockblocked Chronicles heh)   
  
I will be posting occasional OS's here and there, though there are some up right now if you'd like to read them (aren't here yet because they're in a contest). It's a Halloween contest on here and Tricky Raven. And as far as that, that's all that's planned right now!


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